Okay, as of current, I haven't watched nearly all of the Death Note episodes…I'm only on, like, episode 16 or 17. But this isn't based off of much that happens in the show. It's just a funny little piece I wrote about him going to a clinic... Also, I apologize that it came out so long! Man, this is a one piece but wow! Never thought it'd come out like it did! There's a bit too many descriptions perhaps, and though I wanted to make the entire thing a comedy, I found it somewhat hard to with L not being the type of person that you can easily make hilarious. Anyways, read this, like this, love this, and for the love of Ryuk (^_^) please review this!

Warning: There is a scene in this story that may be disturbing to some. I can't go into detail lest I ruin the story, but if you think you might get squeamish from things having to do with anatomy, you might not wanna read this. This is your warning, folks!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the DN characters. They all belong to those two guys with the same initials…my gods, reading about them in Wikipedia gave me a headache since their names are kinda alike! And unfortunately, I don't own L…he can look as silly as a doo-doo bird at times, but strangely enough, he's somewhat cute without him trying to be…can't quite describe it…

Sweetly Soured

L sat with in his customary position on the couch, bare feet drawn up and hunched forward. Only blinking occasionally, he kept his focus on the TV screen. He had been scanning the local news for anything interesting, any mysterious killings that might point to Kira. So far, the serial killer had remained inactive for the past week.

Absentmindedly, he reached down and grabbed a brownie off the plate in front of him. Watari had suddenly been denying him his sweets, but thankfully he was staying in a hotel and room service gave him all he could ask for. This was even better, since he himself couldn't cook to save his life.

The room door gave a knock, three quick taps, two hard raps, and then another three taps. It was their signal. "The door's open," L said, never taking his eyes from the screen.

Watari came in, and slowly shut the door behind him as his eyes stared at L. "You're still staring at that screen? Really, you've been watching the news since eleven last night, perhaps longer. That's just the time that I got tired of watching you watch it. Did you go to sleep at all?"

"No," L said simply, clicking the remote to another local news channel. "Kira doesn't sleep so I shouldn't either."

Watari sighed. "You forgot what today was, haven't you?"

L blinked, stuffed another brownie in his face, then turned to him. "What's today?" he asked, spewing a few crumbs as he spoke.

Watari made a face, but didn't comment on this weird display of rudeness. "You have a doctor's appointment today. I told you, I've been worried about your health. Your peculiar habits might be having negative effects on you."

Shadowed eyes met the older man's. "I'm fine, thank you. I'll be even better once we catch Kira. I'm still suspicious of Light, no matter how innocent he claims he is or how much his father wishes he were. There's something not right about him and I intend to figure it out. Cancel the appointment. This comes before all else."

Strangely, Watari gave a quiet growl of frustration, losing his English composure. He strode over to the younger man and grabbed him by the arm, making L drop the brownie he'd just picked up.

"Listen, if you do not go to the doctor's willingly, then I'll have no choice but to drag you bodily. Now, let us not make a scene and just come quietly."

L pulled away from him. Putting his hands in his pockets, he hunched over, eyes on the floor as he rubbed one foot against the other. "It's just that…I don't like hospitals and clinics very much. Their smell. Their overly-cleanliness. They hold unpleasant memories for me…"

This was the closest L had ever gotten to speaking of his past and it touched Watari that he would share this with him. But the fact of the matter remained. This boy (as he thought of him) hadn't been to a hospital for a check-up…ever! Generally he might have a physician come to his residence at the time if he was feeling under the weather, but that was it. Watari wondered if he'd even had all of his required shots…Like his some sort of dog, he mentally murmured.

Coming back to the present, he looked down at L, who still had his eyes to the floor. He sighed, then turned him around by his shoulder and pushed him to the door. Obediently, the "boy" put on his shoes and in his usual casual way, didn't bother to tie the laces.

The ride in the car was completely silent. L generally wasn't a talkative person, despite how well-rounded his speech was. Still, they often chatted about something or another. It was clear there was a silent storm brewing inside of the dark-haired man.

As the vehicle pulled into a parking lot at the clinic, L refused to look at the building, instead focusing his gaze on a law office across the street. Watari noticed what he was looking at and gave another sigh.

"Ryuzaki, Kira will still be here when you get back to the hotel. If it is Light, you know where he lives. If it isn't Light, then that still means nothing. Missing one hour of the news won't ruin this investigation."

The latter said nothing, but opened his door and got out, following Watari in a slouch as they went inside.

At the front counter, L signed one of his numerous fake names on the sheets the receptionist gave him. He had to smirk to himself. These papers asked as many questions as an interrogator. Luckily, he was quick-minded and knew how to get around them without revealing anything about his true self.

After he'd returned the clipboard, he sat back and watched the small TV in the waiting area. Though for him, "sitting back" was what we would call hunching forward, once again his shoes off and feet drawn up onto the seat. Watari was thankful no one else was in there. He cared dearly for this "child" (once again, as he viewed him), but some of his habits were meant to be done in private only.

After waiting another twenty minutes, a young couple exited a door, reading over a paper for a prescription of some kind. L deduced quickly that it was the woman who had been the patient and wondered what her condition was. But he was snapped out of his musings when his "name" was called by a nurse holding open a door that led back farther into the clinic.

With a sigh, he slipped into his shoes and took to following Watari as the young nurse led both of them into a doctor's office. "He should be with you in a moment, please make yourself comfortable." She bowed, then closed the door behind her.

As soon as she was gone, L immediately kicked his shoes off again and resumed his ever-constant crouch on the bed. Watari took a seat in a chair near the door.

Though he tried to hide it, L was trembling slightly. He really, really hated hospitals. He believed he could withstand prison better than he could stand spending even one night in this clinic. Nervously, he started rubbing his feet again.

Thankfully, the doctor soon entered. "So, Mr….Ryuga…I see you're just here for a check-up? Your papers don't really specify the last time you had one."

L shrugged. "Honestly, I don't care too much for medical places." He fell silent again, putting his thumb to his bottom lip in thought.

The doctor smirked, then started off by checking in his ears. As he went through a list of different examinations, L tried his hardest to not notice the man…or Watari, who was still sitting on the peripheral boundaries of the room.

By the time they were nearly done with the check-up, L could've seriously done without going to the clinic…the high point of this thought coming when the doctor told him that he should do a prostate check. Mentally, L was screaming "NO!" But on the outside, he only muttered something, shuffled his still bare feet, and looked at the floor.

Thankfully, his guardian had enough decency to exit the room. Still, L continued to look at the floor. Logically, it would be wise to get this check-up. Foolishly, I've put it off till now and that's why so many things need to be looked over. Just because I feel fine doesn't mean I am. Then again, I know my emotions and I have to say that I'm about three seconds away from tearing up this entire room and storming out. Really, sometimes having such deductive skills can be bothersome.

He didn't realize that he was standing there half naked until he heard a glove snap. His breathing quickened and unfortunately, all the reasoning skills in the world couldn't stop his body from showing the obvious signs of nervousness.

Then…a hand touched him. L clinched the paper sheeting on the bed, and shamefully (and shamelessly) whimpered, put his head down on the bed, and tried with all his might to go to his "happy place."

Just when he thought he'd reached there, a weird thought came to him. This was the most intimate he'd ever been with a person…even himself! Shut up L! Think! Happy place, happy place, happy—AH!

He whipped around and gave the doctor an angry look, for once wanting to appear menacing. The doctor gave a nervous chuckle. "Oops, sorry! Guess I brushed "it" huh? I haven't really done this too many times, just got my license last year." As L continued to give him an intense look (really, L with his eyes wide open is completely freaky!), the doctor added "I promise to be more…er, gentle. We're almost done."

There wasn't a happy place far enough for L to run to for him to get the clear fact of another man touching him out of his mind. Even his personal "Candyland" filled with all the sweets he loved the most was filled with the smell of the antiseptics of the room.

He hadn't noticed he'd been gripping the paper sheet on the bed so hard until another glove snap brought him fully back to reality. He had pulled the entire thing into his fists and now it lay in a crumbled wad. But the doctor was done! Repressing a very un-L-like shout of joy, he quickly dressed again, perching himself back on the bed…though this time he sat himself to where his back was against the wall, curled up at the head of the bed.

The doctor washed his hands and was writing something on the clipboard at the moment. A small knock sounded at the door. Watari. L said nothing. He actually would've been happy if he never came back in, but he knew the man was concerned for him. The doctor called out that he was done, and so he entered.

Watari cast L a glance. L refused to meet his gaze, finding his twiddling toes much more interesting. Strange the doctor hadn't told him to put on his shoes since this was a hospital.

"Okay, there's just a few more things I'd like to check on. Here, put this over your left eye," The doctor told L. He handed him a small object with a slight indention in it. L did as he was told. The doctor walked over to the light switch and turned it off. Then he pulled down a screen from across the room, flicked another switch, and the screen brightened, revealing characters written on it.

"Alright, using only your right eye, I'd like you to read to me what you can see. And please, don't squint."

L found this to be a piece of cake (mmm…cake…) compared to the experience he'd just had. He easily read off the characters on the board, starting with the over-sized E.

He breezed through the first row and with almost a bored tone repeated the second one. But when he got around to the third, things started to get a bit…fuzzy. He narrowed his eye a bit to make it focus better on the second letter of the row.

"I said, please don't squint, Mr. Ryuga," the doctor said kindly. "If you had to guess, what would you say that letter was?"

Trying not to squint when you can't see something is like trying not to blink during a staring contest. Temptation is hard to resist.

"Um, I believe it's an F," L said. He wasn't too sure about that, but it's what it looked like. Then, his eye suddenly began to water and he had to stop looking at the screen.

"Hm," Was all the doctor said. Out the corner of his left eye, L saw Watari sigh, but the man said nothing.

The doctor changed the letter screen on the board and asked L to cover his right eye and read to him what he could see with his left eye. This time, he got to the sixth line before he had to start squinting.

The doctor nodded to him when he was done and again scribbled on his clipboard. After a few moments of silence he said, "Well, I need to go retrieve your blood tests from the lab. Hang tight here for a bit." He gave him a friendly wink and left out.

Watari immediately turned on him. "Your vision is decreasing. You shouldn't sit so close to the TV all the time! In fact, you shouldn't even watch TV all the time! And not just the TV, the computer as well! Especially when you're on your laptop…you're often no less than six inches away from the screen! Now look! You're going blind and--"

"Watari. Enough. I'll be fine." L said, biting his thumb in thought. But would he be? If he lost his eyesight, that right there alone would reduce his deductive skills down twenty percent. Many people believed that losing one sense strengthened the others, which might've been true. Still…not being able to see was a life L wasn't looking forward to living.

The doctor soon came back in, flipping through more papers on another clipboard. "Well, Mr. Ryuga, you have some interesting stats here. Your weight is a bit alarming. 110 pounds. And you're…25 years old and 5'6? Hm, yes, you really should eat more proteins, you're almost like an anorexic girl!"

L turned his head sideways in a puppy-like way, confused that the man would call him such a thing.

The doctor continued. "Speaking of your weight and diet, I…happen to have some disturbing news. Your blood sugar is extremely high. Care to explain that?" He peeked at L over the chart, raising an eyebrow.

L rubbed his feet even more, and then gave another shrug. "I like sweets. Cake, brownies, ice cream, pie, chocolate, you name the dessert, I've had it."

This time, both Watari and the doctor sighed. "Well Mr. Ryuga, all I have to say is that you might want to reconsider your diet. You're dangerously close to the diabetes level. Meaning sweets would become nearly obsolete for you."

L's eyes shot open as he thought about it. No more doughnuts. No more candy. No more mint and chocolate chip ice cream. A life without sweets wasn't a life at all.

"Fine, I'll lower the sweets intake. Is that all?" L asked.

"Erm, no. Also, about your vision…" The doctor held a tone that L didn't too much care for. "Your left eye reads at 90/20, which is a bit bad, but it's still useful. As for your right eye…its vision is at 156/20. That "F" you thought you saw…was really a J. Mr. Ryuga, you're nearly legally blind in your right eye."

L froze from biting his thumb and looked up. "Really now? Hm, well that's not very reassuring to hear. So, is there a way to correct this? I'll assume I might need laser eye surgery or some such procedure?"

The doctor shook his head. "No, nothing so drastic, unless you yourself want to go that route. Really, a pair of glasses will solve this. Or at least help it. I don't believe that your right eye can be saved too much though. From what I can tell from your cornea's, you've been straining your eyes a bit; Though there's some signs that show that you were really born with impaired vision. Thus being the case, your body might not take an operation as help, but rather it might make things worse. It's best to not go through with it."

Watari began shaking his head and L threw him an annoyed glance. "Alright, fine. I won't have the surgery. But do I have to have glasses? Are contacts still an option?"

This time, the doctor nodded. "Yes, you can have contacts. Though since your right eye somewhat lags behind the left, and even goes off in its own direction, you might want to make sure you get a brand that's going to stay in and follow the pupil. Really though, glasses make the most sense. They don't fall out, you don't have to replace them every other month, and also you can--"

"I am not getting glasses," L said through clenched teeth. Hopping off the bed, he slipped in his shoes again. "Come on Watari, we're done here," he said and walked out of the room.

Watari bowed to the stunned doctor. "Forgive him. He's never been like this before. I suppose it's all a bit too much for him to take in." The doctor just gave a small nod and Watari took his own leave.

He found L standing in front of the lobby TV, directly up under the screen that floated above him.

"What did the doctor just say?! Have you not learned anything?" The old man asked him. L gave a deep and very annoyed sigh and walked out the front doors, Watari chewing him the whole way.

When they finally reached the hotel again, L wasn't in the mood for any more lectures. Like a child being scolded, he's listened to Watari's rants the entire time, but now, it was starting to drive him up a wall. This was a very different approach from the man. Generally, he kept quiet about L's habits, knowing that he was adult enough to know not to do this or that.

As soon as his feet made contact with the room floor, L's shoes were discarded. Being barefooted was just so much better. And it had nothing to do with his deductive reasoning.

He flopped onto the couch and dialed room service. More sweets. It'd been an hour since he'd had his fix.

When the large silver tray arrived, decorated with assorted goodies, he could barely hold himself back from salivating on it. Daintily picking up a square of cheese cake, he lightly put it in his mouth, going back to his almost prissy way of eating.

Watari just watched him in near horror. This boy hadn't learned a damn thing! Oh well, it was his death sentence. Sitting down in a recliner next to him, he too began to eat L's sweets that could very easily prove more deadly than even Kira!

Man, talk about your drabbles! But, I wanted to write something with L in it, and on a weird whim, this was what I came up with. Now, do that very kind thing called reviewing! As someone once wrote, we authors live for reviews! Don't make me write your name in my death note! Though I need your face…and your real name… pen names won't cut it! Damn stipulations!!