Title: Deep Thinking and Almost Decisions (I'm very open to suggestions for a better one.)

Disclaimer: You know the drill, I don't own them, not making any money, etc.

Rating: T for language and violence

Summary: For any other agent it would be the opportunity of a life time, for Tony it brings nothing but conflicting emotions. Throw in a murder, several hundred pounds of heroin, and a handful of bad guys which leaves absolutely no time for deep thinking and almost decisions. This kind of takes off from the end of Singled Out, but before Tony makes his decision.

Tony resisted the urge to shove his hands in his pockets and meandered over to the Director's desk instead. He hated being in here alone- reminded him of all those times he'd been sent to the Principal's office in elementary school, or more recently- Gibb's interrogation technique. Idly, he fingered the card set into the beautiful- and obviously very expensive- bouquet of flowers on Jenny's desk as he let his mind mull over the team's recent behavior.

"Is there a reason you're touching my flowers, Tony?"

DiNozzo forced himself not to flinch at her sudden entrance. He still wasn't 100% comfortable in her presence; she always seemed to have something brewing just under the surface that he could never put his finger on. "I was just admiring them, Jenny. Flowers are a hobby of mine."

"Really; so then you know how rare and expensive they are?"

"Oh, yeah."

"And their name?"

Was she kidding with this? "Of course. Um, well, judging by their color and of course the green things they're attached to…" Tony stalled for time. He'd been told to report to her office immediately, forced to wait there alone for nearly 15 minutes, and now she wanted to talk about flowers! His mind raced through the possible reasons for his requested presence as his mouth kept up with the small talk on auto pilot.

"How would you rate your recent performance as team leader?"

Ah, finally to the crux of the matter; time to update his resume. Tony knew he was no Gibbs- hadn't even tried to kid himself- but he hadn't done that badly… had he? Granted, Lee was the only one who had treated him like an actual team leader; McGeek and Ziva had questioned nearly every order he'd given. And then Gibbs had reappeared; DiNozzo suppressed a slight shudder at the memory of finding his personal items in an undignified heap on his old desk. Tony couldn't deny he was glad the older man had returned, but part of him was still angry as all hell about the way the bastard had come back. "I'd say it was a solid "B"… minus. I'm being fired, aren't I?"

"In a manner of speaking, yes." Jenny couldn't help but frown at his low self-assessment. She knew first hand that Gibbs had nearly unattainable standards for his agents, and that in turn often translated to high standards of their own, but she'd never expected Tony of all people to lack that much confidence in his abilities. She'd looked deep enough to know that DiNozzo's goofball attitude was simply a way of keeping the stress levels manageable and that he hadn't exactly had the ideal childhood but he had to have at least an inkling that he was one of the best agents in the agency. Deciding that was a conversation for another time, Sheppard pulled the plain white envelope from her desk drawer.

"If this has to do with Gibbs coming back, I have no problem working for him," DiNozzo hastened to reassure her.

"These orders are for you."

Jenny hid a slight smile as Tony eyed the envelope cautiously for a moment before carefully unsealing it. She hoped he would consider this the reward that it was meant to be; as much as she wanted to keep him around for her own selfish reasons, he deserved this.

"NCIS Rota, Spain?"

Tony's mouth formed the words, even as his brain struggled to comprehend what they meant. They were promoting him. Did he deserve to be promoted- better yet, did he want to be promoted? The last one hadn't exactly worked out so well for him.

"Your own team. Congratulations!"

He gulped, his head spinning with a hundred different questions. He knew Jenny was waiting for an answer, so he did the only thing he could do- he stalled. "Wow, uh… I don't know what to say."

"Your performance these last four months has been exemplary. You've earned it."

"What about La Grenouille? That took months getting in."

Sheppard raised an eyebrow, "you're not getting too involved, are you?"

Tony suppressed the snort that threatened. Too involved, hell no, unless of course you counted falling head over heels in love with the target's daughter. "Only in the mission. If we put another agent undercover, La Grenouille will smell it."

"So you're passing on a promotion that any other agent in this building would kill for all because you're worried about some long-shot mission? I don't think so."

"Okay. I'm worried about Jethro." If the first excuse doesn't work, try, try again.

The other eyebrow climbed to the middle of the Director's forehead, "Jethro's fine."

"Then how do you explain that thing on his upper lip? He looks like Wilford Brimley, Junior." Tony allowed a small, self-satisfied smirk; he'd have to remember that one.

"So you're turning down a promotion because of a moustache?" Jen sighed, this was getting ridiculous, she obviously wasn't going to get a straight answer from him today.

"His memory is still screwed up. He called Ziva "Kate" yesterday. I just want to make sure he's a hundred percent before I leave."

"I see. And how long might that process take?"

DiNozzo clung to that faint ray of hope that she would allow him the time he needed to sort this out. "I don't know. Maybe … a few months?"

"How does seventy-two hours sound?"

He winced, "very fast."

"It wasn't a question. I need an answer by the end of the week. Tony, if you pass this up, another opportunity like this might not come up for years." Jenny couldn't understand it, especially considering the way he'd been treated by Jethro and the rest of his team lately, any other agent would kill for this assignment.

"Can we keep this like the Grenouille mission… just between the two of us?"

"If you wish."

"Thank you."

****In case you didn't notice, the dialog was straight from the show. Thanks writers!****

Tony slumped back against the door he'd just closed behind himself and released the breath he didn't realize he'd been holding. His first and strongest instinct had been to stay here- with his family- but he had to wonder if they were even that anymore. Abby had kept a shrine to Gibbs since he'd left, Ziva had run straight to the former team leader at the first sign of trouble, and McGee couldn't have been more insistent about reminding him that no one had really thought he could lead the team long term. And they'd all being overjoyed when Gibbs had returned to save them from his apparent bumbling. And Gibbs, hell, he didn't even want to open that can of worms; almost five years of busting his ass for the man and all he got was a 'you'll do'. Family wasn't supposed to do that. Okay, so his blood relations had done that, but Tony knew enough to understand that real family was supposed to support you.

"Agent DiNozzo, are you okay?"

Tony's eyes snapped open; Cynthia was watching him with concern from her desk nearby. How could he have been that stupid to let his guard down so completely. He flashed he a quick thousand watt smile, "of course, just breathing a sigh of relief that I'm not in trouble."

The Director's assistant nodded but continued to watch him with a wary eye as he headed down the stair case to the busy bullpen below.

***NCIS***

Tony dropped his head to his desk, followed shortly by Ziva finally losing her battle with the Sandman. McGee had been snoring softly for the last twenty minutes, a small line of drool slowly making its way down his cheek. Hell, even Gibbs had dark circles under his eyes tonight, and for some reason finding Lt Sullivan in the nick of time hadn't brought the lift that it should have.

Jethro glanced at his watch, counting the minutes until his team was off. It wasn't like he had a lot to go home to, but the team had worked hard on this case and it'd been a rough couple of months for everyone. He had absolute faith in DiNozzo's ability to lead the team- Jen hadn't needed to point it out, but change like that was hard even if you were the best at what you did. Gibbs didn't even try to kid himself, he knew that he was mostly at fault, but apologizing was a sign of weakness so it was best for everyone to just move on as if nothing had happened. Out of sight, out of mind.

Yeah right.

He'd hurt them, and he knew it. Ziva and McGee were fine, in reality very little had changed for them and neither was all that emotionally invested in the team. Abby had been devastated, but fairly easily consoled with daily phone calls and by his return. Based on his comments earlier in the course of the case Ducky was still well and truly pissed at him; the only question was why. With Tony, the why was easy, it was the 'could he ever make it better' that had him stumped.

Brilliant blue eyes wandered across the room to land on the slumped shoulders of his senior field agent; he'd found himself watching the younger man much more often since his return. Tony seemed older somehow. He'd only been back a short while, but he had yet to see a true DiNozzo smile- the one that used to light up the bullpen and crime scenes on a daily basis, the one that actually reached his eyes. There were no two ways about it, Tony was exhausted. Not in the 'stayed up too late last night' way, but more in the 'worked 24-7 for longer than I can remember' way. Even half asleep, the tension still radiated from his body.

DiNozzo's head popped back up as he suddenly realized that nearly forty-eight hours had passed since he'd spoken to the director; not that he'd exactly had a lot of time to think about her offer. Sure, there'd been a couple of moments when it came to the forefront; he'd nearly marched straight up to Jenny's office after his little "Probie" chat with McGee. Then Gibbs had to go and tell him that he hadn't done bad, confuse everything again; granted, coming from anyone else that comment would have been a slap in the face, but coming from Gibbs- it meant everything. And he hated that. Unfortunately, it still didn't change the fact that he was no closer to a decision.

"Tony?"

DiNozzo's head whipped around to his right to find Gibbs staring at him with an equal mixture of curiosity and concern. "It's nothing, Boss, just remembered something I have to do." One look at his boss and Tony knew that the older man didn't believe one word he'd said.

Gibbs opened his mouth to respond, still not quite sure what he was planning on saying, but was interrupted as his desk phone sprang to life- shattering the late afternoon silence in the bullpen. Jethro's answering growl was barely recognizable as his name, but he closed his eyes with a resigned sigh when he heard the voice on the other end of the line. He opened his eyes to glance at his team as he dropped the phone back into its cradle; the shrill ring had woken Tim and Ziva from their naps and all three team members were watching him with trepidation.

"Gear up; we've got a dead Ensign down at the Capital Marina."