1Calvin and Hobbes skipped through a crisp, chilly autumn day without a care in the world. There was no school that day and the two best buds felt every second of the glee that comes along with that.
Hobbes tackled Calvin and they rolled around in the freshly fallen leaves, laughing all the while. 'Its so nice to have such a loving friend', thought Calvin. Once they were out of breath from laughing so hard, Calvin decided to share his feelings with his best friend in the whole wide world.
"You're my best friend, Hobbes. A guy couldn't ask for anything more. I just wish sometimes that others could see you."
Hobbes laughed and said, "I think you should burn your parent's house down."
"Really?", replied Calvin quizzically.
"Yes. They don't understand you and they never will. Burn them. For me."
That night, Calvin went home and ate a lovely dinner that his mother had prepared. Hobbes sat right by his best friends side under his chair. Lightly spiced pock chops with homemade mashed potatoes warmed his stomach and his heart.
"Did you have fun playing today, Calvin", his father asked.
"Yes! Hobbes and I found some tadpoles down at the brook and we're going to raise them into frogs!"
"That's wonderful, son."
"Kill them", mumbled Hobbes.
"Not now, Hobbes!", yelled Calvin.
His father had a worried look on his face. "You know, Calvin, your mother and I would like to have a talk with you about your stuffed anim...ummm... Hobbes, I mean."
"They'll kill me first and then come for you!", exclaimed Hobbes.
"No!", yelled Calvin as he ran from the table and up to his room, leaving Hobbes in the chair.
Mother and Father looked very concerned. They worried that their son would never grow out of carrying around his stuffed animal.
Father said to Mother, "Should we just throw it out and make up a story?"
Suddenly, Hobbes sprang to life, leapt on the kitchen table, extended his claws and said, "FUCK ALL YA'LL!"
Blood splashed against the walls as Hobbes first sliced into Father's jugular and, with lightning speed, reached across the table and ripped out Mother's heart with his bare hands. He ate the heart in one gulp and then drank from the fountain of crimson blood that shot out from Father's neck... turning his head to make him watch as he did it.
Calvin walked back into the dinning room. Hobbes looked up at him as human goo dripped from his whiskers and said:
"Now burn the house. Quickly!"
"You're my best friend".