This is the fourth Death Note fanfic I've done. I can't say I know a lot about Mello, because the only episode of the anime that I watched with him in it was....when he died.

So....I do not own Death Note, (or Near....), but I do own this fanfic. ;D

Oh, and btw, a cameo appearance as a hostage. X3

italics = Light's thoughts

" All righty, then. I've got the stand up. Now let's watch the customers go by. Maybe we'll catch Kira. "

L gave his crooked smile as he held up a black painted notebook. Near, who was sitting in one of two folding chairs, grimaced. " You expect to catch Kira by selling fake notebooks ?! " the white-haired boy demanded. " How is selling fake notebooks supposed to bring Kira here ?! "

" Hey, you would do anything to get your notebook back if you was Kira ! " L snapped. " Now, just be quiet and watch a professional at work. "

Near scoffed. " I'll try to find one, Ryuzaki. "

" Smart-aleck. "

L plopped his scrawny body into the other folding chair and took out a tacky plaid handbag. He rummaged through a deep pocket of various and random things, which included a frog, a container of markers and crayons, and a remote control to a 1990's television set. Eventually a bullhorn was pulled out, large and fairy new.

" DEATH NOOOOOOTE ! " the black-haired man shouted in the bullhorn as loudly as his soft voice could let him. " WHO NEEDS A DEATH NOOOOOTE ?! "

Like a herd of starving water buffalo, clusters of overexcited people circled the stand with ballpoint pens, long metal chains, and 'Kira' stamped on their foreheads. Near sweatdropped at his older co-worker. " You certainly know how to get a crowd of Kiras rushing through your door, " he said sarcastically. " What's your next step of your terrific plan, auctioning off homemade shimigami plushies ? "

" Wow. I never saw so many dishonest people before...."


" What ? I haven't. "

Near shook his head out of disbelief, muttering something under his breath. " -Pid idiot. Don't know why I work with him...."

L glowered at his junior. " I don't know why I work with you, either. I'm supposed to be the brains of the Kira case. "

" Well, you're obviously not the brawns of the Kira case, that's for sure, Einstein-san. "

" Just go back to your corner and play with your tinker toys while I find the true Kira ! " L said, slightly annoyed. " You're worthless ! "

" Whatever. "

(Three weeks later....)

" Well, L's dead. "

Near stared at the photograph of an astonished L that was sitting on top of a glass table and slapped a hand to his forehead. " I tried to tell him that his little scam wouldn't work, and I tried to tell him that Yagami-san was a main suspect, but alas, he refused to listen to either thought. And now he's deader than a doorknob. " He flicked a Lego across the table, sending it zooming to the floor. " Which, in fact, a doorknob is never alive in the first place, but always nonliving. We get the metaphor, though. "

The white-haired boy's eyes flickered over to Matsuda, who sweatdropped. " I guess so...."

" Mello ? "

Mello shrugged. " Always have to be the smart-ass, " he mumbled under his breath.

" Well, I'm still a bit furious at our deceased friend for actually taking an innocent person who's obsessed with dueling hostage. "

" What, he's not Kira ? "

Near pinched the end of his nose and sighed. " No, Mello. We've taken several blood tests and DNA samples. He doesn't even know what a Death Note or a shimigami is. "

" Well, whatever. Whatcha think we should do, Mr. N ? "

-.- " Let the hostage go, retard. "

" Hmph. I say we just kill him and let Misa-Misa give him an STD afterward ! "

" NO ! "

" Smart-ass. "

Near's hand went back to his forehead as he flicked another Lego and exited the dark room with annoyance. He sauntered through a couple of corridors before entering another dark room. " My apologizies, Mr. Mutou, for holding you captive. I totally believed that you were not Kira when you squealed like a disturbed gerbil that you weren't Kira, but my colleagues wanted to make sure. No hard feelings, though, right ? "

A blonde-haired teenager that was about fifteen or sixteen silently glared at Near with wide brown eyes, holding up his shackled hands. Near merely nodded. " Yes, I know that you're bagged and chained, Yugi, and also with a duct-taped mouth. I'll make sure you're released today...or at least sometime this week...."

" MMPH ! MMMMPH ! " the distressed Yugi screamed as Near walked out of the room.

" Ohayou, Yagami-san. "

Light Yagami blinked at the shrimpy-looking, white-haired boy. Why was I greeted in such a casual way, and with such a flat tone ? The shimigami must be lurking about again....damn it, Ryuk.

" O-Ohayou, little boy. "

The white-haired boy seemed to smirk. " Fine day we're having, hmm ? Lots of hail today. "

" Yeah...." What's with this kid ? Is he bipolar, or just a high school dropout ?

" I know what you must be thinking of me as a bit...peculiar, but rest assured, I'm sure both of us adore Kira equally. "

Light sweatdropped slightly, then shook his head. " No. I love Kira more. "

" You do ? "

Curious little shrub. Better keep up this charade for a little longer, then find out his name and let a pack of escaped rabid dogs deal with him.

" Of course, " Light replied out loud, attempting a smile. " There is so much injustice in this world. In my opinion, we need a savior to right wrong and bring justice to this desolate planet. I doubt there is anybody - or anything - else to do this without too much alarm. Kira's pretty organized with his justified slaughtering tactics. "

" You sound like you know Kira pretty well, " the boy stated, successfully widening his eyes to show astonishment.

Damn. Can't let him know. " Never seen him in my life. "

With a small step forward, the boy examined Light closely and tutted. " I think I know who Kira is, " he said slowly, pulling back a white strand of hair from his face.

He's bluffing ! He couldn't have figured me out this easily ! I framed about four or five people ! " Tell me, please. "

" The elusive L, " the boy coolly replied. " Peculiar, mysterious, never showed his face. It makes sense. And, of course, there are rumors spreading around that he's dead. In fact, the media makes it true, creating an obituary with a name and everything. " He leaned closer to Light's face. " But I, I think he faked his own death, telling only his closest followers and moving to a secluded area to continue his justified practices. "

Light's face suddenly turned murderous. " L isn't Kira ! " he snapped. " He was an annoying pissant that taunted Kira until he went too far off the edge ! "

" But how do you know this ? " the boy pressed. " How do you know it wasn't staged by the media ? "

" I....I...." Shit.

A hand was outstretched and shook Light's own. " Pleasure to meet you, Yagami-san. "

The boy walked off in the opposite direction, leaving a furious yet baffled Light to ponder. " Thank you, Mr. Yagami, " Near chuckled under his breath.

" Near ? How was it talking to Yagami ? " Mello asked. " Was it as easy as you thought it would be ? "

" Yes. "

" Damn it. "

Near cracked his knuckles. " He makes it crystal clear that he knows that L wasn't Kira, and also that Kira was taunted by L, and that neither he nor Kira ever liked him. "

Mello scratched his head. " he or isn't he Kira ? If you don't know, I could smash a crowbar on his haughty little head. "

" That won't be necessary. I have high suspicions of Mr. Yagami. To further my suspicions, I would like to have a little something dropped off on his doorstep. "

" What ? "

Near grinned wickedly as he held up a black painted notebook. " Can't waste these fake Death Notes, can we ? "

" Wow. Such a smart-ass. "

" I know I am, " Near replied smugly. " Now let's get this shipment into the truck. "

The two partners stood up from their seats and exited the room, bringing their suspicions with them to Light Yagami's house, along with about four dozen fake Death Notes.