Title: The Twilight Chronicles

Author: Jammeke

Disclaimer: The characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. I am merely borrowing them.

AN 1: This is my first attempt at Twilight fiction. I may get around to writing a real story later, but humor stories are my real passion, and I've had a lot of fun coming up with Twilight quotes.

AN 2: This piece of work includes spoilers for every Twilight book that's been released. The quotes are not set in a particular order, nor are they set in a particular time-line. Some fit in book one, some in book four.

The Twilight Chronicles

Bella: "You are a vampire?"
Edward: "Correct."
Bella: "And you drive a silver Volvo?"
Edward: "Correct."
Bella: "Am I the only one catching the irony here?"

Bella: "I haven't tripped once today!"
Edward: "Bella, you have two broken legs. Even if you tried, you'd have a hard time getting off the couch."

Edward: "My gift doesn't allow for me to read Bella's mind. I think there's something wrong with it."
Rosalie: "Edward, Bella knows you are a vampire, and she still wants to be with you! Are you sure the problem isn't due to a lack of brains?"

Edward: "I don't know how to convince Bella that she's better off human."
Carlisle: "Have you tried telling her that vampires go without chocolate?"

Emmett: "Yes, hello, this is Mr. Cullen speaking. I'd like to order two AB and five O-negative grizzly bears. No, without garlic butter. Yes, thank you."

Edward: "I don't have unlimited self-control, Bella."
Bella: "Edward, you haven't been with a woman in over hundred years. Clearly, the facts are on my side."

Rosalie: "I hate being a vampire! It sucks."
Edward: "Hilarious."
Emmett: "Look at the bright side of things: you can't break your nails."

Aro: "Edward, our abilities are so alike. Perhaps we are brothers."
Jane: "I think he is your long lost son."
Edward: "Wait a minute. The love triangle was one thing. Then her former admirer imprinted on my wife's child and became her son-in-law. Now, all of a sudden, lost relatives start turning up… is this Twilight or some soap opera? Don't look at me like that!"

Edward: "Bella, you know I promised you a 'before' and an 'after' car. How about a 'during' car?"

Edward: "Bella, love – what happened to our threshold?"
Bella: "Alice foresaw that I would trip over it, and I decided to take out the threat."

Jacob: "Edward, may I ask for your daughter's hand?"
Edward: "Are you telling me you haven't ripped it off her yet, dog?"

Alice: "Bella, you gave me such a difficult time dressing you, I forgot to dress myself this morning."

Charlie: "Grey hair! I've found a grey hair! Bella, you have a right to remain silent. Everything you say could be used against you."

Bella: "When life gives you lemons; throw them back and demand Edward."

Alice: "We're fleeing the country."
Edward: "What? Why?"
Alice: "Haven't you seen the news this morning? The White House is in ruins."
Rosalie: "Your beloved wife was chasing a Labrador last night..."
Esme: "She tripped over it."


End note: Feedback is very much appreciated.