Forward: This is the first Haruhi fanfic I've attempted. I only recently got into the series, reading the whole series of light novels a couple weeks ago after seeing the first season of the anime that I got from Netflix a couple months back. I really enjoyed the stories, though, and I couldn't help but take a crack at narrating as Kyon. His casual wit strikes me as very familiar, as I'm used to that kind of personality in my family. I've tried not to make him sound too verbose, though I'm afraid that I tend to slip into my own voice while narrating him and thus his vocabulary comes off as a little too advanced, perhaps. I've tried to fix it where I can, so hopefully it sounds enough like him to be believable. Also, I'd like to note that I know I make him extremely dense in certain cases. It's not so much that I really believe he's dense, but I think that in the novels he often plays ignorant to things he knows full well about, so even if he says things to make you think that he's missing something obvious, it's really just that he's uncomfortable with addressing the issue. So I hope you don't start banging your head when he goes from sharp wit to dunderhead, 'cause it's really all an act as far as I'm concerned. Also, in case any of you have something to say about Haruhi's out of character behavior, I'll just let you know that it happens to be a plot point. Anyway, I hope you enjoy my first foray into this particular fandom.

Suzumiya Haruhi no Injun
(The Vacillation of Haruhi Suzumiya)


Some interpretations of quantum mechanics say that for any choice one makes, or for any possibility that exists, the universe splits to accommodate every outcome. Of course, Albert Einstein once famously countered: "God does not play dice." A certain esper I know would disagree, offering his empty wallet as proof. I, personally, had no sympathy for him on that occasion.

On the other hand, my experiences with Miss Asahina would tend to dispute that possibility, as they seem to have mastered the art of the stable time loop rather well. Of course, one could also point to my experience with Nagato's alternate reality as proof of separate timelines. Koizumi explained how it could work with a stable timeline, but the whole explanation just ended up confusing me as usual.

Well, I won't care about what happens in alternate timelines until I see a slider for myself.

It was a cold Friday evening in February when it all started. I had only recently recovered from Haruhi's Valentine's Day intrigues, not to mention the case of Michiru Asahina, who had now gone back to being plain old Mikuru in spite of losing a few days in the past. As usual, the SOS Brigade met in the Literature Club's club room, of which Yuki Nagato was the sole member and de facto president, but also our SOS Brigade Chief's passive inductee into our own illegal club.

Koizumi and I were playing yet another board game while sipping some of Miss Asahina's heavenly tea when the aforementioned Brigade Chief entered the room that day without her usual fervor. I was instantly concerned. Any time Haruhi Suzumiya wasn't bouncing off the walls, chances are she was coming up with some new horrors to deliver onto the world. The fact that she frequently glanced my direction did not sooth my fears at all. Please, Haruhi, keep me out of your schemes for once.

By the time Nagato closed her book, signaling the end of our meeting, nothing too strange had happened, aside from Haruhi's conflicted looks. We disbanded without any uproar, though I noticed before I left that Haruhi seemed to be staring after us with a strange look on her face.

"Kyon," Koizumi said to me as we were leaving the school grounds. "I just wanted to let you know that there has been a slight increase in Sealed Realities occurring since yesterday."

So we have a bunch of Shinjin trashing some alternate reality bubbles and threatening to destroy the world. I'd say I felt sorry for you for having to deal with her mess, but I really don't.

"It's not quite like that," Koizumi said. "These Sealed Realities are a bit different from usual. The Shinjin appearing in them seem less interested in wrecking the surroundings than they do in beating each other to a pulp. Honestly, we haven't had to do much other than watch them destroy each other. The Sealed Realities break down by themselves once that happens."

So you could say Haruhi is really beating herself up about something.

"You could say that. I'd like to consider myself an expert on Haruhi Suzumiya's mental state, but I think you know better than I that she was conflicted about something back there. My advice to you is to watch your back."

Coming from you, Koizumi, I'd almost think it were a threat. However, we parted ways after that and I began walking away from the steep hill that plagued my existence. It wasn't too long after, though, that I got a sudden call. Taking the cell phone out of my pocket I looked at the Caller ID. Sure enough, it was Haruhi.

"Hey, Kyon!" she said enthusiastically. "I've made up my mind."

Oh, good, maybe Haruhi would be so kind as to tell me what she's made up her mind about?

"Don't worry about that, right now," she said. "Listen, meet me at the usual place tomorrow at 8 pm. Don't be late or there'll be a penalty!"

She hung up the phone and I began walking again toward home. However, just a moment later, she called me back again.

"Kyon!" she said. "Um... about tomorrow..."

"Don't worry, I'll be at our usual spot at eight," I assured her. "I wouldn't want to get a penalty."

Haruhi giggled, which I felt was a bit odd, since usually her laughs are the kind that come right from the diaphragm, like a mad scientist. "The way you rack them up, I was beginning to think you liked being punished by me."

Saying something like that was not only wrong, but it was a good way to send the wrong impression to anyone who might overhear.

"Maybe," Haruhi conceded. "Anyway… I'd actually like you to meet me a few hours before. Say... at five?"

Well, I guess that was fine. I don't know why she was waffling on the time, though.

"I don't know what you're talking about. Just don't be late or there'll be a penalty!"

- - -

I met with Haruhi the next day right at five as agreed and she greeted me with a warm "Penalty!" Asking her why she had called me here without the other SOS Brigade members, she held up two tickets and said, "Well, it's weird, but I won these in a raffle on Thursday."

What was this? It sounded almost like Haruhi was asking me out on a date.

Haruhi's face was red with what I imagine was the cold. "It's not like that… I just don't know who else I would go with and I thought it would be a waste not to use them. Besides, if you come maybe I'll forget that penalty…"

I didn't say I wouldn't come. I supposed as long as I was already there I might as well make a day of it. Besides, I'm sure Koizumi would get all bent out of shape if I were to upset his goddess in any way.

"Thanks, Kyon!" Haruhi said, her smile shining brightly. "It starts at 8:30 tonight, but I figured I'd get you out here early so we could find you something nice and formal to wear. I'll even pay for it."

Something formal? Just where were we going, anyway?

"Oh," she stammered. "I-It's nothing, really. It's just a Princess Ball."

A "Princess Ball?" Oh no, there were absolutely no romantic overtones whatsoever about a guy and a girl going to a ball together on Saturday night. Not a bit. It didn't help my mood that I couldn't even dance.

"Don't worry about that, Kyon," she said. "I'll show you." She immediately began to drag me all over town. She spent over an hour shopping for the perfect outfit for me until she finally settled on one that made me feel like I was straight out of the Renaissance if Tetsuya Nomura had been a fashion designer back then.

By the time seven thirty came around I was exhausted. At this point, Haruhi had brought me to her house, which was interesting as I had never been there before. Her parents apparently weren't home at the time, so she sat me down in her living room and went to change into her own outfit. I could hardly wait to see what ridiculous thing she…

Okay, I'd just like to preface this by saying that I'm a healthy teenage male, and in spite of her incredible weirdness Haruhi has been ranked as an A class beauty by very reliable sources. It was only natural when she walked in wearing that dark basque-like top with gold patterning which showed off her sides quite nicely through the interwoven lace coupled with the long dress that split all the way up to her upper thigh on both sides, showing stocking-clad legs that looked even more toned than usual thanks to the lovely heels she was wearing… that my eyes would be irresistibly transfixed for a brief moment. And my refusal to uncross my legs or stand for the next couple minutes had nothing to do with it, either.

In any case, we departed for the ball shortly, her in her flattering outfit plus heavy jacket and me in my "princely" costume. We arrived at the ball shortly before eight and presented our tickets, earning entry as well as a few stares from the slightly more normally dressed patrons of the ball. Most of the men were dressed more appropriately in tuxedos while the women were nowhere near as provocatively dressed as Haruhi.

The evening went pretty normally, however, for a fancy dance like this. We had refreshments, danced (rather awkwardly considering my lack of coordination), and chatted pleasantly about… well… fairly normal things. We stayed for over three hours, and while it was fairly dull compared to the insanity in which Haruhi usually got me involved, I have to admit that spending that time with her was enjoyable. She was unusually pleasant and, while Asahina was most certainly the eternal idol of my heart, I have to say that, in terms of overall cuteness, Haruhi was putting up a good fight.

It was approaching midnight when we arrived back at her home. I had been forced to escort her there, but I wasn't going to complain too much about it. She turned to face me at the door, her eyes shining in the moonlight.

"I had a real good time, tonight, Kyon," she said. "At first I didn't like the thought of going to a ball. It sounded boring."

Then why ask me to go at all?

"But…" she looked down demurely. It was so out of character for her that I nearly fainted. "I guess as long as it's with you… even ordinary can be… well… extraordinary."

I was about to call her on the sappiness of that speech when she suddenly cut me off mid-snark. With her lips. I've kissed Haruhi Suzumiya before, I won't deny it. However, at the time there was an imminent Armageddon upon us and I had been told… well, it had been implied that it was the proper thing to do at that moment. Besides that, even if it had been enjoyable, I only remembered the first few seconds of it before I woke up on my bedroom floor with a rather unpleasant headache. However, only now can I confirm that Miss Suzumiya is as skilled in this art as she is in most of her other activities.

Her lips release mine with surprisingly little mess given how vigorously she had been working. She was a little out of breath and had the most adorable shy expression plastered on her face. "Right at midnight… it makes me feel a little like Cinderella…"

Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, and now Cinderella. Was I one of the Brothers Grimm incarnate or just Walt Disney?

"I'm… I'm tempted to invite you in, Kyon."

I'm sure I've said this before, but I'm a normal adolescent male, and comments like that are fair bait for normal adolescent fantasies. I did my best to ignore them, as I'm sure that with Haruhi being the one doing the inviting, I would probably end up doing some tedious chore like fixing her heater.

"On the other hand, I really shouldn't do anything that might keep me from studying for that test on Monday. I was so busy recently that I haven't really looked at my notes."

Oh. I remember that, now. Come to think of it, I should probably be doing the same thing. I wasn't even really paying attention in class. With that, I left Haruhi at her door, still somewhat dazed by her sudden display. I wondered idly what had brought that on. Maybe it was the same urge that drove her to molest poor Miss Asahina nearly every day. In fact, this whole scenario seemed like it was lifted from some romance manga. It's likely she's just acting it out for laughs.

I got to my house awhile after totally exhausted. I had told my parents not to wait up for me, so I thankfully didn't have to bother with some insipid debriefing before going to bed. I climbed right in, only managing to strip off my shirt and unbutton my pants before hitting the pillow and drifting off into dreamland.