Mai HiME and all characters belong to Sunrise. No profit made, no copyright infringement intended.

Crackfic... sorta? Unintentional mooning. Gratuitous silliness. Codenames. Language.

Author's Notes:
This is an AMR spin-off, if you will. An outtake? Blooper, maybe? I haven't a clue, but the idea got in and won't leave me alone, so here we are. Dedicated to mrerice for unintentionally putting the idea into my head in the first place, and for all the encouragement sent my way when I mentioned actually writing it.

Not sure if I'll keep this up, but it could be fun to put out these little oneshots based on events in certain parts of that series. If you can think of something you'd like to see happen in/after a certain scene; let me know, 'kay? Whether those ideas are based on random humor, fluff, angst... y'know, whatever floats your boat. I'll be glad to take a look.

Chapter VI; scene one

A gloved hand moved into her field of vision and snapped its fingers twice in front of the object of her study. Then the index finger pointed skywards.

"Eyes up, Fujino."

Shizuru chuckled as the wind blew the dark hair aside and allowed her a glimpse at a conspicuously red neck. That's another point for me, Natsuki.

And it really was a nice walk to watch.


"Oh, dear..." Shizuru felt her eyes widen.

From her position in some handily placed bushes off to one side, Chie's did the same. "Well, well..." she muttered to herself as she raised her trusty cell-phone and quietly snapped off a few pictures. "Seems like today might not have been a total waste of time anyway."

"Tabloid?" came a tinny-sounding voice in her ear. "What are you doing?"

"Taking pictures." Chie muttered into the small microphone artfully clipped to her collar. "Kuga's mooning the neighborhood; if you think I'm gonna pass that up, you're nuts!"

"She's WHAT?!" a new voice screeched. "Oh, I'm not missing this! You'd better save me a spot, Harada!"

"Black Widow, hold your position!" the first voice berated the second one. "You'll compromise the entire team if the targets spot you."

"Screw the team, Tokiha, and stop it with the damn codenames. Get Kikukawa or Suzushiro to cover my spot if you're so concerned."

"Gah!" Natsuki's shocked yell managed to drown out the argument going on in her earbud, and Chie watched (and filmed) as the leather-clad woman danced around and tried to gather up the erratically flapping bits of fabric to cover her exposed rear. "Fuck!"

"Ara, ara..." To say that Shizuru looked intrigued would be an understatement. "I always did like thongs..." The brunette blinked and seemed to draw herself out of some kind of haze before continuing. "Why is Natsuki wearing a thong? Was she trying to be sexy for me?"

The biker took one look at the pseudo-innocent smile on the older woman's face, and twitched. "Shut up! Pantylines are the bane of my existence, and that is all!"

"Nao!" The sheer volume of the screech in her ear made Chie wince. "Get back in place!"

"Y'know, there's a saying that fits this situation," came Nao's voice over the sound of rustling leaves. "I believe it goes like this: kiss my ass."

Chie, in spite of herself, snickered quietly. "Mouse, it looks like Black Widow is relocating," she spoke up softly once she got her humor under control. "Can you replace her?"

"Certainly um, Tabloid," was the gentle answer, only barely audible over Mai and Nao's continued arguing. "What is happening?"

"Well, Kuga-san's bodysuit split at the seams, so she's currently trying not to flash the entire district," she muttered back, and shifted slightly to the left to get a better angle. "And I do believe that Fujino-san's nose just started bleeding."

"WHAT?" Chie winced again. Haruka sure could create some hefty decibel levels when she wanted to. "That damn bubuzuke woman is up to her old ticks again?"

"It's 'tricks', Haruka-chan."

"That's what I said!"

The branches rustled behind her, and she glanced back to see Nao belly-crawl up to her, decked out in full camouflage gear. The redhead had her earbud pulled out and hanging over her shoulder, which – judging by Mai's irritated puffing in her own ear – Chie really couldn't blame her for.

"Oh, this is priceless." Nao cackled quietly as she settled into place and moved a branch aside to peer at the scene in front of them. "How much are copies of your pictures gonna cost me, Harada?"

She could almost hear the ka-ching sounds the in the back of her head. "I'm sure we can work something out, Yuuki-san."

The smirk she got in response was every bit at devilish as the one on her own face. "Good. I can hold this over her head forever."

"Fu fu fu..." The quiet tutting made them both refocus on the pathway a small distance away. "Natsuki will catch a cold if she doesn't get warmed up soon. Allow me to help."

"Shi-Shizuru!" Natsuki noticeably startled at the other woman's sudden nearness. "W-what are you doing?"

"What's going on?" Mai demanded a fraction of a second later. "I just heard a scream."

"Uh... well..." Chie shot a glance at her companion – who was gonna end up biting her own knuckle clean off if she didn't find another way to stifle her laughter – and cleared her throat. "It seems that Fujino-san is, um... warming Kuga-san up. By covering her exposed parts with her hands."

"She's groping her ass," Nao spoke into her own mic, and promptly dissolved into evil giggles once more.



"Drat, Loudmouth just fainted. Vacate positions! Team member down!"

"Dammit." Chie snapped her phone shut and tugged her grass-adorned helmet into place. "Well, I got some good shots."

"And I got some prime blackmail material of my own," Nao cheerfully agreed, and held up a small camera. "Make a break for it?"

"Yup." Chie eyed the expanse of garden in front of them. "We should be safe as long as we stay out of range. I doubt she's gonna come chasing after us with her butt out."

"Shizuru! Will you get off?!" Natsuki wiggled against the older woman's body and tugged at the hands that had gotten a surprisingly strong grip on her exposed backside. "Someone's gonna see us!"

"Someone already did," came a sing-song reply, and she snapped her head around and watched in horror as two camouflage-clad figures sprinted across the lawn and scaled the low front gate. "BAI BAI, Kuga! See you on YouTube!"

"NAO!" She swung at the redhead – futilely, as there was several feet of distance between them - and felt her face go from red to purple in a fraction of a second. "GET BACK HERE!"

"Auctions are tomorrow at noon, Kuga-san!" Chie called back over her shoulder, then disappeared around the corner along with her companion.

"Ara... perhaps I should attend that auction," Shizuru remarked contemplatively, and – much to Natsuki's relief, shifted her hold from the younger woman's rear and onto her waist instead.

"Shizuru!" She glowered at the brunette and tried to gather up what remained of the seat of her leather suit as best she could – along with the tattered shreds of her dignity. "Do you have some clothes I can borrow?" she grumbled quietly.

"But of course," the older woman agreed with a cheerful smile. "I'll even help Natsuki get dressed."


End notes:
Right. I'll be hiding in a corner now, because Natsuki's gonna have my head once she gets into some whole clothes. Later!