A/N: An update in LESS than a year? I'm on a roll, guys!

Idk what happened, but this chapter is almost 12k words. I HOPE YOU DIDN'T HAVE ANY OTHER PLANS THIS WEEKEND.

No, I didn't forget to name this chapter. I'm just really, really immature.

"Was there anything you wanted to look at while you were here?" Regal asked when Raine was gone, turning to me.

"Oh! Right!" I straightened a little. "You just reminded me. Is there anything on the summon spirits here?"

He put a hand to his chin, looking thoughtful. "Most of the data on summon spirits would be located at the Elemental Research Laboratory in Meltokio. Many of those scientists would have graduated from the Academy, though, so we may be able to find some of their research papers here. Were you hoping to read about Aska?"

I nodded. "We might as well check here while we have the time, right?"

"That's not a bad idea," he said.

We spent the next hour or so poring through a few aisles of bookcases on the first floor. There were indeed some thesis papers from old graduates scattered about, but they were monstrous works filled with technical jargon. I considered myself fairly intelligent in the reading comprehension department, but I still had to ask Regal for help with certain words. Even when I understood all of the words being used, half the time the texts were so dry that it felt like I was still reading a foreign language.

There was plenty of information available on the Tethe'allan summon spirits; research on the Sylvaranti ones, understandably, was harder to come by. Most of the texts consisted of pure theory based on legends and scraps of history from before the Kharlan War. The current belief seemed to be that the summon spirits went through cyclical periods of dormancy, though it was unknown when the "dormant" spirits of Sylvarant had been last active.

The letters on the current text I was reading through were small enough to make my eyes start to bug out. I made a face, setting the sheaf of papers aside for the moment.

This sucked. I had really been hoping to find a shortcut to information about Aska and the Linkite tree. In the game there had been a whole sidequest with Nova's caravan, but I couldn't remember ever meeting them. If they had been part of the picture at all, it must have been prior to my joining the group. That would've been forever ago.

I was doing what I could to delay making the last pact, but having to go on a wild goose chase for Nova and his family would be way overdoing it. They could be anywhere in Sylvarant, and we still had to revive the tree, and Colette's body was slowly crystallizing…

Ugh. And Mithos hadn't even saved us at Rodyle's base, so we didn't have the clue about his pan flute either! I knew what needed to be done, but how could I convey my knowledge to the group without being completely obvious?

You could just tell them.

The traitorous little thought gave me pause as I scanned through the next row of books. That was right, that would be the easiest way to do it… though there would be consequences. But hadn't I already promised Lloyd I would come clean after the last pact? I was screwed anyway. Oh! Then I could tell them about the Tree going out of control and maybe we could work with Kratos to figure it out—

Yeah, maybe not. That was a whole other can of worms. Besides, if I told them now, then that was it. At least if I waited, there was the (slim) chance that maybe Lloyd would get distracted with all the other stuff going on and forget about it for a while. Hopefully.

I glanced over to where Regal was standing, poring through texts of his own. He sensed my staring and looked up just long enough to shake his head. No dice.

"Might be a lost cause," I said quietly. "I guess we'll just have to hope for the best in Meltokio. I'm gonna see how the Professor is doing."

"All right," he replied. "I'll keep looking. It may not be my field of expertise, but some of this is quite interesting."

My nose started to wrinkle involuntarily, and I turned away before he could see. Those dry texts? Oof. He was such an adult sometimes. Maybe it was easier for him to make sense of since he was raised in a world with summon spirits and mana.

I made my way up the main staircase, keeping my eyes peeled for any signs that might point me in the right direction. I didn't have to walk far before the aisles opened up to reveal a massive secondary reading room. In addition to the rows of long tables and workstations, there were dozens of little reading nooks complete with antique looking leather-bound furniture. In the center of the room, a spiral staircase wound its way up to the third floor. Light filtered in through a huge pyramid shaped skylight up above.

This really was the most grandiose library I had ever seen. If I were a history buff like the Professor, I could easily get lost in here for hours. It was too bad Genis hadn't come along; he would've been really interested in all of this, too.

Just as I had this thought, my eyes settled on a group of kids around Genis' age—maybe even younger—sitting at one of the tables. They appeared to be hard at work, hunched over piles of paper and scribbling away. Did the Imperial Research Academy actually admit students this young? I had been under the impression that this was more of a college town.

One of the boys put down his quill and leaned back for a moment, rotating his wrist as if to work out a kink. A man in a lab coat that was passing by reached out and cuffed him hard on the ear. The boy sucked in a breath, and quickly bent to resume his work.

My mouth dropped open. What the hell was that?

Against my better judgment, I started to take a step forward, ready to tell the jerk off. Then I felt a hand grip my shoulder.

"Stop," the Professor's voice cautioned. "Look more closely."

I paused to glance over my shoulder at her, then returned my attention to the group and did as she instructed. It was then that I remembered where I was—and I realized that all of the kids sitting at that table had pointed ears.

"Sybak sucks," I said quietly, forcing myself to turn away.

Raine let out a sigh in response. "I understand how you feel, but remember that we can't afford to draw attention to ourselves."

"I know," I replied as we walked back amongst the bookshelves, further out of public view. "Was that… child labor we just witnessed?"

"They appear to be doing scribe work—creating copies of books by hand."

My nose wrinkled. "Don't they have a printing press or something? I thought Tethe'alla was supposed to be the flourishing world."

"Oh, yes, I suppose they would," Raine said with an amused little smile. "A printing press! Only Palmacosta makes use of them back home, but I imagine they're quite common in an advanced civilization such as this."

"My question still stands," I pointed out.

She shook her head. "I'm not sure of the reason. Perhaps there are certain texts that can't leave the library, and must be hand copied. I suppose it's a menial enough task to assign to children."

"Poor kid just had a hand cramp," I grumbled.

"Remember what Zelos said—the class system in Tethe'alla is quite strict. It's different here. It's true that we faced discrimination in Sylvarant… but we were more or less invisible in the eyes of the law." Raine paused for a moment, a faraway look in her eyes. "…Perhaps it's strange I feel any sort of attachment to this place."

"I don't think it's strange," I said. "This is the world your family's from."

"Family…"

Her distant expression persisted until she finally let out a forceful breath, as if to expel the unpleasant thoughts.

"Genis is my family," she said.

"Professor…"

"It's all right." She smiled almost tenderly, and I was suddenly struck by how much Raine herself looked like a mother. "I've been chasing ruins for so many years—the relics of my past life—in the hopes that they would somehow cease to be ruins. I hoped that in finding the answers, I would somehow find a place in the world for Genis and I."

Raine let out a chuckle, pressing a hand to her forehead. "Truthfully, there was always a part of me that hoped… hoped that there was a chance our parents were still alive, and that for the first time in our lives, we would be welcomed with open arms."

Her voice was controlled, but there was a raw emotion behind it that caused a tightening in my chest. I thought of the talk I had with Sheena just yesterday. People could be so terrible to each other. It wasn't fair.

"It's not all right, Raine," I said, eyes downcast. "Why would it be all right?"

A hand on my shoulder. I looked up, and she was still wearing that smile.

"Because I've made my decision. We don't need to go searching for something we already have."

The sky was spitting rain as I made my way through the city market, the clouds darkening just enough to suggest a potential storm brewing. The crowds had dispersed a bit, so I was able to stroll along at my own pace and window shop.

In many ways, the place reminded me of the market in lower Meltokio. It had the same sort of hectic, lively atmosphere, though the wares here were different and the vendors seemed to cater to a more white-collar crowd. I hadn't noticed the distinction last time we were here, searching for a Key Crest for Colette, since we had been mainly focused on that one guy selling junk who tried to rip us off. There were some particularly interesting stalls selling magical quartzes in a rainbow of colors, advertised as some sort of catalyst for research. I remembered them being used in the game to add elemental affinity to a weapon, though I had never seen anyone in our group use one.

One vendor was selling gorgeous leather-bound notebooks, stamped with two rearing unicorns—the same design that was carved into the stone of Meltokio's front gate. Each notebook was paired with a brilliant blue writing quill.

"Thunderbird feather," the salesman explained when he caught me looking. "You'll never get a hand cramp again with one of these!"

Though I was sorely tempted, I had to decline with a rueful smile. A beautiful quill like that would only get smooshed in my bag, and that'd be such a waste. It had nothing to do with the 10,000 Gald price tag. Nope.

I was out here looking for Sheena and Colette, but it was hard not to get distracted. As I strode along the cobblestone walkway, bouncing from stall to stall, I found my mind continually wandering back to my conversation with Raine. She and Regal were still back at the Academic Resources Building, though they had agreed to finish up within the hour. We were due to meet everyone at the city entrance soon.

"I may never lay eyes on this world again, and I may never have true closure from my parents. But… I think I may finally be at a point in my life where I can accept that."

Something about her words really stuck with me. Maybe it was the somber nature of the conversation, or the gloomy weather… but I found my mind wandering back to Earth.

I didn't have the same dilemma that everyone else did right now. I knew none of this was going to last, and that the worlds would be reunited in the end. To them, though, the choice was heavy and very real—and it was a choice that, eventually, I was going to have to make.

It would've been a no-brainer to me in the beginning—home. Family, familiarity, safety. Old friends, childhood memories.

But what about now? What about Aselia, and the group of people I'd risked my life for, who had risked their lives for me? If I went back home, would it all feel like it had been a dream?

It was hard to imagine just leaving it all behind after everything I'd been through. I'd had these thoughts before, but each time I grappled with the issue, it felt like I was just hitting a wall. I didn't have an answer. And the longer I was here, the heavier it sat in the back of my mind.

I shook my head suddenly in an attempt to push away the troublesome thoughts. It wasn't like worrying about it now was going to make a difference. If anything, I—

Hold on a second, was that Kratos?

Just like that, I snapped back to the present, welcoming the distraction. I squinted, eyes scanning the crowd one more time. I could've sworn…

There!

Just ahead, turning a corner past the stall with all the notebooks. I'd recognize that spiky hairdo anywhere.

My legs moved of their own accord. What was I supposed to do, not follow him?

He was wearing his usual purple gear, which suggested to me that he was not here on Cruxis business. To be fair, though, most of his business had been extracurricular ever since Mithos went MIA. His dark outfit made him a bit easier to track through the crowd, since most of the shoppers here were students wearing uniforms and lab coats.

The seraph turned a corner, slipping into an alley. I hastened my steps to sidle past a few groups that were blocking the path, and resumed my pursuit.

I had been close enough behind him that I had fully expected to just about run into his back, so I was confused to find the passage empty. My steps faltered as I slowed down, and I squinted against the sudden darkness in the shadow of the buildings. What—?

Suddenly I was slammed against the wall, a blade forced to my throat. Maroon eyes glared daggers into my own.

There was a moment of stunned silence, where all I could hear was my heart pounding in my ears. Every beat of my pulse seemed to bring the sword closer.

A heavy sigh broke the tension, and Flamberge was swiftly pulled away. My hands shot up to my neck and came away with a few droplets of blood. I let out a shuddering breath.

"H…Holy fuck, Kratos."

"That was extremely ill-advised," he bit out in response, glowering as he wiped the sword clean and sheathed it. "The stakes are too high for you to be playing games."

My face colored with a mixture of frustration and shame. Okay, yeah, he had a point. But come on, talk about an overreaction! I was bleeding!

"Oh, but when you lure me into the woods and scare the shit out of me, that's okay?" I huffed, remembering Iselia. "Next time I'm gonna kick you in the nuts. Ugh!"

The ire abruptly faded from his features, and he instead offered me a very familiar deadpan look. He shook his head in defeat and reached toward me, the glow of healing magic dancing around his fingertips. I felt the sting of the shallow cut on my throat dull and fade.

"…This was my mistake," he admitted at last, lowering his hand and turning away. "You caught me off guard. I've been far too preoccupied of late."

I studied his profile for a moment, feeling my own anger begin to cool. It sounded almost like he was trying to apologize. He wasn't very good at apologies, so I had to give him credit.

For the first time, I realized that Kratos looked tired. It didn't seem like the kind of tired that could be fixed by a good night's sleep. There was a tension, a severity to his features that hadn't been there before.

He had always seemed so composed, so unshakable; it was jarring to suddenly notice that the stress was getting to him. It was honestly hard to picture what day-to-day life looked like for Kratos. He was probably accustomed to being a lone wolf after all this time, but I wouldn't have been able to handle having enemies on all sides the way he did. After ages of being numb, he finally had something to fight for—but he also had everything to lose.

"What are you doing in Sybak?" I asked, absentmindedly reaching up to rub my right bicep. The impact of being shoved against the wall had caused a flare up of dull, throbbing pain.

He turned to look at me once more, straightening and seeming to shake off the exhaustion; I was relieved to see it. His gaze was steely as it had ever been.

"I'm gathering materials for the Ring of the Pact. I assumed you already knew."

I frowned, thinking about it for a moment. The Ring of the Pact… there had been so much going on with the seals and the pacts, I had forgotten about it for a while. Right, that was why Kratos had been in Meltokio that time, looking for sacred wood… and his presence in Sybak was supposed to be for the adamantite.

"Right, but you're… late," I finally pointed out. He'd been out of order in Meltokio, too.

"Late?"

The abrupt chill in the air was unmistakable. His eyes narrowed, but the look was more concerned than accusatory.

"Yeah," I continued with a furrowed brow. His reaction worried me. "You were supposed to be here the last time everyone came to Sybak. I wasn't with them, so I assumed—"

Oh.

My palm connected with my forehead. "Right, I wasn't with them because I was up on Derris-Kharlan… and you weren't there because you were saving my ass."

"I see… and originally, I was able to acquire the adamantite?"

"Well, yeah," I replied. I didn't like where this was going. "What happened? You couldn't get it? Weren't you supposed to fix some machine?"

He shook his head. "It's irreparable. Someone has tampered with it and removed critical pieces."

My stomach did an unpleasant flop as a sudden spike of anxiety assaulted me. The sense of losing control hit me all over again. Maybe this had all been a terrible mistake. If we didn't get that ring, it was game over. I should never have forced any changes, should never have tried to rock the boat.

"Okay," I breathed, "okay. What if we find those pieces and put them back?"

"We have no way of knowing if they have been destroyed, and this may mean that I have already been found out." He breathed out a weary sigh. "I stopped here because I was concerned I might lose the opportunity once the seals have been released. Had I known the machine was already useless, I would not have wasted my time."

"Better to know now than to count on it working later," I said. It took a huge effort for me to wrangle my adrenaline down into something that could be managed. Now wasn't the time to panic. I couldn't undo what was already done. "We… we should just focus on the seals. Figure out the rest later."

"Yes. There's nothing to be done for it now."

Kratos' stance had shifted subtly. He was gripping the pommel of his sword a little tighter, glancing in the direction of the entrance to the alley. When I followed his gaze, all I saw were crowds of oblivious pedestrians passing by. What had set him on edge?

"You should return before we're discovered," he said. "I will be leaving for the Seal of Wind next. We will not see each other again before the final seal. Tread carefully until then."

Until then? That was a laugh. I'd been treading through a minefield for a long while now, and I doubted it was going to be over anytime soon. Until Mithos was dead and the worlds reunited, I was going to be living in fear of that one catastrophic misstep. My foreknowledge just made me feel responsible every time something went wrong.

An idea struck me then. Hadn't he just mentioned the wind seal?

"Kratos, wait." I caught him just as he was turning to leave.

"Be quick," he warned.

"Corrine died at the mausoleum, near the seal," I said in a rush. "Remember that bell he always wore around his neck? If you see it, please grab it. It's important."

A beat of silence. Though the sidelong glance he gave me was full of questions, it was clear our conversation was over. The only real response I received was a curt nod, and then I found myself watching his retreating back. Within seconds he had disappeared around a corner and the sound of his footsteps rapidly faded.

Well, that hadn't been an enthusiastic yes, but it hadn't been a no, either. Hopefully he'd pull through. If Kratos didn't get that bell, I didn't know if we'd ever be able to find it. And then what would happen with Verius?

I stood there for a moment, lost in troubled thoughts. I knew it wouldn't help me to sit here and work myself up. But at the same time… what were we going to do about the Ring of the Pact? Who tampered with the machine at the Academy? Who even knew about the materials the ring required besides the seraphim and maybe the dwarves?

Ugh… it never ended. I hated feeling helpless. I—

"Brittany?"

I jumped, whirling around in surprise. While I had been standing there daydreaming, Sheena and Colette had walked up behind me.

"Oh! Sheena, hi," I breathed, trying to calm my racing heart. I was still on edge from getting borderline assaulted fifteen minutes ago.

She tilted her head slightly, giving me an amused little smile. "What are you doing hiding out here? Did you get stuck in another one of Raine's lectures?"

"No," I said with a laugh that almost sounded natural. "I was actually looking for you guys, but the crowd got to be too much. I was taking a breather."

Behind Sheena, Colette was quiet. When I met her gaze, she offered me her biggest trademark fake smile, and I knew right away that something was up. Were her symptoms bothering her?

"Were you talking to someone? Colette said she heard voices," Sheena said.

Oh.

"Um—no, it's just me. I've only been standing here for a minute or two," I lied. "Maybe it's just all the noise from the market? Sometimes there's weird acoustics between buildings."

Acoustics? What the hell was I saying? I was overexplaining.

At this point Sheena seemed to pick up on my cagey demeanor; her smile faltered a bit and she cocked an eyebrow. I scrambled for something else to say that wasn't related to why I was hanging out in a dark alley like a serial killer.

"Anyway, how was shopping? You guys get anything good?"

That caused the two of them to exchange a quick glance.

"It was fun!" Colette piped up, fully embracing the act now. "We didn't get to see all the neat shops the last time we were here."

"It's definitely a little livelier than I expected. Come to think of it, I never heard Zelos complain about this place being boring, and he whines about everything," Sheena said.

I snorted, relaxing a bit as the conversation changed tracks. At the very least, I was off the hook for now.

An ominous sounding rumble came from overhead. I lifted my gaze skyward, noticing now how dark the clouds had gotten. The storm that had been building all day was finally starting to rear its head. This morning's light breeze had evolved into a series of sporadic gusts that flung my bangs back from my forehead. Sheena self-consciously grabbed at the tails of her obi to prevent the cloth from whipping at passerby with every gust.

"…We should probably get back to the others before we get stuck in the storm," I remarked. All the signs were pointing towards an imminent downpour.

Sheena nodded. "Right. They might be looking for us by now. Let's head back to the front gates."

We didn't make it more than a few steps before I realized Colette had been uncharacteristically silent. When I turned to make sure she was still behind us, I saw that she was still looking back in the direction of the alley, her face set in a perturbed frown.

"Colette?"

She jumped a little. When she looked my way again, the expression I had seen was gone.

"Hehe, sorry! I'm coming!" she called cheerily, and rushed right past me to lead the way.

You always do that fake giggle when you lie.

Yeah, that laugh sealed the deal. Something was really bothering her and she was trying to hide it.

Voices… she had heard voices coming from the alley. That was how she and Sheena had found me. But if she had recognized my voice, then didn't it also stand to reason that she would have also recognized…

I let out a shaky sigh. Nope. I couldn't do this right now. Not for the first time, I got the sense that this whole damn thing was a ticking time bomb… and it wasn't going to be pretty when it went off.

We had made a promise to Presea that we wouldn't be spending any more time in Sybak, so we spent the next few hours waiting out the storm in a nearby forest. It wasn't perfect cover, and we spent most of the afternoon feeling damp and a bit chilly. But I didn't mind so much—there was something so soothing about being in the woods during a heavy rain.

Raine spent most of the time discussing Tethe'allan history with Regal; every so often, Sheena would chime in with her thoughts. Genis listened intently and tried to soak it all in. Everyone else seemed to just be listening to the rain. Hell, even our resident loudmouth had quieted down after being an absolute menace all morning. He was preoccupied with fussing over his sword, cleaning and re-oiling it so the rain didn't get to it. I was honestly grateful for the lull. My anxiety had been in overdrive leaving the city, and by the time the storm let up in early evening, I was starting to feel a little more in control.

We set out again just as the shadows were starting to lengthen and the sun was beginning its descent below the trees. The sky was painted in pastel shades, the clouds resembling giant pink tufts of cotton candy. It was gorgeous, but a bit difficult to enjoy since the ride on the Rheairds was absolutely freezing after being out in the rain all day. Lloyd kept jabbing an elbow into me because my arms were locked around him in a vice grip as I attempted to absorb every possible bit of body heat. It took all of my willpower not to jam my frigid hands up the back of his coat.

"Cut it out, I can't breathe!" he protested, elbowing me yet again.

"Suck it up, Lloydo!" I yelled in his ear. "I'm your back warmer! It's a symbiotic relationship!"

He groaned. "What does that even mean?!"

"Can the two of you hold it together for five minutes? We're almost there." Sheena called over, rolling her eyes. She was pointing up ahead.

We looked over and sure enough, there were the spires of Meltokio Castle glowing a fiery orange in the light of the setting sun. At last!

My arms were actually kind of sore when I finally detached myself from Lloyd. I offered him a sheepish grin when he caught me shaking off the stiffness. Thankfully, all was forgiven (forgotten?) when we all came to the inevitable conclusion that we would, once again, have to brave the godforsaken Meltokio sewers.

At least it was warm down there.

Ahhh… this was heaven.

Nowhere to go, nothing to do. We were back in Meltokio and I was safe and sound, curled up in bed. We never had to share bedrooms at Zelos' mansion because he had approximately half a million of them. I was in my favorite one, the one with the balcony that overlooked the garden.

I wasn't positive what time it was; my best guess was late morning since I had been awake for a little while. It was still overcast and lightly raining outside. Content, I spent a good amount of time just watching the droplets race their way down windowpanes on the balcony's French doors. I was in no rush to get out of bed; there wasn't anything I was really obligated to do today. If I missed breakfast, Sebastian would set something aside for me.

Should probably get some training in…

Ugh, no! Stupid brain.

Usually I didn't fall victim to that kind of productivity guilt, considering we practically never stopped moving. But my arm had been aching since yesterday and I couldn't get over that nagging reminder of my handicap. I couldn't draw my sword just yet, but if I trained some more with Regal's fighting style, maybe I could still contribute in battle.

Whether or not Raine permitted that was another story. But it wasn't like she could stop me if I jumped in, so…

I just needed to be ready. There was no telling what was going to happen at the final seal.

A loud knocking at the door snapped me out of my reverie. I let out a groan, flopping over in bed and burying my face in the pillow. Not yet!

"Hey, wake up, sleepyhead!"

It was Lloyd. Oh, no. This was probably payback for yesterday.

"I'm still asleep!" I called feebly.

"I'm coming in!"

"No!" I sat up in bed just in time to see the door bursting open. Dammit! "I'm—I'm naked!"

"What?!" Lloyd stopped short, half a step into the room, and his hands flew up to cover his eyes. His face turned the same shade as his coat in record time. "I—uh…"

"Yeah, get out! I'm not decent! Turn around!"

"Wait… you're lying."

"Are you peeking? You perv, you're just as bad as Zelos!"

Busted. He dropped his hands, giving me a disgruntled look. Then he reached down, grabbing a crumpled blanket from the end of my bed and chucking it over my head.

"You can't just yell stuff like that, you weirdo!" he huffed as I flailed to free myself.

I managed to pull the blanket off my head and shook my bangs out of my eyes. Crossing my arms, I looked up at him.

"Well, you can't just go barging into a lady's bedroom, Lloyd."

He grinned. "Good thing you're not a lady."

"Hey!"

That got me out of bed. Lloyd laughed as my feet got tangled up in the blankets and I nearly faceplanted. He was quick to dart out of the way when I lunged at him. Stumbling again, I just barely managed to regain my footing and I stood to face him with a scowl.

Lloyd was faster (and clearly way more awake than me), so it was useless continuing the chase. I'd have to get him back later. Maybe I'd steal his stupid suspenders so his pants kept falling down all day.

"Fine," I grumbled, "I'll bite. Why exactly am I being forced out of bed?"

He was still beaming, looking pretty proud of himself. "Well, we can't exactly celebrate your birthday without you, dork."

Huh?

I blinked, processing for a moment. Was it—was it that time already?

The silence stretched on for a little too long; Lloyd's expression began to sober as he picked up on what went unsaid. His brows drew together and he shook his head.

"Did you seriously forget your own birthday? You remember everyone else's!"

I offered a sheepish smile in response. "I knew it was coming, but… I dunno, I guess it just slipped my mind."

"Well, we didn't forget. C'mon," Lloyd said, gesturing toward the open door. "Sebastian made that coffee thing you like."

Coffee was all I really needed to hear. Second best thing to lying in bed? The first cup of coffee on a day when you know no one is going to try to kill you (in theory). Even better if it's a fancy cup of coffee prepared by a butler. Man, I could get used to the Zelos life.

As I followed Lloyd out the door, I felt the corners of my lips tugging up in a soft smile. Everyone remembered. That was… nice. All the secrets I was sitting on made my current friendships within the group feel tenuous at best. But right now, none of them saw it that way. I would have to treasure these memories…

Nineteen. Never thought I would make it this far, but I was glad to still be here.

We sat around Zelos' huge living room after breakfast, just relaxing and talking for a while. Sebastian had refused all of our offers to help clean up the kitchen and the dining area. The man had the patience of a saint. And I wasn't sure because he had a great poker face, but I got the feeling he enjoyed our company. I kept catching the faintest hint of a smile on his face every time he called Lloyd "Sir Bud." He knew full well what Lloyd's name was by now, but he was committed to the bit. Zelos had clearly learned how to troll from the best.

Speaking of Zelos… he had been absent from the breakfast shenanigans. Raine and Sheena had been, too. They had all left earlier in the morning to get what information they could about Aska. Raine and Sheena were at the Elemental Research Laboratory, and Zelos was getting in touch with some contacts at the palace to see if there was any information in the archives.

"But don't worry!" Colette piped up. "They should all be back later. And we can finally do our girls' night!"

"Girls' night?" Genis looked over at Lloyd and they both wrinkled their noses.

"Girls' night," I repeated, going starry eyed. Could it be true? We were going to have a silly slumber party and not do anything stressful for a whole night? This was the best day ever.

Even better, Colette seemed to have forgotten whatever had been bothering her yesterday. I took that as a double win! Hopefully tonight would help keep her mind off of her steadily progressing condition as well.

Lloyd was the first to hand me a gift. It was small enough to fit in the palm of my hand, lightly wrapped in a pale handkerchief. I pulled the cloth off to reveal a smooth disc of handsome dark wood, a very familiar design etched deep into its surface. The texture of the wood almost reminded me of a worry stone, and it had a comforting weight to it.

"It's called a memory circle," he explained. "Presea helped me get the right wood for it. It should be way more durable than the stuff I usually use."

"Ah, I've seen these before," Regal remarked. "A protective talisman said to always lead the bearer back to their true path, no matter what hardships cause them to stray. I thought only dwarves could make them."

Lloyd rubbed the back of his neck. "It's probably not as good as what Dad would make. But…"

"Lloyd, did you just make this because she had amnesia before?" Genis deadpanned, cutting right to the heart of the matter.

"N-No! It's—it's what Regal said! True path and stuff!"

Lloyd's flushed face said it all. He had literally just picked the thing with "memory" in its name for the amnesiac girl. I burst out laughing.

"It's okay, I love it. Thank you, Lloyd… and Presea, too."

"I am glad you like it," Presea responded softly.

I didn't even care what it was—there was just something so special about handmade gifts. I really did love it. And a save point of all things was hilarious. If only this thing gave me infinite do-overs the way the in-game ones did.

Since it was my birthday and I had more leverage to get what I wanted from people, early that afternoon I used the opportunity to convince Regal to resume training with me. I figured I was in the clear since Raine still wasn't around to protest.

To my surprise, he agreed right away, and I was left feeling like I had wasted way too much time mentally rehearsing my argument. We met in an open area in the gardens behind the mansion. The rain had let up to a very light drizzle, a sign that the gloomy weather was hopefully coming to an end.

"Try these on first," he said, and tossed me a strange bundle. I held it up to get a good look at it, and realized it was a pair of reinforced leather greaves.

It was impossible to hold back my grin, my excitement causing me to bounce on the balls of my feet. Greaves! They were nowhere near as hefty as the ones he wore, but it was something! Now I could actually land real kicks without pulverizing my shins. I could—

"Just to be clear, this doesn't mean I'm condoning you taking them into battle just yet," Regal clarified, much to my disappointment.

I heaved a sigh. "But…"

"I understand your dilemma. It is difficult feeling powerless. But we will surely need you at full strength for the battles ahead, so it's important that you take care of yourself now. In the meantime, we can train."

"The battles ahead…" I offered him a sidelong glance. "Hey, Regal. Can we make this a regular thing? At least for the next few days. The worlds are going to separate, so…"

"…So this may be our last opportunity," he finished for me, a faraway look in his eyes. Then he seemed to snap back to the present. "Yes. In the case that we do end up on opposite worlds, I hope that this training serves you well. I have a feeling our battle with Cruxis is far from over."

Ugh. He had no idea how right he was.

"Girls' night! Girls' night! Girls' night!"

"She's been talking about this for weeks," Sheena said, a hand hovering over her mouth to hide her amusement as she watched Colette.

With one particularly enthusiastic fist pump, the blonde very nearly knocked over an expensive looking floral vase. Presea reached out just in time to steady it. Abashed, Colette continued her celebrations with a lot less vigor.

At this point in the evening I wasn't in the best mood, but I had to admit that Colette's excitement was infectious. The four of us were lounging in my room in our pajamas. I had dragged in some cushy chairs from other rooms and thrown a bunch of pillows all over the floor to make a cozy hangout space. A couple of small lamps and candles bathed the room in a soft light.

I could sense my heart wasn't one hundred percent in it, so I willed myself to mentally turn a corner. I was the one who had suggested this whole thing in the first place—I couldn't sit here and be a party pooper. Even Sheena was in good spirits despite everything that had been weighing on her lately.

She and Raine had gotten a lead on Aska, which had definitely helped. One of the researchers at the lab had mentioned seeing some past works referencing Luna and Aska. They had promised to have more information for us when their colleague, who had worked on some of those materials, came in tomorrow morning.

I was relieved we might have a shot at figuring out the whole Aska thing without me blowing my cover to speed things along. My main gripe right now was that… well…

Zelos had been gone. All freaking day.

Apparently he had sent a message back to the mansion, saying he was spending the rest of the day out in the city "reconnecting with his lost loves." In other words, Zelos was back on his bullshit.

I hadn't realized a part of me had been waiting to see him until I heard the news that he wasn't coming back. The utter disappointment I felt was… uuuuughh. Why did it bother me so much? Had I been hoping for some kind of… of special attention because it was my birthday? Had I been hoping he would remember?

I hated that my stupid feelings were threatening to sour what had otherwise been a pretty fantastic day. Everyone else had remembered and made a point to be nice to me (Genis had even baked me a cake!), so why the hell did his absence matter so much?

I was there for your birthday, you jerk.

"Hey."

A hand gripping my shoulder. Sheena was staring at me.

"Forget about that idiot."

I swallowed at the sudden lump in my throat (I felt so stupid!) and forced a smile. "Who?"

"Zelos," Presea said, my attempt at levity completely going over her head.

"He's still gone, isn't he?" Colette's excitement had abated. Her brow furrowed. "It… was kind of mean of him, wasn't it? Maybe he…"

Forgot was the word she clearly meant to say, but her shoulders slumped instead.

"His behavior is strange," Presea remarked with a tilt of her head. "Perhaps he's struggling more with the thought of the worlds separating than he lets on."

Sheena let out a huff. "Even so… he always does this. Just when you start to think he's not so bad…"

"Maybe we should just ask him about it when he comes back!" Colette suggested.

I quickly waved my hands in front of me, shaking my head. It was already mortifying enough that we were even talking about this right now—I'd have to crawl under a rock and die if Zelos ever found out I'd been this torn up over his lack of attention. He'd never let me hear the end of it.

"I vote we go with Sheena's idea, and forget about that idiot," I said forcefully. "Actually, strike that. Remember that idiot long enough to steal some of his wine. I'll be right back."

"Brittany—" Sheena started.

"I'm nineteen, bitches! I am now legal in Canada, and that has to count for something!"

As I stormed out of the bedroom, making my way down the hallway, I heard Presea's faint voice echo behind me.

"What is… a 'Canada'?"

When I returned ten minutes later, I had Sebastian in tow. He had caught me walking down the hall with a precarious load of drinks, snacks, and glassware balanced in my arms. For a moment I thought he was coming dangerously close to laughing; instead, he simply disappeared into a storage closet for a moment and returned with a cart.

"Is there anything else you may require, Lady Brittany?"

I couldn't hold back a grin. It cracked me up every time he addressed me that way.

"Well…"

Normally I would just thank him for his help and send him on his way, but Zelos was currently on my shit list and I wanted to be a mooch. I stood in the doorway of the bedroom chatting with the butler for the next minute or two, naming my demands in a hushed, conspiratorial voice. He maintained his poker face, nodding all the while. Then he turned and disappeared down the hall.

I swung around with the flourish, gesturing to the cart full of goodies that had been left behind, and Colette started clapping.

"I thought you were just getting wine," Sheena said. She came closer, an impish little smile on her face. "What's all this?"

I held up a plate of cheese and crackers. "Can't have a girls' night without snackies."

"Snackies…" Presea echoed, also coming forward to hover over the cart.

"Wow! Is that chocolate?" Colette sidled up, pointing at a large flat box on the second shelf of the cart. It was indeed a huge assortment of chocolates—the box was heart shaped and had three layers inside, just like the ones that always seemed to pop up in stores around Valentine's Day back home. There were at least three more like this buried in the pile of gifts in Zelos' living room.

I pulled the lid off and picked one out that was molded in the shape of a seashell, holding it up to the light. "The different fillings in these are fun. Careful, though, there's always one that's filled with toothpaste!"

"There is not!" Sheena protested, then hesitated. "…Is there?"

"I suppose that would kill two birds with one stone," Presea remarked thoughtfully, causing Colette to giggle.

For the next twenty minutes or so we sat around drinking (wine for Sheena and I, sparkling apple cider for Colette and Presea) and comparing our chocolate discoveries as we dug through the box. It became more of a challenge finding a flavor that wasn't weird. Unlike the ones I remembered from back home, there was no cheat sheet at the bottom of this box.

"That one… was spicy," Presea said, looking somewhat traumatized. "I would have preferred the toothpaste…"

"These are all so good! I love this game!" Colette seemed like she might be riding a sugar high.

A knock at the doorframe caused us all to pause and look up. In the doorway stood Raine, her arms crossed and eyebrows raised. Whoops, busted.

"I was curious what all the ruckus was—?"

She was cut short, interrupted by the arrival of Sebastian behind her, pushing yet another cart. This one was loaded with every girly self-care item I could possibly think of. I hadn't even been sure if half the things existed here or were immediately accessible, but it looked like the butler had done a pretty good job.

"Is—is that a charcuterie board?" I gaped. Screw my paltry cheese and crackers! Sebastian was truly a girl's girl.

Sheena turned to Raine, a faint blush on her cheeks. "We… we weren't sure if you'd approve. But… wanna join?" She held out an empty wine glass like it was a sort of peace offering.

The Professor stood and assessed the room for a moment, then glanced down at the cart that had been brought in. I could tell she was going to cave because her eyes were sparkling with curiosity. Sebastian, who very much seemed to find the whole thing entertaining, simply bowed and saw himself out without another word.

She took the glass. Colette and I cheered.

"All right, we've upped our game," I exclaimed, pouring wine into her glass. "Professor Sage is here and we have a freakin' charcuterie board. It is now a ladies' night."

"What is the difference between a girls' night and a ladies' night?" Presea asked, tilting her head.

I grinned. "I dunno! I've never been to one."

Raine sighed, pressing a hand to her forehead with an indulgent smile. "Just what have I gotten myself into…?"

We spent the next hour or two rifling through the items on the cart and laughing at the absurd amount of items Sebastian had actually managed to procure in such a short time. I tried to show Colette how to use makeup, and Sheena and I bickered for a while over the correct application of foundation until Raine swooped in and showed us how clueless we both were. When pressed on where she learned her makeup skills, she grew all coy and mysterious and said that a lady had to have some secrets.

We took turns helping each other apply clay face masks, which was hilarious because that was the point that Lloyd and Genis came knocking at the door to see why we were being so loud. They stopped, stared at us like a couple of deer in headlights, and then quickly decided they were better off not knowing. We all burst out into laughter as soon as they left—even subdued Presea was smiling. Her hair was down, in a loose braid at the nape of her neck instead of pigtails, and Genis had had a real internal struggle going on for a second there before fear of the mud monsters won out.

"You know… this is my first ever ladies' night too," Colette said softly. "I remember the other girls in class would have sleepovers sometimes. I always wondered what it would be like…"

It was the sleepy, later part of the evening. We all sat in a circle amongst the cushions on the floor, the chairs forgotten.

"Colette…" Raine wore a sorrowful expression. "You were always with Lloyd and Genis. Sometimes I forget that you never had a girl your age to talk to."

The blonde nodded. "I'm grateful everyone in class was so nice to me. But I was the Chosen, so…"

"You were different," Sheena remarked.

"People are… afraid of different," Presea said, a distant look in her eyes.

"But it's okay now!" Colette was quick to exclaim, plastering on a smile and clasping her hands in front of her heart. "I mean, I never imagined this journey would bring me here, with all of you. Tonight has been really, really fun. I'm so happy."

"Both things can be true," I pointed out. "Things are better now, but you don't have to pretend being the Chosen didn't fucking suck."

"Brittany," Raine said sharply. Colette had flinched a bit.

"I'm just saying!" The wine had probably loosened my lips a bit, but still. "You're super good at gratitude, Colette. But sometimes stuff just sucks! And this wouldn't be a real ladies' night if someone didn't talk shit."

The blonde blinked at me, startled. Then she burst out into a fit of giggles.

"No! C'mon, get mad!" I whined.

"You have such a way with words sometimes," Sheena commented, rolling her eyes.

"I don't have to get mad," Colette said, catching her breath, her cheeks pink. "You always do it for me! Thank you. I just… I always feel so guilty talking about the bad things. Lloyd tells me I should open up more about it too, but…"

"It's how you were raised," Raine said, smiling softly. "It will take time. Just know that we're all here for you."

For a moment, the blonde's eyes glistened like she was holding back tears. Then, as always, she just smiled.

"Thank you, Professor…"

I didn't know if it was the cozy setting, the dim lighting or the wine, but something about the atmosphere at this point in the night was encouraging everyone to come out of their shell. Presea spoke up next, relating a story about how she and Alicia used to stay in and spend hours making crafts when their father was out working past dinnertime. It had been Presea's way of keeping her little sister's mind off of missing their dad, who often had to pull long shifts to keep food on the table.

"It was just a distraction, but it has become one of my fondest memories," she said, wistful. "Tonight… reminds me of back then, a little bit."

A distraction. Tonight was a bit of a distraction too, wasn't it? But she was right. Sometimes it was just better to focus on the here and now. Someday in the future, I'd look back on this night and treasure it… I wouldn't think so much about the other stuff, all the fear and uncertainty. At least, I hoped so.

Morning came far too soon. I woke up with a slight headache, curled up next to a book. It was a book full of anecdotes about the stars and theories about other worlds that Raine had gotten me for my birthday. She had actually stolen (stolen!) it from the library in Sybak. She justified her actions by saying it was probably going to get dubbed as heresy and burned anyway, but I knew it was just her spiteful little way of getting back at the prejudiced academy.

I spent a bit of time trying to read it before bed the night before, but I had already been half asleep by the time everyone else went off to their own respective bedrooms. I made a mental note to take a look at it later on today, tucking it into my bag.

Colette and Sheena had been busy while they were in Sybak, too. While they were at the market, they had picked out a pair of quality traveling boots to replace the old, falling apart ones I had bought in Luin ages and ages ago. I felt the difference immediately when I was lacing them up that afternoon as we were getting ready to head out. I had forgotten what it was like to walk around and not feel every pebble through my soles. My feet were thanking me already.

Better yet, Sheena and Raine had scored information on the Linkite Flute when they met with the guys at the research institute that morning! I still had no clue how we were going to find the Linkite Tree in the middle of the Sylvaranti mountains, or even recognize it for what it was, but it was at least a step in the right direction. Now we really could go back to Sylvarant.

Except it wasn't time for that just yet. Altamira was our next stop – after that came the part where Lloyd gave everyone a night to make up their minds, if I was remembering correctly. Then it would be time to find Aska and tackle the final seal. And then… well, that was a whole thing full of scary unknowns. I didn't really want to think about it.

Last time we had been out this way, we had left Altamira on such a somber note. Now the beachside city sparkled in the distance, looking cheerful and inviting almost in spite of those sad memories. The place was bound to bring back some of the tension and guilt that had been simmering beneath the surface between Regal and Presea. Still, I understood why Regal felt the need to see his home for what could possibly be the last time.

Now that the excitement of the night before had died down, I was feeling very much in my head today. It was late afternoon by the time we landed, and I had plans to just lay low and stay out of trouble for the rest of the day. Considering my lousy luck, those plans would probably be tough to achieve, but I resolved to try my hardest.

"Hey, Brit."

"That didn't take long," I groaned.

"What?" Lloyd stared at me like I had grown a second head.

"It's nothing," I said, shaking my head. "What's up?"

He was wearing an expression of concentration that suggested he had something on his mind. That could mean one of two things: either I was going to get pressured to spill some secrets, or some kind of trouble was afoot. Neither scenario boded well for my 'stay out of trouble' idea.

"About Zelos…"

I let out an even louder groan, pressing my hands to my face. "Noooo. Can we not?"

"Cut it out, I'm serious!"

He was, and it was easy to tell by the fire in his eyes. Whatever it was, he thought it was important, so maybe this wasn't just him cornering me to talk about my boy problems. I felt my irritation melting away, replaced by a nagging feeling of concern.

"Okay, fine," I huffed. "I'm listening. Zelos."

We were standing out by the port, watching the Elemental Railway make trips back and forth between the amusement park in the distance. The lights on the rides were slowly beginning to wink on as the sun was setting. I had been sitting on a bench out here by myself – he had actually sought me out. The nagging feeling grew worse when I realized this.

"Don't you think something feels off with him?" Lloyd asked.

My brow furrowed. "If you mean that he's being a dick, then yes."

He shook his head. "Not just that. It's just… really weird that he's been so distant the past few days. He even skipped out on your birthday! And he went off on his own again the second we got here."

I was well aware of that. Zelos had been pretty quiet most of the day, complaining of a raging hangover when Sheena chastised him for being an idiot. He had been quick to slink off when we landed, claiming he was going to sleep it off (but not before lamenting that he wouldn't get to see all the sexy swimsuit-clad hunnies).

"I guess so," I said quietly, the gears turning in my head. When had Zelos ever pulled something like this? And he had been so unbearably obnoxious right up until Sybak—

Huh. Didn't he usually act that way when…?

"I've tried to talk to him, but he's been avoiding me," Lloyd grumbled. "Brit… can you go check on him?"

Part of me still wanted to be mad, but I trusted Lloyd's instincts. It felt like he was on to something.

"…Okay," I replied, turning in the direction of the hotel. "Hopefully it's nothing, but… just in case."

"Thanks."

Oh, man… why the hell had I agreed to this?

A mixture of conflicting emotions roiled in my gut as I stood on the hotel elevator, waiting as it brought me up to the fifth floor where our rooms were. It was really hard to switch gears after being relatively pissed at Zelos for the past day or so. If this really was just a huge hangover, I was going to feel very stupid showing up at his door. Now that I was alone, the reality of that was really sinking in and causing my anxiety to ramp up.

The elevator doors slid open and I walked down the hall, slowly making my way up the curved staircase to the landing above. Zelos' room was the third one down.

Okay. Stop overthinking it. You're fine.

I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. Just checking up on a friend! Nothing weird about that, right?

Reluctant, I approached his door at what felt like a snail's pace. Stood there for a moment. Raised a fist, getting ready to knock.

Wait.

It was already slightly ajar. Not super noticeable at first glance, but now that I was looking more closely, I could see that the latch had never caught. I wasn't sure why, but this made my stomach sink for some reason. Something felt off.

My fist was still raised. I contemplated knocking, but my gut told me not to. Instead I reached out, pushing the door with an open palm. It swung open with barely a whisper – no squeaky hinges in this fancy beachside resort.

The room was lit with a soft pink glow that filtered in through floor-to-ceiling windows. Sheer drapes swayed lightly in the evening breeze. I could smell salt on the air with an undertone of something I couldn't quite identify. My eyes were first drawn in the direction of the bed, where I was hoping to see a form under the covers.

No dice. The bed was still neatly made. Was anyone even here?

"Who's there?"

A hoarse voice called sharply somewhere from my right, making me freeze up. Then my brain caught up and I realized the voice had belonged to Zelos. I turned in the direction it had come from, seeing a cracked door with light streaming through. The bathroom?

Stepping further into the bedroom, I closed the door behind me, hesitated, and decided to engage the lock. My heart was pounding and I didn't know why.

"It's just me," I called back shakily.

There was a frustrated noise from his direction. I couldn't be sure, but it had sounded an awful lot like an expletive.

"Get out."

My breath froze in my throat at the venom in his tone. He had never spoken to me like that before, not even that time in Ozette when we had really fought. The biting sarcasm and contempt I was familiar with. But this?

In that moment, I wanted nothing more than to run away. But I wasn't the only one that was worried about him. My instincts won out, and my feet carried me forward of their own accord. It felt like I was moving underwater as I reached out and grabbed the knob of the bathroom door, pulling it ajar.

The underlying smell I had detected when I first walked in was vomit. Now that the door was open, it was overpowering.

Zelos was in a pitiful state. He was on his knees, bent over the toilet, his hair in disarray. I could see parts of it were stuck together from getting caught in his sick. He had foregone his usual coat, and I could see that the back of his black tank top was drenched in sweat.

He saw me. The panic in his eyes was that of a cornered animal. Then he was forced to turn back to the toilet, making a retching noise and heaving out bile. The way his hands shook as he gripped the rim told me he was totally spent. Was this what he had been doing all day?

Seeing him like this rattled me; there was no way this was just a simple hangover. My anger from the day before was suddenly a distant memory. For a moment I hesitated at the doorway, unsure of what to do and fully aware of how much he wanted me to leave.

He continued to retch. Every heave sounded almost like a sob. I took a few steps forward, bent over, and gingerly reached down to hold back his hair.

We remained like that for the next few minutes until he finally stopped, gasping for breath. He sat up, swayed, and flopped over so he could sit with his back to the side of the bathtub.

It felt like I was running on autopilot. I flushed the toilet, and then turned to the sink to run cool water over a clean face towel. When I crouched over and began to wipe his face, Zelos flinched and tried to push my hand away.

"Just go," he croaked, avoiding eye contact.

"Shut up," I responded in a flat voice. "I'm not going anywhere."

Why is he so sick? What's going on? Why does this feel… familiar, somehow?

My mind flashed over the events of the past few days. I remembered the way he had been acting as we approached Sybak—extra obnoxious and loud, even for him. Zelos always acted like that when he was trying to cover up that something was really bothering him; why hadn't I picked up on it?

And then to do a complete one-eighty and be so quiet after Sybak. When was the last time he'd been like that, even when he was upset? I had taken his absence so personally on my birthday, I hadn't thought beyond the surface reason he'd given for being gone all day.

Pressing the cool cloth to his forehead, I examined his features. His face was so pale, his lips had gained a faint purple tint—

Her lips are turning purple.

A flashback to a scene from the game. Raine's voice.

Wait. It's best not to move her.

Kratos.

An invisible weight settled on my chest, making it hard to breathe.

Zelos' silence. His sickly pallor. Being absent from dinner. Hearing me enter the room when I hadn't made a sound. This felt familiar because I had seen it all before.

"Angel Toxicosis," I whispered, dropping my hand. The wet cloth fell to the floor with a muted plop.

The way he cringed at the word angel said it all. He finally met my gaze with a bitter, razor thin smile.

"Guess the hangover excuse has run its course. Heh."

He thought he was playing it cool with the snide remark, but the suffering in his eyes was plain as day. Feeling the strength go out of my limbs, I planted myself next to him so that we were shoulder-to-shoulder.

"You fucking idiot," I breathed.

He let out a harsh bark of a laugh. "So this wasn't supposed to happen? That makes me feel great."

"No, it's just…" I swallowed thickly. I didn't want to think about his possible betrayal. But the fact of the matter was, the only time he ever showed his wings was during the scene where he died. Did he even become an angel in the other ending?

"…I don't remember it happening like this," I finished in a wavering voice. "When…?"

He stared straight ahead at nothing in particular. "Back at Altessa's a few days ago. Mithos was doubting my loyalties. Can't imagine why."

"Just a few days?" I squeaked. "It took Colette months! Zelos, you can't fast track this! It could kill you!"

"That's kind of the point. Whatever will be, will be."

The look in his eyes terrified me. Even after everything, there was still a side to Zelos that he kept hidden away. Beneath all of the layers was a black despair. It took me a moment to find my courage in the face of its shadow.

"That's bullshit," I said, forcing some steel into my voice. "If it's all the same to you, then at least put up a goddamned fight. There are people who care about you."

That bitter little smile was all he gave in response.

Grabbing the towel again, I got back up and ran more water over it. For the next ten minutes, I crouched over him and went through his hair section by section with the soaking wet towel, rinsing out any grime I encountered. By the end, his hair was thoroughly damp and looking a lot less disheveled.

When I reached for a clean towel to continue my ministrations, he caught my wrist.

"As much as I'd love a sponge bath from you, I kinda want it to be different circumstances," Zelos said with a sly smile.

My nose wrinkled and I felt my face heat up. Well, he had to be feeling at least a little better if he was starting in with the lewd comments. That in itself was a bit of a relief.

"If it'll motivate you not to throw your life away, I'll give you all the damn sponge baths you want under different circumstances," I quipped before I could stop myself.

He let out a raspy laugh. "Oh, I am so holding you to that."

I sighed and shook my head. "…You think you're done throwing up? Can you stand? You should at least come lie down."

In response, he shifted and slowly managed to get to his knees. I grabbed his arm and draped it over my shoulders so that he could brace his weight against me as he stood up.

He still had some strength left. The grip he had on my shoulder was surprisingly firm. I helped him out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, where he unceremoniously flopped over on to the four-poster and rolled on to his side.

Night had fallen and the room was growing dim. I could see the first few stars of the night winking into existence through the window. The sea breeze had gotten cooler, which felt nice after the stuffiness of the bathroom.

There was an easy chair in the corner of the room that I dragged until it was right up by the side of the bed. I sat down, worry gnawing at me as I watched Zelos intently.

"Not gonna be able to sleep with you staring at me like that," he pointed out.

"Can you sleep?"

"Dunno. I didn't last night," he said. "But I also couldn't talk at all yesterday, and my voice came back today. Guess puking my brains out did the trick."

I hated how blasé he kept acting about this. I had seen how much Colette had suffered during the journey across Sylvarant. The thought of trying to cram all of those symptoms into such a short period… it was insane.

"How are you even doing this?" I asked helplessly. "Colette…"

"The process is drawn out for the active Chosen to minimize their chance of dying." Zelos chuckled without humor, casually picking at a piece of lint on his blanket. "Couldn't have Yggdrasill's precious sacrifice going through this. Bad optics, y'know. Spewing vomit everywhere doesn't really fit the saintly Chosen image."

So it was a show. Of course it was. Just another farce in Cruxis' grand deception.

"There's a poison you have to take. It puts just enough stress on your body to kick the Crystal into high gear," he continued. "If it all works out, you're golden. If not, your insides are soup."

I groaned, burying my head in my hands. What?!

I hated this. I hated this. I hated this.

"Don't sweat it, babe. I think I'm past the worst of it."

"Don't sweat it?" I growled, dropping my hands and clenching them into fists tight enough that my nails bit painfully into my palms. "You drank fucking poison! You could've died! And—and if I hadn't shown up, you were going to do it all alone!"

He just smiled in response, closing his eyes. He didn't have anything to say to that. It made me want to scream. Instead, I did the other thing that I usually did when I felt angry and helpless—I started to cry.

"Why do you act like this?" I asked, a pleading note in my voice. I thought he and I had become closer. I thought he would've looped me in on something like this. Now it felt like I had been watching him slip away this whole time, blissfully unaware of his suffering.

"You have people that care about you," My voice broke, and I swallowed. "You're not alone. I'm right here. Why are you so quick to just throw it all away?"

"Because," he murmured. "I should've never been born."

The words took the wind out of me. I knew they had haunted them his whole life, but I had hoped never to hear him say them out loud.

"Zelos," I started to protest, reaching out to lay a hand on his bicep, stopping short when he didn't stir.

For a horrifying split second, I wondered if the sickness had taken him after all. Then I saw his chest rise, his breathing deep. He was asleep.

I was spent. I laid my head in my arms and began to sob quietly. In the end, I had come to a painful realization: I couldn't save Zelos. This wasn't a game anymore where I could choose the ending. Even if I did everything perfectly, even if I was an incredible friend, the best version of myself… he might still die.

In the end, Zelos needed to save himself.

A/N: I'll let you sit with that for a sec...

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...

Done? Okay.

I really struggled with pacing this chapter. Trying to get all of the Tethe'alla tour done (and I've mostly succeeded!) without bogging down the story too much. I was really looking forward to the scene with Zelos. I've seen a few fics explore just how the hell he managed to become an angel without anyone noticing, and I wanted to do my take on it. If you couldn't tell... Brit having feelings for him is going to put her through the wringer. I love it bc I have historically been very good at falling in love with problematic men irl haHAHEHHAHH...hah...

Anyway, see you next time! WE'RE ALMOST TO THE SHIT HITTING THE FAN GUYS