Hey! I'm actually kind of happy with this chapter. Let's just say good day means depressing, angsty chapter goodness! Sorry I haven't updated I'm trying to update each one of my stories before Tuesday so far this is my second....It's not finished I'm changing that thing now I was listening to Breathe Me when I wrote this, so chapter name =] A really good song everyone needs to check out is Savin' Me Nickleback, Show Me What I'm Looking For Carolina Liar and Stand In The Rain by Superchick!! Anyone have BOOK recommendations??
I wasn't surprised by the immediate arrival of the practical kin coven. However, I was surprised by the somberness of their perfect faces. Edward had stayed in his bedroom as Carlisle ushered them in with a brusque smile.
Esme and the others were gathered in the living room each with grave features even Emmett when he tried to comment on the uneasy atmosphere his voice fell flat and Rosalie patted his shoulder, letting a ghost of her old smile show. Not enough.
I filtered through the walls, eventually settling in Edward's bedroom. He sat on the couch, staring with hard cold eyes at the clock on the wall. I bit my lip and folded my arms across my chest as I heard Tanya and the others settle in as the other Cullen's greeted them.
As much as I appreciated them coming to pay condolences and grief my death I hated the tinkering feeling I always got when I was close to Tanya. When Edward and I married I met Tanya, Kate and Carmen and Eleazar. It was small period of time later that I met Irina.
Although at first it was awkward they soon came comfortable around my scent. Kate and I grew close even as I grew older so I wasn't surprised to see her face to see her eyes void of the livid glisten then usually shone through.
Tanya and I had a mutual understanding and therefore we chatted freely and she often visited me when I was younger, Kate always tagging along.
Carmen and Eleazar. I had grown to see them like Edward and I. We were all halves to one person and though Eleazar hunted with Emmett and Edward, leaving Carmen with me sometimes I could always tell her head wasn't in the current conversation. Then again mine wasn't either.
Irina had really never found a new mate but said she liked being single. I knew she hated it.
I wondered whether I should flit down to see them but a look at Edward across from me and that thought was quickly shut down. There were gentle murmurs beneath me that I could easily hear if I concentrated but there was only one thing grabbing my attention.
Edward was always so guarded. So, calm and collected; controlled. It frightened me to see him like this. Shattered, lonely. Broken. Edward always acted like the stubborn one hundred year old that I loved but now?
His eyes fluttered shut, his long eyelashes rested on his cheekbones and a strangled whimper echoed through pale lips. I swallowed the scream that suddenly burned in my throat and walked over to him.
I kneeled down, resting my arms on his legs, never hinting at putting weight on them. I rose a shaking hand to his face and trailed my finger tips along his features never quite touching him but my fingers sizzled at the electric current jolting through them.
"So silly," I mused to myself. Another whimper and I flinched away involuntary. So much pain that I couldn't heal. Pain, I had caused. Everyone else was hurting too but the pain was surrounding my widow and helping him would help the others.
"I love you. We're going to get through this" I chanted but of course he didn't hear me and soon I was screaming it with conviction that would be wasted. I hadn't notice the tears that washed down my face as I belted my hands through his feet.
"I love you. I love you. I love you. I love..I..I, " I croaked and fell to the floor and I cried, cried for all I had lost, cried for sadness and joy and my own selfishness, cried for Edward and Alice and Emmett and Mom and Dad.
Why had I bothered coming here? Was it so I could feed my soul or did I always want to inflict pain among myself and others. I lifted myself back to my feet and walked to the window.
"What else," I said softly and let myself fall back, closing my eyes and letting go. I was empty. Air rushed by me and I snapped my eyes open, landing on my feet downstairs in the living room.
"Kate? Are you alright?" Esme asked. She was sitting in between Irina and Tanya, her head in her hands, her blonde hair was in a messy pony tail but even this surprised me. She loved having her hair down, flowing out, blowing in the breeze or cascading down in her back.
A muffled 'yes' was all she got for a moment and then she looked up. Her eyes were red, which one would think was from crying but I knew it was from rubbing the tears, so uncomfortable in her golden eyes that would never fall.
Tanya rubbed her back soothingly and Carlisle gave a sympathetic smile.
Tanya rose to her feet and I noticed her clothes for the first time. Baggy sweat pants and a string top with a ratty sweater and her hair in a braid at the back of her hair, running down her back.
"I think I'll go and see how Edward is doing," She said delicately. Eleazar nodded and Kate got to her feet, her hand now entwined in Irina's tugged her up.
"We'll go too," But her sister shook her head, giving her a tight smile.
"No. If you don't mind too much, dear sister and Carlisle I would like to speak to Edward alone," Reluctantly Kate nodded and fell back into her position on the couch, dragging Irina down with her.
She turned for the stairs but Carlisle interceded her next step, stepping out and placing a hand on her shoulder. She turned her head and rose a perfect eyebrow.
"Be cautious with your words, Tanya. There's no man up there. There's only a broken boy who needs to be fixed. Please?" She smiled and nodded and Carlisle dropped his hand, letting it fall back to his side as he sat down beside Esme, who quickly curled into his side.
Instead of flitting up the stairs she took each step with deliberation and one look at her face I saw the conversation burning into place already.
I got to the room before her and scrutinized Edward because his face never changed at the three subtle knocks on his door before Tanya slowly walked in, stopping to close the door behind her and stopped in front of Edward.
"Edward, I'm sorry about Bella,"
"I know its hard but your going to get over this,"
A snap. His eyes narrowed and his sight focused murderously on her.
"Are you implying I'll simply 'get over' Bella? Because if you are Tanya leave right now," A weak hiss. She stepped through me and sat down beside Edward. I saw him stiffen, uncomfortable, and a pang of hurt smashed her face into a million pieces before she smiled.
"Of course not. I liked Bella, Kate loved her like another sister and you loved her, all of you loved her. She'll never, ever be forgotten I know that. But don't you think Esme and Carlisle and the others have lost enough without losing you too?" She was guilt tripping him into recovering. I hissed but I knew she was right.
"They had years to prepare for it," He snapped but there was an unsure edge to his voice, an unguarded area.
"No one can prepare for death. Not even you and you knew Bella's death was inevitable from the time you refused to change her," He snarled low and looked at her again with cruel eyes.
"Its true," She had crossed the line.
"I know you don't want to hear this but no one else will man up and I'm sorry I have to do it but I love you Edward and I'm going to get you better, we all love you,"
Silence again, weighing down on them like an angry fist.
"Have you made arrangements for her cremation?" She asked softly and this she time she didn't look up as he got to his feet and sneered down at her through narrowed slits, his golden eyes burning like a brilliant fire in anger as he growled.
"None of your damn well business," He would feel bad for raising his voice to her later but I saw her nod. She bowed her head and her lips twitched.
"I've met Edward the smart-aleck, the gentleman, the vampire and the lover, the husband and the Edward I thought, you know, one day could be my mate, before Bella, of course. But I have never met Edward the selfish idiot before and I'm sure Bella never did but if she saw you now she would hate what your becoming. That is for sure," He looked as if he had been punched in the gut and was about to crumble beneath her horrible, harsh words.
"Get out," He roared in a shattered tone, grief sinking its teeth into it and sadness caressing it like a mother would do for a child.
He lunged. But he wouldn't hurt her even in his worst moment. I knew Edward and he wasn't that person and I was correct. He tried to sweep her away towards the door but she wrestled him to the ground, climbing on top of him and pinning his hands to the ground.
"Get off of me," He screamed and she shook her head.
I stood by the self, watching as the anger bubbled inside me. Did she seriously think she was helping? Hurting him? Pressurizing him into forgetting me? He's so broken now how can he be fixed? You can. How? By him getting assaulted and only getting him to isolate himself more? Help him. I'm going to heal him, no matter what. Now.
Anger swept over me like an almightily wave and I lashed out, slapping the vase on his self. It twirled through the air and made contact with the wall opposite me, breaking the glass into a million pieces and water dripped down the wall marking its presence.
My chest heaved, my breaths came in uneven pants and I screamed. They looked up, eyes wide and laid their eyes on the glass shards and looked around for the sudden scream. There was a hitch from the conversation down stairs and I heard them come up the stairs.
Tanya's face was horror stricken as she clambered off Edward and gazed around, while the new arrivals surrounded her, asking questions. Edward looked ecstatic with relief and that crooked smile graced his face as he got to his feet and looked around.
"Bella," It wasn't a question any more.