Okay, this is my first Hetalia fic and I have many ideas for some more, but this is the kick off point, enjoy.
Warning: Sexual wolves and wurst
Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia
Once upon a time in a small little village surrounded by the woods, there was a small girl whose name was Little Red Riding Hood. Of course to those that have some common sense would know that that wasn't her real name. No, in this story, her name was Liechtenstein. Yep, even her real name was a mouthful but back to the story.
One day, Liechtenstein was watching her father dart back and forth around the kitchen, packing item after item into a small hand-woven basket.
"Okay, kid," Germany, I mean, Liechtenstein's father stated, "you're grandma's sick after having one too many pizzas and is crying about how much her stomach hurts," he placed a bottle into the basket and sighed. "I said 'no, you'll get sick' and what does she say? 'It's alright~'" the German said in a thick Italian accent and forcefully stuffed the wurst into the basket. "And on top of that, her brother's going to be a big pain in the ass until she gets better. And another thing too, why can't she come down here and get some medicine? If she can run away from soldiers, she can run down here. Now I have to send my kid 5 miles through nothing but trees and knowing perfectly well that there are wolves and another thing-"
"WHAT?!" Germany screamed, officially scaring the crap out of the little girl. She pointed a finger at the basket that was being over stuffed by smashed wurst. Germany turned a red and took his wurst-covered hand out of the basket. "Okay, I think that's enough"
Germany placed the basket down on the table in front of Liechtenstein and straightened his voice. "Stay on the path to your grandmother's and don't talk to strangers, understand? NOBODY"
"Okay, father" she said quietly and still afraid. She wrapped her pale fingers around the handle of the basket and walked out the door.
Now somewhere deep in the forest, just like Germany had said, was a wolf. A French wolf to be more precise. As he was going along on his daily stroll to see if there were any people to molest, err.. eat… yeah… let's go with that. As he was on his stroll, he spotted a young girl in a cute red hood. He licked his lips, smoothed out his hair and tiptoed closer to the small girl.
Liechtenstein hummed to herself as she walked through the dark forest until she smelled a strong scent of something. She stopped walking and began to sniff the air that smelled strong of cologne.
"Good afternoon, Little Red" a smooth voice said behind her and she wheeled around to see France Wolf staring down at her with a slick and dazzling smile.
"I'm supposed to stay away from strangers" the small girl said, forgetting her German father said don't talk to strangers. France smiled.
"But darling, I am not a stranger . . . or a wolf bent on getting into your pants. I am a forest ranger!" he said. Never had Liechtenstein seen a forest ranger with wolf ears and a tail.
"Really?" she asked.
"Yeah, stay away from bears but wolves are your best friend, my dear" France said and kissed Liechtenstein's hand. "So, where are you headed to?"
"My grandmother's house. She's sick so I'm bringing her wurst, see?" the young girl stated and held out the basket that was dripping with wurst juice from the bottom. France quickly covered his nose.
"Sacre bleu! Are you trying to kill you're grandmother?! Or is your dad England in this story?"
"No, it's Germany" Liechtenstein corrected and France nodded.
"Well, I should walk you to your grandmother's house, because that's what forest rangers do! By the way, where does your grandmother live? Not that I'm going to go get your grandmother, I just like to know things"
"She lives down this path and into the woods. Her house is small and near some oak trees and is close by a thicket of blueberry bushes"
"Good, good" France exclaimed. "Then onward to Grandmother's house!"
Back in the little village, Germany felt a disturbance in the parental force.
The two of them walked down the path and had a very merry little time, although every five seconds France was trying to get a feel of Liechtenstein. A few meters away from the destination, France stopped and pointed over his shoulder. "Little Red, why don't you go pick some flowers for your grandma? I'll be right here waiting for you"
Breaking another one of her dear story dad's rules, Liechtenstein walked over to the beautiful field of flowers that you can only see in Disney movies. And this one even included adorable forest animals! While the girl was distracted, France took off for dear grandma.
France knocked on the russet color door and a small whine answered, "Germany~, is that you?"
"Oh ya~, this is Germany~" France answered in a not-German-but-Swedish-accent. Somewhere out of the story, Sweden is banging his head against a wall.
Italy opened the door and smiled brightly.
"Germany! Did you bring me more pizza?" he asked with a dazed expression and France cocked his head to the side.
"Something's terribly wrong with you" France sighed and tackled the Italian.
A few moments later, Liechtenstein made it to the small cottage after the animals ran away from her and her wurst. She knocked on the door twice, only to find that the door was unlocked. There were only two reasons why this door may be unlocked. The first was that it might be siesta time and dear grandma left leaving the door unlocked or that someone else was here. But it obviously couldn't be the second option because hell, the only people that visit grandma was Liechtenstein and Germany (and once in a blue moon, grandma's brother) so she invited herself in to wait.
France Wolf was already in position, dressed in grandma's clothes that looked like they came from a curtain and set up the perfect atmosphere. Rose petals scattered around the floor, candles lit, romantic music playing, oh yeah, he pulled out the whole enchilada (croissant?) for this one.
"Oh, Little Red, come closer to me~" France mused and Liechtenstein walked closer.
"Grandmother, what a strange accent you have"
"The better to pronounce sweet words to you, my dear"
"Grandmother, what strange ears you have"
"The better to hear your heavenly voice, my dear"
"Grandmother, why are you so hairy?" Liechtenstein asked and plucked a strand out of France's arm, causing him to emit a yelp.
"Haven't you ever heard of a thing called tact? I mean, the better to . . . ah, whatever" Then France sprung out of the bed and onto Liechtenstein, poor girl.
Meanwhile, a huntsman, Switzerland, was passing through the area and to the village for some more bullets when he heard a racket coming from the cabin. 'Damn that Italian. What is he doing now?' he questioned in his mind until he heard a muffled girl's scream. 'Was that Liechtenstein?' he wondered and pulled out his gun with a snarl on his face. 'This time I'm going to kill him'.
The huntsman kicked down the door of the cabin to find France lying on Liechtenstein on the floor and sighed, thanking God that she still had her clothes on.
"Ah brother, I mean, huntsman, good afternoon" she said calmly and a vein popped in the huntsman's forehead.
"Don't sound so calm, fight back!" Switzerland shouted to his sister on the ground and aimed his gun at France. "And you, get off of her now!"
"Ah~, won't you join us? I'm all up for a three-way!" France said cheerfully and Switzerland placed his finger on the trigger.
But, we must stick to the actual storyline so, no guns. Switzerland's rifle disappeared in a cloud of smoke and he frowned.
"What the hell?! What kind of huntsman doesn't have a gun?! How am I supposed to kill this guy now?!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. A gleaming ax that was nicely sharpened poofed into Switzerland's hands and he grinned darkly. "Works for me. Close your eyes, Liechtenstein"
Switzerland took much glee in the fact that he was about to cut France's stomach open and fill it with rocks, but no matter how hard he tried, France's chest hair wouldn't let him cut. Besides, it's disturbing to hack at someone's stomach with a little girl standing right next to you. So, he decided to go with plan B and send him to Russia.
And so, Little Red Liechtenstein learned to not wander off in the woods, Switzerland got all the free guns and bullets he could ask for getting rid of that menace of a wolf, Germany got a fine for letting a little girl run around in the woods from the actual forest rangers and who knows what happened with France. And they all lived happily ever-
"Hold on! Stop the story!" Germany shouted, stepping into the scene. "Does anyone know what happened to Italy?"
"Germany~" a voice mumbled from behind the closet door and Germany's eye twitched. He opened the door to find Italy tied up at the feet, blindfolded, and was handcuffed to a small box of who-knows-what. "Did you bring me more pizza?"
"Okay, never mind" Germany said with a wave of his hand and began to untie the Italian.
And as I was saying, they lived happily ever after.
Hopefully you enjoyed the first chapter! I was thinking about having the next chapter being The Emperor's New Clothes but I have yet to work out the cast line-up. If not that, then it will be Rumplestiltskin. If you want to read more of your favorite fairy tales getting messed with Hetalia, review, review, REVIEW!