Authors Note: I hope this one is alright. Review it. This is for -chan SP who wanted Grimmjaw to be on bottom. I do not own Bleach of any of its characters.
I had always thought I was a masochist.
I guess it would explain the early stages of puberty.
You know, cutting myself.
Jacking off with a bloody wrist.
That sort of thing.
I don't really know how I got into it.
I came from a rich family.
Started doing drugs at a young age.
(Twelve, or thirteen?)
The funny thing is, the only part I liked about drugs was the withdrawal.
I'd do heroin, just to experience it.
I guess you could say I was always fucked.
But, I only knew something was wrong with me as soon as I'd met him.
He messed everything up.
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?" He practically screamed at me.
I wasn't doing much.
At least not enough for him to be practically shitting himself over.
I was burning cigarettes into my arm.
"Feeling" I drawled out.
He slapped my hand, and the cigarette out of it.
"Feeling? What the fuck do you mean, feeling?"
Something clenched at the pit of my gut.
Not enough to hurt.
Just enough to feel.
I stared at him curiously.
"It turns me on." I said with a smirk, "hurting myself like this. Is that what you wanted to hear?"
His body was trembling.
My cock was stiff.
It had been one of those really long days at school.
I had a shitload of homework, and not enough time to do all of it.
I had six projects coming up.
That plus the shitload of work I had to finish for tomorrow.
"I'm home" I called out.
Even though I knew no one would answer.
I was proved wrong soon enough.
My dad was home early today.
He'd been drinking again.
It wasn't long before he started to hit me.
"Grimmjaw?" He asked, hesitantly.
He didn't want to know the answer to whatever question he asked, so why bother?
"What?" I answered.
"Did you do that to yourself?"
He was talking about my swollen face.
Or maybe it was about the cuts on my arms.
But he probably couldn't see those.
It was probably my face.
I brought my fingers to it, and I smirked as it started to sting.
"That's none of your business." I replied easily.
He averted his gaze, "I guess not" he murmured weakly.
Was I hurting him?
I edged closer to him, and sighed.
"Ichigo" I breathed out his name.
He gave me a weary glance.
"I'm worried about you" He said. And I chuckled. "It's nothing I can't handle."
And I was right.
For the most part.
I lay down on the floor of my room.
I stared at the ceiling.
My entire body was sore.
Dad was harder today.
Everything was numb.
It didn't hurt enough.
"Grimmjaw, can I talk to you?"
"I don't want to talk to you"
I answered stiffly.
I didn't talk to him for a while after that.
I had five hour shifts every day.
I was a stock boy.
Filling, emptying, and stocking shelves and boxes.
The boss knew that I was fucked up.
He never said anything, and in turn, I always worked late and unreasonable hours.
It was a good system.
I made eight dollars an hour.
Five hour shifts, five times a week.
I was at Ichigo's house, and we were both working on our Math Project.
It was basically all of the shit we did all year, packed into one review.
One review that was ten percent of our mark.
I let out a frustrated sigh.
"Fuck, it's three already. Let's call it a night?"
I growled out.
It took us half an hour to set up a mattress on the floor.
Ever since our first sleepover, I had always slept on the floor. Ichigo had always gotten the bed. (Even when we were at my house -which didn't happen often-)
I couldn't sleep tonight, though.
I let out a long sigh.
Ichigo whispered from the bed.
I waited for my eyes to adjust.
I murmured as I moved to make my way into the bed with him.
He moved to make space.
I lay down beside him, and we held each other and fell asleep.
I woke up to him tracing the scars on my arms.
On my back.
Touching me everywhere.
Stinging the still new wounds.
I let out a moan.
He suddenly jumped.
"G-Grimmjaw?" He practically squeaked.
No more words.
I pressed my mouth onto his, and I felt him shake next to me.
"More" I growled against his lips.
He gripped my shoulders, as I continued to kiss him. I pinned him underneath me, and straddled his waist with a smirk. Fuck.
I suddenly pulled away.
His eyes were wide underneath me.
He hadn't kissed back, and he hadn't even closed his eyes.
He turned his head away.
Something in my stomach.
Something in my chest.
Strong enough to leave a scar.
I went home after that.
I went straight to my house, and room.
I pulled at my hair; I banged my head against a wall; I grabbed my pocket knife and sliced my arm; I overdosed on pills.
And then I fell asleep.
There was too much pain to do anything else.
I woke up with come all over my stomach.
My ass was sore.
I realized my dad had been in here.
I laughed, but my throat was dry so I began to cough.
I sat up, and winced.
Especially once I opened my eyes.
And saw Ichigo standing there with his widened eyes.
I looked down at my blood caked arms, and let out a sigh.
I didn't expect him to start crying.
He made his way over to me, and trembled as he tried to hold onto me.
I would have held him back (I guess) if I could feel my arms.
"Ichigo? Wanna get me some water?"
He nodded, and left.
He came back no more than five seconds later.
"Here." He said, "do you need help drinking it?"
"Yeah." I said with a smirk.
He moved the cup towards my lips, and slowly tilted it back until the water touched my tongue.
I sighed in contentment.
"Thanks" I said, once I had swallowed the water greedily.
He couldn't stop staring at my arms.
"I don't like this." He muttered.
Not like he could actually do anything about it.
"Was it me?" He suggested dumbly.
I thought for a moment.
"No, Ichigo. Don't flatter yourself."
I guess you could say we got closer after that.
And, by closer, I do mean Ichigo never let me out of his sight.
It didn't bother me so much.
It sort of grated my nerves when he watched me eat my lunch.
Or when he started crying, and thought I couldn't see him.
But especially when he started to follow me home.
"Where the fuck do you think you're going?"
Something in my stomach again.
Like moths gnawing at my inside.
"Well, you can't"
I looked at him, and noticed the determined look in his eyes.
I offered him a small smile.
I began walking again. I had work today, so it wasn't as though he would be staying for a long time.
Hopefully my dad wasn't home.
My dad slurred.
Ichigo smiled at him, "Hey, Mr. Jaggerjack."
He left us alone after that.
And I was genuinely surprised.
Ichigo and I went to my room.
And I kissed him again.
I couldn't stop kissing him.
He didn't kiss me back.
But I didn't care.
I lay in bed with Ichigo until it was time for me to go.
We didn't do any work, or projects.
We just stayed there.
But this foreign feeling was also surprisingly comforting.
I kissed him goodbye.
Walking home after work.
The air was nice and breezy.
It felt crisp.
There were four men following after me.
Maybe I'd just let them rape me.
Fuck me up a bit more.
I called out.
The men stopped.
I turned around and smirked at them.
"You want me boys?"
I came home at six o clock in the morning.
I was supposed to come at three.
I was a little bloody and I was definitely limping.
I had sacked one of them in the face.
He had punished me accordingly.
I came home to find Ichigo working on my bed.
My eyes were tired.
My entire body felt like a brick.
"…Grimmjaw?" He asked, his eyes widening as soon as he saw me.
"You can't even save me, Ichigo."
And I laughed.
I laughed until I started to sob.
All Ichigo could do was watch me with wide eyes.
He held me.
And I felt like a pussy.
I shuddered as I tried to pull away.
I didn't want this.
I didn't want this.
I hated this.
The more I hated it.
The more I edged closer.
The more I pulled him against me.
The more I wanted to kiss him all over again.
"You need a shower."
He said, as he looked at me.
"Can you trust me in there alone?"
No he couldn't.
He blushed, and I smirked.
"Fuck you." He muttered before grabbing my wrist and dragging me to the bathroom.
It hurt a bit when he did that, but I didn't bring it up.
I liked it when Ichigo hurt me.
He watched me wash my body.
He watched the water trickle down my chest, down my stomach.
He watched my erection.
His face was flushed.
He shook his head hurridly.
"Just hurry up, Grimmjaw."
"First I have to take care of something."
His eyes were huge as he watched me start to jack off.
It wasn't long before he decided to leave the bathroom.
Probably to go take care of his problem too.
I didn't finish jacking off.
It wasn't as interesting without him there.
I turned the water to scalding hot.
I stayed there for another thirty minutes.
Ichigo came to check on me then.
He shouted as he ran over to the shower and turned the water off completely.
"Do you do this to just piss me off?"
He continued to yell.
My skin was raw.
"I do this to get your attention." I said.
He growled at me.
I did this before I met him too though.
But, I do it in front of him and stuff to get his attention (I think)
Actually I have no idea.
I smirked as he began to mutter something to himself.
Was he really worried about me? Or was I just a burden ?
Maybe I thought that if he didn't know about any of this, he wouldn't feel the compulsion to be with me all the time.
He looked at me warily.
"I want you.
"How come I don't believe you then?"
"I don't know." I said with a shrug.
"You fucking sadomasochist." He muttered.
Maybe I did like seeing Ichigo hurt.
"What if I am then, Ichi?"
"Then I plan to fuck you so hard, it's the only way you're ever gonna wanna be hurt again."
"What are you waiting for?"
My skin was red and raw.
He lay down on the bed, and I straddled his waist.
He gripped my shoulders as I began to suck on his neck.
Biting the skin there.
He groaned in pain.
I was naked and dripping.
I sucked until there wasn't a spot on his neck and shoulders that wasn't covered in either red or blood.
He was hard.
I almost laughed, but settled for a smirk.
I pinched his nipples through his shirt, and he writhed underneath me.
"Exactly." I said, before unzipping his pants.
A pretty big size for a red-head.
Before he could even try to take his pants completely off I had slammed myself down on his cock.
His eyes were wide, and he practically screamed.
I gripped his shoulders, and smirked.
My lower half felt like it was ripped in two.
I smirked, as I began to ride him.
I was unbelievably hard.
No lubricant, no preparation.
I knew I was bleeding.
Like a professional.
I moaned, as I began to pump my cock and ride him at the same time.
This was so good.
He suddenly flipped the two of us around so he was pounding into me.
It wasn't as deep as it was before.
"Ichigo, what the f-fuck!"
He began to pinch and twist at my nipples, and I couldn't help but love it.
I was so close.
He began to fuck harder.
Angled at my prostate every time.
He began to bite my neck.
I let out a sob as I came.
All over my hand, and his stomach.
It took him a few more thrusts to come inside of me.
He moved to pull out, and I pulled him closer.
I wanted it to hurt in the morning.