The sun was low in the sky, sinking below the horizon to sleep for the night as the first few stars shyly winked into the sky. The powder-blue sky was giving way to a darker indigo, with peach and rose tints that matched the blushes on the two men. They gazed at each other, eyes smoldering, and chests heaving with emotion. They uttered each others' names with a pent-up passion.
Was it love?
If possible, the two of them grew even more crimson as they spoke.
A tic formed on Zoro's face.
A matching one was seen on Sanji's.
"Hey, that completely ruins the ambiance! You can't be angry, you have to be fervent with ardor!" Usopp called out indignantly from under a mikan tree. "The setting is perfect—how often do you see these kinds of sunsets out on the Grand Line? C'mon, I'm almost done. Just keep doing whatever you were doing before." His pencil flew across his sketchpad, drawing the scene before him with startling accuracy. Chopper and Luffy watched in fascination, munching on sembei, and Nami and Robin sat on the side observing in amusement.
"Are you sure this is going to be as lucrative as you said it is?" Nami asked skeptically.
"Of course, Nami! You'd never believe how much people would be willing to pay to see this!" Usopp protested, adding an accent with a particularly energetic dash. "Okay Sanji, now I need you to put a hand to your mouth and pretend like you're a blushing maiden. Can you do that?"
"Please, Sanji-kun?" Nami pleaded, her eyes growing wide and her lower lip sticking out in a pout. He gave in immediately.
"Lose the hearts. You're supposed to be shy. There. Like that. Now…okay, good. Zoro, put your hands on his shoulders and look deep into his eyes."
"Do it, Zoro, or I'm adding instead of subtracting what you owe me. I believe this would clear half of your debt, wouldn't it?"
"Excellent, Zoro. Woah, not with so much bloodlust. You need to look deeply in love. Isn't there anything pleasant that you can think of?"
Zoro glowered at Usopp, and the sheer weight of his spirit could have crushed the man had Luffy not stepped in.
"Is it that hard to think of good things, Zoro?" Luffy asked worriedly. "Haven't you had a good time on my crew?"
Zoro seemed to waver for a moment. "It's been great, Luffy—"
"Then why is it so hard?"
"Good, Zoro, that's the look I was looking for." Usopp quickly drew the two men, and then grinned in spite of himself. "Now, Sanji, this is going to sound a little weird…but turn around."
"Er, right…think of Nami-san…think of Robin-chan…"
"Now bend over."
"What the fuck?" Both men said, turning to glare at Usopp.
"I-I-I'm not going to actually make you do anything! Just, um, assume the position."
"What the hell are you trying to pull here, you shitty longnose bastard?" Sanji growled. "And why am I the one bending over?"
"Do you really need to ask?" Usopp said dismissively. You're safe as long as Nami's on your side, you're safe as long as Nami's on your side, he thought in a panicked mantra.
"I believe that what longnose-kun means is that you are the more…feminine of the two of you, Sanji-san," Robin said gently. "Your pale skin, delicate features, and silky hair are indicative of that."
"Yeah, and that 'silky hair' is everywhere. God, man, why are you so hairy?" Zoro drawled. "Uke."
"Now, gentlemen, let's settle down. You're losing the 'blushing' quality of two virgins about to do it for the first time."
"What's a virgin, Chopper?" Luffy asked.
"Someone who's never had sex."
"Ooh! Haha, you guys are virgins, huh?" Luffy laughed.
"What would you know about sex, you shitty rubber?" Sanji yelled.
"I'm not a virgin," Zoro said calmly.
"We'll discuss this later. Now, bend over, Sanji." Usopp pointed his pencil in a business-like manner.
"Good. Hm…you've got a surprisingly draw-able heinie, Sanji."
"What was that?!"
"Now, Zoro, I need you to put your hands on his hips."
"…I'm not putting my hands anywhere near that."
"Just pretend it's a woman. You said you're not a virgin, right? Just pretend like Sanji's the woman you, er, copulated with."
"You're sick, Usopp."
"Zoro…" Nami's voice was deadly.
"Damnit! Okay, okay. Like this?"
"Don't be so stiff. You have to be natural about it. There, that's right."
"You better be thinking about that woman, shitty-marimo, or that thing sticking into my—" Sanji began.
"It's my sword hilt, you moron. Don't be a pervert."
"Is that what you call it these days? I always thought you called it the little man down there."
"Zoro," Usopp interrupted them, "I need you to bend your body over Sanji and kiss his neck."
They had to pause the drawing session while both Sanji and Zoro tried to kill Usopp.
Ten minutes later…
"I thought I was going to die," Usopp wheezed, picking up his pencil. Zoro and Sanji were being restrained by Robin's arms, and were both sweating and heaving from exertion. Usopp looked at them and jumped, immediately drawing the scene. "Robin, can you arrange them like—oh, got the idea already, have you? Good! There, that's perfect. Great job, Robin. You're a natural at this. Their flushed faces, sweat running down, it's wonderful, absolutely wonderful! Maybe I'll use this as the post-climax scene…"
"O-oi! Robin! Stop it, woman, this is wrong!" Zoro yelled.
"He's violating me, Robin-chan! Don't be so cruel!" Sanji pleaded.
Robin chuckled. "It's kind of like playing with dolls," she mused, her arms moving to position their bodies.
An hour later, they had gone through two bursts of Usopp's "Super Inspirational Artistic Epiphanies!" and two rampages. They also managed to complete the task they had set out to finish.
Usopp nursed his bruised face and broken nose, but held his sketchbook in triumph.
"The Zoro x Sanji doujinshi is complete. Selling for 100 beri each. Available throughout the Grand Line and across the four seas," Usopp said cheerfully as Chopper attended to his wounds. "Volume one."
"Do you mean you think you're going to make more of this shit!?" Zoro snarled.