"When you're fighting for the one you love,
The walls and barriers that once held you back,
Dissolve into the desire to give your beloved Everything,
Mind, Body, Soul..."
"Bella, I think it's time for you to sleep..." the velvety voice echoed in the darkness of my room. Though his tone was soft and full of comfort, I felt a wave of excitement flush through me and the quickening of my heartbeat must have been obvious him, because I swore I saw Edward roll his eyes as he smiled that beloved crooked smile at me.
This would be the perfect moment. The perfect memory. Two lovers, lying in bed. Wrapped in eachothers arms. This would be the perfect moment...
If he didn't have to leave...
If we could go further...
Then he looked down at me, and placed a soft kiss on my forehead. His gentle eyes were a beautiful honey colour. Why did he even need to think about leaving? "You look tired, love." he said knowingly.
I was well aware that I was exhausted, but I knew that once I closed my eyes Edward was going to head off on his hunting trip. That meant I wouldn't see him for at least two days.
Then I looked away, my bottom lip automatically sticking out a little, "I'm not going to sleep." I stated this as defiantly as I could, but I knew it was true. I would surely not be able to get a blink of sleep for as long as Edward was away.
I was far too attached to him. I wanted him. I needed him.
Every single day.
And definitely at night.
Who else could chase away the nightmares?
"Bella," I had to look into his eyes now. Something about his tone made me feel sorry for giving him a hard time when he was going away. When I met his gaze, I saw it. He didn't need to tell me, "This is just as hard for me as it is for you."
I bit my lip, trying to stop it from trembling as the tears threatened to come. If he didn't get to cry, then why should I?
It's as if he can read my mind sometimes, because right at that moment he leaned down and kissed me again. This time our lips met.
He would allow this occasionally... whenever he knew I was stressed, or upset. He would almost allow me to believe that the walls were down, that we could do anything. While he stayed completely in control, of course. A kind of... tension release for me. Though I knew it must just torture him.
I loved Edward for this, but I hated myself for it all the same.
His arms tightened around my waist as our lips moved against eachother. I knew I had gone wild, but Edward hadn't. He was using all his restraint, to allow us as close as possible, and to allow me to let loose while he kept himself contained. He was working hard to keep himself completely under control...
or so I thought.
"Edward..." I spoke when he broke the kiss to allow me breathe. I surely would not have thought of it on my own.
His lips moved over my face, playfully kissing me from my jaw line, to my cheeks, to my eyelids, to my nose, "Yes, sweet Bella?"
I couldn't help but give a contented sigh as his eyes finally met mine, "I..." Oh God... I need him to know, but how was I going to say this? "I can't wait to become Mrs. Edward Cullen."
I saw his eyes flash. They went from the warm sweet gaze he had been enveloping me with, to ice cold in a second. I feared that I had managed to make him angry. But what did I say? I thought he wanted marriage! I thought he wanted me!
I was upset, angry with myself for ruining yet another perfect moment between us when...
His eyes flashed again. And now when I looked into them, I found myself unable to breathe.
I had never seen that look before.
What was that?
Before my mind could register what was happening, I was lying flat on my back, I felt a wave of the purest excitement as Edward hovered over me on my bed.
I tried to make sense of the smoldering stare I was receiving, but he didn't answer me with words. Instead he closed the space between us.
What had that look been?
Bella had looked so lost at that moment. I felt a wave of guilt flood my senses as she bit her lip. A move Bella only does when she doesn't feel right about crying.
How absurd could this girl possibly be?
I did not want to leave her, and certainly not like this.
I know this doesn't help us in the long run, but I can't stand to see the woman I love in so much pain. I'd die before I allowed it.
I leaned toward her, watching her eyes widen ever so slightly as our lips met. She knew what I was doing. What I was allowing her to do.
Yes... this was all for Bella...
I felt her body press against me, and I bit back a moan as I tightened my arms around her waist, pulling her as close as I could without crushing her.
I have control... I have control...
I repeated this to myself over and over as she gently bit down on my lower lip.
She needs to breathe, My common sense was at least not lost as I reluctantly pulled away to let Bella catch her breath.
She looked up at me then, her eyes were sightly hidden behind those beautiful long lashes of hers.
Oh how I needed this girl.
"Edward..." her soft voice broke me from my trance. I smiled at her adorably flushed expression, planting little kisses all over her face. I swore I almost heard her giggle, but she stopped herself.
She had something to say.
"Yes, sweet Bella?" I coaxed her to continue, now simply watching as her beautiful face shaped into a thoughtful expression.
"I..." she paused. Oh, God! Why did you give me this little seductress? I was definitely using all of my control to simply not ravish her there and then. I wanted Bella, body and soul.
But I will refrain, I will not lose myself to the monster that...
"I can't wait to become Mrs. Edward Cullen."
I could not believe my ears. I knew Bella had agreed to be my wife, but since then she had not made the smallest inclination to the matter.
Now she was telling me that she couldn't wait...
Could her words make a dead heart beat once more? I was almost sure...
I don't know what my face portrayed. I was too lost in the shear shock and joy I felt from what she had just said. I felt the love I had for Bella multiply to an unimaginable scale. I felt as if I had died and gone to heaven— as impossible as that was.
"Edward...?" her voice was uncertain, worried. What had she to be worried about?
Was she afraid that I might not want this?
Looking into her eyes, I could've sworn I was the anxiety.
She really did not see herself. She did not understand that I would do anything for her.
I'd show her. I'd answer all her questions.
Without hesitation I rolled us over so that I was now kneeling over my beloved as her worried expression turned to the sexiest look of confusion I had ever seen.
I was 'dazzling' her.
We held eachothers gaze for an instant before I leaned in once again to steal the space between us.
Our bodies moulded together as I took her lips. She let out the smallest gasp of surprise, but it was quickly lost in the passion she suddenly released into the kiss.
I would not hurt this woman. I would not allow myself to cause the love of my life any harm.
I would however, make sure I never saw that look of uncertainty in her eyes ever again.
Edward began our kiss slowly but purposefully. I felt myself tense at the new passion at first, but I had melted in an instant. My hands found their way to his gorgeous hair as I began to tangle myself in it.
I then heard the most amazing sound to ever meet my ears.
It was a deep throaty sound that seemed to vibrate through my entire body before settling itself in the pit of my stomach. This intense feeling caused me to squirm, and I think I rubbed against Edward...
Was that his—?
Edward suddenly went very still and his eyes clenched shut. I immediately felt my heart plummet. I then felt the guilt. I had just taken complete advantage of the man I loved. Is that why he stopped? Did he just realise it himself?
I would stop manipulating him right now. Edward did not deserve any of this. I slowly began to shuffle away from him but— to my complete shock— Edward's placed his hand on my hip, holding me in place.
I was about to squirm. I had to get away from him and apologise. But just as I began to move again he held me a little tighter and spoke, "I'm sorry, Bella..."
My heard almost stopped.
He was apologising to me?!
"I'm sorry," he repeated, his eyes now opening slowly. I hadn't noticed he's stopped breathing until he inhaled a deep breath then before continuing, "I was getting a little carried away. I hope I didn't ruin anything for you..."
Was he asking a question?
"N-no..." I breathed, not sure exactly what I was saying.
But my answer seemed to relieve him, "Good," then he surprised me again when that crooked smile that I love played across his face, "Now..." he spoke in a husky tone and my heart skipped at least three beats as he lowered himself over me once more, "Where were we...?"
It was a trick. He had remembered all along.
His lips brushed against mine again, and just before I could respond, they were gone. He moved up to the point below my earlobe and began placing open mouth kisses from there, down my neck and as far as my collar bone.
Thank God Charlie had to work the night shift tonight, because I couldn't help the loud moan that left my lips. Edward seemed to smile against my skin as he continued his trail from my collar bone, back up to my ear.
This was torture...
And I loved it!
I quickly tore his lips from my skin and pulled him up to me. I kissed him desperately, and he was responding. Our mouths moved against eachother and I let out a small gasp when I felt his tongue tracing my bottom lip. I quickly parted my lips, allowing him total access to deepen the kiss. He made no hesitation in doing so, and the sensation of having him inside my mouth was just amazing.
His cold tongue played with my own as his hands began to move from my hips to buttons of my pyjama shirt. He pulled away as he began to slowly undo each button on the shirt. When his cold fingers met my skin I suddenly jumped, accidentally grinding myself against him.
Suddenly... no more pyjama shirt. I heard his breath hitch, and I realised...
I didn't wear a bra to bed...
My eyes shot open and I immediately saw his gaze focused on my chest. He had never seen me like this, and I suddenly felt very self conscious under his intense stare. I moved my hands to cover myself, but he took my wrists and looked straight into my eyes, "No hiding. Not tonight."
I heard myself gasp as his lips suddenly lowered over my right breast. He began flicking his tongue against my hardened nipple using his left hand to kneed my other breast. My hands began to explore underneath his shirt, feeling up along his toned chest. Within a second Edward had helped me lift the shirt over his head, allowing my hands to freely roam along his beautifully sculpted body. I heard him hiss softly as I scraped my nails along his back.
Could this man be any more godlike?
I soon had my answer as he pinched my nipple between his smooth lips and caused me to scream out in the purest ecstasy. Edward then switched to my other breast, repeating the movements without flaw, not allowing me even a second to gather my thoughts.
I could feel the rush of heat between my legs and I subconsciously began to rub my thighs together as his lips moved again.
His tongue now trailed down to my stomach, the to my hip. I let out a small whimper as he began to kiss along the rim of my shorts. Then, suddenly...
He looked up.
I was surprised to find his eyes so soft, so kind. They were much darker now than the honey colour they had been earlier, but his gaze was that of total sweetness as his asked, "Bella, Beautiful Bella... Is this what you want?"
If I wasn't sure I loved this man before...
I was certain now.
"Edward... please..." I groaned out a plea. That was all he needed before he slid my shorts down from my hips and off of me completely. I was now completely bare.
I watched his eyes trail over me, taking me all in. I fought the urge to squirm away from his sight. Instead I used my hands to lightly tug at the hem of his jeans, whimpering quietly to get his attention.
It worked. The next thing I knew, he too was bare.
I audibly gulped. And he was big.
Edward looked away ever so slightly. Was he embarrassed?
That would not do.
Slowly I moved my hand just enough to brush against his prominent erection. Edward's stunned eyes met my own once more as he let out a delicious moan before he crushed his lips against mine. As our tongues danced, I felt Edward brush the length of him against my, now very wet opening, causing us both to groan from the sensation. The kiss was short, but I was very out of breath when we parted.
"Are you ready?"
How was he still able to form perfectly coherent sentences at a time like this?
"Y-yes... Oh God, please Edward!"
His lips were brushing against my own, but we were not kissing yet. He whispered, "This will hurt a little... Tell me if it becomes too much, alright love?"
I let out a shaky breath and nodded in understanding before Edward positioned himself at my opening. He pushed in just a little, and I felt my world spin.
"More!" I managed to cry out between pants, "Please, Edward!"
He did as I asked, pushing in further, he broke my barrier. I cried out, biting down on my lip as tears began to form, blurring my vision as I clenched my eyes shut. That really had hurt.
Edward lowered his lips over my eyes, kissing my tears away, "I'm s-sorry Bella... are you okay?"
He sounded shaky. Oh God, I had done this to him! I had broken Edward's perfectly resolved manner and now he was inside me!
I was not going to have him feel sorry about this!
"Yes..." I breathed, shifting myself a little as the pain began to subside, "I'm fine."
At that he smiled a radiant smile, planting a kiss on my forehead as he began to slowly pull himself out.
And then I noticed it...
"Yes..." she was breathing heavily and her cheeks were flushed. I fought back another groan as she shifted under me, "I'm fine."
I couldn't help the smile that tugged at my lips. She looked like...
My Angel, my gorgeous Angel.
I could never let her go.
When I was sure she was alright, I began to slowly pull myself out again, when I smelled it.
My mind was suddenly screaming at me.
You idiot! You knew this would happen! You knew she was a virgin! What are you going to do now?
Then I heard yet another part of me respond. You love this girl. You want to be with her for all of eternity. You will not harm her!
I looked into Bella's eyes, suddenly fearful. But not for herself.
She feared for me.
What a woman... what an absurd, unbelievable woman.
Holding her gaze, I allowed myself to breathe. The scent of her blood was heavenly, but I did not feel my mouth fill with venom.
I was resisting her blood.
I didn't want her blood right now...
I wanted her.
I gave her a gentle smile of reassurance, before kissing her on the lips once more while oushing into her again. She gasped against my lips, but continued to grind against me.
I picked up the pace a little, thrusting slightly faster and harder, but working to keep myself under control. I watched as Bella threw her head back, groaning.
Not just groaning...
Groaning my name.
"Oh! Ed-ward... Ahh, I'm... Edward.. I'm... I'm..."
I pushed myself into her once more, feeling her walls tighten around me. Our screams filled the room and I felt myself being pushed over the edge.
And I knew I would never want anything more than this moment now.
Ever since I became what I am... a vampire. Never have I felt this... good.
Or this drained.
I never thought I'd feel... sleepy. I knew I couldn't sleep, but my body desired rest. Even my arms wanted to give way. I gently pulled out of my breathless Bella, rolling to her side and taking her into my arms once more.
"Edward..." she mumbled weakly after a few moments.
"Yes, darling Bella?"
"I... I love you." Short, sweet, and her words could have moved me to tears.
"Bella... If ever you left me, my life— my existence would mean nothing. You are the only one with enough of me... to break me. Because... without you, I'll never be whole. I love you, Bella."
I felt a small wet tear against my chest as I placed one last kiss on my beloved's head that night, "Sweet dreams, Beautiful Bella."