A/N: I do not own Twilight, Emmett, Edward, Alice, Jasper, the beautiful Vanquish (though if someone wants to get one for me, I won't object), credit cards, the Union, or the South.

In My Defense

I understand while everyone wants to poke fun at me. Yeah, I'm a big guy, and I may look like a "dumb football player." But really, I'm not that dumb. I've been to college and everything. I do like the occasional practical joke and yes, I do poke fun at Bella and Edward's personal life. But you have to remember who I live with. Edward has been so, down, for the past decade or so, until Bella came along. Then there is Jasper who is still struggling, daily, so I need to be there to lighten the mood.

I love my sister-in-law dearly, but when she was human, I couldn't help but laugh at her klutziness. You know you got a couple of laughs out of it too! Unless, of course, you are klutzy as well and then you can sympathize.

I'm sure you all realize how boring school can be. No imagine going through it many many times. The first few times I tried to pay attention and I got pretty good grades, but now I am to the point that it takes everything in me to keep from jabbing my eyes and eardrums out some days. I have to keep life interesting.

Okay, so maybe hiding the Vanquish and making Edward think it was somehow stolen while we were gone was a bit overboard, but its not like the car got harmed! Sure a few helpless trees were killed, but Edward really needs to control his temper. It's not like he couldn't replace a $250,000 car.

I was doing Alice a favor when I hid all of her credit cards and deleted the information off of her online accounts. It isn't safe to leave information like that on online accounts. You never know who could break into them. And second, Alice shouldn't spend that much money on clothes we only wear once. And finally, I warned her if she got rid of my favorite hoodie in order to replace it with a new sweater, I would do it.

You all have to admit that dressing up like a union soldier to mess with Jasper was a pretty good idea. I know he hates the idea the South lost because it means his side lost. He is fine with not having slaves anymore though. It has been over 100 years though! He should at least be somewhat close to getting over it. I could have done worse and messed with his emotions…whoops.