Ch. 4-Be Careful What You Wish For


Sugar-Coated Madness


The empty potion bottle made a satisfyingly loud crash as it his the wall of her office, Amelia absently noted as she laid her head in her hands and waited for the headache remedy to kick in.

One Day!

Dear God, the death toll was up to sixteen now, not counting the Death Eaters he'd killed at her home. She was also very suspicious of the three disappearances that had been reported.

She suspected they'd just not found the bodies yet.

Honestly, what was she thinking!?

"Temporary Auror Harry Potter reporting for duty, mam."

Her head snapped up to regard the young man with a particularly venomous glare. Growling, she managed, "You!"

Harry grinned. "Well, I'd hope so! After all, who else could be so dashingly handsome and rack up my kill count?"

"Sixteen Purebloods Potter! Sixteen! We had to identify them using blood tests and their family rings! One witness reported a giant black wolf tearing the man in question apart! What the HELL were you thinking!?" Amelia shrieked, thankful, once again, that she'd silenced her office.

Harry pouted. "You know, some people would be grateful that I'm getting the scum off the streets."

Amelia twitched. "Yes! Off the streets and into coffins! We're a law enforcement agency, not contract killers! What the Hell were you thinking!?"

"You've asked that question twice now," Harry commented, completely unperturbed by the Head of the DMLE's rant. Quite the contrary, he was actually grinning like a loon. "Sides, no one could prove it was me; what makes you so sure it was?"

Amelia scowled. All of the murders…killings…victims…damn it! Casualties of war…had Harry's MO all over them. Those men had died quickly and painfully, but some of them had occurred nearly simultaneously and behind apparation wards.

It pissed her off because he was right! They'd be laughed out of Wizengamot if she tried to pin anything on him. Additionally, until she heard different from Tonks she would have to assume she spent most of the evening with Potter…

That made one of her own Aurors a prospective accomplice.

Damn IT!

"How?" She growled quietly. "If you're an unregistered Animagus, I'm taking you in on charges."

Harry's grin nearly split his face, "Aw, now that would be telling, Madame Bones! Besides, you haven't even found the other eight! Now, we going to this Press Conference thing or not? If not, I got people to kill and time's a wastin!"

Amelia nearly drew her wand, only stopping when she saw the feral gleam in his eye. He wanted her to…

He WANTED her to make a move!


Her fist turned her knuckles white as she swept out of the room and straight into…


Harry smiled and took up the rear.

Life was good!

Three hours later, he revised his opinion.

He was on his tenth Marijuana cig and he hadn't killed anyone. The Holly in his right arm pulsed, nearly chomping at the bit to eviscerate one of these stupid, bigoted bastards in robes.

Idly, he shook his fingers, pondering…

They won't try anything you know.

Tom, Harry grimaced, keep your shit to yourself unless I ask for it.

Harry, Harry, Harry, The shard of Tom Marvolo Riddle's soul replied, I'm afraid you've shot yourself in the foot if you were looking for a bloodbath today. The Death Eaters will not attempt anything given the slaughter you sanctioned last night.

Harry grinned. What if he…?

Tom growled, You damn fucking idiot, you will NOT attack a standing official of the government in broad daylight!

Harry snorted, that frog-woman was really looking for a horrible, gruesome murder…going out in public looking like that…ew. Why the hell not?

That's my shtick. Tom replied.

Harry blinked. Right…

Stabbing them in the back with you bloody muggle-magic is more your style, Tom snorted disdainfully.

Hey! Harry mentally shouted, insulted. Just because I got the awesome idea to weld a magic-channeling wood and wand core to my hand doesn't mean you have to be jealous.

Jealous! The former Dark Lord howled indignantly, closing their lines of communication once again.

Harry snickered and several people looked his way awkwardly. Several other people took one look at him and pointedly looked away from him, shivering at the dark aura he exuded. Amelia glared at him briefly, then turned her attention back to the crowd. The day, besides the debacle of Harry Potter's multiple murders, was going well. She had drawn on her considerable support base and, with Lucius currently in Azkaban, she was going to carry the day.

It was perhaps because of these thoughts that she never saw the knife coming.

Harry's hand snapped out and latched onto the knife wielder. Deciding to forgo threatening altogether, his holly claws extended and ripped the offending hand from its limb. A scream of pain instantly froze the entire assembly.

"Madam Umbridge!"

Harry looked appraisingly at his hand, the holly claws already retracted and his black, fingerless gloves covered up their existence. "Guess I don't know my own strength."

He smiled wolfishly at Tonks.

The Auror's hair turned an interesting shade of red and she flushed at Harry's heated gaze. She bit her lip nervously and shifted her Kevlar and dragon-hide vest. Suddenly, her clothes seemed awfully tight…

Amelia sighed as she pulled out her wand, ignoring the blathering woman ranting about how she was stealing her position from the honorable Minister Fudge.

Hopefully, she could find another headache potion…

Harry stared.

"You're shitting me, right? You aren't really asking me to guard kids…right?" The young dark wizard asked dumbly.

"Watch your tongue soldier," Integra growled behind her cigar.

Harry winced slightly.

Amelia turned to an elderly wizard with an almost equally incredulous expression on her face. "Albus, I believe I made it very clear that Auror Potter's track record makes him completely unfit, in almost every way, to guard anything, let alone a school."

Dumbledore nodded absently, stroking his beard, "Now, Amelia, surely you're just exaggerating. The savior of the wizarding world can't be all that bad and while he doubtlessly has some rough edges, those should be worn down by interaction with a peer group."

Harry stared incredulously. The old man was bat-shit nuts!

"My agent is currently on loan to the DMLE and assigning him to mere guard duty would be a gross waste of resources. He will need to be free to conduct field operations at any hour of the day in which he would be needed," Integra stated neutrally.

"Of course, now I'd like him to join in the sorting at the beginning of the year…" Albus began.

"No sir," Harry interrupted suddenly. "If I'm going to guard a bunch of snot-nosed brats, I'm not going to be eating and sleeping with them too. I sit wherever the staff sits during meals and I want my own sleeping quarters."

Dumbledore frowned for a moment, then nodded. "Very well, in exchange, I'd like you to host a Extracurricular Studies Club. It would just be for those students who wished for personal advisement on certain subjects. You did mention you had graduation certificates from…Oklahoma State Magical University, correct?"

"Potions, Transfiguration, Charms, and a few more esoteric subjects from the surrounding Indian tribes." Harry agreed, thinking over the agreement. "In return, I get paid the same as a member of your staff and receive the same privileges."

"Agreed," Dumbledore stated, smiling widely.

Harry nodded once and pulled out a gun. It was a very large gun that didn't look like anything either Dumbledore or Amelia Bones had ever seen. Integra sighed and lit another cigar. She idly directed her teenage assassin outside with an absent wave of her hand. While she couldn't exactly stop the Organization's best operatives from fighting their own personal war on her property…

A shot sounded in the hallway.

"GOD DAMNIT, NOT IN THE MANOR!" Integra roared, startling her two guests. The nearly hysterical giggling that was her reply surely didn't do anything to help her demeanor. She turned to look back at the wizards.

"You must forgive Special Operative Potter," The leader of the Hellsing Organization said finally. "He and another of my…agents…have a very long history of disagreements, none of which has ever ended in anything other than bloodshed."

Amelia stared.

Dumbledore looked up from unwrapping a lemon drop and realized he hadn't been listening to the women at all. Hmm…he popped the lemon drop in his mouth.

"You're saying that you allow your own soldiers to attack each other?" Madame Bones asked, disbelievingly.

Integra puffed on her cigar a moment. "Allow would be the wrong word. There is little I could do to prevent Alucard and Harry from trying to kill each other."

Amelia shook her head, she honestly didn't want to know. "Never mind. I wanted to ask if you had any advice on controlling Potter. He's…corrupting one of my best Aurors."

Integra snorted and briefly noted the old wizard had slipped into some kind of sugar-induced coma. She ignored him. "Regardless of what Potter may have told you, I don't control him. I aim him. He's an amoral monster capable of making a nun scream Satan's praises with his head between her legs."

Amelia pressed her fingers to the bridge of her nose. "He seems to respect you."

"I'd kill him if he didn't." Integra stated coldly. "Madame Bones, what you fail to understand is that Harry is only human in the physical sense of the word, and barely, even then. If you treat him like the animal he is, punishing him when he has done something to displease you, then he will obey you."

Amelia stared for a moment, then nodded. "Sir Integra, with my recent appointment to position of Minister of Magic, it seems as though we may have much to offer each other."

Integra raised a platinum eyebrow. "Indeed?"

Albus stroked his beard idly, his mind completely blank. Long ago he'd developed the habitual reflex of maintaining a grandfatherly poise and the air of a wise old sage while being stoned out of his mind on hallucinogen-laced sugar candies.

It would be an hour before either female noticed that Albus had been humming the tune to Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds.

Seras Victoria smiled widely as Tonks and she had a proper English tea. It had been so long since she'd had any real female company…

"Don't you want any?" Tonks offered, making to pour some tea into her cup.

Seras shook her head somewhat sadly. "No thank you. I…uh…can't drink it anymore."

Tonks blinked as her hair shifted somewhere between an embarrassed red and a scared white at seeing her hosts canines. "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize…"

Seras raised her hands and smiled awkwardly. "No, its okay, so…you're Harry's new partner?"

Tonks took a sip and nodded. "Uh, yes. Madame Bones, my boss, decided I'd be…"

Seras blinked at Tonk's sudden frown, "What's wrong?"

"Well," Tonks considered. "I just realized that Madame Bones didn't say why they'd assigned me with Harry. I mean, he's really competent, strong, and I'm just a Junior Auror…"

Seras nodded knowingly. "He wanted a sex toy."

Tonks almost spit out her tea. "WHAT!?"

"A sex toy. He wanted a cute girl that could tag along with him, be an object of desire and generally act as stress relief," Seras explained, Tonks blushing harder as she went on.

"Why!?" Tonks managed finally after gaping like a fish for a moment.

Seras licked her lips for a moment as she thought of how to answer the question. "Well…Harry functions on what he calls the 'four basic needs.' They consist of Eating, Killing, Sleeping, and Fucking. He's been looking for someone that can keep up with him for a long time. Sir Integra tried to partner us up, but I just don't have the bloodlust necessary. He and Alucard were partnered up once, but…"

Tonks watched, fascinated as the vampire paled-paled!-and shivered, as if a ghost had walked straight through her. "Alucard?"

"My Master," Seras explained. "He and Harry are a lot alike, too much. They were sent to clean up a ghoul infestation on the coast. They stopped trying to exorcise the battleground after six months and just dumped the six-square mile area into the ocean."

Tonks stared.

Seras switched attitudes abruptly. "Anyway! He's testing you right now. If he likes you, he'll start getting a lot closer to you and if he sleeps with you for more than a month, he's probably going to keep you."

"Keep me?" She asked quietly, biting her lip at the thrill that ran up her spine at the thought.

Seras merely nodded happily.


"Master and Harry are fighting again," Seras noted absently, cocking her head. "They only do that when Harry's stressed…I wonder what happened?"

As soon as Tonks had heard Harry and fight, she was already running without evening thinking of why she would do so.

Harry snarled and pulled the trigger again, "Getting a little long in the tooth old man!?"

A deep chuckle echoed around the devastated arena which had been reserved for Alucard and Harry's battles. Trees were uprooted, gaping trenches split the ground like wounds, and evil, blasphemous dark magic prowled the clearing with a mind of its own, warping reality in ways that hurt the mind to contemplate.

"Oh little beast, I hope you haven't deluded yourself into thinking your claws are enough to wound a Nosferatu," Alucard called back, mockingly.

The last Potter's mouth tore itself open into a hideous parody of a grin as he raised his left hand, armed with the 'Caligula Special.' Originally inspired by the Cruciatus curse, the Caligula special was a massive handgun that shot unique 60 millimeter rounds filled with the stone bullets inscribed with his own personal runic formula.

In laymen's terms, the more he wanted something to die, the more damage the shells did.

He and the ancient vampire had been fighting for over half an hour at this point and his clothing had been torn to pieces, revealing the creeping growth of holly on his right arm. At this point, he was drawing enough power that it had covered his shoulder blade and was nearing the same on the right side of his chest.

Alucard grinned monstrously as he fired off a few shots, throwing his head back in perverse joy as the rounds tore through Harry's right arm, only for the wounds to heal moments later. He had to hand it to the little beast, he was beginning to become a slight challenge. That pulsing wooden growth he had attached to his body was a mark worthy of even the greatest monsters.

Harry closed the distance in Alucard's moment of inattention and ran his holly claw through the vampire while unloading two stone rounds into the vampire's forehead. The claw pulsed with the vampire's blood as his power grew, manifesting in another glowing sphere of red opposite his heart in his chest.

The young dark wizard howled in glee as he tore into the walking corpse, heedless of the wounds he was taking from Alucard's own pistol rounds.

The crazed brawl continued on in that manner for what felt like an eternity to the two joyous nihilists, tearing new rifts in the earth and felling an ancient tree. One of the stones was even partially melted by their miniature war games. Black magic bleed over the clearing and time stopped briefly even as the two unholy gods forced each other back. Hellhounds, Fenry, and other demons rode through the ravening dark of the night, ripping holes in the fabric of the universe…

Harry collapsed against the petrified remains of a tree. There was blood covering his chest and his clothes were a complete loss, but the mad grin on his face remained as his eyes bleed golden energy, having slipped into the ocular aurum during the fight. He'd learned some time ago that even the vampire couldn't hide from his golden gaze.

Alucard, from his place impaled on a tree branch, was laughing softly with an almost orgasmic edge to it. His eyes had lost all pretense of humanity.

All was right with the world.

Then something flew into the clearing an attached itself to Harry's chest. It flowed like quicksilver with an elfin edge to its body. The face was too lean, slightly inhuman, and the snake-like quickness spoke of a venomous death. The being latched onto his torso and began to lap at Harry's wounds with a small, pink tongue.

It was Tonks.

Harry grinned even more widely. The dark wizard had underestimated how her body would respond to the ritual last night. Judging by the complete lack of sanity in the flowing colors of her eyes, she must have given in…

Either consciously or subconsciously, the metamorphamagi had called out to the dark, and the abyss had answered back. The madness would pass…mostly, but until then…

The woman beneath him gave some kind of bird-like trill as he penetrated her.

Alucard watched the two for a moment longer then vanished. Hopefully, Integra would be asleep by now and he could have some fun with his Master's defenseless mind.

Harry's eyes snapped open to the gray morning sky. The vampire blood in his magic augmenter made him sensitive to changes in ambient light as he tended to wake up immediately at sunrise and sunset.

The warm, naked flesh curled against his own shifted slightly in response to his own subtle movements. "Wotcher…that was amazing."

A subdued grin spread across Harry's face. A good fight, a good fuck, and a good night's sleep. Now, if he could find some food he'd be golden. "Glad you enjoyed it. Just so you know, I may kill that dip-shit Dumbledore."

Tonks snorted. For some reason she was vaguely amused by the threat of violence on the most prestigious wizard alive. Absently, she ran her hand along Harry's chest and traced the scars and lines of seething dark energy just under the surface. "You're not doing it today. You're going to take me to your room and have your way with me until I faint."

Harry licked his lips and flipped onto Tonks. Her features were still subtly sharper than normal with ice blue eyes and wavy hair that shifted between blue and green. Her instinctual transition to this appearance probably indicated some elf blood in her family line somewhere. It had, most likely, been pulled to the surface He met her eyes and forced her to hold his gaze.

"You're mine now. No other man can touch you. If they do, I'll gut them like a fish and tear their soul to pieces with a rusty knife. Until I don't want you anymore, you belong to me. Do I make myself clear?"

Tonks smiled softly and flipped them both, grinding her groin against his. Her smirk turned ever so slightly malicious. "That was a marvelous night, Harry, and you're not going to get away that easily. Now, Fuck Me."

Harry grinned and lifted her over his erect dick with ease.

"Scream bitch."

He dropped her.

Tonks stepped out the bathroom naked as a jaybird save for a towel slung over her shoulder. Harry sat at his desk, tapping away at his translation program. The new books he'd 'received' from the ministry were…

He absently muttered one of the black words in the tome and smirked in satisfaction when he felt reality crack. Tonks, her hair somewhere between pink and purple, minced her way over to Harry's desk and draped herself over his back.

"Why do you keep typing on that muggle thing?" Tonks asked sleepily. Sure, she'd just woken up a few hours ago, but they'd gotten a lot of…exercise in those hours.

Harry snorted as Tonks ran a hand over the lightly glowing red orb in his right chest. "One of the main reasons Latin is used as a spell casting language is the fact that it went out of public use centuries ago. This computer is channeling raw ley line energy to establish a magical connection to modern English. Using that as a basis I'll be able to more easily merge electronics and modern weaponry with arcane power."

Tonks bit his ear. "You're lecturing me again. I hate that."

Harry snorted again and grinned, typing a final key. He stood up lazily and stretched, evaluating the growth in his magical medium. The holly and vampire blood symbiotic organism was pulsing with life and covering his entire right arm and most of the right side of his torso. The furthest extent of the growth was his neck muscles, which meant he'd have to wear collared shirts or his trench coats much more often.

Nodding to himself, he realized something. "Okay, I'm hungry. Really hungry. That means one thing: we're eating American."

Tonks snorted. "Got something I can wear?"

Author Notes: Well, this is later than I've expected, and a little shorter, but its out. I've got most of the next week off, so I'll get a head start on the next chapter of AS or Mercurial. Or…I might have something new. Depends on the rabid plot bunnies that have been hoping around my mind…

The hoping.

So much hoping.

I'm getting my rabid plot bunny shotgun.

Until next time-Slayer Anderson Out!