Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. I don't own its characters.

A/N: I've been building this in my head for weeks now. And I've finally gotten it out. Hope you like it. Especially Di, I hope you like it. This…is for you. Thanks!

Taking Care of Business

I groaned internally. I love the holidays, don't get me wrong. But the one part I never looked forward to was having to return things that I either didn't want, or didn't fit. I looked at my watch. I had been standing in line at Macy's for almost 45 minutes now, just wanting to return a sweater that my mom thought would be 'perfect' on me. But, I was 19 years old now and the red sweater with the matching snowman tie just wasn't cutting it. In fact, it never was cutting it. Except for the time I went to that tacky sweater keg party.

I smiled. Yeah, that was a good one.

The person in front of me scooted forward, and I realized now I was only about 4 people away from the front. I was near the part of the store where it opened up to the mall, and could smell pretzels and pizza. I was definitely going to hit that up when I was out of here and rid of this hideous sweater.

My cell phone buzzed and I saw that I had gotten a text from Jasper:

Ditch the sweater and come on! There's some hot girls at the food court!

I typed back:

Almost there, be there soon.

I tapped my foot impatiently. An elderly woman who was standing in front of me turned around and glared at me. "You youth have no patience anymore." She shook her fist, which held her cane, in my direction.

I was speechless. I had just gotten 'told' by an old woman! I heard a snickering, but didn't see where it came from. When the woman turned around, I flipped her 'the bird 'behind her back, just to make myself feel better. I know it was wrong, but I was ready to be out of here.

Finally, the old lady was called to a register. That left me next. And then I saw her. The sexiest girl I had ever seen in my life.

She was tall, well, if she wasn't standing on a step or something behind the register. Her long blonde hair was wavy in all the right places. She was wearing a red polo shirt that was tight, showing off the perfect swell of her perfect breasts. I felt my mouth begin to water and my pants begin to tighten. I could see she was wearing black pants. She had pouty lips, and my mind began to wander on all the things her lips could do to me. In my mind, fog was blowing behind her in the background and "Need You Tonight" by INXS was playing.

"Um, excuse me? Over here? I can help you now," she sneered.

And just like that my fantasy bubble was popped. I couldn't believe it—she was going to see my sweater! "No, you can let the next person go…" I said nervously.

"Stop blabbering and bring me your bag."

So, she had some fight in her. I liked that.

I stumbled up to her, trying to hide my bag. "Hello," I said as smoothly as I could.

"Is this a return or exchange?" she asked, looking bored down at her nails.

I felt defeated. "Return," I said as I put the bag on the counter.

She looked at it, and then looked back at me. "Are you going to…take it out of the bag or what?"

"You're really loving your job," I muttered.

I saw her roll her eyes.

"I got this as a Christmas gift…" I defended as I pulled out the sweater and the tie. I heard her giggle.

"Are you sure you don't want to exchange it for a smaller size?"

I was confused. What is she talking about?

She was cracking up now. I looked at her, and she pointed down on the counter. There, in the pile of my tacky Christmas sweater and snowman tie, was a pair of tighty-whities. Those aren't mine, I screamed inside. But the filter from my brain to my mouth didn't always cooperate with me.

"Excuse me?"

"Well," she started, wiping a tear from her eye and putting her serious/bitch face back on, "you couldn't possibly be…big…enough to fill those out and look sexy. So, did you want to exchange them for a smaller size?"

I felt my cheeks turn red—not because I was embarrassed. I knew I was well-hung. But I was angry. How dare she insult my manhood! Besides, those were most definitely not mine. They must have been my dads, or even worse, Edwards. I got a chill, now knowing more about my family than I could ever want to know.

"Aw, are you embarrassed?" I saw the delight she was taking in her eyes.

"For your information, those are NOT mine. I, Emmett Cullen, do not wear tighty-whities. And, for your information," I leaned over and looked at her employee badge, "Rosalie, if I did wear them, I can assure you I would NOT need a smaller size because I am well-endowed with the Cullen jewels." I stuck my chin up, proud for standing up to her, and not sounding like an ass.

She laughed again, this time the hardest she'd laughed yet. "Emmett, was it? Well, Emmett, I can assure you that you would most definitely need a smaller size." She grabbed my hand, turning it palm up, inspecting it. "Yes, I'd say you're closer to the medium size."

"Listen here, you---" I started before she put her hand up to stop me.

"If you know what's good for you, you will NOT finish that sentence."

"If you know what's good for you, you'll just do the return and let me be on my way."

She snatched the sweater and tie away from the bag and began punching numbers onto her register screen. My mind couldn't help but wander as I stared at her long fingers, her pink nail polish slick over her long nails. I could just imagine those nails running down my back…

"Do you have the receipt?" she sneered.

I looked in the bag—empty. I patted my pockets—empty. Damn.

"Can't I just get store credit?"

She crossed her arms over her chest, allowing her boobs to protrude out of the top of her unbuttoned polo. I wasn't sure if she was doing it on purpose or not, but I welcomed it anyway. My mind wandered again and I felt my tongue begin to creep towards my lips. Don't do it, Emmett. Stay focused.

"Were you even listening to me?" she huffed.

"Of course I was! Wait…what did you say?"

She let out a frustrated growl. "See? You were just too busy staring at my tits and conjuring up all kinds of nonsense in that buffoon head of yours to even pay attention to the fact that I just said we don't take returns or give store credit without a receipt!"

"I'm sorry," I mumbled.

"Come on what is the hold up?" I heard an old lady shout from the line. The mall was just full of them today.

"Oh calm down, lady! I'll get to you in a minute!" Rosalie barked at her.

A man walked over to the counter. He had a nametag on that said Winston, and I assumed he was the manager.

"Rosalie, do we have a problem here?"

She smiled at him, giving him her best fake impression. "No, Mr. Bartholomew, I was just explaining to this customer here how we don't issue refunds or store credit without a valid receipt."

Her voice was dripping with sweetness, and it only again sent me back to my mind, the land of inappropriate (in public) thoughts. Only this time it wasn't her voice that was dripping with sweetness…

"Well, I'm sure that wasn't a cause for a commotion. What is going on?" He asked sternly, looking at me and then back at Rosalie and letting his eyes roam to her breasts. A sick, perverted smile crept up on his lips.

"Winston? I don't think it's very…kind…of you to be ogling one of your employee's chests at a time like this, do you?"

He glared at me. "What are you insinuating young man?"

"That you're a pervert and are being disrespectful to Rosalie here."

His face became very red, almost as red as Rosalie's shirt. "That is it! The both of you! Get out of here!" He pointed around, trying to find the exit of the store.

Rosalie's jaw dropped. "Mr. Bartholomew, I—"

"I don't want to hear it! Out! And consider finding a new job!"

I was pissed, to say the least. I snatched the Macy's bag, throwing the sweater, tie, and underwear back in the bag, and headed for the exit towards the rest of the mall. I felt my pocket vibrate. I looked and saw Jasper's text:

Double D's at the Café Grille! GET OVER HERE!

I groaned as I felt my pants become even snugger. Damn me for being a 'boob man.'

I heard the clacking of heels approaching me from behind. Soon they had caught up with me, and someone tugged on my arm. "I can't believe you!"

I stopped and turned. Of course—it was Rosalie. Her face was red, so I knew she was angry. Her chest was heaving from her trek to catch up with me. I couldn't help but ogle her.

She slapped me across the face. "What the hell is wrong with you? I just lost my job and you're dreaming about my tits again? Fuck you!"

She started to walk away but I grabbed her arm. "Stop."

She looked at me and huffed. "You have some nerve."

I started walking, pulling her along with me. "And you have some mouth."

Stores passed us in a blur. I was barely concentrating.

"You didn't have to play Prince Charming back there, you know."

I shrugged. "He was being an asshole."

I heard her heels again, and my focused to keep my mind in the conversation.

"Yeah well I don't need you riding in on your high horse. I can take care of myself."

I stopped and looked at her. She was breathtaking, especially now that she was angry. I took in her whole outfit this time. Her black skinny jeans left nothing to the imagination. She had curves, and a perfect little waist. God was finally sending me the one gift I could ever want: the perfect woman.

She crossed her arms again. "Well, are you going to say anything?"

I leaned down, my face directly in front of hers. "Let me take care of you," I said, with a few things in mind.

She hesitated for a moment and then crashed her lips onto mine…hard. I kissed her back, sliding my tongue into her mouth. She pulled back and caught her breath for a second. She took my hand and started walking in a determined fashion.

I followed her, curious. When she stopped at the entrance to the bathroom hallway, I lifted an eyebrow at her.

She smiled deviously and took off down the hall, her hair blowing wildly behind her. I smiled and began following her. She opened the door that had a sign saying 'Family Bathroom' and went in. I followed behind her, and she locked the door. She turned around and grinned at me before attacking my mouth again. She had pushed me against the counter, scooting her hot body as close to me as she could get. My hands gripped her hips, pulling her against my erection.

"Let me take care of that for you," she smirked, using my phrase from earlier. "But first," she whispered in my ear, "I want you to do something for me."

I nodded. "Anything," I stammered out.

She picked up my Macy's bag. "Wear the sweater."

My eyes bulged out of their sockets. "What?"

She smiled innocently. "Put. On. The. Sweater."

I pulled it out of the bag, slipping it over my head. I knew I looked stupid.

She whistled. "Oh, baby, it looks so good on you." She grabbed the snowman tie and tied it around her neck. At that moment, I knew I loved this woman.

I watched as she unzipped my jeans. I watched her smirk as she noticed that I was going commando. She looked up at me.

"Are you sure those weren't your underwear in the bag?"

"You said they were too big, didn't you?" I teased her.

She smiled as she ran her hand down my freed member. "Oh I was very, very wrong."

I leaned over and kissed her as she began to work me. I felt myself melt like butter at her touch. As she increased her speed, I closed my eyes, a low moan coming out of my mouth.

"That's right, baby," she cooed, egging me on.

As she gripped tighter, I felt myself losing control. My hands wandered up and down her body, grabbing those perfect breasts.

Before I came to my ultimate undoing, I stopped her hand. She looked at me, confused.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

I grinned at her. "Nothing, baby, you were perfect. I just want us to finish together." I picked her up and hoisted her onto the counter, standing between her legs. I ran my hands up her thighs to her button, popping it open and sliding the zipper down of her jeans. She scooted up and slid them down, letting them fall to the floor. She kicked off her thong, to which I smiled like a fifteen year-old boy who touched a boob for the first time. This girl was so fucking perfect.

"Damn" I said softly.

She smiled. "That doesn't even begin to cover it."

I grabbed her hips and pushed into her roughly. She let out a small cry and I looked at her, worried.

"No, don't stop. You're just…damn you're more than I thought you would be."

A cocky smile crept onto my face as I began pounding into her, my fingers digging into her hips.

Her head went back, her hands going into her hair. "Emmett…fuck…shit…oh," she moaned out. My name. It had never, ever, sounded as sexy as it did coming off her lips.

I picked up speed, my hands roaming over her ribs and under those perfect, perky breasts. I pulled the tie, drawing her closer to me and sucked on her neck. I felt her hands go to my hair, those hot-pink painted nails winding into my scalp.

I moaned long and hard, letting her know I liked that shit. Oh did I ever.

She leaned in and kissed me, sliding her hot, salty tongue into my mouth. I met hers with mine. She liked that. She broke away, smiling.

I kept pounding, knowing that she and I were both close.

I heard her breaths coming quicker. Then I felt it. It was like a fantasy come true. Her nails were scratching my back through the sweater, egging me on.

"Baby, I—" I panted.

She nodded. Then I felt her tense up, and her body began shaking, milking me. I kept pumping until I all but exploded. We both were moaning, holding onto each other.

As we calmed down, she leaned in and kissed me, sucking on my lower lip. She looked back at me, her eyes sparkling. "Nice jewels, Cullen."

I smirked. I pulled out of her and she hopped down, pulling her jeans back on, and I did the same. She took off the tie, handing it to me after I had stripped off the sweater. The sweater I now wanted to thank my mother for.

She raised an eyebrow at me. "Are you still gonna return those?"

I laughed. "No, I don't think so."

"Good," she said seductively in my ear, "because I was hoping next time you could wear the tie."

I felt her hand go into my pocket and then come back out. She kissed me, and then patted my chest. "I've got to go…job hunting, you know? Call me sometime."

With that, she turned in the mirror, primped herself, unlocked the door, and was gone.

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I pulled it out and had 3 messages from Jasper:

Dude, wtf? I said boobs!

Emmett Cullen…tits at the grill! COME THE FUCK ON!

You better be dead somewhere…

I walked out of the bathroom and over to the food court, where Jasper was sucking on a milkshake.

"Where the fuck have you been?" He looked at me. "You got laid, didn't you? You bastard!"

I grinned and pulled out Rosalie's number out of my pocket and held it up to show him. "Best tits I've ever seen."

Jasper stared at it, and then pulled out his phone, scrolling through his phonebook.

I took the number back. "Not cool, dude. Mine."

He laughed and then shook his head. "Well I will be damned."

"What?" I asked confused.

"Rosalie Hale? Blonde hair, blue eyes?" He questioned.

I nodded. "Did I mention best tits ever?"

He just smiled.

"What? Did you hit that already?"

He laughed. "Never, dude. That's my cousin."


He nodded and laughed, clapping me on the back. "I guess one day we might be related after all."


A/N: Ah, Emmett. *sighs* I wanted him to have his own one-shot. He was getting pretty jealous of Edward dominating my ff account. Did you laugh? Did you cry? Did you go "oh yeah!" Tell me, I like to hear those things hehe.