Lauren Cooper VS the Daleks

ann no aku

Plot: Lauren Cooper is not bovvered by Daleks.

Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who or The Catherine Tate Show.

Notes: Takes place in the Doctor Who episode The Stolen Earth. This was inspired by watching the Doctor Who Graham Norton special where Graham Norton brings up Lauren Cooper meeting the Daleks.


"This day is well boring," Lauren sighed, flinging back her ponytail over her shoulder.

"Innit, though?" Lise agreed, popping her gum.

"I mean, who cares 'bout those planets in the sky, righ'?"


Both girls watched from their spot on the bench as people ran around screaming, Daleks rounding up human test subjects. Ryan joined them, "Now I can practice my armyin' stuff." He demonstrated shooting a rifle, making firing sounds.

One of the Daleks neared them. "All humans in this area will be used to test the reality bomb."

"The reality wha'?" Lauren echoed, rolling her eyes.

"The reality bomb," it repeated. "You will join the other humans and board the-"

"'m not doin' anythin'." Lauren shrugged her shoulders, crossing her arms over her chest. She looked away from the Dalek. "This whole thing is stupid."

"Yeah," Lise nodded her head. "I mean, 'oo's this guy tellin' you what to do, yeah?"

"Tell me 'bout it. 'e looks like a pepper shaker!"

"I am a Dalek!" it screeched. "You will join the other humans and board the Crucible for testing or you will be-!"

"Board the wha'? This thing be makin' up words, righ'?!" Lauren gestured to the alien, not caring as it tottered in anger.

"Yeah, mate."

"The Crucible," it answered her.

"What's a 'crucible', though?" Lise asked. "I don't be knowin' no 'crucible', Lauren."

Again, Lauren shrugged. "I dunno. Don' care, do I?"

"If you do not cooperate, you will be exterminated!"

"Hey, I think it just threatened to kill ya, mate!" Ryan exclaimed looking oddly excited at the prospect.

"Am I bovvered?"

"It be an alien, yeah," Lise hissed. "It can kill you."

"Am I bovvered, though?"

"You will be exterminated!"

Lauren diverted her attention to the Dalek and pointed to her face. "Look at my face. Are you lookin' at my face? Look at my face."

Reluctantly, the Dalek's eyestalk moved up and found her face. "Yes?"

"Do I look bovvered?"

"Lauren . . . ."

"Shut it, Lise. Is my face bovvered, Dalek?"

"No," it replied, sounding as annoyed as it could. "You will be-!"

"Am I bovvered? I'm not bovvered. Wisk for hands. Wisk for hands. Am I bovvered?"


"Crucible! Planets in the sky. Reality bomb. Am I bovvered? Look at my face. Pepper shaker. Pepper shaker."

"You will be-!"

"-exterminated!" she finished for him. "Still ain't bovvered. One eye. One eye. Plunger. I ain't bovvered."

The Dalek trembled with rage and raised it's weapon. "You-!"

"Dalek! Dalek! 'You will be exterminated!'," she mocked his voice to almost perfection. "I ain't bovvered. Planets in the sky. Alien. Alien. I still ain't bovvered!" Lauren shouted at the creature, watching in silent satisfaction as it still shook in anger.

"You have no fear? Then you will be exterminated!"

"Am I bovvered?" she asked again.

The Dalek exploded, sending shrapnel flying through the air.

"I think ya killed it, mate!" That was well good!" Ryan hooted and snapped his fingers.

"I don' care 'cause I still ain't bovvered."


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~ann no aku