Tonight was the night. Edward didn't know, but finally, after several months of him trying to get into my pants and several months of me almost letting him, tonight was it. The zippers were coming down—with a vengeance.
I'd made myself promise, so long ago, that I wouldn't make the decision in the heat of the moment, because really, with Edward's persuasive abilities, we both knew that he could have me convinced in ten minutes.
So I'd announced to him after letting him in my door all those weeks ago that I trusted him, but only conditionally, and that there was no way I was sleeping with him tonight or tomorrow night or any night in the near future.
Edward knew he was a player. I knew he was a player. The last thing I wanted to be was one in a long line of women that he charmed and then readily, callously, discarded. I told him, while he looked on incredulously, that was the only way I could learn to trust him completely and in his feelings for me was if we lived celibately. I'd known this was not going to be easy when I'd had to definite "celibate."
His face had taken on the most adorably petulant expression that hadn't entirely disappeared since that announcement, but I was resolute. I could only make a decision regarding our sexual activity when I was alone.
Once after a good three hours of making out and feeling each other up, Edward had finally broke down, shoved me into the bathroom, closed the door and told me to make a decision. That was when I amended the rule to specify alone and in my office.
This morning I'd looked at my calendar on my desk and realized that it was third month anniversary of our meeting. I'd spent the whole day thinking of what that meant, and if I was ready to take our relationship to the next step.
The last three months had been.. . .interesting. Relationships, I'd learned, were messy and human and difficult, but more than worth the pain. I'd been happier with Edward in the last three months than in any time I could remember in my life. I loved him. I wanted him. And I wanted it to be tonight.
We'd done everything and the kitchen sink except actually consummate our relationship, but he'd been so diligent in pleasing me and in the last month or so, hadn't pushed me once to make a decision. I realized, as I sat in the middle of a budget meeting, that he'd accepted the situation and how could he possibly have done that if he hadn't accepted me?
We hadn't said we loved each other yet, but his actions demonstrated it. And I knew for sure that I loved him.
Finally, the last executives filed out of my office and I was alone.
Alone and in my office.
The two things that had to happen for me to make a decision about tonight.
I knew the decision I wanted to make, but still, I held back. Truthfully, I was scared. I wanted Edward, and desperately wanted to trust him, but there was still a tiny speck of fear in the back of my heart that he'd cut and run the moment I gave up the goods.
My phone rang, interrupting my train of thought, and I smiled wryly when I glanced at the caller ID. Talk about timing.
I picked up and before I could even get a word in, Edward was belting out a ill-tuned but vastly enthusiastic rendition of something resembling the "Happy Anniversary" song—if there even was such a thing. Knowing Edward, he'd probably just made up the whole thing on the spot.
He finished with a big vocal flourish and I couldn't help but laugh, something that he managed to make me do so often these days that I'd totally lost the reputation around the office of being a hard ass. In fact, everyone had finally figured out that on the inside I resembled marshmallow fluff rather than Frosty the Snowman.
"Bella? Are you there? Please tell me that wasn't your secretary that just heard that."
He sounded so mortified that I couldn't keep him hanging anymore. "It was me," I guffawed, unable, however, to stop the flow of giggles. "You were lucky though," I finally managed to gasp out.
"You know," he told me sternly, but I knew he had a smile on his face, "I worked on that for hours."
"You're going to be the next Rodgers and Hammerstein, for sure."
There was a knock at the door. "Just a sec," I told Edward, "there's someone at the door."
Before I could even stand up to walk over and open it, it swung open on its own accord, and Edward stood there, in all his lazy Southern glory, swinging a cell phone from his fingertips.
"Really?" he drawled. "Someone at the door? Amazing."
I couldn't help but laugh again, and damn him, but he smiled again so knowingly, that I knew he'd long since realized that he'd melted the infamous Ice Princess. And damn it, I didn't care anymore.
Looking at Edward, leaning against the doorjamb, a huge smile on his face, and I'm sure an equally large smile breaking over mine, I knew that I couldn't wait a second longer.
Screw the possible repercussions of us sleeping together. I wanted Edward. Now.
"Edward," I said a bit breathily with the shock of my decision wafting through me, "shut the door."
He did so rather eagerly, and I met him halfway across the office, falling into his arms like it was the most natural place in the world. Which it was.
We kissed like we'd been parted for weeks or months rather than just a few hours, his tongue snaking into my mouth and melding with mine.
His hands smoothed the fabric of my suit over my back and the mantra of now, now, now, now. . .continued to echo through me. I'd wanted to take my time—to take our time, really—but suddenly it felt like I was in danger of waiting too long, and if we didn't have sex now, in my office, somehow the chance would be lost.
"Edward," I told him a little giddily, "let's go over to the couch."
He pretended to look shocked, but I knew better. He was thrilled at every opportunity he could have to corrupt me. No doubt he'd be even more thrilled to take me the first time on the couch in my very office.
He sat down, and instead of kissing him like he no doubt expected me to do, I immediately attacked the zipper and buttons on his jeans.
"Bella!" he muttered in mock outrage. "This isn't appropriate behavior for the office."
"Really?" I said questioningly. "I had no idea."
And that was the last talking we did for a good while, as I bent down to kiss him, and proceeded to strip him and myself before either he could talk me out of this or I could talk myself out of it. Edward's influence had gone a long way to making me more impulsive, but this was easily the most outrageous thing I'd ever done, and I felt like I was balancing on the precipice of something new and almost scary.
"Bella," Edward said reverently, gazing at my body which was covered only by a white lacy bra and matching panties. I hadn't chosen these knowing that Edward would necessarily see them—though that was usually a given—but they definitely seemed appropriate for this moment.
Unfortunately, I could tell that he wanted to be hushed and romantic and take his slow time. That wasn't going to work within the time frame I had mind. I was going to have to take control here.
Before he could stop me, I wiggled out of my panties and unclasped my bra. Edward's jaw fell open and I attacked him. I kissed him hard, and straddled him, stroking his rock hard cock.
Just before I was about to lower myself onto him, Edward grabbed my shoulders and pulled me back, separating our lips. "What are you doing?" he asked and I was astonished at the angry tone in his voice.
"Having sex with you?" I said in a small voice. I started praying that he wouldn't reject me. Maybe all this delay had pushed him away from me and he didn't want me the same way he had before.
"Like this?" His voice was strangled and almost high. Like he didn't know what to say, and was dealing with the shock of what he'd just realized.
"Yes," I said seriously, like this was the way that all couples had sex for the first time—on the couch in an office, with almost no foreplay.
"You want this?" he said, and he sounded definitely skeptical. As long as he was only skeptical about me.
"Yes," I said firmly. "Very much."
"But Bella. . .this wasn't. . ..this wasn't quite how I envisioned it. . ."
"Really? It's exactly the way I envisioned it," I muttered, stroking him hard so that he'd focus on what he wanted instead of this inane and unnecessary conversation.
"Are you sure?" Edward looked closely at my eyes, as if he could somehow divine the truth.
"Yes," I told him again. "Very sure."
"Okay," Edward said, clearly giving in, because he probably knew that arguing any farther would lose the moment, and from the way he sprung to deliciously hard attention in my hand, I knew he wanted me almost as bad as I wanted him.
His hands pushed inbetween us, one hand tweaking my nipples and the other descending lower, and sinking into my wet heat. "You're so hot for me, Bella," Edward murmured into my hair as I groaned in pleasure.
"I can't take anymore," I pleaded. "Please let me have sex with you."
"Oh if you insist," he chuckled, "I suppose I could manage that."
"Good," I whispered, and closing my eyes tightly and offering up a quick prayer, I positioned him under me and sank down, slowly.
"God, Bella, you're so tight," Edward moaned a little, and then abruptly his hands stopped on me.
I knew what he was feeling and I didn't want to talk about it. I just wanted it to be over with, as quickly and painlessly as possible. "No," I insisted, and I forced myself down the rest of the way, feeling him sink all the way inside.
"Ugh," I groaned, both loving the feeling of him filling me, and trying to adjust to the large organ invading me.
Edward apparently didn't have any words either because he kissed me, and his lips were more passionate, more loving than they'd ever been before.
"Bella," he murmured, "thank you."
"For agreeing to have sex with you?" I said, beginning to move a little, and surprisingly the pain was gone now, and all I felt was pleasure. Edward's hand worked on my clit and as we moved together, I knew why I'd wanted to share this with him and only him. Because we fit together, despite all our differences. Maybe because of our many differences.
"No," he said, and he wiped a single tear away from my cheek. "For trusting me this much."
I buried my head in his shoulder and as we moved faster I felt like instead of just moving aimlessly, we were heading somewhere. Somewhere big. Somewhere I'd been before, but that had never been this big before.
The orgasm hit me hard, and I bit down on Edward's shoulder. That must have triggered him off, because he emptied himself into me with an oath and his eyes closed as his head fell back on the couch back.
"Bella," Edward said again. "Thank you for trusting me, and thank you for your precious gift."
"It was nothing," I said graciously, but glad that it meant something to him, like it had meant something to me.
"It wasn't," Edward said, his eyes opening and his arms closing around me fiercely. "It was everything."
Another tear wound down my cheek. "I love you, you know," I whispered, hoping that it was both too quiet and too loud.
"I love you too," he said, and then he stopped and chuckled a little. "By the way, when exactly did you make this decision?"
"Why do you ask?" I said self-consciously. I had a feeling where this was going, and I didn't like it.
"You're supposed to be alone and in your office when you make the decision to sleep with me. Had you decided before I came in?"
I hesitated. Would he be angry that after all my procrastination and distrust and mumblings about having to make a rational choice, that I'd finally just succumbed to the moment?
"Um. I was in the office."
"So you didn't decide until I came in." It was more of a statement than a question, and I thought I could see the beginnings of a smile beginning to form in the corners of his mouth.
"Yes," I nodded.
"You little tease," Edward laughed and pulled me back down on the couch with him. "I'm going to punish you all night long for that."