A One-Shot by Ellipsis the Great
Summary: "Damn, I could sure use a pair of earmuffs right about now." Seiner.
DISCLAIMER: Kingdom Hearts and everything affiliated with it belongs to SquareEnix and Disney. All I own is the plot…
Hayner'd been bitching about needing a new pair of earmuffs ever since I accidentally destroyed his old pair. Whenever we went out he'd give me this…this look out of the corner of his eye, shiver, and say something like: "Damn, I could sure use a pair of earmuffs right about now."
Usually I just flipped him off in response; sometimes I reminded him that Christmas was coming up and Olette was sure to buy him a pair. When the latter occurred, he would start muttering about how he shouldn't need new earmuffs in the first place, Goddammit, and why had I thought washing them was a good idea, again?
For the record, the stupid little chickenwuss had left them in his jacket pocket, and I hadn't thought to check when I did laundry. And when I had recognized what was left of them, pulling the mangled bits and pieces out of the dryer and attempting to pry them off the shirts they'd gotten melded to, I'd known what was in store for me.
And, as per usual, Hayner didn't let me down.
Not that trying to shift the blame to where it belonged did me any good. He would just start huffing more, and that ended one of two ways: he gave me the silent treatment until I apologized and/or somehow made it up to him, or I slept on the couch.
It was the second one more often than not.
'Course, it wasn't as if Hayner and I had ever really had one of those relationships that was all roses and rainbows (no gay jokes, please) with only a few little gray clouds popping up every once in a while. We were, if you don't fucking mind my waxing poetic for a moment, more like one of those hurricanes that rips through everything, with moments of strained calm in the very center that could give way to new bouts of destruction at any moment.
But it was Christmas, one of the three days out of the year when I at least tried not to be the overbearing ass that even I will admit to being at times. The other days being Hayner's birthday and our anniversary, of course.
"So—time to open presents?" Sora asked eagerly as everyone finished up their meal.
"Yes, yes!" Axel said. "Now just hand the damn things out and stop whining about it!"
"Wasn't whining." Sora muttered, blowing a raspberry at Axel while simultaneously bolting over to the living room. "Well? Come on, you guys! Presents!"
We laughed at him, rolling our eyes as we followed, some more enthusiastically than others.
"Are we going to try to do this in order, or do we care?" Sora asked as he tossed presents at people, just like he apparently always did if Roxas' exasperated sigh was anything to go by.
"I think Hayner should go first." I said, seeing that my gift, a small box, was being turned over in his hands thoughtfully.
"How come?" Sora wrinkled his nose. Sora was the second youngest of all of us, so usually he was the second to open his gift.
"Because I fucking said so." I snapped.
"Just let him open it, Sora." Kairi giggled.
"Oh, fine." Sora grumped, flopping into an open seat.
With that tiny grin he got when he thought he knew a secret, Hayner began opening the present. And by 'began,' of course, I mean that he just opened the damn thing. Tore the paper off, frowned curiously at the rather mundane box, took the lid off, and…
Glared at me.
"Earmuffs." He deadpanned, holding up the cheap pair of red earmuffs I had bought last-minute at a dollar store across the street.
"You said you wanted some, didn't you, lamer?" I asked, returning the glare he was giving me evenly. "Try 'em on."
"No, you…you asshole. You could have at least gotten me a nice pair, you cheap son of a bitch." He said, stuffing the earmuffs back into the box and setting it aside huffily.
"I said try them the fuck on, chickenwuss." I growled, jaw clenching.
"No." He growled back.
"Yes." I insisted.
"Maybe later, you stupid…"
"Honestly, Hayner, would you just try them on before he throws a hissy fit?" Olette sighed heavily.
He made an irritated noise in the back of his throat, picked the earmuffs back up out of the box, and opened them to put them on.
Then the entire room froze as something clattered on the hardwood floor in front of him.
They all looked down at the thin silver ring sitting at his feet, but I kept my eyes on his face.
Jaw hanging slightly ajar, he turned his wide, surprised eyes on me.
"So what're you doing Saturday?" I asked.
His frown returned.
"Because I figured that'd be as good a day as any to tie the knot, and…" I made a face. "And I had this whole idiotic speech planned out about how I love you and wanna spend the rest of my life with you and all of that romantic bullshit, but I figured I'd just fuck it up, so I bought a pair of earmuffs and stuck the ring in it and was kinda hoping you'd figure the rest out. Except I forgot how stupid you are, so now I'm fucking rambling like some sort of moron and you really could fucking stop me any goddamn time now—"
And then he did, by throwing himself on me as everyone in the room finally caught up with what was going on and started cheering and whooping and just generally making asses of themselves, not that I was paying them much attention. I was understandably busy swapping spit with my fiancé. Who, incidentally, should not have been wriggling in my lap like that while we were in a public place, the damn tease.
"If you guys start having sex on my couch, I will tape it and sell it on E-bay." Axel said.
"Voyeur." Hayner said as he pulled away with a loud 'smack.'
"Yeah, but then I'd be a rich voyeur." Axel sniggered.
"I'm not sure if I should be flattered or disturbed." Hayner said.
"Oh, stop it, you guys." Naminé said as she handed the ring to me. "Now put the ring on his finger, Seifer. And ask properly, this time."
"Speech and all?" I grimaced.
"Speech and all!" Everyone yelled back at me.
Shuddering, I sighed and faced Hayner, who was still sitting on my lap. "Look, lamer—"
"You can't call him lamer when you're proposing!" Olette hissed.
"Fuck off! I'm the one proposing; I can do it however I damn well please." I retorted, glaring at them for a moment before turning back to Hayner. "Look, Hayner, I…I mean, we…"
"I know what you mean, dumbass." He said, kissing the corner of my mouth. "I love you, too, and on Saturday I'm marrying you, you useless thug."
I smirked and kissed him again.
Life was good.
A/N: This is actually based off of a true story: this is how my dad proposed to my mom! Or, at least, the basic story is how he proposed. All of the little details were added by me. Plus, everyone knew he was proposing and kept hinting that she should put the earmuffs on until she finally did. And I'm pretty sure he probably DID recite some sappy speech to her, lmao. And then he kidnapped her, his best man, and her maid of honor and they eloped. X333