This is an old fanfic of mine I recently found, written around the time Digimon 02 was ending. I didn't like how it ended, and felt that Sora and Taichi would have made a better couple than Sora and Yamato. I don't want to argue with anyone, and if you leave a review, please don't be nasty about the fact I prefer Taichi/Sora to Sora/Yamato, ok?
Disclaimer: Digimon isn't mine and never will be. Big surprise.
The calling that was voiced with an exasperated sigh faintly echoes in my ears. I grumble a response, barely attentive. The light pouring from the ceiling fan shone onto my shut eyelids, which sensitively twitch. Forcing my aching body sideways, I turn over from reclining on the sofa. My legs casually hang over the armrest, while one arm drapes flaccidly across my chest. The other arm lazily dangles at the floor.
"'Nii-chan! Ooh, 'Niiiii-chhaaaannnn!"
Kami, who is singing? Can't a guy get some sleep around here? Can't a guy take a nap on his own sofa? Well, I'm practically awake by now because of that voice… My dangling arm reaches up to my head, and my hand weakly combs my wild, dark hair. I swayed aside my bangs (which I really should cut, my mother insists) from my eyes. One of my eyes opens slowly to take a peek.
I almost grimace as I hear the light and soft footsteps of my sister in the kitchen. She paces into the living room, crosses her arms, and frowns at my appearance. "There you are," she says impatiently. She makes a face as she continues, "Being a lazy bum, huh? Honestly, Taichi, I know it's hot, but you don't have to prance and lie around in only your jeans."
"What's it to you?" I grumble again, sitting up. I yawn and stretch my arms, shaking my head afterwards.
"Nothing, but you know Okaasan doesn't like it," Hikari reminds me. "Anyway, this is for you." She plants a hand atop my head, and I hear a crinkling noise. I reach for the top of my head, watching Hikari suspiciously out of the corners of my eyes as she retreats to the kitchen.
I blink confusedly, as I notice that a piece of paper had been on top of my head. "What is this?" I groan, skimming it. Another groan escapes my lips as I reread a list of groceries. I look up at Hikari, who is making lemonade at the counter. "Stuff," she answers sweetly, though a smirk plays at her lips. "That's all the stuff that Okaasan needs for dinner tonight. And you're the lucky guy she's sending to the store."
My face runs blank. "And why do I have to get it?"
Hikari glances at me as she drinks her glass of lemonade, which looks pretty tasty about now. She sets down the glass and swirls her finger at the dripping condensation. "Hmm," she muses, still teasing. "Maybe 'cause Otousan's working and Okaasan's tired. Give her a break. She's cooking to satisfy your appetite. The least you could do is go get the food."
I cross my arms, still giving her a suspicious look. "And what about you?"
Hikari chuckles softly, and points to herself. "This girl's got a date with Takaishi Takeru. He should be coming over any minute now. Nice try though. I think you'll want to take an umbrella. It's supposed to be getting worse today."
"Hmph," I snort, rising from the sofa. I begin to trudge to the bedroom for a change of clothes. After pulling on a shirt, I sit at the edge of the bed to put on my favorite pair of socks (in which one has a hole for the big toe to wiggle through) and my Adidas sneakers.
"Tell me you're still in here," I murmur as I cautiously open the closet doors next. Half of the closet was messy (just the way I like it), while the other half was tidy. It was obvious to tell this was Hikari's half of the closet. I swear, you can hear angels singing and see shining crystals of cleanliness.
"Gotcha," I say, pulling my blue raincoat out from my pile of other clothes. Finally ready to go, I grab the grocery list, shove it in my pockets, and walk back into the hallway.
"Hmm," I muse aloud. "No signs of Takeru anywhere. Guess that means 'Kari-chan's coming with me."
The doorbell rings at that moment, and I am just in time to see the smirk plastered on my sister's face. I roll my eyes as she answers the door. I quickly leave, not very fond of the hugs, kisses, and sweet talk Hikari and Takeru would share. Leave it to the kids to go mushy and make me all sick.
The two bags of groceries rhythmically bounce against my leg as I stride along in the warm and wet weather of June. It was crazy. It was blazing hot, then the weather was nice, it got blazing hot again, and now it's raining. But my mind isn't on the weather as I walk home.
I wonder if leaving Hikari and Takeru alone in the apartment was a good idea…
I shake my head, remembering Okaasan is still there. She was napping in her room, but she was still there. Leave it to her to never worry about Hikari. But that's okay. That's my job.
I do worry about her. That's what big brothers do. Yet, at the same time, I'm also…jealous somehow. I get this twist in my heart when I watch the way Hikari and Takeru act around each other. I don't know why I feel this way. It's so stupid. I should be happy for them.
No. I know exactly why I feel this way. Why I feel this twinge of pain…
Hikari is growing up all right, but she's still my little sister. To know that she belongs with someone else is almost incomprehensible. Takeru is good to her, but Hikari is still mine to protect and hold. I used to be the one to make her happy, to make her laugh. I used to be the one her whole world revolved around.
I guess I may have taken that for granted. And Takeru…
He's a goodhearted kid. He's obviously good enough to make my sister happy. I just wish he hadn't taken my place. I wish he wouldn't do sweet things for Hikari in front of me. He's being the perfect boyfriend, something I've never been or ever will be.
I used to be like Takeru. Everything was fine as long as I had my girlfriend, and she was happy. If she was happy, I was too. But it's so strange… You wake up one morning and it suddenly haunts you: It's over. The relationship is over, it's off, and it has died.
The reasons aren't very clear, but you can't believe all the good times are over. No matter what you do to make her happy, she won't have you back. Even if she walks away, she walks away with your heart in her hands.
I don't know when it was that I had stopped walking as I thought. The memories caused every part of me to remain motionless. It was all I could concentrate on. The deep scars my heart obtained, the pain slowly welling from the cracks… My heart is so sad at these memories, and I'm glad it's raining.
So no one can see these tears on my face…
I just stand out here, the only one standing still in a crowded and busy city. I see the people walk past me, as my head bows to stare at the slick pavement. I hear the cars rushing by, and the sloshing of water from their tires. I feel the cold raindrops stabbing through my thin layers of clothing.
Everything just stops.
A sweet sound reaches my ears. I glance out of the corners of my eyes, and my head turns at a surprising sight. On the other sidewalk, there are two kids playing around and jumping in puddles. They are laughing with each other. One is a boy with crazy, dark hair, and the other is a girl with short, light hair.
…Sora and I?
No. I shake my head, scolding myself. This is ridiculous. I have to hurry home now. My family is going to wonder why I'm soaked. Yet, as I look up at the dark, oversized clouds covering the sky, I wonder how I will ever be able to pretend I wasn't reminded of my past with her.
I manage to move along at a steady pace, trying to push those surfaced thoughts back to where they came. I still have my face cast down, watching my feet take their steps back home. I feel myself walking a little faster. I'm starting to tremble, as the rain grows cold. I am mindlessly walking, dead to the world, only faintly hearing noises.
My free hand reaches up to touch my head. The raindrops had permeated through my impossible, thick hair, which is now flat and clinging to my face and neck. "Great," I mutter, knowing all my hard work of styling with a bottle of gel was ruined.
I'm so lost in my hair that I don't watch my next move, which costs me…
My mindless walking makes me commit a careless mistake, and I find I had bumped shoulders with someone. The next thing I knew, I was plastered to the concrete, my eyes closed, with my hand barely holding the grocery bags. Some of the groceries had rolled out of the plastic bags. I grumble at this accident, and at my sore head.
"Oops! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," a nervous, soft voice calls out.
My facial expression changes upon hearing this. I shake my head and look up to see I had done more than bumped shoulders! I had practically crushed the person and brought them to their knees!
"Shoot, it's a girl," I whisper, and my cheeks flush red.
"I'm really, really sorry," the girl babbles on, picking up the fallen groceries to hand back to me. I had been watching her curiously, instead of saying something and helping pick up her things too. Her voice was so familiar.
She looks up to hand me the last can of corn, and the moment her eyes gaze into mine, I feel my breath catch in my throat. How couldn't I have noticed?
"S-Sora?" I manage to utter, still incredulously staring at the girl.
My childhood friend nods slowly before rising to her feet, and helping me up as well. I swear that I didn't blink since I laid eyes on her. I couldn't believe she was here. The last time I had seen her was a little after the Christmas she and Yamato got close. Not too long after the concert, Yamato had gone to another school to escape some pressure and relieve some financial pressure on his father. Sora had transferred into Yamato's school as well. She believed a long distance relationship was not a healthy one for their first.
And somewhere along the way, Sora stopped coming over to the house, stopped laughing and talking with me, stopped encouraging and scolding me, and stopped being the only girl I could ever be with. She had told me she had feelings for Yamato, even though we had more than potential to be more than friends.
I was too damn scared to just tell her that I loved her. I didn't want to scare her away, to ruin so many years of friendship. Yet, it was because of my concern that I lost her. I couldn't say it to her face…
And everything just went downhill from there. Now I see her again two years later, and I'm ashamed I didn't even recognize her. But she didn't seem bothered by it...
"Taichi," she says softly, looking me up and down. It seemed she, too, could hardly believe we were standing in front of each other. Her eyes are curiously fixed on my face, which hold my still flushed cheeks. I know I probably look stupid, staring at her like this, but Kami…
She's still beautiful after all this time. Her auburn hair had grown to her shoulders, and was a darker shade due to the pelting rain. Her eyes were still soft and warm upon her face. Her complexion was still an alluring creamy color (although she had cheeks tinted pink at the fact I was still staring in awe at her), and she had long grown out of that tomboyish body.
Her clothes hung onto her perfectly, including her white blouse hidden beneath her jean jacket. However, I redirected my eyes from her body to her face. Her figure would reduce me to a stuttering fool if I kept looking.
"Taichi?" she speaks again.
I shake my head again, snapping myself out of my trance. "Yeah? Um, sorry. It's just that it's been so long since I saw you. You're beautiful," I say truthfully. I blink at her, unusually perplexed, but my expression softens when I see that smile I always loved.
"I didn't expect to see you back home. I thought you were gonna be in that other place. I forgot the name…" I trailed off, rubbing the back of my head with my free hand.
"Onigawa," Sora informs me about the prefecture. "And I'm not staying there anymore."
I blink at her, thoroughly confused. "What? Why not?"
It made perfect sense. Her boyfriend is in a band, and has moved someplace else. She attends the same school as he. Her father is a traveling professor, and she could stay in Onigawa with him. Why else would she abandon all of this?
"I missed Odaiba," Sora says quietly. "I missed school, my friends, you guys… I was fine here in Odaiba with Otousan. I can cope again. And besides that, I've been having a little problems with Yamato."
"Yamato?" I repeat, concerned. Sora nods, and bites her lip, hesitant to say something.
"He…" she trailed off, a hint of sorrow is laced in her voice. "He said he has things to do with the band, school, and all of that. He says we need to take some time off of seeing each other, but I get the gist. I get why he's been so distant lately. I understand why his goodbye at the train station wasn't as meaningful…"
I look away, thinking of my friend. Yamato always was somewhat cold and distant. Even when he has on a cheerful face, there is always something he is hiding…
"Yeah," I say quietly. "Yamato's always been a bit reclusive. Even if he wants to get over his past, he can't fully recover. There is a part of his heart he shows to no one, not even you, his girlfriend. He just has problems expressing the way he really feels…"
"I know," Sora whispers. "He just didn't want to say it straight out. He says we need to take some time off of seeing each other, but I know he wants to break up. I see it in his eyes. He isn't as happy anymore. I don't know what I've done, but…"
Her voice cracks, and she can no longer speak. Her eyes are welling with tears as her body trembles. Suddenly, she drops her luggage, and throws herself at me. Her body comes into forceful contact with mine, and her arms fling almost completely around me. Startled, I release the grocery bags, and the food rolls out again. My arms instinctively wrap around Sora, holding her close to me.
"This hurts," she whispers, sobbing into my chest. "Kami, Taichi, it really does…"
I hold her tighter, trying to ignore the pleasurable sensation of feeling her warm and supple body against mine. I needed to try and comfort Sora, not listen to these stupid hormones. I push away these thoughts that are uncalled for and bow my head. My lips are lowered to Sora's ear.
"I'm sorry," I whisper sincerely. "I know these two words may not do much for you, but do know that I feel for you. I know how it feels. I would take your pain again…"
"Again?" her quavering voice confusedly inquires.
"Yes… I know this pain too well, but even so, I would rather suffer than you. I remember...from when we stopped seeing each other."
I suddenly grimace, and gently stroke Sora's back. This isn't the time to be talking about my feelings. She doesn't need to hear about the past, but I can't take those words back. My job now is to be the protector and comforter. My feelings don't matter…
"But that isn't the focus," I continue. "What's important now is your heart and how it aches, now that you're away from Yamato. I'm so sorry, Sora-chan."
She doesn't say anything for a moment, and I like to think she's enjoying the fact that she's in my arms, and not crying. I don't hear her sobs, whimper, or sniffles. I like to think she is serene in my arms.
"I knew this time would come," she counters quietly. "No relationship can last forever. There comes a time when it's over. Even if one doesn't want to admit it to herself, that time of despair comes. It was just my time with Yamato."
She turns her head away from my chest. "What hurts the most, maybe, is the fact I had a lot to pull away from. There's too much I've left behind. There's a part of me I've left behind. You've felt the same thing, haven't you?"
She slowly leaves my embrace and looks at my face, waiting for a response. Her look is a mix of curiosity, pain, and helplessness. It renders me hopeless, weak, and frustrated… I want to hold her close and never let go, to caress her, to kiss her….
I can't look into her eyes like this…
"Yeah," I manage to say calmly, closing my eyes. It doesn't do any good. The image of her sorrowful, pain-stricken face is still there. "But I'm over it now," I falsely add.
All I can concentrate on is her image in my mind, the way she feels against me, her breathing, the rain still showering placidly from the skies.
Suddenly, I feel the warm, soft brush of her fingertips on my cheek. I open my eyes slowly. She's looking at me passionately. "Your face," she says softly. "It's so cold and pale. There's worry written on your face."
Her hand slowly descends from my cheek to the back of my neck. I almost shiver with pleasure as she does this, and I can't stop my heart from pounding this hard. Her fingers slide up through my slick hair to the back of my head, and I try my best not to make my desire known.
Sora pulls me close for an embrace this time. "Please don't worry so much. I'll be okay," she says tenderly. "Thank you for always being here when I needed you. Thank you for just being you. I… I don't know what I'd do if I hadn't bumped into you today."
Those are sweet words to me. They're the sweetest I've heard in a long time. I wanted to cherish those words always. I slowly leave Sora's embrace, and imitate the gentle touch I felt on her face. "I told you this. I'd always be here to help you out."
I was going to say more, but I find myself curiously studying her face. There was a definite sense of softness about her face, one that drew me closer and closer. My hand gently cups her cheek. This action seems to baffle Sora a bit, and she flushes slightly. "What?" she asks softly. "Why are you looking at me like that? What's wrong?"
My hand brushes aside her bangs that fell into her eyes, and slowly makes a journey of soft caresses on her face. My fingertips unhurriedly flutter across her nose, and descend to her lips. I resume cupping her cheek.
"Your face is so cold too," I whisper. Though Sora has flushed cheeks, she is still cold.
I sense she is trembling in the slightest, and she blinks at me. The raindrops that clung to her eyelashes stream down her face. They steadily roll over my fingers, and I can feel their artic touch. "So cold…"
Time seemed to slow down for the moment I lean into her. My eyes close as I get close enough to feel her breath on my lips.
Without a second thought, I claim her lips with my own. The brush of our contact is soothing, although her lips are chilled from being in the rain for too long. But even then, there's something else. They're trembling…
That's when I knew I had done something wrong.
Shame suddenly filled my core as I abruptly broke the kiss. My eyes were wide with worry and regret, and my cheeks were reddened with fear and disgrace. What in the world was I thinking?
Sora doesn't need a kiss. She needs comfort, love, and hospitality right now. Instead, I acted upon my feelings and selfishly locked lips with her. It was pretty undeniable that I hadn't gotten over her, but I still didn't have the right to do this to her…
I open my mouth, and my lips move, but the words don't come out. All I can do is stare at Sora's expression. She seems startled, hesitant, yet her eyes are somewhat full of longing. They long for comfort, not this…
"S-Sora… I-I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking!" I blurt out. As if I couldn't sound like more of an idiot…
I know she's trying to get over Yamato, and she probably still loves him. Kami, what have I done?
Unexpectedly, I feel a burning force of tears cloud my eyes. Kami, this can't be. Am I crying? I haven't cried since… This is horrible. I can't bear to look Sora in the eyes, or even be here. I want to turn and run like the coward that I am.
I was cowardly when I didn't confess my feelings to her, and I'm being cowardly now.
"T-Taichi," she counters breathlessly. She steps closer to me, and her arm reaches toward me again. What is this? My heart begins to pound again.
Then I notice it. She is handing me the bags of groceries I dropped. I blink stupidly and take them off her hands. I watch her as she picks up her luggage. The look in her eyes is sorrowful as she casts her face away.
"We should go home," she says quietly.
Go home? That's it? No! I wanted to take her home with me! Is this truly it? She's just going to walk away? She's going to walk away as if this whole thing never meant anything to her?
As if the kiss never meant anything to her?
Oh, of course. It's Yamato she still loves after all…
But I just don't want her to walk away like that…
Yet, it'd be foolish for me to approach her now. I might act upon my feelings again. I open my mouth to say her name, but it only comes out in a whisper. The abandonment I feel is now the pain she feels.
And I fail to take her pain away, because I didn't even know how to get rid of my own pain first. And I still don't know how. I never even got close. I may pretend I don't need her, but Kami knows that is a lie from hell. The memories and feelings are still buried in my heart. They all surface when I'm near Sora. It's not as if I'm trying to act like this. I just exploded, and all my feelings burst forth.
Unfortunately, this put a strain on my relationship with Sora. All because I wasn't man enough to control my feelings. These urges have been suppressed for so long, but I still have to act responsibly. Yet, I failed to do that too…
Maybe deep down, I was so afraid of admitting things to myself. Things like what a coward I am, and how I deeply, honest-to-Kami cherish Sora. Things like the way I can't convince her that I'm the one she should be with.
Because I can't even convince myself. What about me? What makes me better?
Nothing makes me any better than Yamato or whoever else Sora will love in the future. It's nothing because that's how I feel. Nothing is all I have. Just the rain falling serenely from the skies as I am still waiting…
Originally I ended the fanfic here as a sort of angst one-shot. I honestly didn't intend to continue, but what do you guys think? Is it fine the way it is or would another part bring closure better?