David Rossi was tired. And, he still had a leaky bathroom sink to fix when he left work. Smiling to himself, he couldn't say that he minded. It was another excuse to spend more time in Jennifer Jareau and her son Henry's company. But still, he would much rather spend that time curled up beside her with Henry in his lap on her comfortable couch watching a movie as they did most nights. But, beggars couldn't be choosers and he would take what he could get. Although, he thought grimly, it would be ever so much easier if the woman would just accept his long-standing marriage proposal and move out to Little Creek with him. Keeping two homes fully functional was hard work! But the lady in question had other ideas, not fully convinced that she would be the LAST Mrs. Rossi. And until she was, all plans were on a definitive hold. It would have made him happy if she would have just conceded to make their relationship official within their team. Hell, everyone knew. Knew he was deeply in love with the seemingly fragile petite blond woman with a backbone of steel. Knew he had a rapt adoration for the baby that he was determined would call him daddy. But, no, she had to be stubborn. Insisting that until they were very sure where they were going in this relationship, that they say not one "official" word. The fact that he'd been sharing her home as well as her bed for the past three months seemingly didn't signify a lasting relationship in her eyes.
David looked up as his opening office door interrupted his thoughts. In his doorway stood the blonde tornado of a technical analyst, Penelope Garcia. "Hey," she called into the office, "can we come in a second, Agent Rossi?"
Furrowing his eyebrows at her expression, Dave replied, "Yeah….but who is "we"?"
As Garcia moved into the office, Prentiss and Reid followed her in. "We've got a problem," Penelope explained, "and we need your input."
"Okay," he said carefully, "Shoot!"
"It's not that simple, Agent Rossi. If we take you into our confidence, it's in the vault, you understand? You can't talk to anyone or TELL anyone about this outside this room! You have to swear!"
Seeing the younger woman's serious expression, as well as the nods from her cohorts, David drew a deep breath and prayed this problem, whatever it was, could be easily solved. "Okay, Garcia. It's in the vault," David said, gesturing for them all to sit down.
"This unit is gonna have a problem," Emily said, cutting to the chase.
"Why?" David asked, concerned.
"A certain chocolate god has gotten a certain lovely federal agent pregnant," Garcia told him hopelessly.
"WHAT!" David exploded. "Morgan's gotten somebody pregnant?"
"Yeah," said Reid, nodding his head. "It's Agent Todd."
"What the hell is Morgan doing about it?" asked Rossi, shocked.
"That's just it, sir. Morgan doesn't know and Agent Todd swore me and Emily to secrecy…the only reason Reid knows is he walked in on our conversation," Garcia revealed.
"Then why are you telling me?" asked Rossi incredulously.
"Because of all of us, Rossi, you have the most experience in dealing with uncooperative pregnant women," Prentiss spoke up. "You have to help us figure out a way to get Agent Todd to tell Morgan."
"I'm here to tell ya, guys, you're never going to convince a pregnant female of anything she doesn't WANT to be convinced of and, Agent Todd doesn't strike me as the type generally given to letting people change her mind - even well meaning ones. You've got to tell Morgan!" Rossi told them.
"That's what I said!" Reid interjected.
"We can't! Rossi, we made the woman a promise!" Emily tossed back.
"Well, I didn't make her any promises," blustered Rossi, "Morgan deserves to know his life is about to change!"
"You can't say a word! You're in the vault!" yelled Garcia.
"What?" asked Rossi, incredulously.
"You agreed to keep this conversation in the vault," Reid reminded him, "They suckered you the same way they got me!"
Leveling Emily with a determined look, Rossi firmly stated, "I want out of the vault!"
"No can do," Garcia said sympathetically.
"You're in….you can't get out - it's locked," Emily stated stubbornly.
"Then find the damn key, Em! This is serious!" Rossi retorted.
"You think we don't know that!" Emily threw back.
"This is a man's child. Even JJ gave that son of a bitch, Will, an opportunity to be a father. He threw it back in her face, but she still had the decency to offer!" Rossi exploded, remembering holding the sobbing woman after the bastard had left.
"Morgan would never abandon his kid the way that selfish bastard did!" Penelope declared vehemently.
"That's my point! Morgan deserves to know!" Rossi said, throwing his hands in the air, "So, release me from this damn vault so that I can go make him aware of the situation!"
"And violate Agent Todd's trust? No, I don't think so!" Emily denied, shaking her head violently.
"She's right! We promised that poor woman and she was not in the best shape when we saw her in the ladies room," Penelope agreed.
"Well, morning sickness does tend to knock a woman for a loop," Emily replied. "Remember Jayje?"
"Hell, yes, I remember Jennifer. If you recall, it was usually me holding her hair back! You cowards ran for cover," Rossi muttered.
"Sorry, but I can not do a sick JJ, Rossi," Reid said, shivering at the memory. "That woman could just be plain evil."
"She was hormonal, Reid. Not evil!" said Penelope, defending her absent friend.
"Where is Jayje, anyway? We should have found her before Rossi anyway!" Emily muttered.
"Gee, thanks, Prentiss. I LIKE YOU, TOO!" Rossi grumbled.
"No offense, Rossi, but you really wouldn't understand how Agent Todd feels! JJ would!" Prentiss stated evenly.
"Yeah, but I can quite easily place myself in Morgan's position. And that poor bastard deserves to know what's going on!" Dave returned.
"Maybe so, but is it our place to tell him?" asked Garcia worriedly.
"It's sure the hell SOMEBODY'S place! So, let me out of this goddamned vault and I'll take care of it," Rossi said shortly.
"Nobody leaves the vault!" Emily insisted.
None of the preoccupied occupants of the room noticed as JJ opened the door on that statement.
"Hey! There's a vault conversation in progress and I wasn't invited?!" Where's the love, guys?" she said, looking around the room. "And how the hell did Dave get included in the vault and I got left behind?" she said belligerently.
"You WANT to be in the vault?" David asked incredulously. "NOBODY in this damn room will give me the keys to get OUT of the vault! Can she take my place in the blessed vault? Is that in the rulebook?" he said, looking at Garcia.
"Oh, no…" JJ whispered reverently, "It's like the mob! Once you get in, you can never get out, David."
"OH GOOD GOD!! SOMEBODY FIND ME A WAY OUT OF THIS GODFORSAKEN VAULT!!" Dave raged, throwing his hands in the air.
Jennifer looked around at the faces in the office and assessed the situation. If all of them looked this upset and out of sorts, then perhaps, she didn't necessarily need to walk into this particular vault. "I think this vault is full enough! You guys come find me for the next one," JJ said quickly, turning to beat a hasty retreat.
"OH HELL, NO!," David yelled, snatching the back of her short, flared black skirt and rising to tower over her.
"Now, Dave," JJ said, offering her best sweet, unassuming smile, "I don't want to enter this vault!"
"If somebody had warned ME what was inside the vault I wouldn't have entered it either!" he ground out. "You owe me, sweetness! All those times I held your head during morning sickness, all those birthing classes, holding your hand and letting you try to emasculate me through a twenty-seven hour labor, passing Henry back and forth for three solid months at night with you when he had colic, doing oil changes, replacing car batteries, putting together every piece of baby furniture in BOTH our homes…"
Slapping a restraining hand over his mouth, JJ whispered, "I THINK you've made your point, Rossi!"
Reaching up to surround the small hand covering his mouth, he slowly pulled it away but kept his hand firmly around hers. "That's wonderful, sweetheart! So you'll understand when I tell you to GET YOUR VERY SHAPELY ASS INTO THE VAULT WITH ME!!" he finished on a yell.
JJ couldn't miss the snickers and outright laughs surrounding Dave's order.
Stepping around him, she took a seat on the sofa as he lowered his body beside her. "Fine!" she snapped. "I'm in the freaking vault!"
"Sucker!" Reid snickered.
As David stood again and walked around to pull open the bottom drawer of his desk, he watched JJ stick her tongue out at Reid. God, he loved that woman. Although, he had no doubt, that after she heard the information circulating around their "vault", she might very well try to kill him for dragging her in with him, he thought derisively as he pulled his favorite bottle of scotch from the drawer and poured a liberal amount into a glass before resuming his seat beside Jennifer.
"Okay, somebody fill me in," JJ finally said, making her peace with the fact that whether she wanted to be in the vault with these people or not, the choice had been snatched from her grasp by her very determined somewhat secret lover.
Smiling grimly, David raised his glass to Garcia and took a healthy sip, saying grudgingly, "I think I'll let you do the honors, Garcia. I blame you for bringing this to my office anyway."
"Be nice!" JJ snapped, frowning at him reprovingly and smacking his arm. Hard!
"Ow!! Damn it, woman! That's abuse!" Rossi accused, rubbing his stinging arm.
"You'll survive," JJ said unsympathetically. "Now, shut up, so I kind find out what the hell is going on!"
"Ha! Go ahead, tell her!" Rossi said, jerking his head at JJ. "See what she says!"
"Maybe if you'd close your mouth, she could tell me," JJ said under her breath to Rossi.
"Well, it's like this Angelfish, the chocolate hunky piece of goodness that we all know and love has knocked up Agent Todd. Worse yet, Emily and I stumbled on to this little tidbit of information by accident in the bathroom this afternoon when Agent Todd was tossing her afternoon cookies. In a moment of weakness, she told us what was going on and swore us to secrecy, making us promise that we wouldn't tell him. Reid got involved when he walked in the break room and overheard Em and I talking. So, of course, we dragged him into the vault. Then Reid got the bright idea that we needed another man's opinion, and since we all know the Boss Man can't keep a secret for beans, we came to Rossi," Penelope said, pausing for breath.
"You and I, kid," Rossi said, looking at Reid with death in his eye, "are going to have a little conversation about things to NEVER include me in when this is resolved."
Swallowing nervously, Reid strangled out, "Yes, sir."
"Anyhow," Penelope continued, "here we all sit, trying to decide what to do, Jayje. Do we tell him? Do we let nature take its course? Do we pretend like this conversation never occurred? I don't know!"
JJ jerked the glass in Rossi's hand away from him and downed the twenty year old scotch in a deep gulp. Finally catching her breath as the liquor heated a path to her belly, JJ spoke. "OH MY GOD! HOW COULD YOU IN GOOD FAITH DRAG ME INTO THIS VAULT WITH YOU?" JJ yelled, smacking Dave in the arm repeatedly.
"I wasn't gonna be in here alone with them! Are you crazy, woman? I want out of the vault! NOW! There's gotta be a way out! I've got to find Morgan - it's not fair to him, Jennifer!" Rossi declared firmly.
"It's in the vault, David. There isn't any getting out! BUT-," JJ paused.
"But what? But what!" Reid asked excitedly.
"I say we drag Morgan's ass in the vault with us! We're in the vault! He should be in the vault, too! This is all his fault, anyway!" JJ said resolutely, convinced she was right.
"Isn't dragging Morgan in the vault the same as just telling him?" asked Emily.
"Oh for God's sake," Rossi mumbled, dropping his head into his hands and wondering why he hadn't just said 'Sorry, too busy for visitors right now' when they'd come busting through his door.
"Not if we handle it delicately," JJ told them. "We'll bring Morgan in and swear him to the rules of the vault. He knows and respects the rules of the vault, unlike some people who shall remain nameless," she said with a pointed look at Dave.
"The rules are stupid. Observing stupid rules is NOT something I'm particularly good at! Case in point - OUR-," he said.
"Moving on," JJ said, effectively cutting off his diatribe, "We won't tell Morgan that she's pregnant. We'll just tell him that she was really sick and it reminded us of when I was pregnant. Let him make the connection. He's a profiler for the love of God! If he can't put two and two together then, we'll just glare at him until he gets it."
"That could work," Emily said slowly.
"And, we technically keep our word to Agent Todd," Penelope added.
Waving the empty scotch glass under Dave's nose, JJ whined, "I want more! I figured out how to fix this - I want a reward."
Accepting the empty glass, Rossi mumbled, "Oh I've got a reward for you," as he got up to refill the tumbler. "Quick question for you though, blue eyes. Who's going to deliver this blow to Morgan because it sure as hell isn't gonna be me!"
"You were the one gung ho to tell the man!" Emily said, exasperated.
"That was before, this is now! And, I ain't doing it!" Rossi said, refilling the glass.
"Well JJ is the skilled individual in this room in public relations," Reid interjected.
"What? Wait!" JJ said when all eyes turned her direction. "Garcia is his best friend," she said, trying to pass the buck.
"Which is exactly why I can't do this….I want too badly just to tell him everything. You have to do it, Angel!" Penelope begged.
"Oh, Christ! Now, I want out of the vault," JJ said, grabbing the scotch from Dave's hand again as he sat down.
"Not so fun now, is it?" Dave said with a smug smile.
"Oh shut up," JJ groaned. "This is exactly why I won't marry you!" she said. Realizing what she'd just revealed, she slapped a hand to her mouth.
Dave grinned as he watched the color leave JJ's face. "I love it when you drink. Those lips loosen just the right amount."
"I'm going to KILL you," JJ hissed.
"What the-," Reid sputtered.
"I knew it!" Penelope said excitedly.
"Who didn't?" Emily said, unimpressed. "Everyone knows it! Even Hotch, who tries so hard not to actually KNOW anything!"
"I didn't know it!" exclaimed Reid.
"Oh, pumpkin, sweetie, you never know anything about the emotional stuff until we tell you. It's okay, kiddo," Penelope consoled.
"NONE of you were supposed to know," JJ said in a quickly expelled breath.
"Then next time you have a make out session in here, Make sure you turn off the lights so that we can't see the shadows from the bullpen," Emily remarked.
"Oh my GOD!!" JJ gasped.
Rossi, for his part only smiled at her in a most satisfied manner.
"Stop grinning!" JJ ordered.
"I can't help it!" Rossi told her, trying to hold back a laugh. "All your carefully crafted plans….POOF!" he chuckled.
"NO! Not poof! There is no poof! We are still in the vault. And what is said in the vault, stays in the vault," she said shooting all the occupants of the room a threatening glare.
"Who the hell are we supposed to tell, Angelfish! Everybody knows!" Penelope said above Rossi's laughter.
"Ya know, babe, you could just do yourself a favor and say yes to my proposal…it would save you a lot of grief later on," Rossi told her, wiping his streaming eyes, still chuckling.
"May I remind everyone in this room that I am NOT the topic of this vault meeting! Morgan IS!" JJ insisted.
"Yeah, but it's so much fun to watch you squirm," Dave interjected, still chuckling.
"Would you stop!" she glared at him.
"Trying to get you to marry me? Nope," he told her unapologetically.
Rolling her eyes at him, she said, "If I say yes, will YOU tell Morgan?"
"That's blackmail," Dave said, "You've been studying my tricks!" he accused.
"When you're screwing the master what do you expect?" Emily muttered.
"True," murmured Penelope.
Reid just stared at them in rapt facination.
"You're on, blue eyes," Rossi said, going to his desk and pulling the engagement ring he'd purchased for her after Henry's birth.
"Do you carry that thing around with you everywhere?" JJ asked, fighting a smile.
"Never knew when I'd finally convince you," Rossi told her. Sliding the ring on her finger, he murmured before pressing a gentle kiss to her lips, "I never pictured THIS as the circumstances under which I'd get you to agree!"
"Okay, people, now that we've got THAT taken care of, the original reason for this little interlude - MORGAN," Emily yelled.
"What?" said Morgan, walking through the office door with Agent Todd.
"Uhmmm," Emily hedged.
"Nothing," said a smiling Penelope, pinching Emily's leg.
"Look, I'm glad all you guys are together! Where's Hotch?" Morgan asked excitedly.
"Court deposition," Rossi answered, grinning. He knew the look on Morgan's face. It was the same look he'd worn when they'd handed him Henry after his birth.
"Too bad! We'll have to fill him in later," Morgan said, looking at Agent Todd.
"Fill him in on what?" asked JJ, suspiciously.
"I'm going to be a daddy! We're having a baby!" Morgan said excitedly.
"Congratulations!" said Rossi, jumping up to slap Morgan on the back.
"Okay, why don't you guys look more shocked," Morgan asked his gathered friends.
"Well-," Penelope said uncomfortably.
"They kinda knew…at least Penelope and Emily did. But, I swore them to secrecy, Derek. I wanted to be the one to tell you," Agent Todd said quickly.
"You guys knew?" asked Morgan, grinning.
"It was in the vault," Reid said in a small voice.
Morgan and Agent Todd had to laugh at the expressions of their fellow agents.
"But in other news, Rossi and JJ are finally out of the closet," Penelope said quickly.
"Finally!" said Morgan.
"Yeah, he even got her to agree to marry him. You missed it!" Emily said, smiling.
"Does it count though since Rossi didn't actually have to tell Morgan anything?" asked an ever curious Reid.
Shooting the younger man a deathly look, Rossi informed him, "IT COUNTS!"
"Well, technically-," JJ began, giggling.
"Don't even TRY it," Rossi said, squeezing her thigh. "I'm going to be your husband and Henry's father and that's the end of it!"
JJ looked at her future husbad lovingly. "And, YOU didn't want to be in the vault! Aren't you glad you decided to stay in it with me?"
"More than words can say," Rossi said, pulling her to him for a kiss that would seal an eternal deal.