Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight; if I did it may have been drastically different
A/N: I was just thinking over possible couples and the fact that I LOVE Carlisle just happened to prompt this one… Carlisle, Esme, Edward, and Bella love square Carlisle and Bella prominent… Read. Enjoy. Review please... (Starts between Twilight and New Moon...) Please don't forget to tell me how you like it =] and for strict purposes of the fan fiction Carlisle is also a shield… Chapters will undoubtedly get longer, just tell me how you guys like it so far…
Accidentally in Love
I always wondered what it would be like to have one great love. One love that was just out of my reach, and the knowledge that he loved me and that I loved him but we could never be, I always wanted to know what that felt like. What true love felt like. Like what Juliet felt for her dearest Romeo, and I wanted to know how it felt to know that we wouldn't have our happily ever after until this world ended. As I pondered all of this I wondered why I was so ridiculously masochistic when it came to love.
All I knew to be true in this love was this; I was in love with Edward at one time, or maybe I still was but he would always be second. In my heart, there was only him. The beautiful Doctor Carlisle Cullen. I knew it was ridiculous for a girl of my age and stature in the community to entertain any thoughts of myself and the very beautiful and very married doctor. Not to mention the fact that he was my "boyfriend's father." There was just something about him, maybe something in the way he looked at me, or perhaps the way I fantasized about him looking at me. Maybe it was all in my head, but maybe it wasn't. Maybe, just maybe he loved me half as much as I was in love with him.
"Are you ok, Love?" Edward asked me and I nodded, though clearly I was not, "Tell me what you're thinking, Bella."
"Nothing," I said.
I felt horrible about how I was treating Edward. It wasn't fair to him that I was now playing him. I just needed an excuse to see my Carlisle, well Esme's Carlisle, but he was mine as well, even if he didn't realize it yet. A part of him would always be mine, or rather a part of me would always be his, due to the fact he had no idea of my not so innocent school girl crush. This was one of many times I was so thankful that Edward could not read my thoughts, it would crush him, and well I don't think I could handle that.
I didn't really get my own logic on this one. It would be so much easier to love Edward, to want to be with him as much as he wanted me, but I just couldn't. Not anymore, at one point yes, I was entirely Edward's. Though, that was before I had laid eyes on Dr. Cullen. Before I knew just how much I would be loved by him. I was a goner as soon as I saw all the sincere generosity, love, and devotion that filled him. That was all before he even gave me one of his most simple gazes.
I was in love with Carlisle, there was just no way around it, and sometimes I wonder if maybe he feels the same. I knew it was wrong, he was married and for all I knew very happily married, but I could not help myself. All things that raced through my mind were wrong and horrid. I knew I was going straight to the innermost circle of hell for this, but I didn't care anymore. I loved Carlisle, and if that was wrong, which I knew it was, so be it.