It's Never Enough
Summary: "Kiss me, Jacob." she whispered to me, her broken tone echoing in my empty room. It was just like every other time. It always happened this way. Always. And just like every other time, I couldn't bring myself to push her away when her lips crashed onto mine. I knew it was wrong, but it felt so right. It's never going to end, is it?
Drip. Drip. Drip.
It was really raining hard outside. What was the expression everyone used, raining cats and dogs was it? I don't know about anyone else but honestly, if I saw cats and dogs falling from the sky, I'd be afraid the world was going to end. To top it all off, Billy wasn't home and Bella was spending the day with her bloodsucking boyfriend, Edward. I was pretty sure my whole schedule had "boredom" written all over it. I rolled over and stared out the window as raindrop after raindrop fell from the sky. I needed some kind of entertainment.
"Crap!" someone yelled from outside. "Jake, you in there?"
Immediately, I sat up and headed for the front door. It was a voice I knew all too well. I threw the door open and with a little more force, I swear I would've ripped it off the hinges. I was right. I was always right whenever it came to her. "Bells… what are you doing here?"
She stared at me for a second and shrugged with a slight laugh. "Mind me coming inside first? It's a little cold out here, for regular humans at least."
Oh, duh. "Sorry, sorry! Yeah, come on in!" I pulled her inside as she threw off her soaked parka and made her way to the couch.
"Sorry to just barge in like this, Jake." Bella said, sitting on one corner of the couch as I went to sit by her. "Sometimes it feels like this is the only place I'll have actual privacy."
Well, of course. Alice wasn't able to see Bella whenever she came to La Push and Edward was forbidden to step onto our lands. La Push screamed out privacy in capital letters for Bella Swan. "Don't worry about it, Bells. I told you once, I've told you again, you're always welcome here."
She cracked a weak smile at me. "Thanks."
"So… what happened?" It was a dumb question. I already knew the answer. This wasn't the first time this had happened. Or even the second or third.
"Same as always." Bella whispered, turning away from me as tears fell from her eyes. "…dammit, Jake. Why can't it ever be different?"
I exhaled the breath I'd been holding in. I knew it. 'Same as always', she had said. I knew this story inside and out. I could retell it to anybody from Bella's point of view. I knew every detail, every word spoken, and every emotion felt. I'd heard it too many times already.
She exhaled shakily and knotted her fingers into his hair, pulling him closer. Maybe this time would be different. Maybe for once, he'd actually let it go farther than just a heated kiss.
"Bella, love," Edward chuckled as he pushed her away gently. "really, must I always be the more responsible one?"
Bella's face faltered with a sigh. "You promised we'd try."
"Yes, I did promise that. But how many times have I told you I'd keep my word? We will try, love. I promise we will. Just--"
"Not tonight." she finished, pushing herself out of his embrace. "It's always like this, Edward. I agreed to marry you! The least you can do is let us try! I'm not even asking for it to actually happen, I just want to see how far it can go!"
Edward pinched the bridge of his nose. "You always seem to forget how breakable you are. As much as I want to make you happy, Bella, your safety is just something I can't willingly risk. Why can't you just understand that?"
"If you were going to hurt me, you would've done it a long time ago. You can't hurt me, Edward. You never will."
"You don't know that."
"Yes, I do!"
"And the time I left you? For months without any kind of communication because I thought it would be best? You don't consider that as me 'hurting you', Bella?"
She cringed at the memory, clenching her fists. "Why do you always bring that up? That situation is completely different and you know it."
"If I can hurt you once, it's a possibility that it could happen again. I'm not willing to take that risk anytime soon. When the time is right, we will."
"You just don't get it.." she bit on her lip and fought the tears that so desperately wanted to be released. "To you, it just seems like I'm so… human. That my hormones are raging and I'm just a crazed teenager who wants to lose their virginity. You don't understand the concept it has to ME, Edward. Why can't you just understand that maybe this is just as important to me as holy matrimony is to you?"
"You're comparing the ritual of two people joining as one for eternity with sex, Bella."
"I'm comparing their importance! There's a difference!"
Edward's brows furrowed together. He was beginning to get a bit irritated. "Alright, let me inside your head then. Explain to me why is it that this whole trying thing is such a huge deal."
"Oh, forget it, Edward!" she sighed, exasperated at the turn this conversation had taken again.
"Off to the mutt's house you go?" Edward muttered, not moving an inch from her bed.
Without a word, Bella threw her coat on and stormed out of her room. As she passed the kitchen, she scribbled quickly on a notepad that was sitting on the table and grabbed her car keys.
At the pace of an average human, Edward came down the stairs slowly after and heard the roar of Bella's truck as she drove off. It took everything he had in him to not run after her before she had hit the border line he was forbidden to cross. And by the speed he had known Bella's truck to reach, it wouldn't have been a mere 5 minutes or less before he would be able to take her back in his arms. But he fought against it and averted his gaze to the note she had left for Charlie.
I'll be in La Push with Jacob until later on tonight. Don't worry about me and I promise to come home at a reasonable time. I'll eat over there, so go ahead and order a pizza in. I'm sorry I couldn't cook something before I left. I love you.
He exhaled slowly and his butterscotch colored eyes softened, muttering softly to himself. "Dammit Edward.. you've pushed her into the all too willing arms of that mutt, again."
"Bells," I said softly, cradling her face in my hands while wiping away those tears that damned bloodsucker caused. "I hate… seeing you cry."
She sniffled softly. "I'm so sorry, Jake, I always do this. I'm such a burden, aren't I?"
"Never." It wasn't a lie. "I told you I'd always be here for you."
"Is it stupid? For me to be mad?" Bella asked as more tears fell. "It's not that I'm dying to have sex with him, it's just that he treats me like I'm some fragile China doll! He won't even touch me without some kind of restriction! I don't even feel like his girlfriend sometimes, Jake!"
"I know, honey, I know." I wiped more of her tears. They just didn't seem to stop.
"Stupid, inconsiderate vampire. I agree to marry him—of all the impossible things to ask for— and he can't even concede with this one thing I ask. I hate it. Is compromise really so hard to achieve?"
"Shh... The more you talk about it, the more you're just going to get upset." I whispered as I kissed her dampened head gently. "You're soaked, Bells. Did you want some dry clothes? I don't want you getting sick." Before I could even let her answer, I started getting up. Her hand twisted around my wrist, preventing me from moving too far even if I was just about ten times stronger than she was.
Crap, I thought internally. NOT good.
She wrapped her other hand around my wrist and slowly pulled me back down to sit next to her. Her brown eyes stared into the depths of mine as my breath caught in my throat. This, too, was just like every other time. Bella inched towards my face and I suddenly could feel her hot breath against my lips. So close…
"Kiss me, Jacob." she whispered to me, her broken tone echoing in the empty room. It was just like every other time. It always happened this way. Always. And just like every other time, I couldn't bring myself to push her away when her lips crashed onto mine. I knew it was wrong, but it felt so right. It's never going to end, is it? I would never find enough strength in me to say no.
Her arms circled around my neck, pressing her body to mine. I felt the urgency in her kiss. I couldn't help it. I moved my lips in sync with hers, running my heated hands down her small waist and picked her up bridal style. I hated myself for never being strong enough. I kicked the door behind us closed and tossed Bella lightly onto the bed. Even that small second apart from her lips was much too long. I climbed into the bed and pulled her close to me, trailing heated kisses down her neck and shoulder blades.
"Jacob.." she murmured shakily, tangling her fingers into my hair. "Off… I want it off.." Bella tugged on the hem of my shirt and I broke away again just to lift my arms up. As she busied herself with my shirt, I pulled off my sweatpants, my excitement obvious in my black boxer shorts.
"Like you're gonna get off so easy, Bells?" I joked, unbuttoning her long sleeve. I inhaled a breath through my nose at the sight of her. Red. I absolutely loved that color on her. "You're driving me crazy."
Bella stood up and shrugged her shoulders as the long sleeve fell off her delicate body completely. She shakily unbuttoned her jeans and pulled those off her slender legs, revealing the matching panties. I couldn't help but suppress a groan as she straddled my hips and sat atop my lap. She was going to be the death of me.
"I love red on you." I growled lightly, snaking my arms around her waist.
"You like red on me? Funny. Edward loves blue… Oh, Jake…" Her sentence cut off as I latched myself to her neck, moving my hips slightly to rub against her. The last thing I wanted to hear was that bloodsucker's name mentioned in my room. And I'd make damn sure that would be the last time tonight I heard it. I ran my hand up her back and undid the clasp of her red bra.
She let out a slight gasp as my hands cupped her soft chest. My heated hands were doing wonders on her body since she was just in the rain earlier. "You'll be warm again soon, sweetheart.." Her arms tightened around my neck, gently pulling on the hair at the nape of my neck. The kisses on her neck never stopped and I knew I was driving her to the brink of insanity. My hands massaged her breasts, my lips made trails down her neck, and my hips ground into her to let her know I was ready whenever she was.
"J-Jacob.." she managed to gasp. "Please, I.."
I pulled her off my lap and put her on the bed, her bare chest heaving up and down. "Bells…" I whispered, pulling her last remaining article of clothing slowly down her legs. I could smell her arousal and I knew going this slow was torture for her. "You're so… beautiful." Beautiful didn't even come close, but it was as close as I could get. I trailed my hand down the valley of her breasts, down her flat stomach and paused when I reached her most sacred spot. I felt her shiver as I hesitated.
"If you ever want me to stop," I murmured against her skin as I massaged her bundle of nerves gently. "all you have to do is say so."
"Oh my g-god.." Her legs wrapped around my waist and I knew she really didn't want to do the whole "preheat the oven before baking" thing. She was preheated enough, and hell, so was I. "Jake, please. I want you. I need you. Now."
How could I say no? She pulled down my boxers for me and I pushed her back down on the bed. My lips met hers again in a heated and fiery kiss as I pushed myself into her. "Oh, fuck.." I knew it was wrong to curse in front of a lady, but I couldn't help it. It felt so right, so warm, so damn… good. Every part of my mind that was screaming I was wrong to do this was silenced as soon as Bella and I became one. I couldn't deny how amazing it felt. "Bella," I tried to catch my breath. I wasn't even doing anything yet and I was out of breath! "You… need to tell me if--"
"Jacob, shut up." Bella groaned, pulling my hips so I pushed into her deeper. "I want you right now. Can we please save the conversation for some other time? I just want you to, ohh.." Again her sentence was cut off as I pumped into her hard and fast.
"How does that feel, Bella?" I growled into her neck as she raked her fingernails down my back. "Tell me.."
"It feels… so, good." she gasped, wrapping her legs around me. "Faster…"
"Anything you want, sweetheart." And I obliged with her request. "All you have to do is ask." She bit her lip and placed kisses all down my neck and shoulders. "You like that?"
"Mm, yes… So much."
With every thrust came one of her beautiful gasps and I couldn't get enough. Breathing heavily, I switched up our positions with me lying on my back and her straddling me once again. I gripped her hips and pulled her forward, amazed at how good it felt from a different angle. "Dear god, Bells, you feel so good.."
Bella moved at her own pace, gripping my thighs as she leaned back. Watching her move gracefully atop me was almost enough to send me off the edge. My eyes rolled back into my head as she quickened the tempo of her body. I was in Heaven. "I'm not going to be able to hold off much longer if you keep going like that.." I tightened my hold on her hips, moving myself in time with her. I had to hold back. She had to be first. A little more of her rocking atop me set her off as she dug her nails into my legs where she was holding onto for support.
"J-Jake, oh, oh, yes..!" she cried as her first orgasm rocked throughout her body. I felt her inner walls clench against me as I growled at the wonderful sensation. I watched as her chest heaved shakily, making me harder if that were even possible. She was too damn sexy for her own good.
I supported her weight and flipped us over again, placing her on her back once again. I pulled both of her legs atop my shoulders and looked into her stunningly beautiful soft, brown eyes. "Tell me you want me."
She squeezed the bed sheets in her hands and pulled me towards her entrance. "I want you, Jake. I want you… inside of me again, please..."
That was all I needed to hear as I slammed into her. Again, this new angle was driving me crazy. I could tell it was driving her crazy, too. Nothing so wrong should ever feel this good, it had to be a sin. "Look at me, Bella." I wanted to look into her eyes as she reached her height of ecstasy again. I wanted to see her feel pleasure because of me and not that goddamn leech.
She turned her gaze towards me, fighting to keep her eyes open. "Feels… so… good…" she moaned in between breaths.
"Look at me," I murmured, feeling my own release begging and tugging to be let loose. "Keep your eyes on me."
Bella listened to me and I felt her body beginning to quiver. Her orgasm was building up again. This time I'd make damn sure I got to see it as it happened. I pulled on her thighs so she was as close as our bodies would let us, slamming into her harder and faster. "You like this, sweetheart?"
"Oh! Yes, mm, oh. Don't stop, please don't stop.." she cried, clenching the bed sheets within her hands.
"Say my name, Bella." I growled, wanting her to scream my name with her pleasure ringing all throughout it. My ears were aching to hear it."Say it."
I could tell she was having a difficult time even constructing simple words together into sentences. Her body yearned for another release and I was sure as hell going to give it to her. "Jacob,"
That wasn't loud enough. "I can't hear you, Isabella." I teased, moving one of my hands down to massage her swollen and highly sensitive nub. She cried out in surprise and I felt her legs tighten on my shoulders. She was panting, shaking, dying for me to finish her off.
"J-Jake, please.." Bella moaned, her voice shaky. "Make me… close-… I'm so, close.."
"Then, say my name." I said through clenched teeth, pounding into her one, two, three more times. "Say it!"
"Oh, oh, yes.. Jacob!" Hearing that was my undoing. Both our orgasms came at the same time as I slammed my hands down onto the bed beside her, clenching the sheets as tight as I could. I felt my release empty inside of her clenching walls as I tried to slow my heavy breathing. I pulled out and lay next to her, already missing the warmth of that tight space I felt I truly belonged inside.
She curled up beside me and kissed my dampened forehead as she stroked my face gently. "Thank you, Jake. That was wonderful."
"You are wonderful, my sweet Bella." I whispered, kissing the palm of her hand.
We stayed there for a few more minutes until she made the first move to get up and off the bed. My eyes followed her as she picked up her belongings scattered across the floor and headed for the bathroom. Just like that, huh. "You're going to shower?"
"I…" she trailed off, but I knew what she was going to say. "I don't want to… smell, too much like you… When I go back."
My heart plummeted into the ground. "Of course not." I forced out a chuckle. I knew this was coming. It shouldn't have bothered me. "I'll be gone, when you get out of the shower most likely. You'll get home okay, right?"
"Jacob, I'm sorry… I shouldn't have--"
"Bells, don't." If she didn't get into the shower soon, I could swear she'd hear my heart breaking into pieces. I needed to get out. "Just… it's okay. Don't worry."
Her brown eyes softened as she sighed and blew a kiss to me. "I love you, Jacob. You know that."
"You know how much… I wish it were enough." I couldn't bear to look into her eyes as I threw my sweatpants on. It will never be enough, Jacob. Get that through your thick-headed werewolf skull. "See you, Bells. Be safe." As I pushed the door open, I'm glad she couldn't see the tears that escaped and spilled over. Bella Swan had broken me, again. I was never going to learn.
"Night, Dad! Don't stay up too late!" Bella called from the stairs as she walked into her room. "Oh. Edward. Charlie's still up, you know."
Edward sat on her bed calmly, patting the spot beside him. "Did you have a good time at Jacob's?"
"Yes." she replied, snuggling into his side when she crawled up next to him.
"Are you still mad at me, love?"
He kissed her neck gently and inhaled her scent. "You don't smell too much like dog. I'm glad." He chuckled as his arms wrapped around her small frame, pulling them to lie down. "For the record, I truly am sorry. About how I always react to your… requests. I love you, my Bella. You do know that, right? You are honestly my life now. I couldn't bear to lose you."
"I love you, too, Edward. More than anything." Bella sighed. "But can we please just, not talk about it anymore? I'm exhausted."
"Of course, love. There's always tomorrow. Sleep well." As he pulled the covers up over them, he held her close and began humming the lullaby he always lulled her to sleep with. Once Bella was fast asleep, Edward turned his gaze toward the slightly open window. "And Jacob? I know you're there. Since Bella is in good hands, you can go home now."
Shit! Of course he knew I'd be here, I thought bitterly.
"Of course." Edward agreed, hearing my thoughts. "So like I said, you can leave."
I took my eyes off the sickening scene inside Bella's bedroom and prepared my departure. Oh, and Edward? One more thing.
"What, mutt?" he asked softly from the inside.
You'll never love her as much as I do.
Edward snorted out a laugh. "It's not like it would ever be enough, Jacob."
I took in a sharp breath and jumped to the ground, phasing into my wolf self as I ran towards any direction that would take me far, far away from that damned Edward Cullen. I already know that more than anything. It'll never be enough. I'll never be enough. Ever. And with that last thought, I let my legs take me wherever they felt like going in the dark of the evening.
Author's Notes: So before you flame me, this is my first Twilight fic and the idea randomly popped into my head when I was eating dinner a few nights ago. I'm very much Edward/Bella, but I just wanted to give this a try. If you liked it, great! If not, oh well. Please review! I'd really appreciate it? Thanks guys!