Disclaimer: Hellsing belongs people who are not me. I am making £0.00 out of this fic, it is written purely because I have a burning need to create. Although I would like to own Alucard . . . then he'd be mine.

Rating: PG-13

Authoress note: Vampires should not train mortal soldiers.

Seras looked out at the troops and winced.

She knew she was probably slightly biased, but she wasn't impressed that Sir Integra had decided to hire mercenaries. She was even less impressed when the mercenaries had found her amusing. But she had proven herself in that meeting and had hoped to get some respect from them for that but now all she got were uncomfortable looks and genuine fear. So she was even less impressed when Integra had decided that she would be the one to educate and train the troops. In her opinion, the troops were probably already well-trained in the art of killing things for money and they shared her opinion but Sir Integra had pointed out that none of those things were vampires or ghouls. Seras had to admit that this was probably right.

"What's so hard?" Pip snapped "you see the enemy you fill it full of bullets and you leave." Seras sighed. They had been having this argument for a good half an hour now and we're getting nowhere.

"As I have already said Captain, vampires are different. Bullets won't stop them unless you strike the right areas and use the correct ammunition." Seras bit the inside of her mouth and tasted blood. The mercenaries were so damned frustrating! She almost wished master were here to give her a hand. At least they would listen to him, probably while soiling themselves but the mood Seras was in at the moment a good soiling would have been deserved.

"Ok, so Miss Vampire once we've got the right guns and the right ammunition what's the big difference?" Pip snarled Seras concentrated on not slapping him and had an idea.

"Alright," she said suddenly perking up a bit, "you take your guns and try to hit me." It was a really stupid idea in retrospect but if it got her point across Seras would try it. So with a smile and a wave she launched herself out into the firing pitch and started running. Absently she heard the sounds of men shouting for a few moments before the first shot sounded. She laughed it was a good meter from where she was. This game continued for a few minutes until one of the shots got almost lucky and Seras ducked behind an empty car for a moment. The bullet had grazed her leg. She swore to herself realising what a stupid idea this was. She sighed to herself. At least the men were not using the proper ammunition. She would not be killed, but it would still bloody hurt if she got hit properly. She was contemplating ending the exercise when she was distracted.

"Police girl what are you doing?" Alucard was suddenly leaning over her, a look of confusion on his features.

"Training the men," Seras mumbled, looking at her wounded leg. Alucard seemed to contemplate this for a moment before coughing lightly and looking even more confused. "Well, they didn't understand what it was like to try and shoot a vampire so I was trying to show them."

"By letting them shoot at you?" Alucard stated. Seras blushed.

"Kind of dumb?" She muttered, Alucard smirked and nodded putting a gloved hand over her seeping wound.

"Yes, dumb," he agreed "but your reasoning, it has something to it." He grinned, Seras suddenly became worried.

"What are you going to do?" she asked, her voice shaking a little, partly with worry and partly with satisfaction. Alucard could prove her point better than she could and like she had thought earlier, a good soiling of pants would be good for the men. After all, they were more likely to survive in the field if they truly understood what it was they were up against. "Don't hurt anyone," was all she said. Alucard raised an eyebrow.

"Well, well," he crooned "finally starting to appreciate me."

"You're more than just a scare tactic master," Seras snapped, "but you are good at creeping people out." Alucard frowned for a moment before shaking his head.

"I'll take that as a compliment," he said after a moment. Seras smiled watching as he stood up and absently licked her blood from his hand. He seemed to think for another moment before snarling at the men and hurling himself at them. Seras remained behind her empty car and listen to the shouts of fear and the angry snarls from master. The gunshots came thick and fast and she chuckled knowing that it would do them no good. Bullets didn't stop her master. There were sounds of metal bending and breaking and then suddenly it all stopped, the shouts, the shots and the snarls. Seras stood up and felt her heart fall. Integra was watching and Integra did not look pleased.

"Alucard if you would please be so kind as to get off my new Captain and tell me what the bloody hell is going on here!" Integra started speaking calmly, but her sentence ended sharply.

"Teaching," was Alucard's reply as he got off Pip whom he had currently pinned to the ground.

"You'll have to do a lot better than that," Integra snarled and Seras found herself walking forwards and speaking before she even realised what she was doing.

"Please sir, he was helping me," she called, Integra turned to look at her as she ran forwards covering a large distance in moments.

"Seras," Integra frowned hard at the fledgling and Seras winced but continued.

"I was trying to prove to them men what it was like to go up against a real vampire, but they didn't understand so I gave a demonstration," she paused for a moment and swallowed "and well master is a lot scarier than me."

"That still doesn't explain why all the guns are broken, three men are currently bleeding steadily onto my grounds and I believe that four men are unconscious," another man fainted behind Integra, "Five." She corrected.

"No one's dead," Alucard said as if trying to look on the bright side. Integra nodded.

"None is dead, however, two are in shock, and I believe only my Captain is unharmed." Integra pinched the bridge of her nose "Alucard I will deal with you later." She turned to the men lying and sitting about the grounds, many staring at their guns that the master vampire had bent with his bare hands "I hope you have found this education, useful gentleman. It is no good to go into the field not understanding your enemy. I hope that has been rectified." No one said anything, Alucard snarled again, suddenly everyone conscious was agreeing with Integra. Seras giggled, her plan had worked. No doubt she and Master would be punished for such actions, but she didn't mind. Maybe she could get master to teach her how to move as fast as he had if they were stuck for something to do.

"Seras I don't think you should be training any more men," Integra sighed, turning away beginning to walk back to the mansion. "Alucard come, we have something to discuss." Seras turned to her master and mouthed 'Thank you' as he stood. He ruffled her hair and smiled as he walked passed her.

"And you can stop looking so damn pleased with yourself!" Integra yelled.


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