Hello again everyone! I'm back so soon eh? I just couldn't help myself. The idea has been with me for a while and even though I should be working on my other stories…(sweatdrop)…I just had to write this one! I worked on it all day and it turned out really different from how I had originally planned, but that's ok! I have learned that when it comes to writing…it's best to just go with the flow! Please enjoy and review! I looooove reviews! I may or may not make this a multi-chaptered story! Reviews would help me decide!

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Gintama…who would murder me if they read this. LOL. Especially Hijikata.

Warning: Yaoi! Smut! Lime! General perversion!

Naughty Boys Have More Fun

a.k.a. there's nothing wrong with being a pervert…unless you are a Sadist

Yamazaki fell to the ground and landed hard on his back.

"Itai! Fukuchou…what are you doing?" he whined.

Hijikata towered over him and merely stared. Yamazaki shivered at the strange glint in the Vice-Commander's eyes. He had a bad feeling about this…

"Ya-ma-za-ki…be good and stay quiet for once. If you disobey me, I will punish you," Hijikata growled.

Yamazaki knew he was completely serious so he immediately nodded. Honestly…how had it come to this? One minute he was walking innocently down the hallway tossing his badminton racket back and forth between his hands. If the Fukuchou saw this he knew he would be in trouble. Then, just as he turned the corner, he saw a quick glimpse of Okita-taichou's face before everything went white. The next thing he knew, he was being dragged into Hijikata-Fukuchou's room. With the way Hijikata was staring at him, he could only wonder what he had done wrong this time.


Okita stood outside of the room with a video recorder. He snickered quietly as he peeked through the slit opening of the door. At just the right moment, he planned to slide the door fully open and "catch" them in the act (the recording would serve as blackmail in the future). The look on Hijikata-san's face was sure to be hilarious. Okita's mind frolicked in his fantasy world of Hijikata suffering as Okita took over his position as the Vice-Commander of the Shinsengumi. In this world, Okita had the love and adoration of everyone and for some reason…Yamazaki was dressed in a wedding gown as he walked down the altar to marry Okita. Well…he figured that an M like Yamzaki belonged with an S like Okita. Snapping back to reality with a tiny blush on his face, he returned his attention to the sounds coming from the room.

"Ah…Fukuchou…what are you going to do?" the terrified spy asked.

Hijikata smirked and continued to take off the jacket of his uniform. He had already placed his shoes and sword off to the side and ordered Yamazaki to do the same.

"Ano…I really should take a shower first ne? I'm starting to feel really sticky," Yamazaki meekly spoke up once more.

He knew he had to stall until someone could arrive and save him! Then, Hijikata took off his pants and licked his lips as he began to advance on his prey. In that moment, the poor Jimi realized that nothing short of a natural disaster or a terrorist attack would stop his demonic superior!

Yamazaki knew he was grasping at straws as he pleaded, "Umm…Fukuchou…please don't do what I think you're going to do. You're not thinking clearly! You're not yourself! You don't want this...err…me! Waah!"

And so…the adorable Yamazaki was devoured by the demon. Okita smirked as he listened eagerly. Here is what he heard:

"Fukuchou, you're kind of heavy…could you please get off me?"

"No. Now shut up."

Some whimpers and then a gasp.

"Ahh! What was that?"

"You cannot seriously be this naïve! That was my tongue you idiot!"

"Gomen…it's just that I have never been in this kind of situation before."

Hijikata snorted.

"And you think I have? Just stay still and be quiet. This will be over soon. Besides…who says you won't get something out of this too?"

Okita could make out the adorable blush on Yamazaki's face. No wonder Hijikata-san couldn't keep his hands off the idiot…the sounds he made were quite delectable as well. Ohh…naughty thoughts.

"Ah! W-wait…stop! That feels weird! Why are you licking there?"

Slurp. Moan. Chuckle.

"Baka…there's no way I'm going to stop now."

Yelp. Growl. Sigh. Gasp.

"Fu…ku…chou. Please…"

"Please what?"

Moan. Slurp. Pant.

"Please…don't stop. Give me more."

Silence…and then…

"OUCH! Did you just bite me?"

"What? You asked for more aho! Anyway, you taste so good I couldn't help myself."

Whimper. Sniffle.

"That really hurt."

"Stop whining."

Another sniff. Sigh.

"I promise I won't do it again ok?"


"Now that that's settled…let me finish my meal in peace!"


Twenty Minutes Later…

Okita stood in the doorway with a severe nosebleed and wide eyes. The camcorder lay on the ground…forgotten. Yamazaki sat in his undershirt and boxers with a dazed look in his eyes. Hijikata stood by the open window smoking a cigarette.

"About time you showed yourself Teme. What's wrong? Did you think you would catch us doing something indecent?"

Okita's eyes narrowed and he scoffed as he turned his glance back to the spy. Yamazaki's body was shining with what Okita deemed to be saliva. He watched the black haired uke slowly put his clothes back on.

"No, Yamazaki…go take a shower first," Hijikata drawled as he exhaled another puff of smoke.

Yamazaki quickly nodded and fled the scene without even glancing at Okita. As soon as he was gone, Hijikata threw down his cancer stick, squashed it, and turned to face Okita with a fierce glare.

"If you ever pull a stupid stunt like that again…I will make you suffer."

Deep down, Okita was shocked to discover that he was actually frightened of the Demon Vice-Commander. However, he knew he could never break character in front of his enemy so he responded as usual, in monotone.

"Hmm…and here I was doing you a favor. I thought you would enjoy the new version of the Hijikata Special. The Mayora and the Jimi make an interesting pair."

Hijikata reddened deeply and his hand twitched as he fought the urge to grab his sword and cut the brat to pieces, "Sougo…I'm warning you…"

Okita then grinned before he turned and ran out of the room yelling without a trace of real fear in his voice, "Someone… help! The demon Mayora King is on the loose!"

The men watched in amusement (and slight fear) as Okita ran with the furious Hijikata on his heels.

"Sougo…get back here!"

As Okita ran, he came upon the now-clean Yamazaki and came to an abrupt halt. He suddenly reached out and swiped a white substance off of the spy's neck, making him blush. Okita put his finger in his mouth and sucked greedily with his eyes closed. It made a sensual picture and Yamazaki felt a rush of blook travel downward. Woah, where was this coming from? Hijikata stood behind Okita, panting and glaring as the sadist moaned wantonly.

He popped his wet finger out of his hot mouth and said, "Yum. Maybe mayonnaise isn't all that bad…but only if it's on you Zaki-kun!"

He leaned forward and placed a peck on Yamazaki's lips before he turned and skipped away whistling. Yamazaki's eyes rolled to the back of his head and he fainted, while Hijikata stared after Okita with his eyes burning in rage.


LOL. I can't believe I just wrote this. WOW. Actual smut between them! About time eh? I went for humor and innuendo and smut. Did it work eh? So, for further explanation in case I wasn't clear enough: Sougo threw mayonnaise all over the poor unsuspecting Zaki and when Hijikata saw this…he snapped and took advantage of this opportunity! Now, did they actually do the deed during those twenty minutes? I'll never tell! Mwahaha. Review please and let me know if I should make this a collection of one-shots! All with Hiji/Yama/Okita of course.