"Hey, JDJ." JD greeted me as I walked into the hospital. He was like an uncle to me. He was the only person who called me JDJ... JD junior. Since my mom named me after him, well his initials. My dad hated it, but it was my mom's way of getting back at my dad for not telling anyone I was born.
That was my parents relationship payback and sarcasm. But I was told by a few people that, that was how they showed affection for each other. When I was a kid I wasn't sure if that was true but I guess I just kept telling myself that I started believing it. And when I watched my parents fighting, afterwards they would kiss. So I never worried that maybe my parents would get divorced because they were already divorced. But they lived together and were in a long-term relationship, plus they had Jack and me.
"Hey JD, whats shakin?" I asked, a smile on my face.
"The usual." He responded.
I nodded, "Where's Kim and Carla?" I asked. Kim was married to JD and had a child, Sam, with him. Kim was nice, as much as my mom was sarcastic. I'd known Kim since I was born, and since then I'd always considered her an aunt or like a second mom.
Then Carla was super nice too, I also considered her an aunt. But Carla loved speaking her mind, and being sarcastic. Thats why she was pretty much my father's best friend. She was married to Turk who was JD's best friend. I'd known all of them since I was born, and they'd all baby-sat me at one time or another.
"Carla's most likely at the nurse station. And Kim is either there or at the coffee shop." He said. I nodded my thanks and walked off to the nurse station.
"Hey Kim. Hey Carla." I said with a smile and they turned around.
"Jenn you look so cute today." Carla said coming over and giving me a hug.
"I love that dress, its so cute." Kim said, also giving me a hug. I looked down at my tight light denim blue jeans and my black tube-top dress. I did look cute.
All of a sudden I was slapped on the butt, I turned around quickly there was my mom...Jordan Sullivan. "Mom!" I said. I could feel a slight flush appear on my cheeks.
"What? You don't like being spanked. Hmm, your father does." My mom said biting her lip.
"Eww! Thanks, for I'll disgusting personal image that is going to cause me intense and expensive therapy. I'll send you the bill." I said to my mom, I turned to Kim and Carla. "Sam and Is, at the coffee shop?" I asked, Kim nodded. "Thanks." I said as I walked off I heard the three moms laughing.
I walked to the coffee shop and noticed my dad buying a cup of coffee. He was wearing this completely ridiculous bright yellow rain coat. "Oh my god!" I said, I could not believe what he was wearing. "You look like a giant ray of sunshine." I stated sarcastically. He turned around. "What are you wearing?" He asked. I forgot that he was gone when I got dressed this morning, he hated it when I wore sexy clothes. He's so over-protective.
"They're clothes. You know, so that I'm not walking around here naked. But you know, if you have a problem with them. I can take them off." I said with a smirk and an eyebrow raise.
"No, leave them on. But I hope you know that I will be burning some of your clothes tonight." He said. "I bought you your latte," he handed me it. I loved Carmel lattes and could barely function without one in my system. I didn't feel
like mentioning I already had one on the way to the hospital. The more the better. "Thanks." I said giving him a hug.
"I've got to go check on patients." He said. I nodded and let him go. I walked over to my friends.
"Jenny," Isabella said. She was best friend. I smiled, "Hey Izzie. Hey Sam." I said to both of them. Sam was our best guy friend, and my boyfriend. I had sat next to Sam and I leaned over and gave him a kiss, which caused Izzie to roll her eyes. Sam was Kim and JD's son and the youngest of all three of us. Isabella was the oldest of us, and me..I was the middle.
"How are you guys?" I asked them and we all started gossiping about what he had heard and things we had gone though during the last twenty-four hours.
After a while I left and went home, thats when I heard my parents. They were in their room, they were fighting and this wasn't their fight to show affection kind of fight. This was the bad kind of fight, that sent chills down my spine. I stood there listening, not really being able to make out words in my scared state. But just hearing the loudness and the anger, then my mom came out of their room.
"Jennifer?" She said when she spotted me, she stopped dead in her tracks. "I'm going to stay at a hotel for a few days." She said, I could tell she had been crying. I wanted to rush over and hug her but somehow I was glued to the spot.
"Then after a few days, your coming home?" It was sent out as a question when I had meant it to be a statement.
She shook her head, "I don't think so sweetie." I bit my bottom lip, I wanted to grab her and tie her and my dad up. Making them talk and sort this out. But she said, "I'll call you tonight?"
Thats when my father decided to join us, "Jordan, your purse." He said handing it to her. She took it still looking at me. Thats when he spotted me, "Jen you okay?" He asked.
I nodded, "I'm fine." I said, holding all of my emotions in, it was what our family did best.
"Well, sweetie um I'll talk to you later. Bye Perry." My mom said, she gave me a wink and turned around and left.
"So its just you and me." My dad said. My older brother Jack was off at boarding school in California, he got a scholarship not that he would have needed it, we have a ton of cash.
I nodded in response. "I'm gonna go to bed." I said with a fake smile, turning around and walking down the hallway to Jack's old room, my room and our bathrooms. I could tell he sat down on the couch, "Jen its seven o'clock."
I sighed and stopped. "I know but I can't handle this right now."
My mom called me that night, I screened her call. I couldn't take talking to her. I sat in my bathroom crying all night. I also had a fever and the chills all night. The next morning, well actually afternoon. I got into the shower and hopped out. I walked out to the living room, still mad at both of my parents. "Hey Jen, I made your favorite." He said, a complete feast, omelette's, pancakes, bacon, toast, and a bowl of fruit were on the table.
"I'm not hungry." I said as I walked out of the house.
I met up with Isabella, at the mall, we talked about what I heard and what I saw. She listened quietly and said the right things at the exact moments. I loved the way she could do that and make me feel better. At the end she hugged me and I felt much better. "I hate this." I said, she nodded. "I know."
"I mean, I've heard stories when they broke up before. And they fight constantly. But last night...i was actually afraid. I could sense something was wrong. I...can't..." A tear fell down my face, and I wiped it away as my eyes started filling up with tears.
"Why don't you tell your parents how you feel?"
I licked my lips and looked up, sighing and after a few blinks the tears disappeared. "I can't. I mean. I hate her. I hate him. I hate them. All our family is, is sarcasm, comebacks, and rude remarks. We're not like your family where we talk about our feelings. And I mean they've slept with other people, yet still stayed together. Dad had a sex only relationship with some Taylor chick, last year. And mom screwed any cute guy, she saw. Yet they always were home at night and still loved each other. I can't even think why they would be mad at each other. At home it feels empty without her." I admitted.
Isabella stroked my hair, "I know."
For the next two weeks I didn't talk to my dad....or my mom. It seemed like when I was vulnerable I was klutzy, I fell into a ton of things. I tripped a lot. Not only that but I seemed to bleed a lot. And I bruised easily. I also realized that I loved people feeling miserable and I loved physical pain. I loved it when I bumped into something and it hurt. But I was to busy avoiding both of my parents to stop and really think about it. I also realized avoiding your parents isn't easy when your favorite hang out is where they worked.
"Jen," My mom said laying a hand on my shoulder. She sat down next to me. We were at the coffee shop and in a booth, which stunk because now I wasn't able to leave. "Your father told me you haven't been eating."
I rolled my eyes. I lost a lot of weight, I could tell everything seemed big on me. My pants were always falling down, and I weighed myself the other day I weighted ninety pounds. I hadn't been eating, I hadn't ate at all today, and yesterday I just had a piece of bread. I drank a lot of water, and drank a lot of stuff just not ate.
"Don't you roll your eyes at me. Have you eaten anything today?" She asked me.
"Jordan I don't want to talk about this. I'm sixteen, I'll do what I want. Now can you let me out?" I asked. I knew that by calling her Jordan I would hurt her, but I didn't care anymore. Its not like they cared about me. She shook her head and got out of the booth, I jumped out and walked out of the coffee shop. I wandered around the hospital, visiting some little kids who I played with for a bit, and wound up at the roof.
I stood up watching people below me. I heard someone come up behind me, "So you and your parents are fighting." He said. I nodded. The janitor sighed. We didn't talk much, but I had always been nice to him. All of a sudden my vision started to sway, everything got blurry and I collapsed.
I woke up a day later, in a hospital bed. I hated being a patient. I looked around the room, stuffed animals, flowers, candy. I looked at the tubes and machines around me. I saw a feeding tube, I scrunched up my face in disgust. I pulled it out of my nose, which hurt but I was use to pain.
"Hey Sleeping Beauty," Kim said appearing at the door. She walked in and sat on the bed. "How you feeling?"
I shrugged. "Okay."
"I see you pulled out your feeding tube." I put my bottom lip out putting on a sad puppy face. "Do I have to have it?" I asked. She shook her head, "No. You've been out for almost two weeks though, so we put it in. As long as you eat, you don't need it. So why haven't you been eating?" She asked.
I sighed, "Mom told you." She nodded. Somehow the three mom's got really close as Is, Sam and I was born. We were always having play dates so they got close. Elliot was part of our friends, but she had been on a cruise for the last few months. She will be for a year.
"I just haven't been hungry." I said.
"What about all these cuts and bruises. Have you been hurting yourself?" She asked me.
"Shouldn't my doctor be asking me these questions?" I asked.
She sighed. "JD's your doctor and will be in here in a bit. I'm not only because he's your doctor but because I care about you, Jen" She said.
"No I haven't been hurting myself. I'm not that lame." I said putting emphasize on that. "Oh and did you care about JD? I mean when you lied to him about being pregnant. Because if thats how you care about people, I'd rather have you not care about me." I said totally being a jerk. But I had rage black outs, I couldn't stop the words from coming out of my mouth, they were out and I couldn't take them back. I saw tears forming in her eyes, and I told myself I didn't care. She walked out of the room.
I looked around the room, there was a empty bed next to me, two televisions, and a window to the nurse's station. I knew that no one would be in the bed next to me as long as I was here. I had connections here, friends, family, they would want the room to myself so some could take naps during spare time.
I must have fallen asleep for when I woke up it was dark. I could hear people in the room, I opened my eyes a little so I could see. The curtains to the window were off, and the door was shut. But the light on the night table was on. I saw my mom and my dad sitting on the bed, they're backs to me. They had room between them, but at least they were in the same room.
"Is she going to be okay?" My mom asked.
"Of course she is," My dad answered. I opened my eyes a bit wider so I could see as I eavesdropped.
"Whats wrong with her? She's a completely different person." My mom asked, I could hear the pain and nervousness in her voice. I could hear that she was worried about me.
"I'm not sure," He replied. My mom bent over, resting her elbow on her knee and putting her face in her hand.
"Are you..are you crying?" He asked, I heard sniffling, I could tell she was.
"No," She said. "I don't know. I'm worried, she hates me. She called me Jordan, I know she hates me. Perry, I can't take it if my own daughter hates me." She said.
"She doesn't. Who could. Well I mean, a lot of people do. But she could never.
She may be pissed at you but never hate. Jordan, she was really upset when you left. She pretty mad, and maybe it was just a slip." He rubbed her arm. She reached over and took his hand, holding it in the space between them.
"Last chance, do you want me or not" She asked softly.
He took his hand back, "Ah, Jordan. I'm so sorry but I'm seeing someone" He said. He was? How could I not know that. I thought back... 'Jen, I'm going out on a date. Will you be okay here by yourself?' Oh yeah, some Michelle chick.
She laughed a single sad laugh. "Forget it, I was kidding. I was kidding, really." She said with a laugh. I coughed, to let them know I was awake. My mom looked over the quickest and in a second she was at my side. Then my dad was. I swallowed a gulp I turned to my mom and whispered, "I don't want him here."
"Jen, he's your dad."
"I don't want him here." I said louder and stronger. He nodded at my mom, "Its okay, I'll talk to you later Jennifer." He left the room.
"How long were you awake?" My mom asked sitting down in my bed then snuggling into me. So we were laying right next to each other staring at the ceiling.
"Long enough. What do you mean, 'Last chance?'" I asked. She sighed, and squeezed my hand. "Nothing. The day after the fight I asked if he wanted to get back together. HE said he needed some space. So when you first got in here, I asked him again. He said no. So..." She said with a shrug.
"Your not the one who wanted to break up?" I asked. Wow, there was a lot of this fight I didn't know.
She shook her head, "I started the fight, but I didn't want to leave. I just ... thought..." She bit her lip, "I thought its just what we do. But he replied, I got pissed and replied and back and forth. Then I said I would stay at a hotel for the night so that he could have some space."
She sat up, and I moved so I was resting my head on her lap. She began stroking my hair. "Mom I'm sorry. I don't hate you." I said. "I never could. And I was just mad when I called you Jordan. I'm really really sorry. I didn't think...i wanted to make you mad..sad like I was. I wanted you to be miserable." I faked a smiled, "Its what we do." I went back to my frown. "I can't say how sorry I am."
She let out a laugh, "Its okay JD." She said, saying JD in a playful way.
I laughed. "So he was mad when you named me that, huh."
She nodded, "Totally pissed." I laughed.
"Just so you know, I hate Michelle." I said, with a smile.
"Who's Michelle?" My mom asked.
"The whore he's dating." I said and she laughed. "You don't have to hate her, you know." She answered.
I turned so I was staring up at the ceiling and turned my head a bit to look at her.
"But she's a whore. You always told me to hate whores...and sluts." I said innocently.
She shook her head, "Your..." She sighed, "You know you remind me so much of me when I was younger." She said with a wide smile and I smiled.
There was a knock on the door, "Come in," My mom said. JD walked in. "Hey JD" my mom said and I nodded my hello.
"So, you feeling okay JDJ?" He asked. I nodded with a smile. I was glad he was my doctor. "So we're going to take you in for some tests." I nodded. I stood up and sat down on the wheelchair he had brought.
My mom stayed laying on the bed, "I'll be here, when your done." She said and I smiled.
He brought me back an hour later. My mom wasn't there, which I admit bummed me out. But I sat down on my bed, and looked in the bag that was next to my bed. It had some of my clothes, I went into the bathroom and changed. When I got back out I decided to wander around. Since I awoke, a nurse took all of the stuff out of me. I was glad, I was one of those sleepers that tossed and turned a lot. So I knew if they kept machines hooked up to me I would get caught in a bunch of cords.
I wandered around, talking to people. Some nurses were talking about how the Janitor, ever so much like a knight in shining armor, carried me down here and stayed with me that whole night. Some interns were talking about how Dr. Cox told JD that if he screwed up as my doctor, Dr. Cox would seriously kill him. I rolled my eyes, he wasn't as much as a bully as he thought he was.
The next few days were boring, talking to nurses, visiting some patients and talking to them. I also watched some TV, I could now officially say I had watched every episode of Bones at least five hundred times. The best times were when I had visitors. Some friends from school, they told me about their fun summers. I loved it when my mom visited though, which was at least a thousand times a day.
I also loved seeing Sam, of course, and Izzie. Bob was even nicer than usual, he visited me four times. I was his favorite person at the hospital, I loved hearing his war stories. Sure he was still sarcastic, but I always had a comeback. Carla was my nurse, she wouldn't have it any other way, and visited me almost as much as my mom did. Kim also was constantly in the room, I had apologized two hundred times for snapping at her, I had never snapped at her or Carla and they were like second moms to me.
The only visitor I hated was my da...Perry. When he would come to visit, I would pretend I was asleep so I didn't have to talk to him. I was still mad, who was he to turn down my mom?
During my teenage years I had grown closer to my mom and distanced myself from my dad. Although it was opposite when I was little, I use to be nervous to talk to my mom. And I would sit and cuddle with my dad as he watched sports. I use to sneak out of my room and watch the two of them at night, I would watch them with their alcoholic drinks in hand. My dad would watch TV, as my mom watched him. My mom's leg would usually be between his, and he would hold her hand, resting it upon her leg. Sometimes my mom would be laying her head on his lap. Or others her head would be resting upon his shoulder. And rarely his head would be upon her lap.
I was day dreaming about this when Kim walked in. She sat down on the bed sitting down next to my thighs, and stared at me. I looked at her, she had recently been crying. "Whats wrong?" I asked her.
She sighed, "I told JD I would pick up a few of his patients, when he and Sam went to go do some male bonding. And I was paged that your tests were in. I found out whats wrong with you." She said. She reached her hand over to my knee and squeezed. "Sweetie. You have leukemia."
I nodded. Uncle Ben had leukemia. A lot of kids survive it...right? "Um, have you told anyone?" I asked. She shook her head no. "Can you not tell anyone, please."
"You wanna tell them." She said, I nodded. "Uh-huh." She nodded then stood up,
"I'll leave you alone then." She said laying my test files on the table. When she was gone I sighed, I had no intention of telling anyone. I could fight this without anyone knowing, I know I could. I was a Jordan Sullivan's daughter...Perry Cox's too.
But I know I didn't need to tell anyone. All they would do is make some big fit about it. I didn't want people to pity me, and I didn't want to loose my hair. My hair was like my moms, light brown, although I had long hair down past my shoulders. I also had my dads curly hair, although mine was more wavy than curly.
I reached into my bag, and pulled out a lighter. I didn't smoke, but when I was ten I wanted a cell phone so much but my aunt Danni bought me this lighter, instead. I wasn't able to hold it until I was thirteen. But now that I was sixteen I carried it everywhere. I grabbed the files, slipping them under my shirt. I tucked the lighter into my jean pocket.
I snuck up to the roof, no one followed me. I took out the files and the lighter, I light the files on fire. The fire starting in a corner and quickly spreading. I dropped it onto the rocks and watched it burn. I tucked the lighter back into my pocket and went back to my room. Now there was no proof, there was no cancer.