Hello Everyone!! This is my first time writing for this fandom. I had recently finished the Host. I wasn't sure I would like it for so long that I put off reading it. I took it on vacation last week and found that I could not put the book down.
Most of you will know me from my Twilight obsession. I write a very fun and fluffy story called Love Scenes set before Eclipse and Breaking Dawn. I love Twilight but there is a large part of me that is now dedicated to The Host.
So this story will be about a progression of a relationship kind of how Love Scenes is.
If you have any suggestions or ideas please feel free to message me or leave it in a review.
I hope you all like it!!
I own nothing. The Host and Twilight belong to Stephenie Meyer.
I looked over the corn fields. I had just spent most of my day tending to the growing plants. My body toiled with the task due to my new host body. Such a small, weak thing. I have tried my best to accept the fact that I will have to wait for the body-my body- to catch up with me. I have seen and done so much in all of my lives, but this body feels so pure- undiluted from experience or even hard work.
My eyes swept over the cave field again. I was almost alone. When Jeb had sounded the ending time I thought I could hear one hundred pairs of feet booking it to the kitchen. I had lingered here in my thoughts, or should I admit my worries.
We had returned from a raid only two days ago. After meeting the unexpected humans, we had worked together on the biggest raid we had ever attempted. We had been gone for almost a month. It felt safer somehow with so many helping, although surely this would mean easier detection. I believe it was my past as a Soul seeping into my idea of security. Souls worked together, lived together every minute for the greater good. It felt like that again with these humans. But then when I was a Soul I did not worry about the danger from my own kind. I had not yet resolved in myself to fear my own kind. To do so felt very human, and I was not yet able to allow that truth.
I worked with the Soul the other group of humans had called Burns. He was a nice Soul with a great deal of knowledge from our kind and humans. We talked occasionally but I found myself often flanked by a tense Ian. I am not sure the feeling that emanated from him but Melanie had claimed it was jealousy. When I questioned her on this assumption, she answered simply, "Ian probably thinks you would rather be with a Soul." I dismissed this idea as absolutely ridiculous.
Ian was my partner. My love. The keeper of my heart. He could never be replaced, even by a Soul. I did not know how to assure him or to even admit that I found Burns unattractive. I said nothing but I started to stay away from Burns. I believe in some way Burns understood why, after all he claimed to have extensive knowledge about human behavior. He would gently smile at me and it appeared to give a knowing nod. Ian settled down and I knew he felt more relaxed.
It was a good raid and we had many supplies that could possibly last for months. So what was I so concerned about? What worried me so that I stood alone in the middle of a field still with my garden tool in hand? It had not rained in two weeks. Jeb had said that if it did not rain in the next two days that he believed the raining season would be over. We would be allowed to return to our rooms once more. I would be joining Ian again, but many things had changed. The situation was different as was Ian and I. There was an amount of emotion and expectation that had never existed between us now. What would this mean for us? I swallowed at just the thought.
I knew human courtship from my studies of human behavior and from Melanie's memory. There appeared to be steps of an emotional, verbal, and physical nature.
For example, a human would develop strong emotions for a fellow human such as attraction, respect, trust, and friendship. This flow of feelings would then transform into love. They called this falling in love. I found this idea of "falling" a very sound explanation of how it felt. I had often felt like the floor under me had released me into a free fall of emotional and physical reactions when I realized my depth of love for Ian. I had also felt this sensation through Melanie's memories when she was my host. It was these feelings that had transferred to me. I had fallen in love with Jared as well, although those feelings were dwarfed compared to how I felt for Ian.
After the initial revelation to one's self that they are indeed in love with another, the human then decides to share this with their point of affection. This tends to happen verbally by admitting their feelings, but Mel has told me that humans may also write letters or even ask another human to tell their realization to the person they love. Ian had told me he loved me himself, which I still found unbelievable. In so many words, verbal confirmation in my situation had been granted.
What is left now is physical confirmation. Ian and I have kissed, not often enough for my liking though. We have slept beside each other for weeks in the game room. When we stay in a hotel on our raids or in the van, we sleep next to each other. There are casual touches and tender caresses. We have embraced each other passionately, but that is all. Embraces, our arms around one another, does not quench the fires that burn between us or my curiosity of the act that would grant us a measure of relief.
I almost shuddered at the thought. There were many reasons for that reaction. The first would be that it felt as if I was trivializing it, making it too scientific. The second would be that the idea of making love to Ian worked my blood into a fury of heat and my mind into a melting haze. I could not fathom my reaction when we actually tried instead of just my imagination. And finally, I was nervous about the act itself and what it would mean. I suppose nervous was not the best way to explain my feeling. I think "scared out of my mind" would be a better phrase for this feeling. No matter what apprehension I might have felt, I still very much wanted it.
"Wanderer?" I heard his voice across the field. I started at the sound and looked up to see him. Ian was walking toward me.
"Are you okay?" His face appeared concerned. I reviewed what I looked like. My hand holding my tool, and my face frozen and contorted in worry. My body was tense. I tried to loosen up and I walked my tool over to the bin, dropped it, and turned back to Ian with a trying smile.
"I'm fine." I could hear the shake in my voice. He came close to me. He brushed a stray curl from my face and gave me a disbelieving expression.
"You know lying gets better over time. You still need more practice." His blue eyes danced as he teased me. I could see myself smiling back at him in them.
"I'm sorry." I looked away from him feeling guilty that I had tried to lie to him. "Just have some things on my mind." I confessed even though I knew he would push it, and I would have to deny him.
"What kind of things?" His hand moved down the length of my arm back and forth. This was meant for comfort, but I felt like I should be comforting Ian. How many thoughts had I hidden from him? How many times had I lied or tricked him? The last time that I had lied ended with me being nearly buried in the desert ground with Walt and Wes. I swallowed down the grief of that thought quickly.
"I, uh…" I hesitated and tried to think of another thought to give him. Perhaps I was not ready to divulge exactly what I was thinking, but I wanted to make it appear as if I didn't hide anything from him.
"It's okay Wanda. You don't have to tell me right now if you don't want to. I understand." He cut off my thinking and took my hands in his. Then he looked at me alarmingly earnest. "You know I'm always here for you. For anything." The intensity of his words had me looking back down again. It was frightening how disarming he could be.
"Come on." He ushered be with his hand on the small of my back out of the field. "If we hurry we might not miss out. They are cooking some of the meat we picked up this last raid. Tell me Wanderer, have you ever delighted in a filet mignon?" He smiled brightly at me.
Dinner was enjoyable with Melanie, Jared, and Jaime with Ian and I. Melanie was very talkative with Jaime, teasing back and forth. Jared had even joined in with Jaime against Mel in good nature. Jared was more relaxed since the raid had gone so well. In fact really the whole colony was more relaxed these days with the knowledge that more resistant humans were out there, and they were even flourishing. It gave such a sense of hope I could never have dreamed of.
I was amazed at the human capability to hold onto such a small scrap of hope and make it into a determined and even dangerous weapon. With no hope humans were easily taken over, but with hope…I had to acknowledge the guilt I felt toward the Souls. I was helping with this hope that would be used against them. This knowledge had not escaped me. I wish I could stand with my brothers and sisters again, but now I was almost assured that I never would. How could I condone the Soul's actions that would hurt my family now?
I told stories after dinner about the Bat World. I tried to explain the music that was the main communication between the creatures there but failed miserably. I had heard a little of human music in my time on Earth, and the music of the bats differed so dramatically. It was almost as if they followed different ranges completely. Jaime told me that he would find a way to show me more human music. I smiled and agreed to hear it whenever he found some, but in secret my heart sank. I knew that when the Souls took control they destroyed music and even books that they found offensive. Humans could be dark, angst filled, and even vulgar. These things did not coincide with Soul philosophy.
My thoughts were depressing when it was time to head for bed. I knew that other Souls struggled with the ever changing and conflicting emotions of humans, and I was no exception. I had, in my time here with my family, realized the beauty and freedom of human emotion. In accepting and practicing in human emotion my thoughts led to a sad path. Was I truly human now? Able to have a human relationship with a human? Or was I just pretending?
I had never had such a hard time assimilating into a host society before. It wasn't because I could not function as I should. I found myself acting more human all the time. It definitely wasn't because I didn't admire humans. I had fallen in love with one after all. I think it was because I wished deeply that I was human. Human…
"You've been thinking about something real hard all day, Wanderer. Tell me what's going on." Ian squeezed my hand as we walked to the game room.
"I was just thinking about my place here." I said quietly so that he could only hear.
"What about it?" He seemed to be defensive when he had said this. I could only guess because he was ready to defend the idea that I belonged there. I had no doubt that I belonged there, but at the same time it was sometimes difficult.
"I was really just reviewing how things have changed so much. How when I walked in here I didn't understand humans and how humans had no intention of understanding me." I smiled at him with a weak smile. I knew he would be thinking about our first true encounter. Ian's hands around my neck flashed in my mind. Yes, things have changed.
"Oh." He answered and waited for me to finish.
"Now I truly feel like I belong here, but still things change… just more slowly. I mean the change that's now between us…" I had rambled on too long. I abruptly stopped talking, paused, and then settled into bed. I tried to make the action look natural as if I was tired, but I already knew I had failed at it. He stood for a moment looking at me laying there. He had a bemused expression on his face.
"What do you mean the change that's now between us?" He softly whispered when he lay by me. He didn't have to lower his voice; everyone was still talking back and forth to each other loudly. I couldn't look back at him. This body was entirely too shy. I found myself unable to handle any strong emotion without becoming flushed. This frustrated me beyond allowance, but Ian had found something comical and even adorable about it. He lifted my chin up so that he could see me.
"Wanda, what's going on?" He asked in a way I wouldn't have expected from anyone else. It almost sounded like quiet begging. I knew other humans would be tired of dragging things out of me by now, but Ian was patient. I took a deep breath before I began.
"Well…Jeb said that we would be returning to the rooms again soon. Perhaps by the day after tomorrow." I hoped that this would be enough for him to guess the rest.
"Okay…so why is that a problem?" He waited for me again.
"It's just that…I…uh…we will be staying together again, but it's different this time. Everything will change." I looked down again feeling my blush burn my eyes. He lifted my chin again.
"Why will everything change?" His voice was even and calm compared mine. I couldn't help but begrudge the control he easily exerted over his body.
"We'll be…" I swallowed deeply. "We'll be alone."
"We've been alone before." Was he purposely trying to make this harder on me? I now sighed out with more frustration than humiliation.
"But it will be different this time." I looked at him bravely and pointedly. "You do know what I'm talking about, don't you?" A small smile crept on Ian's face. I had feeling that Ian knew exactly what I had been talking about two questions ago.
"Wanderer…"He made a noise of amusement mixed with something I could not name. "Honey, nothing has to change. All because we are alone doesn't mean anything if you don't want it to." His hand lay against my cheek. "Honestly, I'm not expecting anything. I'm really not. I just want to be with you, whatever way makes you comfortable and happy. If you're happy than I'm happy." I was more than joyous that he was such a gentleman, but I believe I hadn't conveyed my acceptance of change and my growing eagerness for it. Of course that hadn't been displayed with this bumbling and blush riddled body. I must have looked like a child.
"No, Ian. That's not what I meant." I took another moment to calm any blush that might be erupting. "I meant that I wanted…change. That change." Ian swallowed like I had a few minutes ago. Was he nervous like I had been?
"Hey guys!" Jaime startled us both when he plopped down on the mattress beside us. "Man, I had so much steak I thought I was going to explode. You guys have to go there again on your next raid." He rambled on completely unaware of the relationship changing conversation Ian and I had just been involved in. "I'm going to be dreaming about medium rare filets all night long. Did you like it Wanda?"
"Yes. It was very delicious." I answered him but I didn't move my eyes from Ian. He wasn't looking at me. He was looking down, biting his lip thinking on something.
"I told Mel she should try it medium rare, but she's so stubborn. She had well done. She ruined the steak! I'm glad you took my advice though. At least some one around here listens to me!" I tried to listen to Jaime as best as I could while contemplating on what Ian could be preoccupied about. Was he thinking over what I had just said? Did he want that change? Was I seeing something that wasn't there?
Like hope, I was equally amazed with rejection. Just like hope, rejection can sweep through a human with such a force its altering. Just like hope, one shred of rejection can change how a person perceives things.
"Alright you loud mouth gossip mongers!! Time for some shut eye, so shut yer traps!" I heard Jeb announcing from the other side of the cave. Slowly the lights went out one by one. Ian moved to wrap me in his arms. My breathing was loud enough to be thought of as snoring.
"Wanda…I don't want to pressure you into anything. If that's why you want this…"He whispered in my ear. I shook my head back and forth.
"That's not the reason." I said with a small amount of force.
"Then what is?" He questioned. I wished I could see his face right at that moment. Perhaps then I could gage what he was feeling.
There were many reasons why I wanted to make love with Ian. He was my partner and even though he said he wasn't expecting anything, intimacy was expected between partners. He had accepted me for who and what I was. He had held me in his bare hands, the real me. He had protected me and comforted me. He had cared and cried with me. He was everything that I wish every creature could be. But there was only one reason I could with absolute assurance define my reason why.
"Because I love you. I love you so much, Ian. Nothing has ever made me feel the way that you do." I felt him shudder out a breath beside me. "I'm tired of stopping whenever we kiss or hold each other because you don't want to get out of control. I'm tired of stopping." Maybe saying this in the dark was a better strategy. I was able to confess my feelings without feeling like a complete fool.
"I love you too, Wanderer. Very, very much." There was a long pause. My instincts told me that he wasn't finished. I waited for him just like he always did for me. "We'll talk about this in the morning. Is that okay?" I nodded up and down.
I wished he would just agree to it without making me worry about what the morning would bring, but I was just happy that he knew. He knew and he didn't chastise me for having the feelings. In my heart I knew that he had the same desire that I had, but that rejection that had entered in so quickly lingered. What if there was another reason he hesitated? I stayed up most of the night thinking about that.