This will be just two chapters. This one is rated T. The next will be rated M. ;D
Disclaimer: The show, the characters and their names I do not own. Their actions however all stemmed from my pretty little head.
"Chili cheese fries for Emily and a Boca burger for the freak of nature," Derek stated, putting the plates down in front of the girls.
Casey leaned down and closely inspected her food, lifting the bun and smelling it.
"What are you doing?" Emily asked looking at her friend with a raised brow.
"Checking for spit. Or Cheyenne pepper. Or anything else that Derek might have done to my food." She turned to stare at Derek suspiciously.
"Chillz Case! You ordered your disgusting burger sans the spit, so I sans my spit. Just eat it."
"Okay, but if I find one hair I'll telling your boss," she barked, pointing a stern finger at him.
Derek scoffed as Sally walked up to the table, standing beside her boyfriend.
"It's fine Casey. I threatened Derek. He won't be doing anything to your food anytime soon."
"Damn straight. No way am I letting Spacey be the reason I'm not getting any."
"Did not need to hear that!"
"Oh look! Table four needs you!" Sally exclaimed, sickly sweet. She smiled tensely at Derek, pushing him towards the table.
He rolled his eyes but went back to his work. She turned to Emily and Casey's disgusted expressions and laughed nervously, gripping her upper arms as she crossed them over her chest.
"Well this is very…"
"Uncomfortable?" Emily suggested for Casey.
"Well it's about to get even more so," Sally said, pushing Emily further into the booth so she could lean across the table to whisper urgently to Casey. "I need your help."
"With what?" Casey whispered back, leaning forward.
"Umm, well actually Derek. You see he's uh… well he's not really… he's kinda been… well I mean don't get me wrong he's a fantastic kisser. The best kisser I've ever had really, but he's just a little bit, well a lot bit horrible at all the other— umm… stuff," Sally struggled to say, cowering into herself while waiting for the outcome of her confession.
Emily's eyes widened as she burst out laughing, quickly covering it up with a fake coughing fit and a hand to her mouth. "Sorry. Took in too much air."
Sally glared at the girl beside her, before her gaze changed to one of uncertainty as it turned to Casey.
Casey shook her head, her forehead tense with confusion. "What do you mean by "stuff"," she asked, her fingers making air quotes. "Like life in general or just being a decent human being?"
Emily laughed again, this time not bothering to cover it up.
Sally once again glared at Emily, the anger building in her eyes as she spoke to the girl. "I know this is weird for me to be asking his stepsister's help but she's the only person I can trust with this!"
"Trust?! With all the stuff Derek does to Casey you think she's the person you should go to for help?!" Emily exclaimed, the gleam of happiness at Derek's shortcomings with Sally shining through.
"She's the only friend of mine with this kind of experience! And Derek (while he would never admit it) listens to her. And I though maybe she could give him some pointers?" The last sentence was asked tentatively, her eyes moving back to Casey.
"Aw! Derek listens to me?!" Casey slumped back happily into her seat, a satisfied smile covering her face. "Wait, but what do you need my help with again?"
Emily shook her head is disbelief. "Casey how do you not get this? This is like the holy grail of things you can lord over Derek!"
"But I don't get what –"
Sally threw her hands up in the air in frustration, her words spilling out in an angry whisper. "Derek's terrible in the sack and I want you to teach him how to properly get a woman off so I can stop walking around being a sexually frustrated pain in the ass!"
"You want me to WHAT?!" Casey screamed, the entire restaurant turning to stare at her.
Sally laughed nervously, meeting her boyfriend's questioning stare before sliding out of the booth and dragging Casey outside. Once they were through the doors, Casey ripped her arm away from Sally and turned to face her.
"Are you crazy?! You want me to teach Derek how to lay you?!"
"Look I know it's a lot to ask--"
"A lot to ask? A lot to ask?!" Casey shouted, beginning to pace anxiously as a smirking Emily walked out to join them. "A lot to ask would be asking me to teach Derek how to chew with his mouth closed. This is just so beyond anything normal."
"Please Casey," she begged. "Please, please, please do this for me! You're the only chance I have!"
She scoffed in reply, crossing her arms over her chest angrily. "What about Sam? Or Ralph?! They are both perfectly good choices. Very respectable and normal choices. Either of them could easily have a nice chat with Derek about his inability to properly bonk you. Go ask one of them!"
"Do you know how incredibly awkward that would be for me to ask my boyfriend's best friends to teach him how to… you know. That would be humiliating! For me and for them!"
"And having ME talk to Derek isn't humiliating?!"
"Well it wouldn't be humiliating for me," Sally suggested with a smile, cutting Casey off before she could reply. "And besides it'd be a blow on Derek's ego to know his girlfriend asked his friends to help him out with his short comings."
"She does have a point, Case," Emily said, shaking her head in agreement.
"Shut up Emily!" Casey shouted.
Emily giggled at her best friend's uncharacteristic rudeness, enjoying the conversation (to use the word lightly) happening before her far more than she should.
"PLEASE Casey!" Sally begged, reaching out to grab her hands.
Casey shook her leg anxiously, looking away from Sally. "Why me? Honestly? Make three extremely good points as to why I should have this" she shook in disgust, "discussion with him."
Sally's eyes lit up a little as she felt Casey's resistance wearing down. "Okay. Well… For one you're the only friend I have who's no longer a virgin. And from what I hear you're quite popular with the—"
"Making me seem slutty is not making me want to help you!"
"Okay! Okay! I didn't mean it like that! I just meant that you're good at— it."
"You know if you want to have good sex you might want to stop referring to it as "it"," Emily broke in, earning two angry glares.
"You know what, I'll just go back to leaning silently against this wall," she said pointing behind herself and sulking back into the shadows.
Casey struggled with herself in silence for a moment, mulling over Sally's first point. "Fine. Continue."
"Okay, uh… Oh! You're a wonderful tutor in every other subject, why would sex ed" she turned to look at Emily when she said the magic word "be any different?!"
Casey shook her head curtly at her to continue.
"Ummm… you live with him so you can find a private place to talk to— okay scratch that one it's stupid," she quickly broke into her own speech at Casey's glare. "A third point would be what I said before; Derek listens to you. And more importantly he trusts you."
"Derek would never admit that," Casey said rolling her eyes.
"No. He wouldn't. But I can tell. He cares about you."
Emily chuckled. The other girls continued on like they hadn't heard her implicating laugh.
Casey stared into Sally's face, taking in her furrowed brows and her pleading eyes. "FINE!" she finally exclaimed. "I'll teach him. But you owe me BIG!"
Sally squealed and jumped into Casey's arms, hugging her tightly. "Thank you so much!" She released the girl and went back into the restaurant, smiling smugly at Emily as she passed.
"Come on, Em. Let's go. I don't feel hungry anymore. And I have some research to do." Casey turned with a flip of her hair and walked towards the parking lot.
"Sally has no idea what she just did," Emily said to herself, biting her lip in anticipation of the outcome.