Ways to Annoy Fang from Maximum Ride

1) Poke him in between his eyes and run away screaming "I TOUCHED A GOTH KID!" even though we all know that Fang is certainly NOT goth. He's just Fangalicious!

2) When he's sleeping rip out some of his secondary feathers and then in the morning hold them like wings and 'fly' around and start screaming, obnoxously loudly, 'I BELIEVE I CAN FLY! I BELIEVE I CAN TOUCH THE SKY! SOMETHIN' SOMETHIN' BOUT A DAIRY QUEEN! SPENT MAH MONEY AT BURGER KING!'

3) Tell him Nudge has a crush on him

4) Tell him Iggy has a crush on him

5) Annoy him so much that he tackles you then run away screaming to Max

6) Tell Max to rip out his spine and beat him with it (FROM BOOK TWO, SOF!)

7) While flying, have Total start talking about Taylor Swift and the Jonas Brothers

8) Then have Nudge join in

9) Have Angel control his mind to make him start singing 'Love Story' by Taylor Swift

10) Record it all

11) Show it to him later and ask him if he was thinking of going into the show business

12) Tell him Max thinks he should shave his head like Brittany. (allthough all Fan-g-irls agree that this would be a terrible thing)

13) Talk to Max right in front of Fang and ask if she uses tampons or pads

14) Then say you sometimes use both during a heavy time

15) Later on ask him if tampons disgust him

16) Fly over him and pretend to count the gray hairs he has on his head

17) Then tell him he has dandruff

18) Pretend to be a commercial ad for the 'Head and Shoulders' dandruff control shampoo

19) Then say 'no purchase neccesary'...

20) then wink and say *that's the shoplifter special. for people like YOU*

21) Ask him after that if he dyed his hair or if he was born a freaky goth kid with freaky goth wings (although again, he is NOT goth and his wings are BEAUTIFUL!)

22) Ask him if he got purple highlights in his wings

23) Pay Gazzy ten bucks to kick him in the shin

24) Laugh the whole time

25) When he turns invisible while sitting on the ground, say you have to go to the bathroom and "trip" on him. Then say "WOW! THAT'S ONE FREAKISHLY SMALL PEBBLE I JUST TRIPPED OVER!"

26) Ask him if he is hungry. When he says yes, ask if he would like an icecream sundae. If he says yes again, scream "APRIL FOOLS!"

27) If he says no run away yelling, "MY ICECREAM SUNDAES ARE JUST AS GOOD AS MAX'S! I'M SURE IGGY WOULD APPRECIATE THEM! (this is for Emily!)

28) If he doesn't answer your question, ask him why he heard Max making weird sounds next to him during his watch last night

29) Run away screaming, 'MAX AND FANGY SITTIN' IN A TREE! M-O-A-N-I-N-G!"

30) Every time he tries to say something yell something totally random really loudly his ear

31) Then say, 'oh, sorry, I guess I misunderstood you. You wanted the popcorn chicken drumstick special, didn't you? I thought you said you wanted the Pop your eardrum special... woops! Oh well!"

32) Tell him he looks like a vulture

33) Then have Nudge talk about how ugly vultures are

34) Have Nudge and Angel squeal in his ear really loudly

35) While in the grocery store yell at the check-out desk-thing, "WHERE DID YOU HIDE YOUR RAZORS THIS TIME YOU STUPID EMO KID?!? I WILL FIND THEM THIS TIME! AND YOU KNOW IT! YOUR MOTHER WOULD BE SO ASHAMED OF YOU!"

35) Then say politely to the clerk, "He thinks that he can get away with it, but with all the blood, you'd think he was a teenage girl with raaaging hormones."

36) During the next flight, fly close to him then yell loudly towards Max, "YOU DIDN'T USE A CONDOM!?!?!"

37) Make him breakfast and then once he ate it all ask how he liked it.

38) When he said it was good and how did you make it reply, "Oh, I used orange juice, a banana, a hotdog, a piece of celery with peanut butter and raisons on it, oh, yah. And Total spit."

39) While he's throwing up yell at him saying, "You stupid manorexic emo kid!" Run away crying

40) Start singing a random song

41) Ask him if he likes your singing

42) Never let him answer because you keep singing

43) Ask if he would ever name his child 'Tooth'

44) Tell him that you think that would make the pair sound like a bunch of emo-tistical, vampire goth kids!

45) Tell him you like the names Agoyoanye, Bandana, Calypso, December, Ekundayo, Ferrari, Gryphon, Hummer, Ixtli, July, Kizzy, Lexis, Mallow, Nebraska, Oz, Parker, Quirtsquip, Raine, Santa, Topaz, Ulf, Valentine, Wakechai, Xiuhcoatl, Yagmur, or Zeppelin. (you can check on . they are all real names for boys or girls)

46) Tell him that you would gladly conceive all 26 of his children.

47) Then tell him why you chose all of the names :

Agoyoanye, Ekundayo, Ixtli, Quirtsquip, Ulf, Wakechai, Xiuhcoatl, and Yagmur because you either couldn't pronounce them but they looked cool, or they just sound cool in general.

Bandana, Calypso, December, July, Kizzy, Parker, Raine, and Valentine because you felt like it. Ferrari, Hummer and Lexis because you heard that all guys liked cars.

Gryphon and Wakechai because they have to do with birds which would be ironic.

Mallow because you heard his favorite food was burnt marshmallow on a stick.
Nebraska because somebody told you it's nice up there.
Oz because you've always wanted to tap your feet together and fight flying monkeys.
Santa because, well, hell, who doesn't love that guy?
Topaz because it's the color of Edward Cullen's eyes.
And Zeppelin because he is the god of music.

48) Hide his eyeliner. Don't forget the eyeliner. Does he even wear it? Find out (who knows, but wouldn't that be sooo hott?)

49) Replace all of his clothes with tiedye stuff

and last

the very worst

the one that will make him kill you in seconds flat....

DRUMROLL PLEASE!

*drumroll*

50) Tell him Max is a lesbian