Access Granted

Chapter 3

Everyone was cramped in Mako's bedroom- But Sasuke and Naruto cuddled in a single futon. It was horrifying to Itachi, learning that Sasuke was gay for Naruto. Itachi was also, in Mako's room- especially as the sound of their passionate kissing and not-very-well-hushed moans filled the hair. "God damn it, you two, go to sleep! If you're going to have sex, go in your room! DX." Mako snapped abruptly, and Naruto sat up.

"But- what if Orochimaru comes back? I feel safer with you in the room!" Naruto said, tearing up.

"Then stay here, Naruto. Keep it in your pants, Sasuke!" Mako said sternly. "Come on- Ichita is trying to sleep!"

"I have to go on a date tomorrow!" Itachi proclaimed, crying. "I'm gay!"

"Shut up, Itachi. You're a dude trapped in a girl's body." Mako said. "Now go to bed." She said, poking Itachi in the head, and he fell to the ground. "Now- either you little lovebirds go to sleep peacefully- or I'll put you in the same jutsu I did Itachi!" Sasuke and Naruto nodded, huddling together in their futon, and falling asleep. Mako sighed, the two younger boys now asleep, she looked at Itachi, tears slipping down his cheeks. Even in his female body- he was still torn. 'Poor Itachi.' She thought, and closed her eyes, laying back down on her futon for her own sleep.

~ Next Morning~

"Mom, you look terrible." Naruto commented, Mako looking up from her coffee, heavy purple moons under her eyes, and she had bed-head.

"Orochimaru stopped by at 2 in the morning. I kicked his ass and stayed up all night keeping guard, just incase he was wise enough to come back." Mako muttered, taking a sip of her coffee. "Don't worry- I'll get some rest later." Itachi glanced at Mako. How could she fight off Orochimaru and say it as if he was just some weak bully. Mako noticed this, and he looked away. "You look like- you've got a question, Itachi."

"I…was just wondering, how you can talk about a fight with Orochimaru in such a light tone."

"It was a battle of WITS, she-man, not hand-to-hand combat." Mako snickered, closing her eyes. "He's got fears just like everyone else. If you know the weak spot, you can exploit it, and cause the most damage. GATHER AROUND, MUNCKINS!" Naruto came to the table, dragging Sasuke along. "Ok, now- if you find yourself confronted by that snake cast a genjutsu that involves him turning old. He hates losing his beauty." They nodded, and Sasuke dragged Naruto out the door, Mako chuckling.

"Um- aren't u afraid that they're getting too close?" Itachi questioned, and Mako smiled.

"Who cares? Two is better than one, I'd say." Mako said. "Oh- Kakashi is coming in half an hour."

"WHAT?" Itachi hollered, glancing at the clock, before running off to the bathroom to shower. Mako chuckled.

"Kids these days- always in a rush." There was a knock on the window next to her, making her glance over, Orochimaru's face pressed against the glass. He smiled, and she gave him a look, that screamed 'uninterested'. She sighed, scribbling down a spell on a paper talisman, before opening the window, Orochimaru stepping back. "Geez, you're such a pain, Orochimaru."

"I'm just persistent."

"You're a stalker." She said, slapping the sutra on his forehead. "Now go home!" Mako snarled, shutting her window, locking it, watching Orochimaru vanish. Sutras were always so nice to have on hand. Especially when he came around. She closed the curtains and sighed, a knock on the door. Mako got up and put a smile on, opening the door. "Kakashi, you're early-"

"…so you're waiting for Kakashi?" Mako glared at Orochimaru.

"Oh, woe is me. It's the Snake. Come back another time, please." She said, shutting the door in Orochimaru's face. He stuck his foot in the door, blocking her from closing it completely. She abruptly opened the door, and poked him in the eye, making him withdraw, before shutting the door completely. She walked back to the kitchen, before the front door blew up, flying across the room, making her short hair fly in front of her. Orochimaru stood in the doorway, and Mako turned around to face him.

"I don't have time for your silly games-AGH!" Orochimaru said, before Mako grabbed him by the neck.

"You see that clock?" She demanded, pointing to the analog clock. He nodded. "It says '6:48'. In 12 minutes, Kakashi is coming over to pick up my son, who's now my daughter thanks to your sorry ass!" She hissed, shaking him violently. Mako stopped, and smiled. "This is Itachi's first date- and if there is ever the littlest mistake- you're DEAD. Now put that door back on before I beat some sense into you! I don't want to get in trouble if Kakashi comes and see you here!" She released him, and he made her a new door. "Thank you. Now, my answer is still 'no'."

"After all I've done for you?"

"You made me a new door that YOU broke down. So you just refunded me a door. Because of YOU, I got no sleep."

"Um- I said I'd come back at 6:30…" He sweat dropped, making her turn her back.

"Yes, well, I can't trust you."

"You can, but you just don't WANT to trust me." Orochimaru pointed out, and she glanced back at him.

"You've just won your self a kick." She growled, grabbing his shirt, making him purr something profound in a fond way, before she kicked him out. "Come back in a week. If you don't, I'll have a nice ass-whooping waiting for you. "

"You know I like it rough." She stared down at him, before she frowned, reaching down.

"Poor, poor, Orochimaru-" He held her hand against his cheek, closing his eyes, smiling softly. "You're so far past your prime, its not even funny. I pity you, Orochimaru." She said words as sweet as honey, even though there was a bitter taste in his mouth when he heard them. She withdrew her hand. "Now why don't you go back to the Sound Village, you silly little boy, and go dump your girlfriend."

Orochimaru almost nodded, falling into the jutsu, but he knew better, and snapped out of it with a, "But I love Sakura-Chan!" She slapped him in the face, something he didn't expect at the moment.

"You stupid old man! You wouldn't know what 'love' is if it came and kicked you in the crotch!" She snarled, slamming the door in his face. And, once again, he had lost the window of opportunity, to sleep with Mako.

~Itachi's date~

Kakashi had taken Itachi on a date, to go see a movie (Common girlfriend/ boyfriend stuff). He then treated her to dinner- and some how, they had ended up at his apartment. Itachi sat on the couch, looking down, the high heels he had worn for the date, at the front door. His hair was probably all fucked up- after Mako had spent so much time on it…his little black dress, an invitation, of playful touching. What if Kakashi accepted that invitation? Itachi blushed at the thought, and shook his head. 'No, no, no! Isn't it a rule, 'no sex on the first date'?' Itachi thought, before hearing footsteps. Kakashi came in with some tea, offering him a cup. He accepted it and nodded a 'thanks', as Kakashi sat across from him, on another couch.

"So, how old are you, Ichita-Chan?" He asked her, his mask still up, making Itachi curious on what he was hiding under it.

"I'm- 18." Itachi lied, and Kakashi smiled.

"I know this is a little sudden, but- will you be my girlfriend?" He asked, and mentally, Itachi screamed.

"S-Sure." Itachi replied uneasily, and he smiled.

"That's great. So- what are your hobbies?"

"I- uh- like- training?" Itachi stammered, not really knowing what hobbies he had. He did things, yeah, but he couldn't remember anything. Suddenly, something over came him, and he said. "Don't get me wrong, I'm a girl, but, I'm not into ponies or gumdrops or anything. Too many frills are disgusting, they ruin the whole outfit if the occasion doesn't call for it, you know?" He said. Who the fuck was this talking for him? Kakashi grinned.

"Training is good, but you don't need to over-exert yourself, and aside from transportation, yes, horses aren't all that great, but, they do have their uses." Kakashi said, leaning in closer to him, and his face felt hot from the close contact. What the fuck had he put into that tea? "Any other hobbies?"

"I watch over my little brother- keep him out of trouble." He said, which was mainly true, Sasuke did tend to skip classes a lot- and bring Naruto with.

"I've always been an only child." Kakashi said, taking a sip form his tea cup, leaning in closer, "I hope our child won't be lonely." He murmured, pulling down his mask and pressing his lips against Itachi's in a soft kiss, before intensifying it. Suddenly, Itachi pushed him off.

"Fucking WHAT?"

"Your Aunt didn't tell you?" Kakashi asked, and Itachi wondered what the hell he was talking about before he added, "She set us up on an engagement date, and I take a very intense liking to you, Ichita." Kakashi kissed him as he lay on the couch, stupefied.

"E-Engagement date?" Itachi questioned, and Kakashi nodded. "W-What the hell is that?"

"Just what it sounds like, it's similar to a blind date, or a marriage date, but if you choose someone or you're matched up and like them, you're immediately and legally engaged."

"Hold up, you mean you're my fiancée now?" He asked, and Kakashi nodded, kissing Itachi's neck. "What happened to 'no sex on the first date' huh?" Itachi hit him and bolted out of the house and ran back to his own home, and hurriedly picked the lock, running into the house, Mako sitting there.

"Hey Gorgeous, what did I tell you about picking the lock?"

"You set me up on an ENGAGEMENT DATE with KAKASHI!" Itachi snarled, and Mako put down the cup of coffee she was drinking with her right hand.

"Look, until I make something to get that fucking antidote from Orochimaru without having to give up the goods, you'll need someone to watch you. I figured, Kakashi is a good man, and he's strong, and a suitable age. Its just until you get your male parts back, and when you do, we'll break it off." Itachi pointed to her left hand.

"What's going on?"

"Oh, Orochimaru came by- twice. The 1st time, I kicked him out, the 2nd time, he pinned me down, used a jutsu on me, and hand cuffed my left wrist to the table, which he jutsu'd too." She explained, sipping her tea. "He wants to make sure I 'wait for him until he comes home'. I Really, REALLY have to use the restroom, so if you don't mind, slap me right-quick so I can go." Mako asked, and Itachi went to punch her, but slapped her across the face with all the girly-might he now possessed. The justu broke and Mako laughed, "Are you a pussy or something? That was pathetic." Mako got up and left for the bathroom, and Itachi stalked her to the door.

"So I'm married to Kakashi now!"

"No, you're engaged to him. Pull on your big girl panties and suck it up like the rest of us do." She said, followed by the sound of flushing and the faucet that she washed her hands with, before exiting the bathroom.

"What do I do, you've completely fucked me over!" Itachi snarled, and Mako frowned.

"Look, you whiny little bitch!" Itachi flinched, "I have to deal with Orochimaru wanting a piece of me, and you're just going through some female trouble. Now you shut your mouth." Itachi was silent, and Mako put her hands on his/ her shoulders. "Listen now, we girls are manipulative. The way we work is we use our natural seduction and charm to get what we want. You can't use your fists anymore, you have to use charm to make it up in the world, ok?" He nodded, and walked off. Mako groaned. "Fuck my life." She said, walking off.