Haha, well I've definitely got to thank my friend Tasha for the creation of this fanfiction. Enjoy!
"I know why you hate me so much," a voice said from behind the bushes.
Jacob jumped up from where he had been sitting in the forest. "Who's there?" He asked, glancing around nervously.
Edward chuckled quietly as he walked around a tree. "Please, Jacob," he said. "Don't pretend you can't recognize my voice. It's nearly always in your dreams." He caught the look on the werewolf's face, and sighed. "No need to be self conscious about it," he told him. "If I could dream, yours would be the only voice I heard."
"But what about Be – "
Edward held up a nicely manicured hand. "Bella's just my cover story. You really this a man who dresses this good is straight? Please, why do you think I haven't had a girlfriend in a century?"
Edward moved closer, taking Jacob's sweltering hand in his own icy one. When he opened his mouth to object, Edward put a finger up to his lips. "Shhh," he whispered. "I've wanted this for a very long time."
"Why?" Jacob asked, his head clouded with confusion.
"Because I love you," Edward told him, honesty saturating his words.
He leaned in toward Jacob, who tried to take a step back, but was pressed against a tree. Edward put his arms on either side of Jacob. Just as their lips were about to touch, a voice came floating through the forest.
"Damn," Edward said, stomping his foot. "It's Bella," he told Jacob.
"There you are, Edward," Bella said, stopping suddenly as the scene in front of her set in. "What's going on here?" She asked, her eyes swimming with tears.
"Bella, I'm leaving you," Edward told her.
"Wha – what? I don't get it!" She wailed. "Why are you doing this to me?!"
Edward looked pointedly at Jacob who was still pressed against the tree. "I'm gay, Bella, and I'm leaving you for Jacob." He pressed himself against the wolf, kissing him feverishly.
Bella sank to the ground, wailing about how cruel fate was, and wondering how this could have happened to her. When the two boys finally broke apart, Jacob turned to Bella. "Shut it, you stupid twit!" He yelled, throwing a rock at her. It hit her head with a resounding thud, and she immediately fell to the forest floor unconscious.
Edward leaned back against a tree and took something from his pocket. He immediately began sucking it vigorously. He paused for a moment and looked at Jacob. "Nice shot," he said, and then continued sucking the mysterious thing.
"No problem," Jacob said. "What is that, by the way?" He asked Edward, curiosity clear in his voice.
"This?" He asked, taking the thing from his mouth. "It's a condom lollipop," he told his new boyfriend with a shrug.
"Can I have one?" Jacob asked.
"Sure," Edward told him, tossing the condom lollipop to him, "But you should probably wake up soon."
Suddenly the scene faded. Jacob could feel his bed beneath his back. Damn, he thought. One day, this won't be a dream. He stood up, glancing around his room just in time to see a pale, copper-haired vampire jump out his window and disappear into the dawn.
Haha, oh yes. The random musing of a teenage girl. Reviews, please.