Disclaimer: Sry, I don't own twilight!! Eep!! Don't attack me!! Lol

So, this is my first fanfic… please review!!! Flames are accepted. Any advice I can get!

Clarity.

The simple word resonated in my head as I streaked through the forest with inhuman agility.

For the first time in my terribly long life, my heart was smiling. It was a peculiar feeling- for my heart was so present, and yet so released.

Bella was my keeper, she held my heart, I was hers. How could she love me?? How could she have seen past the monster, when the monster was everywhere, when what I was a monster, and she an angel.

Agony touched my being as I saw how very different we were- me in my horrible existence, her with her innocence, her brilliance.

With a shiver, I released the thought, throwing it behind myself as I flew through the forest.

I would let myself be happy- if anything, Bella deserved to have a companion who was at least a little cheerful.

A companion. The worlds filled me up, and for the first time in my existence, I was jubilant. More than content- ecstatic. Euphoric.

How I had ever thought of Bella as a demon.. The thought was ludicrous, preposterous now. Inconceivable. Her very essence has seeped its way in to, well, not my soul, for I wasn't positive I possessed this greatly important part, yet, she was part of my being now. I had welcomed her radiant personality in, and she had saturated every part of me, so that I was truly addicted. She was my heroin.

As I effortlessly pumped my legs faster, a thought ocured to me. What was Bella to me now? My life, for sure, but in real sense; could we be tagged a couple, she my girlfriend? My nose involuntarily crinkled at the thought. It wasn't enough.

"Uhhh.." Bella whimpered, too soft for maybe even her to hear. I was instantly worried. What was wrong?

In an attempt to be able to hear her beautiful voice once more, to greedily drink in her gorgeous face, I sped towards her ancient monstrosity of a car with even more speed, the wind caressing my face.

OF course, it wasn't exactly fair for me of all people to call her truck ancient, or a monstrosity for that matter. I was archaic myself, and what described a monster if not a vampire?

"Dangerous, but not bad." Bella's sweet words echoed back to me, despite the cloud of time that separated that time from now.

Did she really believe that? IF she did- could it be true that she wanted me, truly wanted me? But no. I couldn't touch her. I would break her.. But to just try.

I lightly stopped by the orange truck, appreciating the warm pulse of my savior on my back.

"Exhilarating, isn't it?" I asked, referring to the power, the strength running always made me feel.

Bella's pulse raced, creating irregular, too-fast patterns. I began to fret- humans could be hurt so easily- what if she had been hurt? Stunned? "Bella?" I demanded.

"I think I need to lie down" She whispered, breathless. My suspicions were confirmed. She wasn't well.

"Oh, sorry." I replied, maintaining the calm mood in my voice, though my brain was murky with thoughts of worry.

I waited for her to slide off my back, yet she didn't move. What did that mean? "I think I need help," she said, sounding embarrassed. I felt, rather than saw her beautiful blush staining her cheeks a deep red. How she couldn't be aware of this was absurd. Laughing quietly at her ignorance, I, carefully as ever, I loosened her hold around my neck. On a sudden urge, I pulled her to my chest, like one would hold a small child. I drew her in, marveling in her perfection, and then set her fragile form upon the ground.

"How do you feel?" I asked, still concerned that my display of vampire speed had not been for the better.

"Dizzy, I think." She replied, her eyes out of focus. I felt wretched- I knew from the minds of other humans that nausea was one of the worst feelings possible for a human.

"Put your head between your knees," I suggested, thinking back to my years of medical school. IT usually helped. I watched as she complied, her breathing still hitching in her throat.

Subconsciously, I settled myself down beside her, her warmth drawing me in. She still was very pale, but her heart rate seemed to be slowing, becoming more regular.

As the minutes ticked by, her color returned, her breathing became steadier. She raised her head tentatively, her eyes till wary. "Maybe that wasn't the best idea," I voiced, my eyes apologetic.

"No, it was very interesting." She rasped. Her voice was weak, her face tense, and yet she still was the most beautiful thing in the world

Still finding it hard for anything, even her discomfort to puncture my happiness, I replied, "Hah! You're as white as a ghost!" With further speculation, I saw how close in comparison the color of my hand to her face were, "No, you're as white as me!"

"I think I should have closed my eyes."

Probably true.

"Remember that next time." I instructed her, reveling in the feeling of next time. I could finally enjoy her company fully. And yet there was something more..

"Next time!" she muttered, still apprehensive. I laughed, still seeing the love on her face.

"Show off," she grumbled.

"Open your eyes, Bella." I so wanted to see the depth of her soul, to dive into her chocolate brown eyes, so deep and perceptive. So beautiful.

Her eyelids fluttered as she surveyed the scene around her, her eyes finally resting on me. For a second, her face went blank. Was this.. Was she.. Dazzled?

"I was thinking, while I was running…" I began, still a bit nervous.

"About not hitting the trees, I hope." Bella said, slightly hysterical.

I chortled. "Silly Bella. Running is second nature to me, it's not something I have to think about." Being with her, however…

"Show off," Bella pointedly said again.

I grinned at her. "No," I paused slightly, thinking about the best way to go about this. Would she be revolted, disgusted? "I was thinking there was something I wanted to try." Carefully, using the strength I would use if handling an eggshell, I took her face in my hands.

And I erupted. Heart, brain, being all of my personal, trusted guides were yelling, all of different opinions. But which action to pursue?

"Preposterous!"

"Go ahead!"

"You love her. You're hers. Go, Edward."

And then, throwing all my common sense behind, I slowly, pressed my lips to hers, barely any real contact.

And yet.

And yet, there were no words to describe the feeling. I felt as if I were shedding every part of me behind, every previous experience, every memory. It was only Bella. I had never felt so human, never so without the monster, and- and then, like a slap on the face, the monster sprang. Bella's lips parted, her hands pulling the killer in, her blood boiling, delicious, a feast I wanted, surely needed to devour.

With a gasp, I pulled away, hauling every instinct, every vampirical part of me back, until with a screech like fingernails against a chalkboard, I was myself. The vampire. The monster. Edward. Not Bella's Edward. Edward the vampire, the killer. The murderer.

"Oops," Bella whispered.

"That's an understatement." My mouth moved, yet I was still uncomprehending, still horrified at myself, hating what I was. I clenched my jaw, not breathing, completely still, and yet, with her lingering, incredible scent, the love lingered as well: the sense of being one was still part of me. My first kiss was still a kiss.

"Should I..?" Bella questioned, attempting to disengage herself from me.

Did she finally realize how dangerous was, dangerous, and sure bad as well, too? And yet, I was still selfish. "No, it's tolerable. Wait for a moment please," I tried to keep my tone polite, not showing Bella the storm inside me. I kept my eyes controlled, not letting my darker parts flicker, reining the animal in.

I saw her expression once again, and breathed. Not prey, not prey. Bella. Who knew that a single word could transform ones very existence? Bella. Like a fairy, so delicate, so light, she had changed me from animal, to person. I smiled. "There."

"Tolerable?" she inquired.

I laughed at her embarrassed face, "I'm stronger than I thought," I said. You're stronger for me than I thought, "It's nice to know." Very nice, indeed.

"I wish I could say the same. I'm sorry." Her features were chagrined. So am I, I wanted to say. For so much.

"You are only human after all."

"Thanks so much," she said, still disgruntled.

I lightly jumped to my feet, offering a hand. She took it, and how wonderful it felt. Still wobbly, she unsteadily stood up.

"Are you still faint from the run, r is it my kissing expertise?" I asked, curious. I had no experience, she could be displeased.

"I can't be sure, I'm still woozy." She replied. How true. Her eyes were still unfocused, wobbling slightly. "I think it's some of both, though."

I contemplated this. "Maybe you should let me drive." I offered, hoping she would agree.

"Are you insane?" she asked, staring at me incredulously. Maybe.

"I can drive better than you on your best day." I told her in a teasing manner. It was true, though. One of the perks that came with being a vampire. "You have slower reflexes."

"I'm sure that's true, but I don't think my nerves, or my truck, could take it." She retorted, stubborn as ever. Her chin jutted up, and I found myself halfway between amusement, and annoyance.

"Some trust, please, Bella." I pleaded.

I heard the soft clink as her hand tightened around the key enclosed in her pocket. I could easily obtain the key, though I didn't want to risk hurting her- physically or emotionally.

"Nope. Not a chance." I raised my eyebrows. She began to stride towards her truck- the drivers seat, I might add. I saw her trip slightly, and stopped her in her tracks, my arm around her waist.

"Bella, I've already expended a great deal of personal effort at this point to keep you alive. I'm not about to let you behind the wheel of a vehicle when you can't even walk straight." I ectured. "Besides, friends don't let friends drive drunk."

"Drunk?" she objected.

"You're intoxicated by my very presence." I told her playfully, though I was filled with pure joy.

She sighed, looking defeated. "I can't argue with that. Take it easy- my truck is a senior citizen."

"Very sensible." I agreed.

I stared at her, ravenously drinking in her charm. Suddenly, her expression turned from defeated to irked. "And are you not affected at all?" She demanded. "By my presence?"

Ah, Bella. IN so many ways, I was affected. In so many ways. I brushed my fingers along her face; her body quivered.

"Regardless," I returned, still warm. "I have better reflexes."

She smiled, heaven and hell all in one.

For that smile, the simple movement of her mouth brought with it perfect, true clarity.

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