Diclaimer: I don't own twilight.
AN: Hey I would really like it if more than one person reviewed.
Chapter 10 She is love
To fall in love is one of the greatest pleasures in the world, but to fall in love with your best friend sucks, I should know. It's hard to admit that I feel the way I do. I never expected that I would feel this way. I never thought that I could feel this way. Homecoming was over two months ago and I still could not get those warm chocolate eyes out of my head. To think that it was possible to fall in love in the blink of an eye is mystifying. And not only did I fall in love so fast but I fell in love with something that would never be mine, my best friend, Bella.
So today, once again, I put a smile on my face and hope for the one thing that will never happen. As I pull my white t-shirt on I glance out my window to see Bella's navy blue curtains closed. I had just moved into this house a week ago and found out that my room is exactly 10 feet away from Bella's. This scared me a little, one because I would wake up to see her every day and I didn't know what would become of her feelings about that if I ever told her that I was falling in love with her, well fell. And two, because, the world likes to make me its own personal inside joke.
A little tap on the door interrupted my train of thought. "Edward? Can I come in?" questioned my little sister.
"Sure." She slowly opens the door and looks around the room. She searches for a place to sit on my bed that is not covered in clothes or sheet music. But with a heavy sigh and a disapproving look, she finally decides to just stand in the wooden door way. She stands there with a blank expression for about two minutes.
I sigh. "Is there a reason you decided to come to my room?"
"Yes and no."
"Then why are you here?"
"Because I like you better than Emmet. He acts to immature for me."
"Nessie, your six. Have a little fun. Play dolls with him or something."
"But I like watching you play the piano and the guitar. It's….cooler if that's the right way to put it. Oh and by the way Bella is down stairs waiting for you." What? Bella? Here? Now? I got the feeling in my stomach, the butterflies that just don't seem to go away and make you feel like you could just through up, the ones that I get every time her arm brushes against mine accidentally, those butterflies. I could feel the blush run out of my cheeks as I looked at my sister with an anxious expression.
"W-what? W-why?" I stammered.
"She says the she needs help with her homework or something. And mom said I should come up and tell you that she's here and she says that if Bella comes up you have to keep your door open. Whatever that means." She stated using two fingers to make the quotations around open, even though she had no idea of what they meant. Good. I don't need to have that talk with my six year old sister.
"Um. Okay just send her up." Nessie left me standing by the edge of my bed. I thought for a moment to just plop down on my bed but then I realized that my room was chaotic. I have about 20 seconds before she's standing in the doorway. Time for extreme makeover Edwards's room addition, in 15 seconds.
I ran franticly towards my closet with dirty clothes pilling in my arms. But I didn't make it to the closet; before I could get there I stumbled over one of Nessie's Barbie's. Not only was it a Barbie but it was naked. I don't know how it got in my room but I do know that it is leaving before Bella comes in. I picked up the naked doll and ran towards the door and opened it. To my surprise Bella was standing in the doorway as I opened the door with the naked Barbie in my hand and a bunch of dirty underwear in the other. It would have been a funny joke if it had happened to someone else and if it didn't involve Bella.
"Edward, I just came over for help on my home work, if I wanted to play Barbie's I would go to Alice's and play Barbie Bella." She giggled. The blush rose to my cheeks making them a deep scarlet. If this day could get any worse I'm going die. "Edward, I'm kidding! I know you don't play with Barbie's, you play with real girls."
"Hey now. I don't play with real girls." I stated, they play with me. I thought.
"Oh yeah, sure. They play with you." As if she could read my mind.
"That may be true but I don't date them, they want me to but I just don't like them." Our funny conversation had just turned into a serous one. She gave me quizzical look as I threw the Barbie and dirty clothes into the hall way. And closed the door.
"I just don't see them like I did." I said as she sat down on the edge of the bed.
"Edward? Are you gay?" she started cracking up. So much for the seriousness.
"NO. No I am not gay I just don't like those other girls, I like…" at that second I was about to tell her of the feelings I had for her but then quickly snapped out of it . She would never like me in that way. It wasn't possible. "…never mind. It doesn't matter."
"Edward!!!! Every guy I know says that, the 'oh woe is me but never mind it doesn't matter'. I don't get why they think their feelings are not important. Your feelings are important to me and I want to know who you like. And it matters to me. I'm your best friend and you can't tell me who you like? That's not reasonable." She looked at me with concern melting her warm eyes.
"Why do you care? You don't need to. My feelings are not as impotent as other peoples." I can't tell her. I can't tell her! I can't tell her!!
"I swear, if you don't stop this right now and tell me who you like I'll... I'll… Oh... I don't know." Her face crinkled with frustration and her bottom lip turned over into a frown making her look really cute. She looked like an upset two year old who was begging for a puppy. I couldn't help but laugh to my self as I looked at her. How could I ever keep anything from her if she kept this facade up? Her eyes got really big and glossed over. Her face had just turned in to one of the cutest puppy faces I had ever seen.
"Bella I don't think I have the courage to tell you the name. The way I feel towards her I like I'm the moon and she's the earth, I'm drawn to her and there's nothing I can do about it. She has these eyes that I can look into and get lost at sea. He laugh is the most musical sound I have ever heard. If I ever were to find out how she feels towards me I think I would burst of either sorrow or happiness." I looked at her with pleading eyes, looking for her understanding. "do you think that you could just let the subject go for a little while?"
She looked into my eyes searching for something that would make her believe what I was saying. "Ok." One word was all it took for me to fall even harder than I have. She was so understanding, would she like me? Should I just tell her now? No, I'm willing to live in a world where I don't know the truth because sometimes when you live in your own naive world it can be better than reality. I'm my own little world, and no I'm not crazy, I like to think that maybe one day she would know that I like her the way I do and maybe feel the same way.
She's my world. When I've been beaten down and kicked around she would take it all for me. When I lost my faith in my darkest day she made me want to believe. So many people would be glad to have her as a best friend but she's mine, and that's the way it will always be. They call her 'love' because of her giving heart. They call her 'love' because she gives every one a brand new start. She is 'love' and she is all I need. That's what she is to me, 'love' and she is all I need. I've had my ways with other girls, they were all in vein and she would always wait patiently. Every day felt the same but my pride had changed when I met her, she put me on my feet. She made me want to believe in something more, something more than a fling, she made me believe in love. Because she is love and she is all I need to survive.
"Romeo? Romeo? You up there? I know your thinking about your one and only love right now but I didn't come here for that. So could you maybe help me with my Biology homework?" she had no idea what was truly going threw my head or how close she was to guessing. I reached for the notebook lying on her lap, at the same time she did. Our hands brushed and I got that sort of tingling feeling in my hand where it fells like it should be on fire but its not. Even seconds after, her touch still lingered on my skin. I looked at her face; it seemed unfazed by the soft touch that had just occurred. How? I wonder. How can she not see what she dose to me? How can she not see that talking to her or even seeing her makes my day all worthwhile?
"Oh... I already have it done. You can just copy my answers." I stumbled though my words.
She worked on her homework as I ungracefully made my way towards my guitar. No one but Bella and my family knew that I played the guitar. It was just a habit I picked up when I was about ten. I was in the music store that my father owned, I had always gone straight towards the pianos but something was different that day. Instead I went to the back of the store where the guitars were. I saw the most amazing guitar I had ever seen; it was white and had black borders. It was an acoustic guitar and after seeing that one guitar I knew that I wanted to play it. I never wanted to give that dream up. So my father taught me. That is one of the very few memories I have of him. He shared my passion, even at the age of ten, for music.
In some ways I think playing an instrument is a lot like love. You have to get to know what you're doing before you go all out. You need to know the right notes to play and if you don't the music turns sour. Some people can fall in a deep trance when in love and when playing an instrument. But the one thing that I think is the most important thing that they have in common is that if there is no passion there is nothing, no music and no love.
"Hey Edward, do you ever write songs? Like, you know, with lyrics? One that you poured your heart and soul into?" I was knocked out of my thoughts. A song?
"Umm… yeah I have. But don't get any ideas, you will not hear it. I really don't like it when people hear my music, at least the music with lyrics."
"Why?" she pushed farther. This is not what I wanted to do right now.
"Well, I think they sound kind of stupid." I finally looked up from my guitar to see her eyes searching for something.
"Well let me hear them and I'll tell you if they sound stupid, which I highly doubt they do." I pondered for a moment and then thought well it can't get that bad. Can it?
"Ok." It will be the easiest way to let her know how you feel without even actually telling her.
"When I see you cry
with the tears running down your face,
I just want to look you in the eye,
And hold you in a warm embrace.
Because I will never let you fall.
I'll be there though it all.
I'll be by your side even in the dark
I'll be that one little spark.
You are my love, you are my world
Baby, you hold me together.
You are my forever." I paused not wanting to continue. "So that's kind of the first verse and she chorus. Its not really finished yet but it will be."
"Edward, that was beautiful! The lyrics have such meaning. But if you don't mind me asking did you write that for the girl we were talking about earlier?" my mind raced not wanting to answer her question.
"Ummm, yeah." I stuttered. "About that…" I paused not wanting to go any farther.
AN: hey every on I know it's been a long time and I'm really sorry about that. So that's the chapter.