I'm so sorry that I haven't updated for ages, I have been insanely busy and couldn't quite figure out how to end it, thank you to everyone who's stuck with it, I hope you think the last bit's ok.
"Hey, ready to go?"
Dean looked up from shoving his clothes into his duffel, at his brother standing somewhat awkwardly in the doorway.
"Are you kidding me? I've been ready to go since the minute we got here."
"Really? Never would have guessed, it's not like you made a massive deal about it or anything." Sam smirked at the affectionate middle finger aimed in his direction. He was excited to get back on the road with his brother, but nervousness had been tightening its hold on his airway for a few days now, with questions he couldn't answer, would it be the same? Would Dean be the same? Was he going to be enough to help him by himself?
Dean meanwhile had been too busy thinking about getting out of hospital to give too much thought to the doubts and fears making themselves known. It had been a tough couple of months, talking to shrinks was not something he'd ever had down on his to do list, but he had to admit it had helped, they had helped and he felt more like himself than he had done in over a year. He glanced at Sam who was seemed to find his shoes fascinating.
"Hey, Sammy come here a second."
Dean hopped up on the hospital bed, leaving room for Sam to sit beside him.
"I uh... I never really thanked you. You know, for everything you did for me. I get that I was a bit of a pain in the ass but... you never gave up on me, and uh... you know... thanks."
Sam looked like Dean had just declared his undying love for High School Musical, and Dean couldn't help but smirk at the expression on his face.
"You alright there Sam?"
"Uh...Yeah, it's just...that was kinda creepy."
"Yeah well, bite me!"
"It's ok Dean, you'd have done the same for me." He put his hand on his big brother's shoulder.
"Dude, you know if it really means that much to you, you can have the surgery, I mean if you'd feel happier as a girl... ow!" Dean rubbed his shoulder where Sam had delivered a friendly punch.
"So, can I please get out of here now, 'cause I really want a shower, this place makes me feel dirty." He paused "Then I want to leave Sam, I want us to take a break or something, 'cause if anyone deserves it we do, and then we're gonna go kick some demon ass."
"That sounds like a great idea Dean, and you know, if stuff ever starts bothering you like...I mean don't deal with it by yourself 'cause you might..."
"Might what? Hack up my own arms again." Dean winced at Sam's expression. "I'm sorry Sammy, I didn't mean it."
"You never told me why you did it?"
"Seriously? We're gonna do this?" Dean sighed "It was a way of dealing. A bad way. It was usually when I'd had a couple of beers. It just, it just stopped it from hurting, just for a bit. It was like, everything that was bad, would just bleed away, just bleed out of me, and for a while, I could forget. Like I said, not the best way of dealing."
"You could have talked to me, I could have helped."
"I know Sammy, but you know me, I didn't want to burden you with it, you were already on edge all the time, I didn't want to give you anything else to worry about."
"That's a stupid reason. But then again, you are pretty stupid so I guess it makes sense. Just, please, if you ever feel like doing that or anything stupid like that again, just talk to me, because I don't think I can watch you go through all this again, I don't think I can go through all this again."
"I promise Sam. I'm ok now though, I'm better. I really think the jugs on Nurse Lafferty helped though, just so therapeutic."
Sam grimaced and Dean grinned.
"Right Sammy boy, let's get outta here. Ooh can we get a burger from that diner on the corner? Please?"
"Are you ever gonna grow up?"
"Not in this lifetime."
Sam hefted Dean's bag onto his shoulder and headed out into the hall, Dean paused in the doorway, taking in the white sterile room in which he'd been broken down and built back up again. He glanced down at his wrists, the ugly scars that would never truly fade, and maybe that was a good thing, maybe he needed reminders, to keep him strong, to make him remember how far he'd come.
A part of him would always be in this town, in this room, but he could take the rest of himself and move on. This room could have that part of his life, he didn't need it anymore. He reached up, flicked off the light switch, and closed the door.
Thank you so much for reading, please let me know what you thought, it means a lot to me, or if there's anything you can suggest so that I can improve. Anyway Thanks again, hope you enjoyed it :)