Fandom: Brokeback Mountain
Title: Jumping To Conclusions
Theme: 4. I'm being punished for all my offences, I wanna touch you but I'm afraid of the consequences.
Pairing/Characters: Jack Twist/Ennis del Mar
Rating: PG-13 for sexuality and a few swear words.
Disclaimer/claimer (if needed): I don't own them. Hell, I don't even own the movie, the library lent it to me. Actually, they technically own me since I cried for an hour after watching the movie.
Summary (if needed): He didn't care if it was going to turn out to be complicated. Seeing Jack every now and then would make up for all of that.
Ennis watched Jack sleep, something he did quite a lot when they actually got to see each other. They didn't see each other all that often, so it was never something Ennis took for granted. He couldn't just wake up every morning and stare at him, not only because Jack was a him as opposed to her, but because of his feelings. Because of their life. So maybe if he hadn't been afraid to let anymore be made out of their relationship, maybe he could be happy with Jack. He wasn't sure if that's what would come out of them, two men living together, touching each other, loving each other. It's part of why he was so afraid of this - somehow, Jack had become his life and he didn't want him to become his life. Ennis wasn't supposed to love men, wasn't supposed to love Jack. He just had, and it wasn't something he could exactly change.
God, he wanted to be able to do this every morning. Not in a tent, of course, and probably not on Brokeback Mountain. He wanted to hold Jack, or have Jack hold him, three hundred and sixty-five days in every year. It just couldn't work like that, wouldn't work like that. It shouldn't work like this. All of this situation was unfair,and there was just no correct way to solve it. Most people would just tell them to forget about each other - if they had told anybody. Neither of them had, of course, but that's what would happen if anyone had ever found out. Regardless, they couldn't just leave each other. That was not a possibility for them, even though they sure didn't act like that was the case, both of them knew full well that those were definitely the circumstances. At least, that's what Ennis thought and hoped Jack thought too.
The thought had crossed Ennis's mind a fair share times, each time returning all-too often - more commonly, and unfortunately, now. What if he had put Jack through so much stress and hell that it wasn't even worth it anymore? Maybe he'd wasted all this time trying to believe they could have a nice few fucks on a mountainside, denying their feelings by pretending there were none. Maybe these ignored feelings had been left alone for too long and they were losing interest, or more likely, driving the other crazy. And Ennis would hate to see Jack go that kind of crazy, simply because it would be his fault and he would know it. Ennis had been thinking about it for God knows how long, but until now, he'd never seriously considered it. Maybe the answer was leaving Jack. Not that it would make either of them happy, which is what they were looking for, but it would make things better - hopefully, at least. If Jack didn't have to worry about Ennis and Ennis didn't have to worry about Jack, then the world could be back to normal. Sort of
Ennis would miss him. Fuck, there was no way in the world Ennis wouldn't miss Jack. This was not how things were supposed to work things out, Ennis knew it. A simple twist of fate and Jack had turned his whole life around, for the better and the worse. No matter what Ennis did, he knew that nothng would make himself completely happy. While he was sure this, in this moment, was the best it was ever going to get, it just complicated things. So maybe he would break Jack's heart in leaving, but at least it wouldn't complicate his life.
That was his answer - stepping out of the tent, the rising sun glared in his eyes and blinded him. What was worse, the cool morning air and whipping window did nothing for his naked torso. "Shit," he muttered to himself, although it came out a little louder than expected. Poking his head back in the tent, he watched Jack to make sure he was still fully asleep. Tip-toeing back inside, he recovered his shirt and pulled it over his head. Pausing for a moment, he pulled other things that he definitely didn't want to leave behind into his arms. He began to make his way out of the tent when he remembered what he was doing. Turning around, he met Jack's eyes.
"Oh," Ennis said, his simple statement reminding him of how he had barely ever talked to any one until he met Jack.
"Whatcha do'n'?" Jack mumbled, rubbing his eyes.
"Nothin'," Ennis mumbled, although he still stood awkwardly with his upperbody in the tent, and his legs exposed to the outside. He wasn't sure why, but he stood there, staring at Jack for a few moments; he didn't even try to get away or make it look like he was coming back in. The least he could do, he knew, was make himself comfortable. But he didn't; he just stood there.
Jack pushed himself up onto his elbows and he seemed to gradually become more awake. Ennis was just waiting for him to put the pieces together and realize that he was about to leave. The more Ennis thought about it, the worse he felt. Now that he was looking Jack in the eyes, he remembered why he had never been able to force himself to leave until earlier. Suddenly, Jack stopped in mid-yawn. "Ennis," he began, his eyes staring directly at the clothes hugged to his chest, "wha's withuh clo--"
"'S nothin', Jack," Ennis said quickly. "Gon' do laundry."
"Oh," Jack said, nodding to himself, almost as if he was afraid Ennis was about to literally do what he had just been contemplating. "Awright, boy. Need 'ny help?"
"No, think 'm fine," Ennis mumbled. Looking up, he added, "Call if I need ya, though."
"Awright," Jack replied. "B' the way, mornin'."
"Ya too, cowboy."
Ennis stopped outside of tent and looked around. He supposed that he did, in fact, have to do laundry now, even though he didn't really want to. Well, he figured, at least one thing was solved, even though it was in no way a good solution. He didn't care if it was going to turn out to be complicated. Seeing Jack every now and then would make up for all of that.