A/N: Yeah...I suck. I wish I could spend 50,000 words apologizing, but you would probably rather just get to the story. For those of you who has stuck by this and still subscribe, I thank you. The last four months have been a whirlwind of interesting/stressful/magnificent/WTF?! moments. I will give you the condensed version: When I last left you guys I was getting ready to leave for Vegas with my boyfriend and his family. Whilst on vacation he proposed! OMG WTF?! Yeah, I wasn't expecting it at all and it was adorable/perfect and now I'm planning our wedding and I didn't realize what all went into that kind of prep. So we're engaged, we're moving, I'm doing the whole school thing, getting ready to take my Praxis exam, and dealing with a few other issues. But, that is no excuse for leaving you all hanging. At the moment, the Twilight fandom is HUGE! Like, scarily huge and a part of me has to separate myself from the pandaemonium surrounding it and focus on my characters. Also, if you enjoy Doctor Who I'm planning on writing a fic for that soon. As for when the next update will be...I cannot say. This story is begging to be finished, I have enjoyed it very much, but to rush a chapter just for the sake of it being done seems cruel. I hope with the end of the semester approaching I will have more time to work on it. Still, I might just sleep all break in preparation for my new nephew (my fiance's sister is having a baby), and preparation for the coming semester. Again, I want to apologize to all of you. You are a terrific fanbase and I look forward to hearing from you all. I don't know if it was a planned event, but I was bombarded with a slew of emails the other day and that warmed my heart. Now, without further interruption I give you the highly anticipated update.
PS - As always, there is really bad language, and I'm not a doctor so what Edward is experiencing is probably not 100% accurate. I don't own these characters.
I wanted to yell, I wanted to shout my thanks to the high heavens that Bella was sitting right in front of me. I could make out a blurred vision of her. Like I was looking through frosted glass.
She was speaking. Her voice was smooth and quiet, like a calm wind moving across the sea, but it also sounded as if I was submerged under said sea. Everything was muffled and annoying. Still, I could make out what she was saying and I wanted to grab her and hold her to my chest and sob.
But I couldn't.
I couldn't speak.
I couldn't move.
My throat and chest were tight and every inch of my body felt like it was alight with blue flame.
I felt royally fucked.
Fuck you Fate. Fuck you, you fucking fucker.
I was alive, but I couldn't express it. I could move my eyes and blink, I could see blurred objects around me. It was obvious I was hurt, but I didn't quite remember what had happened. I remember the truck, and glass, and blood, and silence. As for what had happened afterwards, I had no idea. Perhaps I didn't want to know, maybe that was a story best left under-wraps.
I could feel the bandages around my extremities on my upper body. I could feel the giant dildo of a breathing tube in my throat, moving my chest for me.
I needed to feel her, to make sure she was real. I wanted to know her injuries, and how I could help.
I looked at her through my bleary eyes, hoping for my eyesight to adjust itself. Seeing the world this way was sure to make me violently ill, and if alcohol wasn't involved in creating said blurred vision and nausea well, that just wasn't very fair.
The Bella Blur was moving closer, her tiny hand (at least I hoped it was a hand...it was a hand or a flipper.) was outstretched, making it's way for my cheek...
She brushed her fingertips across my skin, and my cheek burned with pain.
What the fuck?!
She moved quickly then, and I heard her panicked voice call for my father.
"CARLISLE!" she shouted. I could imagine my father leaping up from whatever he was doing, The Bella Blur's loud call had probably scared him.
My family. I wanted to see them, I wanted to hear my father's calm voice reassuring me that everything was going to be alright. I wanted to see my mother's kind eyes and her warm smile. Hell, I wanted to hear Alice's voice if someone would record it and slow it down to human speed for me.
"What is it?" Carlisle ran into the room.
"Oh my god...Edward." he breathed.
Nope, Benicio Del Toro...but nice try Dad. God, I was an asshole without the ability to function in any way shape or form.
"Has he moved?" Carlisle asked.
Danced a jig, got sleepy, sat back down. Maybe I do deserve to be paralyzed.
"No, he's just moved his eyes. Carlisle, what does this mean?" Bella asked frantically.
"It means that we're on to something." Carlisle said. He moved quickly about the room, searching drawers for medical equipment he needed. He leaned over the side of the bed with a penlite and passed it over my open eyes.
"Edward, can you hear me?" He asked.
Yes, and that light is way too damn bright.
I tried my hardest to shout. I felt so trapped that it was about to send me into a panicked frenzy. I hated feeling claustrophobic, and this was the epitome of it.
"Son, if you can hear me blink twice." he commanded.
I fluttered my eyes twice.
"Yes!" Carlisle cheered.
"Carlisle, what is it?"
My mother was here, thank you, thank you.
"Edward! Oh my god! Carlisle, is he awake?" she asked. Carlisle Blur was quickly moving around me, looking into my eyes.
"His pupils are responsive. His ICP is way down. This is promising, oh this is fantastic." Carlisle said.
It would be even more fantastic if I could move anything below the waist. I really hope I don't have a massive boner or anything. THAT would be embarrassing.
"What do we need?" Esme asked frantically.
"More time. We just need more time. Now it turns into a waiting game. I'm going to get the doctor." Carlisle said, leaving the room with my mother in tow.
Then it was just Bella and I.
There was so much I wanted to say to her, but I was trapped inside a broken body with a brain that still felt half fuzzy. I wanted to tell her that I did love her....but it wouldn't come out. Was I stuck like this forever? Was I stuck in this shell for all eternity? And was I selfish for desiring death above this? I didn't want to be a burden to Bella and my family if I couldn't even wipe my own ass. I didn't want to leave Bella behind to always wonder 'what if', but I didn't want to continue on in this vegetative state. I wanted answer, I wanted to move, I wanted to speak.
But all I could do was wait.
Bella was so silent as she moved slowly closer to me. My father had been acting like such a spaz and he tried his best to make sense of my situation, that Bella's fluid movements were a welcome relief.
"I'm sorry." she whispered.
"I know you can't speak, or move, or really communicate. I'm sorry that this horrible accident happened and now all we can do is wait. I wish I had more answers but I don't. All I can tell you is that I promise not to go anywhere, and that I will be with you every step of the way. You have showed me so much happiness in such a short period of time. I never thought I would speak again, I never wanted to. But you brought out so much in me. It hurts to speak, it burns my throat, but it's all I have to offer you. I want you to know how much I care, how much I....love you. I love you and I'm never going to leave you. I promise." Bella said.
I wanted to cry.
If I could just move my fingers a few inches I could grasp her hand. Come on dammit, come on, move! Move! Do it! AH!!
It was the most frustrating thing I had ever gone through.
"Edward?" An unfamiliar male voice and an extra blur entered the room. I assumed it was my doctor, and I was a bit apprehensive about what he was going to do.
"He can't respond." Bella replied, and I detected a bit of sarcasm in her voice.
That's my girl.
"I didn't think you did, either." the doctor bit.
I will kill you.
"Carlisle, I'd like to get him up for another scan...if that's alright with you. His eyes being open, and his low ICP make me hopeful. I want to see just where exactly he stands." the doctor suggested.
"Of course. Whatever needs to be done to be sure." Carlisle said.
Everything moved very quickly then, and I felt dizzy as I was steered from the room, backed onto the elevator, and wheeled into the MRI room.
The machine was loud, so I closed my eyes and just drifted...
Where I found myself was absolutely beautiful. The sky was cloudless and blue and the grass rippled in the soft, warm breeze. There was a tree not a hundred paces in front of me, and I felt myself walking towards it without even thinking.
Beneath the low hanging branches stood a young girl. Her hair was dark, and long, and it lifted weightlessly in the wind.
"Hi." I said as I approached. I was free of all machines and tubes, I could walk and talk, and I felt fantastic.
"Hello." the little girl said. Her dress was a soft green, and she was a barefoot.
"Who are you?" I asked, trying hard not to be rude.
"That doesn't matter." she told me.
"Of course it does, everyone has a name." I replied.
"You have to hang on." mystery kid said, totally evading my name question.
"I'm sorry?" I said, thinking that I had misheard her quiet words.
"Hang on. You have to hang on." she repeated.
"I intend to." I reassured her. She shook her tiny head,
"You have to try harder. If you don't hang on, he'll get her."
That struck a chord with me.
"Who will get who?" I asked.
"He will get her." she repeated.
"I won't let go, I promise. Who will get her? Are you talking about Bella?" I asked.
"Hold on." she said.
"Who are you?" I asked again. I was starting to feel panicked.
"I won't exist. Nothing will exist. Hold on. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Wake up." she said.
"Edward wake up."
Everything was dissolving
The little girl dissolved and her voice morphed into the strong voice of the doctor,
"Edward...open your eyes."
I did as I was told.
I was shaken, I was confused.
But I knew that I had to hold on. I had to be strong and I had to fight this. I would not lose.
And Bella would be fine.