Disclaimer: I lost my mind in a card game, and am no longer responsible for the insanity that comes out of it.

AN: Who doesn't own Naruto...this guy right here.

For those worried (or looking forward to something) because of the Anko thing, rest assured, it will have very, very little impact to the overall plot of the story (as it will play a very minor, implied role in the future). As I said, it was just to give a new twist on how fucking sick and twisted Orochimaru could be. Not to mention it'll allow me to make some kind of joke with the whole taking over a woman's body thing, and impersonating that kunoichi from Grass (the body he revealed he'd taken during the Chuunin Exams).

I don't much like this chapter. Some parts wrote themselves. Some parts had to be written. And some parts were kind of forced in places (IT WRITES ON THE STORY, OR ELSE IT GETS THE HOSE AGAIN!).

Also, fair warning, I ended up visibly insulting myself in the fic.

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Naruto sat watching his neechan give the instructions for the second phase of the Chuunin Exams. He was slightly bored, and very highly disappointed. The night before at dinner, his Anko-nee had said that she had a huge surprise for them planned for the Second Phase of the exams.

Flashback Mechanism: Get Over Here!

Anko sat at the dinner table smirking at Naruto. Naruto was very familiar with that look. It was a look that meant that she was planning something vaguely sinister, or disturbingly embarrassing. The worst part about it, was that the latter usually was aimed at him. He was still recovering from the prank she'd played on him the night before the exams started.

He'd been practicing with the Shousen, and had been in his Special Oiroke Henge, since his chakra control was for some reason better as a girl. After working for nearly an hour, he'd fallen asleep with the jutsu still activated. When he'd awaken the next morning, it was to the widely grinning face of Anko. Her teasing comments of having enjoyed herself the night before, being honored that he'd chosen her to take his girl-cherry, and not knowing he could be so frisky as a girl, made Naruto squeal like a small girl, and run from his room. No, that look wasn't fun at all. Still, the continuous smirk was hard to ignore, and damn it if he was curious.

"What's got you all happy?" Naruto asked.

"I've got something extra special planned for your second test." Anko boasted.

"Really?" Naruto asked. "And what would that be?"

"It's a surprise." Anko teased. "You'll have to wait until tomorrow."

Flashback Mechanism: Away with you ruffian.

This was the surprise Anko-nee was talking about? They got to spend five days in that giant deathtrap she was so fond of. Naruto stared at the woman, a look of utter disappointment on his face. All that anticipation wasted on nothing but a five day suicide run. As far as surprises go, this one was pretty lame.

Naruto was brought from his internal musings by a couple of Chuunin passing around the 'It's not my fault if you die' wavers, and Naruto just shook his head even more. After swiftly filling it out, Naruto glanced around at the other competition, and noticed that his team was getting a lot of stares. Sure, they were definitely targets, him being the Hokage's kid and all, but no more than Teme's team with him being the famous, surviving, genius last Uchiha. No, it was the other stares that they were getting...or rather that Haku was getting. Nearly every foreign, and a good number of domestic, kunoichi was looking at Haku and blushing. Naruto, never one to waste an opportunity, just had to tease him about it.

"We'd better be extra careful in there." Naruto whispered to his teammates. "Once we enter the forest, there are no rules. With all those shifty looks he's getting, if we're not cautious, Haku might end up getting gangraped by a bunch of kunoichi. And unlike me, he doesn't have the ability to rape Kage Bunshin no Jutsu as a distraction." At this both Hinata and Haku looked up, and noticed the stares...or rather noticed several heads rapidly turning away. Haku let out a resigned sigh as Naruto and Hinata got their seven chuckles in (1).

Several minutes later, with an Earth scroll sealed into the palm of Naruto's glove, Team Jiraiya was waiting at their gate, going over last minute strategy.

"Okay, so what's the plan?" Hinata asked of Naruto.

"What, why do I have to come up with the plan?" Naruto asked petulantly.

"Hello, prankmaster, you're good with planning."

"Yeah, planning traps and things." Naruto said. "I'm not so much a strategy guy. Besides, I thought we agreed that my role on this team was as the muscle/tank. Besides, Haku has more experience."

"I've always followed Zabuza-sama's orders, I don't have much experience being a leader." Haku said. "Sure, I did well enough on the Neck Country mission, but I was just their to keep you two in line, not actually lead the mission."

"Don't look at me." Hinata said. "You were the one that brought me out of my introverted shell, and I've technically been your sidekick since we were nine. Sure, I can take the lead if I have to, but I've pretty much followed you from the beginning."

"That is so not fair." Naruto said.

"You're out voted, niisan, deal with it." Hinata taunted.

"Fine, but I do so under protest." Naruto finally agreed. "Well, given how much Anko-neechan loves this place, it's pretty much a given that we don't want to spend anymore time in here than we have to. I say we get a scroll, and get the hell out of dodge. If we have a chance to get extras, then we take them, and trade them off if we can. The less time spent fighting, the less time we spend in this deathtrap."

"I couldn't agree more." A Chuunin said, coming up to the gate. "Get ready, the exam is about to start. Oh, and one more thing, I'd suggest stripping opponents of their equipment after you defeat them."

Moments later, the gate opened, and the second portion of the Chuunin Exams had begun.

888

About an hour into the exam, Naruto, Hinata, and Haku decided to find a place to set some traps for another team. It was agreed that they shouldn't go hunting for teams, as that might bring unnecessary energy expenditure better used for getting the hell out of the forest once they had their scroll. Besides, with Naruto's traps, why go through the trouble? Naruto created several dozen clones, and they used the supplies available to set a nice trap-filled perimeter. It was layered so that they'd know how long they had before their opponents showed.

They barely had to wait twenty minutes before the sounds of Naruto's traps going off, and cursing reached them. A few minutes after that- I mean seriously, Naruto's traps are fucking sinister- two shinobi from Taki stumbled into the small clearing.

"What the hell was that green stuff you used on Kouga?" The supposed leader asked. Hinata giggled, despite the serious situation.

"That was something Hinata and I accidentally created a year ago." Naruto said, grinning. "Super glue, construction glue, and chakra. When mixed properly, creates the ultimate sticky. When not, it's corrosive."

"I'm still amazed at how a cup of that stuff destroyed three fairly large homes in a span of five minutes." Haku said, shaking his head. He'd been told the story behind the stuff when the two had given it to him to use for his first mass prank. "Lucky for you it was in the Uchiha District, and those places were already condemned."

"Enough about that, though." Naruto said. "You're obviously here for our scroll, we're not giving it up, and something tells me that you won't leave us alone even if we ask you nicely. So, I guess we fight."

In order to spare you the long, drawn out drabble that the bonehead author wrote, here's a summary of a small battle that really wasn't all that important. With the third member of their team incapacitated by Naruto's traps, Kegon and Houki were forced to take on the three Genin from Konoha.

Naruto created a small army of clones to keep the two busy, while Hinata used Mizurappa to give herself a nice water source. Once she'd done that, she turned that water into Water clones before the Taki Genin had the chance to make use of it. She repeated this a few times until she had a couple dozen water clones. It was at this point that things got really bad for Kegon and Houki. Hinata dispelled her Mizu Bunshin all at once, leaving a ring of water around area, which Haku quickly made use of. With a few rapid hand seals, Ice Mirrors- with a new escape proof barrier added with a couple extra handseals- shot up around four of the combatants. Having to defend against the attacking Naruto and Hinata, while Haku pelted them with senbon, and prevented them from making attacks of their own, the fight was over rather quickly.

After stripping the three older teens of all of their supplies, and being disappointed at all that work being wasted on an extra Earth Scroll, Hinata used a Genjutsu to protect the tied up enemy from the forest predators. After taking ten minutes to rest, Team 11 quickly vacated the area, just missing another team hoping to capitalize on their exhaustion by a few minutes.

888

At the same time as Team 11 was dealing with the team from Takigakure, Team 7 was having their own fated meeting with a team from Kusagakure. This in and of itself was good news, bad news, and a case of he just had to open his big mouth. The bad news was of course that Orochimaru was impersonating one of the Grass nin, and that he wanted Sasuke-kun's body. Interpret that any way that you want, it was a bad thing. The good news, was that Tetsuya showed a bit of usefulness, and recognized him for who he was as soon as the older nin giggled. When he made this fact known, he'd thankfully prevented his egocentric teammate from attacking, and inspired them to- for the first time ever- properly work together.

Of course, the way by which he informed his teammates of Orochimaru's presence left them thinking that they'd have been better off not knowing. For no sooner had Orochimaru let out his amused giggle, Tetsuya screamed.

"You're Orochimaru!" The snake of the Sannin was amusedly impressed that someone had been able to see through his disguise. When he inquired how the boy had known, Hanako and Sasuke wished he'd just declined to answer, but nothing ever was that easy with Tetsuya, for he immediately blurted out.

"My grandmother warned me about you." He said. "She said that if you hear a creepy giggle that sounds like it belongs to a pedophile, then run in the opposite direction because Orochimaru is near."

And just like that, Team 7's day went from not good, to all out bad.

888

As Tetsuya was getting slammed into a tree by a furious Orochimaru, Team 11 just so happened to be having an interesting run in with Team 8. Frustrated by how easily they'd acquired a completely useless- to them anyway- scroll, Kiba was itching for a fight, and didn't even bother trying to consider a more diplomatic option. Since they were fighting another Konoha team, they didn't have to worry about fighting to the death, and even if they did somehow lose to Naruto's team- funny how everyone, even the 2/3 of the members of the team not named Naruto, seemed to refer to them as such- they had an extra scroll.

"It's nothing personal, and I really hate to do this, but do you guys happen to have an Earth scroll?"

"I guess you're our Heaven Scroll then?" Naruto said with a sigh, before Kiba's comment really kicked in. "As if you could take our scroll. Remember, we just beat you guys less than a week ago."

"So what?" Kiba said, knowing that things would be different without the element of surprise.

"We were handicapped by the fact that we couldn't do anything that would prevent you guys from entering the exams." Naruto said. "Now that we're in the exams, we don't have such a handicap. We can do anything we want, short of killing or crippling you, and that's only because you're comrades, and you're not Sasuke, Neji, or Tetsuya."

"Cool it, baka." Sakura scolded Kiba. "Naruto's right, they've got the advantage."

"I concur." Shino said. "The only match up advantage we have is myself against Hinata, and even that is not guaranteed. This, however, will put both of you at a disadvantage as you will either be left to face Haku or Naruto."

"Maybe they'll be nice, and let us go?" Sakura tried to charm her fellow rookies, earning rolled eyes from Naruto.

"Sakura, I've already got someone I'm interested in." He said. "Besides, you've seen the women I grew up surrounded by. You've got a long way to go before anything short of active lewdness will affect me." Sakura glared, but couldn't really deny that. His mother had bigger boobs than every other woman in their extended family combined. Kiba, of course was thinking along similar, but far more lewd, lines.

'Man, I don't know how Naruto can live around all that hotness without going insane, or rubbing himself raw.' He suddenly felt a hand collide with the back of his head. "Ow, what was that for?"

"Get your mind out of the gutter, you perverted mutt." Sakura growled. Before he could ask how she knew, she answered. "You were drooling, and your eyes were starting to glaze over." Deciding that he didn't want to know, think about, or even consider what kinds dirty things Kiba was thinking about his mother, and women he had come to see as sisters, Naruto spoke up.

"Man, I wish you guys just had an extra Heaven Scroll, and we could trade you our extra." When one thinks back on this, one could ask why they just didn't offer Team 8 their extra in the first place. Too bad I'm just the narrator. I'm not privy to that kind of information, and personally, I don't think the author is either. I bet it was a plot hole that the lazy bastard was too slothful to put in the effort to fix...but I digress.

"Wait, you have an extra Earth Scroll?" Kiba asked, pulling out a Heaven Scroll along with Sakura.

"Now that's pretty damn convenient." Naruto said as he and Haku both unsealed Earth Scrolls. Once the trade was complete, the six Genin sort of stared at each other, not sure what to do. An awkward silence commenced. "So, how about we get out of here. Anko-nee likes this place, and that's enough incentive for us to want out."

"Anko?" Sakura asked.

"Huh, she's pretty good friends with Kurenai-nee, I'm surprised you don't know her." Naruto looked contemplative.

"Wait, is that the sexy lady with purple hair, trench coat, fishnets-" Kiba said.

"And the creepy blood fetish?" Naruto finished. "Yup."

"And she likes this place." Sakura asked, to which Naruto nodded.

"It is imperative that we remove ourselve from these premises at once." Shino said in his monotone, though his apprehension showed through in his voice. With nothing else needing to be said, the sextet departed the clearing in the most direct route to the tower. Luckily, their route through the eastern tip of one of the more hazardous terrains of the forest helped them dodge most of the other teams, but it would also put them on a collison course with certain danger.

888

Team 8 and 11's decision to travel together for protection turned out to be a good one, considering they were headed towards a confrontation with another team. A team who already had a complete scroll set. A team who was hanging around the forest, just attacking unsuspecting teams for the sake of doing so, their excuse 'to shrink the numbers'. A team of Chuunin who really had no business in the exams. The group of six was heading straight into an ambush that had claimed at least two teams from every village that had multiple participants at this stage. Luckily, this group had something that the other victims lacked; something that would save them a similar fate.

They were leaping through the trees, making good time when Kiba, who was taking point, stopped on a branch.

"Hang on, I smell blood, and lots of it." Kiba said, followed by a growl and yip from his partner. "Akamaru smells it too."

"Probably an ambush." Naruto answered. "I had a feeling that there might be some jerks doing this. Attacking other teams just for the sake of reducing the numbers."

Sitting down to calm himself, Naruto began to draw on his chakra for a sensor trick that Kakashi taught him, and sent a light pulse outwards. The pulse rapidly raced from him, hitting his traveling companions immediately, and continuing out until it hit further ahead.

"I'm getting three signatures back." Naruto said. "Hinata?" The blunette activated her Byakugan, and looked.

"They're cloaking themselves very well, with a Chuunin level technique at that." She said. "But I'm getting three blips as well."

"There's only three, but that just means that they're obviously of a skill level that they shouldn't even be in these exams." Naruto said.

"We need a plan." Sakura said, right before five pairs of eyes turned to Naruto.

"What, why me?" Naruto complained.

"See, it's even obvious to other teams." Hinata teased him.

"Fine." Naruto grumbled, then paused to think. "Sakura with me, Hinata and Haku together, and Kiba and Shino take the last guy. Haku works with Hinata, because she can provide him with plenty of ammo for his jutsu at almost no cost. Kiba and Shino's fighting styles are different enough that it will keep their opponent off guard trying to defend against them. I can improvise with just about anyone, and having to randomly fend off your Genjutsu will make fighting me more difficult for our opponent, so long as you make sure to just target him."

"Are you sure?" Sakura asked.

"You know, it's not a good idea to ask someone to com up with an idea, and then second guess it as soon as he does." Naruto said, frowning. "Especially when it's a fairly good plan for such short notice."

"Naruto's strategy is sound." Shino said interrupted. "I would like to add that anyone capable should help the others if they finish quickly."

Five meters away from where the ambush was likely to happen, Naruto created a horde of Kage Bunshin, and sent them barreling in. The barage of clones caught the three ninja off guard, and wasted their perfectly executed ambush. When six Genin followed the clones, the three ninja were unprepared for the attack. Still, they weren't Jounin for nothing.

888

From the outset, the fight had been difficult. While they'd been able to pull off their trapped in the Ice Mirrors combo, even with the advantage they'd had, it was obvious they were not winning. They weren't losing either, but this Oto-nin was not merely a Chuunin, but quite possibly a Jounin. He was also a Jounin with a high pain threshold, as he was more peppered than that pervert had been several months back when he tried to jump him from behind (2). Hinata had several minor injuries that were starting to hamper her fighting ability.

'Crap, I need an idea; something crazy that he wouldn't expect. What would Naruto do?'

Suddenly, a sinister grin crossed his face, he began pulling explosive tags from his pouch, and began shifting through his mirrors. Once Haku was done, he pulled one final tag from his pouch, and waited for the perfect moment to strike. When it came, he launched himself from the mirror, and stabbed the man in the shoulder with a senbon. The man grabbed Haku by the wrist, and tossed him into the approaching Hinata. Hinata barely had time to brace for the attack, before Haku collided with her. As the two were untangling themselves, Haku whispered a set of instructions to his teammate and friend.

"As fun as this has been, I'm getting bored." The man said. "I think it's time I kill the two of you, and seal your remains for Orochimaru-sama."

"Sorry to disappoint you, but you're the one who is going to die." Haku said. "Now." The two teans closed their eyes seconds before the flash bomb pinned to the man's chest went off, blinding him. In the next half second, Haku had created another Ice Mirror, grabbed Hinata, and pulled them both through it, and out of the dome...a dome that was less than a second later destroyed as the explosive tags that had been inside the mirrors exploded. Flying ice rained down on the trapped Oto-nin, slicing into him in ways that he couldn't ignore the pain. His situation also wasn't helped by the concussive blasts from so many tags going off. If being sliced like a roast beef didn't kill him, the blasts did. High above in a nearby tree, Haku and Hinata emerged from a newly formed mirror. As Hinata gazed upon the rapidly fading enemy, she couldn't help commenting.

"And I thought Naruto-nii was the King of Overkill." Haku swatted her in the head, and gestured for her to go help Sakura and Naruto.

888

As Sakura watched Naruto do battle, supplementing him with Genjutsu, and looking for the right opportunities to strike long range, she couldn't help but blush and frown. With that look of severe determination, he looked so much like his father, that it was like a kick to the pants for the teen. Had she really been so crazy as to ignore how handsome the blond was? Had she really been so hard up on Sasuke, who was proving to be something of a jerk recently, that she'd passed up on him?

Seeing him now, she could see that he was definitely boyfriend material. How could she have let her rivalry with Ino cloud something like this? What made things worse, was that Tenten had actually swooped in and staked a very legitimate claim on him. Great, just her luck. She'd lost out on a great boyfriend before she even had a chance to really try, and all because of her rivalry with Ino over a jerk who didn't want her.

Shaking her head of such inappropriate thoughts- especially at a time like this- Sakura threw a kunai at the shinobi charging her comrade with a ninjato. Luck appeared to favor the two Genin, as it hit him in the leg, slowing him down. Too bad it didn't hit the femoral artery, that would have helped more. Still, it made the fight a bit more even, even though Naruto was still somewhat outclassed. From what she was seeing, this guy was either high Chuunin, or low Jounin.

Even though Naruto hadn't lost yet, he wasn't winning, or even close to it, either. Her heart nearly stopped when Naruto attacked, missed, and the enemy ninja turned to attack his unprotected back, capitalizing on his over-extension. As the man made to slice his back open, he was forced to abort the attack, and dodge a chakra coated palm to the heart.

Naruto regretted declining Tenten's offer of teaching him to use Kenjutsu. At the time, he had a viable reason, as he'd been trying to create his own jutsu so he could enter the exams. After that, though, he should have sought her out, and with Kage Bunshin it would have been easy to gain at least a decent basic grounding- enough of one that fighting this bastard would have been less difficult. Naruto ducked a swing of his sword, and took advantage of the man's opening, only realising after he was committed to the attack that it was a feint. A set up opening designed to draw the opponent in for an easy attack. As he felt the displaced air from the sword headed towards him, Naruto wished he was fast enough to Kawarimi before the man's attack hit.

Suddenly, there was a flash to his left, a curse, and the lack of an attack. Turning, Naruto found himself looking at the back of his best friend's head. Boy was he glad to see his oneechan. Fighting this guy had been hell, and he was sure that if it hadn't been for Sakura, he'd be dead by now. The man was very proficient with his sword, and that miss he'd just made would have spelled his end. With her here, things might actually turn out for the better.

Sakura looked on as the two gave each other a silent communication, before launching a coordinated attack at the man. She found herself amazed at how well the two worked together, and thankful that the pressure had lessened on Naruto. Studying the battle, she noticed that with the two of them attacking, the man had less time to attack or counter, and was spending more on defending. From what she had seen before, he was doing the same thing he'd done initially against Naruto; defending, analyzing, then attacking the weak spots. It wouldn't be long before he figured them out, and went on the attack, and that would not be good. As she saw another opening, Sakura's hand went for her pouch for a pair of shuriken, before pausing.

'What if-' Sakura didn't know if what she was thinking would work. After all, while she'd finished the jutsu, she'd been too insecure about her skills to actually try it out. She was also unsure whether or not the man would notice, or how quickly he'd dispel it if he did. Still, if it worked... Making her decision, Sakura ran through three seals, ending in the tiger seal.

The change was very subtle at first, but more and more, Naruto began noticing something odd going on. As he and Hinata backed up again to regroup, he asked her.

"Hey, does he seem a bit disoriented to you?"

"So I'm not just imagining things." Hinata replied. "I noticed he had two very wide openings that I thought he had thankfully missed. I saw Sakura going through some hand seals, you think she did something?"

"Only one way to find out." Naruto said, summoning a trio of Kage Bunshin. The result of the experiment made Naruto grin. "He's definitely out of it, but we should still be cautioust, cause there's no telling if he's really faking or if he isn't, how long it will last."

With that, the two renewed their attack, looking to hopefully end this fight.

888

The fight with Kiba and Shino had been going marginally better as they'd been fighting a Genjutsu specialist. Having a sensei who was such, as well as a teammate who was becoming one, they knew how to deal with this kind of shinobi. The major difference was the gap in skill level between Sakura and this woman. The woman's Genjutsu were a lot stronger than Sakura's were (their sensei hadn't exposed them to anything higher than B-rank Genjutsu yet), but thankfully, between their enhanced senses, and their animal partners, they were able to keep from succumbing to the kunoichi.

The fight soon became something of a game of cat and mouse. With the kunoichi trying to capture them in her Genjutsu, while Shino would try to capture her in his swarm while Kiba distracted her. All three combatants had been caught by the enemy, and had only just escaped, the elder nin finding more success than her younger counterparts. The fight had become a stalemate, with neither side gaining a real advantage, although it should be stated that one on one, both Kiba and Shino would be long dead by now.

Things continued in this vein until a Shunshin and having to dodge a hail of senbon startled the woman, and Kiba caught her with a Tsuuga. The addition of Haku to their side, soon turned the tide of the fight for Kiba and Shino. Haku's application of a pair of pressure points on the woman ended the threat of the kunoichi's Genjutsu. It wasn't a severe point, just one that caused enough irritation to the recipient that it couldn't be ignored, and had the rather beneficial side effect of disrupting the focus one needed to cast Genjutsu. In short order, the woman had been put into a death like state, and the trio of Genin went to help the other three.

They arrived just in time to see Naruto throw a kunai at the man's feet, red chakra leak out as it counted down, and the Jounin try to escape. The tag went off too soon, throwing him into a nearby tree at a very high velocity, and at a very uncomfortable angle. Unfortunately, the blast was a bit bigger than even Naruto expected, and the three fighting Genin got hit with the shockwave, sending them flying as well. Haku gave a smirk as Shino and Kiba stared at the damage dumbfounded.

"Shino, incapacitate the enemy, I'm going to go check on the others." Haku said. Shino nodded as he went about his assignment, while Haku joined the three downed Genin. When he came upon Hinata, who was closest, she was just sitting up with a groan.

"I take it back," She said. "Naruto is officially the undisputed King of Overkill." Sakura- who'd been blown from her perch into another tree- hopped down, and pointed to the small crater.

"What in the hell was that?" She asked.

"An experiment that needs more tweaking." Naruto groaned from his position a few feet away. He had yet to sit up, as everything seemed to hurt. He'd actually been closer to the blast than everyone else, and had gotten a bit more of the concussive force.

"Naruto, something is suspicious about those ninja." Haku whispered to him. "I think we should bring them with us."

It took a few more minutes for Naruto to reach a point where he could function again. He'd decided to let the Kyuubi heal his own wounds, and let Haku heal Hinata. Once he was up, Naruto nodded at Haku, telling him that he agreed with his suspicion and that he was right.

"Okay, I know that none of us want to do this, but we need to sterilize this site." Giving Haku a significant look, he added. "And I mean completely sterilize." Shino seemed to understand what he was saying, because he nodded at the same time the other members of Team 11 did.

"This one is dead." Shino said "The concussive force of that tag was enough to kill him immediately. Even if it didn't, the heat from the explosion, and the burns he suffered would have."

"The guy Hinata and I fought is probably dead by now, as well." Haku said. "Kiba-san can you help her? I'll deal with the kunoichi, and make sure she had no chance of escaping."

Once all three of the enemy had been recovered, Team 11 began the meticulous task, of stripping them of their equipment. In addition to the death like state that Haku had placed the woman in, Hinata had used half a dozen Jyuuken strikes to further paralyze her before starting.

"What are you guys doing?" Kiba asked. "That's like...violating the dead, isn't it."

"First of all, we're ninja, so that code doesn't apply to us." Naruto said bluntly. "Second, they were enemy shinobi, obviously Jounin level, in an exam preying on Genin. Whatever honor they had as ninja was negated by that alone. Besides, we're low on supplies, and they have extras they no longer need. Plus, if we turn these bodies into the IT Anbu, they can do whatever it is they do to glean secrets about the mysterious Oto nin. Not to mention, with a live captive we can learn even more."

Unable to bring themselves to do it, Team 8 watched as Naruto, Haku, and Hinata stripped the Sound ninja of their equipment.

There wasn't much they could really do with the first guy. He was torn to almost ribbons, and wouldn't provide much of anything as far as information. He did provide several kunai and shuriken they could use to replinish their own stashes with. After one last check, making sure he'd stripped him of all of his shinobi gear, Naruto backed away from the body.

"I'm done." He said, as he went to help Hinata.

Haku had taken Naruto's explosive victim. As the more experienced and sure handed of the three, he'd be able to salvage both the body and equipment with the least amount of contamination. After placing the equipment and the contents of his pouch to the side, Haku stripped the man to his underwear, and gave a secondary check. Once he had gleamed that nothing else could be gained, he prepped the body for sealing.

Hinata had the easiest job. She was checking the kunoichi's equipment, and as she was still alive, she also had the easiest time finding things as she didn't have to sift through blood and gore. As she checked the woman's equipment pouch, she found a storage scroll. Creating a Kage Bunshin, Naruto had it go aways away, and see what was in it. Once he'd done that, he went back to watching Hinata. When she came to the pouch on the woman's thigh, she made a startling discovery. Instead of kunai and shuriken, it was filled with senbon.

"Hey Haku, it's your lucky day. This chick has a shitload of senbon." Naruto said, reaching for one...at least he was until Kiba grabbed his wrist.

"Hang on a second, I smell something on them." Kiba leaned down and sniffed the pouch. "Just as I thought, they're coated with some kind of poison."

"I wonder why she didn't use them against us?" Shino asked, mostly to himself.

"We'll take the whole pouch, and we can give them to kaasan or Anko-nee." Naruto said. "They know a lot about poisons, and it might give us another advantage having an antidote to their poisons."

Hinata had already gone back to the dead woman, and began removing her clothing. Upon checking her removed clothing, she found three more small pouches of senbon, two of which were poison coated. Again Shino asked himself why she didn't use them. Once Hinata had finished, she'd placed the filched equipment off to the side, and prepped her for sealing.

While she was doing this, Naruto pulled a scroll out of his pouch. From this, he unsealed a bottle of ink, a brush, and a large scroll. Making sure there was sufficient space between them, Naruto began drawing storage seals of different strengths. Once Haku had carried his assignment over, Naruto began the job of sealing everything that needed to be, away. First was the dead body, followed by the kunoichi under a medical stasis. Once that was done, he moved the numerous senbon onto the third seal. A flash of chakra, and they were stored as well. The contents of the three ninja's equipment pouches- well the relavent stuff that needed to be passed on, anyway- were placed on the fourth seal, and stored in the scroll.

"Hey boss, I think we just hit the mother load." The clone said, reentering the clearing holding a Heaven and Earth Scroll, and the storage scroll. "There's five full sets of scrolls in this thing."

"So, what are we going to do with all of these extra scrolls?" Kiba asked. "We both already have a full set."

"I say we make our class look good by making sure all of the rookies pass." Hinata answered. "Sure it would mean that Tetsuya passes, but Hanako and Sasuke-teme shouldn't be held back because of him. As for the extras, we just take them with us, so that there's less teams that move on." She pouted cutely at the shocked looks on Team 8's faces. "What, I can be devious and underhanded too. I just usually never get the chance, because Naruto beats me to it."

Naruto and Haku shrugged. They couldn't deny her accusations after all.

"Hinata's idea is sound." Shino said. Naruto mentally took a tally of all of the teams from their class, and unsealed two more sets of the scroll. Creating two more Kage Bunshin, Naruto passed the scrolls over to them.

"Just how many of those can he make?" Sakura asked Hinata, remembering the sheer number he'd used to protect himself from their foe.

"Easily enough to make some naughty girl with a gangbang fetish a very lucky lady." Hinata giggled at Sakura's blush. "Perverted joking aside, he can repeatedly spam dozens of them without feeling a thing. One of the benefits of being a Jinchuuriki is reserves the size of Tetsuya's ego." Once the clones had been given a general direction of their targets via the 'Pulse', they henged into forest animals and scampered away. Turning back to the gathered weapons, Naruto found that Haku had already begun the division.

In the end, Naruto had taken the ninjato, vowing to get Tenten to teach him to use it once the exams were over. He'd also taken a refill on his projectile weapons, having used quite a few in the fight. Haku laid claim to the pouch of senbon, seeing as he was the only one in the group who actually used them consistently. The others all took a few of the shuriken and kunai to top off their supply, but they were mostly good on weapons. Once that was finished, Naruto and Haku turned back to the dead body. Taking a deep breath, Naruto ran through a few seals, and with a soft, "Endan.", he set the body on fire. Then both he and Haku sent chakra saturated wind into the fire to strengthen it. Within moments, the body was gone, and the group was ready to move on.

"Right, now that that bit of excitement is over, what say we get out of here before something else goes wrong." Sakura said. No one disagreed with the plan, and within a half hour, the sextet had arrived at the tower.

Elsewhere in the forest, a certain 'not squirrel' had stumbled upon a certain kunoichi who happened to wear her hair in a pair of buns that gave her the silhouette of a panda from the neck up. While she was very aware of her surroundings, she was also distracted enough by boredom that someone like Naruto could easily sneak up on her. Having found his target, the clone returned to its normal form, and began stalking the girl. Once it was in the perfect range and position, the clone pounced.

If one were to ask Tenten if she was bored, she'd have slapped them for asking a stupid question. Well, unless it was someone like Neji who had no sense of humor, or a superior officer, or...

'Damn it, I hate being bored.' She thought.

She, Lee, and Neji had agreed to separate, and scout teams that would make for prime targets. Neji having expressed a desire to go after Naruto's team, and she had a feeling that he might have gone searching for them. They were to meet back here in an hour, but that had been fifteen minutes ago, and she'd gotten bored waiting after five.

Tenten picked at the grass next to her, her mind wandering just a bit, though not enough that she wasn't completely aware of any threats. Her thoughts, of course, drifted to what and how Naruto was doing, if he was okay, and if they had had any luck so far. Her cheeks tinted as she thought about how much the blond had been entering her thoughts lately, especially since that rather interesting altercation the week before. She made a mental note to talk to him about letting her detonate that little pouch. Little did she know, that she would soon be seeing the boy who so occupied her thoughts.

As she remembered how nice it felt being wrapped in Naruto's arms, she found herself tackled to the ground. Her first instinct was to escape, and turn whoever had attacked her into a pin cushion. However, when a familiar voice called her name, and gave her a cheek rasberry, that instinct went from murder, to mildly maim.

She tried to club the blond sitting on her chest, only to find that the much stronger boy was holding her down. It was also about this time that her mind decided to give her ideas pertaining to this position. Ideas she had to admit she was fully game for exploring a few years down the line.

"Na-ru-to!" She growled. "Let me up right this minute so I can throttle you." Not knowing why he was getting the 'you pervert' growl, Naruto did some quick thinking.

"Okay, I'll let you up, but you have to promise not to hit me." Naruto bargained.

"Give me one good reason." She haggled back, her face completely red from dirty thought embarrassment.

"Because I'm a Kage Bunshin, and I come bearing gifts." The clone pulled the two scrolls that he'd been given from his pouch, thankful that the shock had distracted her from the fact that her two hands could now overpower his one. "Boss said that he couldn't let a cutey like you be subjected to his neechan's favorite playpen for any longer than necessary." Naruto hadn't, but she didn't need to know that. Besides, the boss probably would have said it if he'd thought of it.

"Fine, I won't throttle you, but you owe me a new splody to play with." She smirked when he nodded, then pushed at his chest. "Now get offa of me, and gimme my splody."

"Would an explosive tag charged with Kyuubi's chakra make you happy?" Tenten raised an eyebrow, trying to hide the fact that it would indeed make her happy. "The real me has some on him, and he's already headed to the tower." As Tenten thought about what that would look like, the clone popped, leaving her with the pair of scrolls, and her pleasant thoughts.

"I think I might just love that baka." Tenten jokingly said, smiling at what awaited her. Ironically enough, both her teammates returned a few minutes later, both with a full scroll set. She grinned at Neji's disappointed countenance, deducing that he'd failed to find Naruto's team.

Meanwhile...

"Kukuku, well this has been fun." Orochimaru chuckled, having quite thoroughly amused himself with the members of Team 7 (though thankfully not in the way that you'd expect a potential pedophile to have done so). "Sasuke-kun is just as I thought you'd be. The Uchiha blood runs strongly within you." He then licked his lips in a way that made the three Genin feel just on the upper side of violated. "I was pleasantly surprised by your little girlfriend, Sasuke-kun. She was actually mildly impressive. The other boy, though, really, where did they find him?"

Growling, Tetsuya charged at the man, only to be smacked away negligently- again- almost as if he were merely an after thought.

"Now where was I?" He asked himself. "Oh yes, since you two impressed me, I'll give Sasuke-kun a little gift." With that, his neck extended, and he sank a pair of fangs into Sasuke's neck. Hanako ran to his side as Sasuke collapsed, and began screaming and twitching. As he sank into the tree, Orochimaru left one final comment on Hanako's mind. "Soon, he will come to me for power...such dark, delicious, power."

Hanako could only watch helplessly as her crush screamed, until finally, he let out a frightening shudder, and fell still. A few minutes later, after she'd recovered Tetsuya's unconscious form, a surprisingly nimble squirrel landed next to Hanako.

"What happened?" Naruto asked, turning back into himself in a puff of smoke.

"Some creepy guy with a long tongue named Orochimaru attacked us, smacked us around for awhile," Hanako explained. "And then bit Sasuke in the neck. He was screaming a while ago, but he suddenly went still right after."

'Okay, so not only is he making fully finctioning futanari, now he's giving little boy's hickeys?' Naruto thought. 'Anko-nee seriously understated how sick her former sensei was.'

"Naruto?" Hanako asked, seeing him stare off into space. Shaking his head, Naruto returned his attention to the girl.

"Alright, you grab the idiot, and I'll carry Sasuke." Naruto said. "We have to get him to the tower quickly."

"But the exam," Hanako said, angry at herself for even thinking of putting promotion ahead of her teammate. Luckily, Naruto saved the day.

"Don't worry, our team came upon some extras." Naruto said. "Boss sent a few of us out with a pair of scrolls each to every team from our class, and Tenten-chan's team." Hanako sighed in relief. She resolved to be nicer to the blond after this. "Come on, let's get going before someone tries to take advantage of the situation."

Elsewhere, Team 10 was retreating after losing their scroll to a trio of Genin from Sound, when the battered team found their path blocked by a certain blond.

"We don't have a scroll, Naruto." Ino spat. "And it's really shitty of you to take advantage of your comrades like this." Turning to the obvious leader of their team- even though he was the laziest and least motivated member- Naruto addressed him.

"I'm just going to pretend that your team's kunoichi is suffering from delusions and hallucinations brought on by an outbreak of her Uchiha Fangirlitis." He said. Then, reaching into his pouch, he handed a pair of scrolls to Shikamaru. "I'd suggest getting the hell out of here before she causes you all to lose these too."

Whatever else Ino was going to say, Naruto missed as his clone went poof.

888

As soon as Team Gai reached the tower, Tenten went looking for Naruto. She found him laying down on a couch in a lounge area. Grinning, she decided that turnabout was fair. Sneaking up, she jumped onto both the couch, and Naruto, straddling his stomach much the same way his clone had done her. Naruto opened his eyes to find Tenten grinning down at him.

"Not that I don't appreciate the view, but can I help you?" Naruto wheezed.

"Your clone promised me a Kyuubi powered splody." Searching his memories, he found that his clone had indeed done so.

"Right, you gonna let me up?" Tenten wiggled atop him a second.

"I dunno, you're kinda comfy."She said teasingly, before flicking his nose.

"Tenten-chan, I'm a boy, I'm not Sasuke, and a very pretty girl is sitting on top of me. I'm gonna react, and it's gonna be your fault." Her face flushing at what Naruto was saying, she scrambled up. Ten minutes later, amidst the backdrop of the detonation of a Kyuubi powered exploding tag, Naruto received his first- intentional- mouth to mouth kiss.

888888

The remaining days of the second exam were a blur for those involved. There had been mass speculation as to how it was possible for all four rookie teams to have arrived on the same day, all with a full scroll set, and all within a half hour of each other, but no one had an answer. At least, no one had an answer that anyone was willing to believe.

There was also much drama when it was revealed that Orochimaru had been spotted inside the forest. While he had tried to intimidate Hanako into keeping quiet about the mark he'd received, luckily for him, the girl was one of his more intelligent, and shinobi minded fangirls. Although given that Naruto was also aware of the mark, it wouldn't have mattered if she hadn't. Hickeys given by Orochimaru were serious business, especially when Anko recalled some things she'd seen while she'd been his apprentice. As soon as he arrived, he was taken away by the Hokage and Jiraiya, and the seal placed on him examined. By the time the final day came, Sasuke was back with a very strong suppression seal over the Curse Mark. It wouldn't hold indefinitely, but it would last long enough for them to get through the prelims, where they could further study it.

Team Jiraiya's gift for Naruto's neechan also caused quite a stir. Both a hunter style bounty for examination, as well as a live Oto-nin to interrogate- especially with the evidence Jiraiya's spy network had sent that implicated Orochimaru being involved with said village- it was the find of the century. Along with the added information gleaned from the excess junk in the equipment pouches, regardless of how he did in the exams, Haku was in line for a field promotion to Chuunin for his foresight.

Then came the final day, and jiji's speech about how the exams were an alternative for war. Being the Hokage's son, Naruto already knew this much, so had used this time to scout out his possible competition. Then Hayate- who he knew Yuugao-nee had a thing for- arrived and explained that too many teams had passed, and that because of this, there was going to be a set of preliminary matches. When he asked if anyone wanted to quit, the first person to do so was Kabuto. Naruto didn't need the nudge from Haku to realize how suspicious this was. A guy who had failed the exams six times, and then quits two thirds of the way through without even trying? Then when Anko busted him out for having done the same thing at all of the others he'd attended, Naruto wasn't having that.

"Oh come on, don't be a pussy." Naruto complained. "No wonder you're a six time failure if this is what happens every time you take the exams. If you're just going to quit, then why do you even bother taking the exams and embarrassing yourself and your village?" Little did Naruto know, his little rant had just cast a lot of suspicion onto the silver haired teen.

"Hehe, you're right, Naruto-san." Kabuto said chuckling. "I'll never get anywhere if I don't at least try. I've changed my mind, I'll stay and fight."

'Besides, in thirty days, it's not like it will matter anyway.' The silver haired traitor thought.

All too soon, their attention was directed to the electric scoreboard. After a few seconds of waiting, the first two names came up.

Zaku Abumi vs. Sasuke Uchiha

"The two participants stay here, while the rest of you head up to the balcony." Hayate ordered through a small coughing fit.

Upon finding a place upstairs, Naruto leaned on the railing, eager for the match to start.

"I've been looking forward to proving that the Uchiha are more bark than bite." Zaku said, smirking.

While the banter went on for a bit more, Naruto missed it in favor of what was happening to him. Tenten had moved up behind him, and wrapped her arms around his waist and chest. Her head was leaning on his shoulder, and she seemed to be snuggling into him. Feeling her cheek rubbing against his made Naruto's own face heat up tremendously. Thankfully, the match started, and he was able to take his mind off of the pair of soft somethings pressing into his back.

Unfortunately for Naruto, the match didn't last very long. As it turned out, Zaku was pretty much a one trick pony, and while Sasuke seemed to suffer a near stroke everytime he tried to perform a jutsu, he still had his Sharingan at his disposal. In short order, Sasuke had found a way around Zaku's air vents, and used a Taijutsu attack he'd ripped off from Lee- if Tenten's angry exclamation was true, and he had no doubt it was- to finish his opponent.

Unfortunately, for Naruto, the next two matches were more of the same. The fight between Sabaku no Gaara and Dosu Kinuta was just as fast. Dosu's primary attack was the use of a device on his arm that amplified sound waves. Unfortunately for him, he had to get close enough to his opponent to use the device effectively. Not only would this prove difficult against Gaara's automatic defense, but even if he were to get past it, Gaara's chakra laced sand still buffeted the sound to the point that it was useless. For a group who bragged about definitely becoming Chuunin, they all seemed to be one trick ponies. There was a little shock and excitement when Gaara captured and crushed Dosu with his sand, but that was mostly from the Genin who had yet to be exposed to the gore of their profession: namely Teams 7 and 10.

The next match was Shikamaru against Kiba. Now one might think this would be an excellent example of brains versus brawn, and normally, one would be right, but not this time. Shikamaru, while a prodigiously intelligent young man, was also the laziest sonova Naruto had ever met. It would take Kiba doing something to really annoy him to get him to really fight. Kiba on the other hand, was a braggart, and had a tendency to underestimate his opponents, and overestimate himself. This was going to go for as long as it took for Shikamaru to figure out how to beat Kiba (which wouldn't take very long), and then to build up to motivation to do so.

Luckily for him, Tenten provided a most wonderful distraction. At some point between Gaara crushing Dosu, and the start of Kiba and Shikamaru's match, she'd begun absentmindedly nibbling- and nuzzling behind- his ear. Tenten's actions had Naruto's face red. Sure, she'd hugged him before, and even kissed him, but she'd never really been this deliberately affectionate before. It was really weird, yet Naruto found that he also liked it. What made matters worse, was that she was rubbing his chest, and snuggling into him in such a way as to even distract others who'd grown bored watching Shikamaru avoid Kiba's overzealous attacks. When the proctor finally announced Shikamaru the winner, most everyone was ready for the next fight.

Looking up at the board, the group waited for the next combatants to be announced.

Rock Lee vs. Chouji Akimichi

All in all, this match was an unfair advantage against Chouji. While both Lee and Chouji were taijutsu specialists, most of Chouji's taijutsu was based on his family's expansion ninjutsu. With the incredible gap in speed between the two, Chouji never really stood a chance. Even with a promise of barbeque, the rotund young ninja still fell short. In short order, Lee had won, and the next match was being decided.

Kin Tsuchi vs. Hanako Suchigawa

The match between the girl from sound, and Hanako was pretty interesting. As soon as the match started, Hanako was the aggressor. Using a combination of the taijutsu her father taught her, and the Academy style maneuvers that fit, Hanako went on the attack and had quite a bit of success. Still, the other girl was able to get a bit of distance between them, and proved to have a bit of skill with evasion.

"Pathetic." Kin called. "You Konoha shinobi make a lot of noise about being the best, and this is all you can do. I should have known that even though you had some taijutsu- mediocre as it was- you'd be a waste of my time. Stupid fangirls." That had been where Kin made her first mistake...bunching all of Sasuke's fangirls into one category. Sure there were a great many Sasuke obsessed girls in class- most of whom join to get closer to him, and who dropped out when he became a Genin and they didn't- but of the three that had become Genin, at least two of them had grown up and started taking the job seriously.

"I'll show you." Hanako growled, making handseals. Kin wasn't worried, as the information Kabuto had gotten on the girl said she was a fangirl, and most of them were only good for the Academy three. She got a shock when Hanako took a deep breath- "Goukakyuu on Jutsu!" -and blew a giant fireball at her. While Kin was dodging the fireball, Hanako began another series of seals, ending with a ram seal.

"Doton Bunshin no Jutsu!" She said, as she spat up a huge stream of mud, that became another copy of her. The two Hanako's then went on the attack. A moment of hesitation almost cost Hanako dearly. Not being accustomed to making the kill strike as more seasoned shinobi are, Hanako pulled one of her punches, giving her opponent an opening with which to retaliate.

Kin, as a shinobi of the Hidden Sound, had been taught from day one to take the kill shot if it presented itself. While it was severely frowned on, killing was a legitimate part of the final stages of the exam, and as that Sand guy Gaara had proven against Dosu, it was accepted. Still, seeing his teammate killed by one of their shinobi might harm her master's plans for the Uchiha. Taking out her specially prepared senbon, she tossed them at the girl, smirking when they sailed wide, and imbedded into the wall behind her.

"And you called me pathetic?" Hanako asked. "Point blank range, and you missed?"

"Did I miss, or did I just set you up for something better?" Hanako growled, and made to attack again, Kin flicked her pinky, and a bell sounded. That wasn't all, because suddenly Hanako found herself staring at three opponents.

"What did you do?"

"Oh, interested in my Genjutsu, are you?" Kin said. "Well, let's just say that I used sound waves to cast a genjutsu on you. I'd suggest you give up, because I will kill you if you don't." Kin growled as Hanako climbed to her feet, still ready to fight.

"I'm not going to forfeit." The blonde spat. "Not to the weak link of a team full of one trick ponies. Tetsuya, for once, was right. All any of you were good for is that one move, and once you figure out a way around it, you're not terribly tough."

"Oh yeah, well how do you plan to beat me, when you can't even see the real me?" Hanako grinned.

"Maybe I can't," Hanako ran through seals, creating half a dozen Doton Bunshin. "-but they can." Because they were made of mud, and didn't have the organs that a real human body had, they were unaffected by Kin's Genjutsu. The group of blonde preteens descended upon Kin, who soon found herself in a world of hurt, and it wasn't long before Hanako was being declared the winner. In the end, Hayate called the match when Kin proved unable to fight back.

Hanako rejoined her teammates, receiving a congratulations from Kakashi, and even a nod from her crush. Soon though, all eyes were turned back to the board to find out who the next participants were.

Tenten Satoshi vs. Tetsuya Utatane

Tenten almost squealed when it was her turn. Thankfully for Naruto's ears, she realized just where it was that her mouth was. Giving Naruto's earlobe one last nibble, and a whispered, "To be continued.", Tenten separated from the boy to whom she had a lot of explaining to do.

"I can't believe I'm fighting a girl." Tetsuya grumbled as he headed towards the stairs to the floor. "And what's worse, one that's probably not even worth my time. Girls like you belong on their backs, providing entertainment for real shinobi." Tenten didn't show any outward sign that her mood had changed, but her sensei could easily tell. As she was heading down to the arena floor, she could be seen shaking in rage, and muttering angrily to herself.

"Something wrong, Gai?" Kakashi asked, seeing his rival- not that he'd ever admit that aloud- frown.

"I'm in a dilemma." He said. "On the one hand, I never want to wish ill on a comrade, but on the other, such an unyouthful display of machismo cannot go unpunished."

"Even if fangirls are an insult to kunoichi everywhere, he really could have said that differently." Naruto said groaning. "And seriously, Tenten is not a fangirl. Mixing her up with any of those useless banshees from the Academy...big mistake."

"I'll thank you not to remind me of my embarrassing past, Naruto." Sakura grumbled.

"I've tried to teach him to watch his mouth, but apparently he hasn't gotten the message, even after his run in with Orochimaru." Kakashi said. "Maybe your student can teach him some manners."

Back in the arena, Tenten had finally gotten her anger under control.

"You ready to lose, little girl?"

"You know, I wasn't going to use these until the finals, but you just had to go and piss me off." She pulled a black scroll from her pouch, and spun it between her fingers.

"Begin!" Hayate called. Tenten immediately leapt back, and ran through a set of seals.

"Sougu: Kurotora Kashou! (3)" And with that exclamation, the match virtually ended.

888

From the opening bell, well figuratively anyway, Tetsuya had been on the run. The small knives, thrown with pinpoint accuracy had nearly skewered the boy on more than a few occasions. What made it worse for the boy...BOOM! Every single one of those knives had been wrapped in an explosive tag. Tetsuya had gotten only a few seconds of respite at the beginning when the very first tag went off. Tenten's eyes had clouded with amazement and awe at the beautiful oranges and reds of the explosion. Currently her eyes were wide and glazed, her pupils dialated in an almost crazed fashion. The maniacal laughter that came from the girl as she hurled explosion after pointy explosion at the boy was just on the upper side of creepy. Naruto knew he was in love.

"Oh god, I thought her father and I told that shady equipment dealer man to never sell her explosive tags." Gai had cried as soon as the first weapon had exploded. "How the hell did she get a hold of them?" Lee was aware that profane language was unyouthful, but he also knew what Tenten was like with explosives.

"Uh, that might have been my bad." Naruto said. "I probably should have known when she told me you wouldn't let her have any, but I'm a sucker for pretty girls who like explosions."

"And Tenten is very much both." Haku said, nodding. "You never stood a chance."

"Stand still and take it like a man." Tenten's voice echoed up from the arena floor. BOOM! "Muahahahahaha!"

"I'm just glad I didn't give her any of my special tags." Naruto said, a sweatdrop on his forehead as he watched Tetsuya run in fear for his life. While he should be taking great joy in the boy's torment, for some reason he just couldn't. It didn't matter, because Sasuke was watching the entire thing with his Sharingan activated. He'd have to bargain with the teme, but having a Genjutsu put on him that showed this match in it's entirety would be well worth it.

"Special tags?" Gai asked fearfully.

"Yeah, with a little tweak of the array, I created a special tag." Naruto reached into his pouch, and pulled out a red scroll. "Haku, Hinata, and I all carry some of the special tags in a separate scroll."

"And just what's so special about these tags?" Neji spat disdainfully. Sure he was curious, but he couldn't give away that he was. BOOM! BOOM!

"Well, these are the ones that have been charged with Kyuubi's chakra, instead of my own." Naruto said, causing everyone to pale. "You'll know them, because I did those in red ink."

"You're not serious." Sakura said.

"You remember that tag I used in the forest?" Naruto asked, causing the girl's eyes to widen. "That was only half the chakra I normally use for one of those tags, which is only about a third of the chakra used in a normal tag." Jiraiya perked up at this, remembering an explosion three weeks before that had leveled a good deal of forested area in Training Ground 18. BOOM! BOOM!

"I'm guessing that those are the tags you used for your Collateral Damage no Jutsu." Naruto nodded.

"C-Collateral Damage no Jutsu." Sakura asked, paling. She remembered that exposion from the forest. If that was only half...Sakura was very sure she didn't want to ever see Collateral Damage no Jutsu.

"You and Tenten were made for each other." Neji agains spat his comment disdainfully. "You both have unnatural explosion fetishes."

"Aww, come on Neji-teme." Naruto said. "Don't be jealous because you didn't know what you had until I annexed it from you while you were too busy doing your hair. Not my fault my explosions leave such a big smile on her face." The obvious innuendo caused several people to blush.

"You have officially spent way too much time with Anko." Kurenai grumbled. BOOM!BOOM!BOOM!

"I think it is time for me to interfere, before my Youthful pupil actually hits him with one of those." Gai said, disappearing in a swirl of displaced air.

As Tenten was about to throw another tagged kunai at her finally cornered prey, she felt a hand grab her wrist. Looking up to see who dared to interrupt her fun, the young woman blushed when she found herself looking into the stern eyes of her sensei.

"Tenten, I think that's enough." Gai said.

"Aww, please Gai-sensei, just one more splody." She pleaded, trying to struggle free from her teacher's iron grip, then trying to toss the kunai with a wrist flick, only to have it snatched out of her hand. "Come on, we both know he so deserves it."

"No, and you and I will be having a discussion about how you got these." That caused the chastised girl to wince. "It's very unyouthful to use your womanly wiles on your comrades to get them to get you things you were banned from having. Proctor, this battle is over, Tenten forfeits."

"Noted." Hayate said, hiding a grin at the sulking girl's pout. He hated that she had to be disqualified. That had been the most entertaining match of the entire preliminary. The board moved again, and soon had the next match up. "The next match, is Hinata Hyuuga versus Neji Hyuuga."

As Hinata turned to head down for her match, she was stopped by Jiraiya who had a kunai in his hand. He motioned for her to turn around, before knicking his finger, raising the back of her shirt, and pressing his thumb against the seal on her back.

"Now you're ready." He said, smirking. "Show him what you can do." Smiling deviously, Hinata made her way down to the arena floor.

"Ready," Hayate said. Hinata nodded, taking a modified Jyuuken stance. Neji, however, just stood there, but he was ready as well. "Begin!"

"(*)Before we begin, I'd like to say something Hinata-sama." Neji started. "You don't make a good shinobi, forfeit now. You wish for harmony, and avoid conflict. You always agree with others without resisting." As Neji continued his anti-Hinata rant, the other rookies were looking at him like he was crazy.

"Um, am I missing something?" Kiba asked mostly to himself. "Hinata was pretty badass in the forest, and when they captured our team."

"It's been awhile since Neji has cared to really pay any attention to his cousin." Naruto said. "That guy is in for a rude awakening."

"(*) Hinata-sama, as I thought, you are a spoiled child of the Main House." Neji spat. "People cannot change themselves. Losers are losers, their personality and strength will not change. Just give up now and save yourself the trouble."

'Gee Neji, drama queen much.' Hinata thought, before taking a breath. "A few years ago, that might have worked, but I've grown up since then. You have not paid me any attention since before Naruto-nii brought me out of my shell. You no longer know who I am, or what I'm capable of. I will not back down, Neji, just because you foolishly recommend I do so with outdated information."

"Very well." Neji said, taking the Jyuuken stance. "I shall have to prove your worthlessness." He suddenly shot forward, looking to take Hinata out in one shot, aiming straight for her stomach. To his complete shock, he connected with nothing as Hinata had moved.

"So you're not a complete waste of space." Neji spat. "It still changes nothing." Again he faced Hinata and charged, and again he missed, as well as a third time. "Still avoiding fights, nothing has changed."

When Neji turned to face his cousin again, she was settled into that defective stance again. With a smirk, Neji went on the attack. He aimed right for her lung, intending to non-lethally put her out of her misery, only to stumble when he found himself surprisingly parried, and a stinging sensation rocket up his arm. Looking down, he saw three bruises forming where Hinata had struck, and closed his chakra points.

'How dare that embarrassment hit me?' Neji mentally raged. 'I didn't want to kill her, but this insult must be met seriously.'

From that moment on, the action was fast and furious. Neji attacking with greater speed, intent, and vigor, while Hinata was forced into a more defensive role. Both had landed strikes, but nothing clean enough to do damage. It was when Hinata missed, that the match took a change of pace. With her Byakugan active, she could tell from the trajectory of his attack, as well as by the somewhat crazed look in her cousin's eyes, that he was aiming to kill. Bringing her hand up, she snapped off a set of one handed seals; disappearing just as Neji's attack went through the area her heart had just occupied.

"Killing me will not make your problems go away, Neji." Hinata said, calmly. "In fact, I'd suspect that they'd only increase."

"Still running away, Hinata-sama?" Neji asked, a mocking tone to the honorific. "Stand and fight me. Show me how much you've really grown."

"If that is your wish," Hinata said. "I will warn you, when this match first started, I had planned to use only Jyuuken, to prove to you that I was not the same little girl you remember. Since you have blatantly tried to kill me, I will hold nothing back."

Neji ignored her in favor of charging, only to be shocked as Hinata made handseals, took a deep breath, and a wave of water shot from her mouth and slammed into his chest. Neji hit the ground, and rolled a bit, before regaining his footing. He glared at her, fury written on his face.

"You dare use Ninjutsu on me?" He asked. "The heiress of the Hyuuga Clan using Ninjutsu? You have fallen far Hinata."

"A wise man once told me that a well rounded shinobi, is a shinobi who is better prepared for the unexpected." Taking another breath, she blew another jet at him, that he had to dodge.

After three more water jets, Hinata had to pause and catch her breath. While she was still good on chakra, that many Mizurappas was punishment on her lungs. It was this opening that Neji used to attack. Neji charged, murder in his eyes, and began striking his weezing cousin. Only a timely Shunshin saved her from Neji's over powered attack.

Even as she came out of the rapid relocation, Hinata was making more seals. She couldn't match Neji with Jyuuken, not really, so she'd have to use the one major advantage she did have. As she finished, she took a deep breath, as Neji turned to attack again.

'Endan!' She thought, spitting something from her mouth.

Neji dodged the bursts of fire that she aimed at him, and continued his charge, prompting her to again dodge an attack. One of the benefits of this, was that his anger was causing him to not be nearly as precise and focused as she knew he could be. Realizing that she wasn't going to hit him, and that she was just wasting chakra, she changed her tactics. As Neji came back around for another attack, Hinata ran through a new set of seals-

"Mizuame Nabara!" -and sprayed the area right in front of her, before jumping back to avoid Neji's next strike.

When Neji tried to press his attack, he found himself stuck to the floor. This was a blessing for Hinata, because at the moment she was standing very near the wall, and wouldn't have been able to completely dodge the next one. Easing her way around her cousin, Hinata got back into the open arena, then using the water around her created a dozen Mizu Bunshin, and sent them to attack Neji. Hopefully to pound him until the proctor was forced to call the match. Unfortunately for her, Neji truly was a prodigy with the clan techniques.

She watched in horrified frustration as he went into a rapid spin that not only destroyed her Bunshin, but freed him from the sticky, and removed it from the field. Thinking quickly, she went through another set of seals, and pushed her hands forward.

With a cry of "Reppushou!", Hinata blasted Neji in the chest with a gust of wind as he came out of his spin, knocking the air from his lungs. Still, he wasn't done, and he planned to make her suffer for revealing one of his trump cards for the finals. Still, it would be worth it to put the little princess in her place, and see the look on his uncle's face once he learned of this. Taking a few steps forward, Neji crouched down until he was in a very familiar stance to Hinata and Naruto, who had watched her father devastate a training dummy with the technique once.

"You are within my field of divination," Neji intoned emotionlessly. "Hakke Rokujuuyonshou!" As Neji charged, Hinata centered herself, and activated her Bykugan, meeting the attack head on.

With a declaration of "Shugo Hakke Rokujuuyonshou!", Hinata began moving her hands in a sweeping pattern, and blocked or parried most of his early strikes. When Neji got to 32 and 64 strikes in the series, this became more difficult, so she began deflecting the more debilitating strikes into minor injuries. As Neji went for his final strike to the midsection, she blocked it, but allowed herself to be pushed away with the momentum. All in all, she escaped relatively unharmed.

Neji was dumbfounded at what had happened. He was sure that would be enough, yet his reject cousin had created a counter to even the Hakke Rokujuuyonshou. Hinata, for her part, was now exceptionally glad that their sensei had made them create their own techniques as a condition for entering the exams. While her hands stung something horrible, and she could feel a couple of her Tenketsu were closed, it wasn't enough of them to cause her too many problems.

Hinata- knowing what her cousin was capable of, and now what he was willing to do- decided to press what little advantage she had. As she concentrated on the small puddles still scattered on the arena floor, she once again thanked her sensei for the training seals, as well as helping her finding her elemental affinity.

Just as Neji was preparing to mount another attack, he found himself restrained in a way that he'd never considered before. Tentacles made of water had shot from the ground, and wrapped around his arms, legs, and torso. His failure of a cousin was using the puddles of water that had been scattered around the arena floor to restrain him.

The sound of Tenten's giggling distracted the bluenette, and her comment almost made Hinata lose focus.

"Hinata-chan's got water tentacles." She said. "Now that's kinky." She was soon joined by a chuckling Jiraiya, and a wholly embarrassed Naruto.

"Oh, she's a keeper, gaki."

Using the distraction from Hinata's embarrassment after his teammate's comment, Neji began to try and break free from his restraints. It took some doing, but he managed to escape, incorporating localized chakra bursts to further weaken his restraints until he was able to get free. Not for nothing, Neji was considered a prodigy Genin. Still, he could not find a way to utilize his freedom, as Hinata kept using those damnable tentacles to keep him at bay.

Finally, Neji had had enough. His anger at Hinata for being able to keep up with him in the first place, the fact that she was utilizing tactics other than just the Jyuuken, and the fact that with those tactics she was actually winning, had reached its boiling point. In a fit of anger and desperation, Neji decides to take a page out of her book.

"Fine, if you want to use ninjutsu, I'll show you a special one." He said, running through a set of seals. Once he'd finished, he placed his hands in a position similar to the Yamanaka Shintenshin no Jutsu.

Recognizing the jutsu for was it was, Hinata immediately went into a Kaiten, expelling nearly all of her remaining chakra. While her deflection worked, it didn't completely stop the jutsu from connecting. The major ocular blood vessels that allowed the chakra enhanced blood to be pumped into the eyes making the Byakugan work, were about to undergo a steady necrosis. She now had about half an hour before she would be unable to activate her bloodline ever again.

Although he couldn't be punished for using the technique- given the setting it was used in- it was Forbidden to be used against another Hyuuga for a reason. The jutsu was used as a Hyuuga disinheritance for members who had well and truly shamed the clan, or namely done something unforgivable. In fact, if he weren't protected by the rules of the Chuunin Exams, Neji himself could be facing disinheritance for using it against Hinata.

Up in the stands Jiraiya had already sent a toad message to Minato explaining for him to bring Hiashi and Tsunade to the tower ASAP. He'd even used his personal code for emergency, knowing Minato would immediately recognize it, and act immediately.

"I don't get it." Tenten said confused. "What did he do that was so bad?"

"Basically, that jutsu does to a living hyuuga, what the caged bird does to a dead one." Tenten paled at the Sage's explanation, and found herself looking at her teammate in a much less favorable light.

"That," Lee started horrified. "Is very unyouthful."

"That it is, Lee," Gai agreed. "That it is."

"Proctor, I forfeit." Hinata said, deactivating her Doujutsu. "I could probably continue, but doing so will only cause the effects to happen more rapidly." She hoped that smoke she'd seen in the stands was her sensei using Kuchiyose. She really needed to get her eyes fixed before irreversable damage was done.

"Tch, it figures you would quit." Neji spat. "It would seem that even with your...improvement...you are still fated to be a failure."

"You know what's sad, Neji?" Hinata said, her pretty features frowning. "That even after all this time, you're still carrying around your hatred; still suffering in the destiny of the Main and Branch Houses." Neji let loose an enraged snarl, and charged her.

"I'll kill you." He growled, racing towards his cousin to deliver what was obviously a lethal strike against her.

"Hinata!" Naruto screamed, eyes flashing red, and hands-which were now clawed- gripping the railing. His body began glowing red, before something amazing happened. Just as Neji was about to reach his cousin, he found himself snatched up into the air by several thick vines. A particularly thick one slowly followed the others, and slowly wrapped itself around Neji's throat. For several seconds, no one moved, wondering what was going to happen next; most shocked at the possible reemergence of the Shodai's bloodline. Eventually, the tension was broken by a perverted, feminine snicker.

When several eyes turned to her, Tenten gave a look of complete innocence, before smiling. "Seems Naru-kun has some tentacles of his own." She said, giggling.

"Yeah, she's definitely a keeper." Jiraiya said to his student. Another moment of tension filled hush fell over the crowd when another vine sprouted from the one around his neck, pointed at the end, and hovered near Neji's heart. It was broken when Hinata's soft voice urged him to let Neji go.

As Hinata was carted to the medical on a stretcher, Naruto turned to Neji with a glare. He didn't notice, but there were several people giving Neji the evil eye, Hiashi especially looked displeased. To do such a thing to a comrade, let alone family...he had lost the respect of a lot of people with his last attack.

"Once again, the spoiled princess of the Main House gets special treatment." It was about this time that certain adult shinobi began questioning the boy's sanity, and wondering if another mandatory psyche evaluation should be in his immediate future.

Once the floor was cleared, and Neji returned to the balcony, attention was once again directed towards the board.

"The next match will be Haku Momochi vs. Yoroi Akado." Hayate announced.

There's something to be said for the phrase, if you had blinked, you'd have missed it. The exchange between Haku and Yoroi happened in the blink of an eye, and when all was said and done, Haku was standing behind him in a throwing pose, and Yoroi was falling face first to the floor. Hayate approached the fallen Genin, and checked his pulse, before paling, and staring at Haku with harsh eyes. Haku returned the stare with a smile.

"He's not dead, I just put him in a death-like state." The boy informed him.

"Tch, what's the difference," Kankurou asked.

"Well, the former is a bit permanent," Haku lectured. "While with the latter, he'll wake up in about an hour feeling what my father calls a shitload of pain." Did I mention before that Hinata, and especially Naruto, had been a horrible influence on the boy?

Again, the board whirled, and when it stopped, it landed on a rather interesting contest.

"Will Sakura Haruno and Ino Yamanaka report to the arena." Hayate intoned.

The fight between Sakura and Ino was a one sided joke. While Sakura- under Kurenai- had been broken of her embodiment of the pathetic fangirl, Asuma had not taken as much time to do the same with Ino. As such, while Sakura had made a drastic improvement, Ino was still much the same girl she'd been when she'd graduated.

This was evident right from the start, when Ino engaged Sakura in a battle of Taijutsu, and found herself knocked to the ground after a few blocked strikes, and a vicious torso combo. When Ino cut her hair in an attempt to trap Sakura for her Shintenshin no Jutsu, Sakura easily evaded the chakra string trap, and began going through a familiar set of seals.

"Magen: Gokan Sakusou!(4)" Sakura thought to herself. The confusing thing to everyone watching, and even moreso to Ino, was that two Bunshin appeared, and the three Sakura's attacked Ino.

"So she finally used it, then." Kurenai muttered, both impressed and proud of her student.

"What is it?" Jiraiya asked. "All I see is blondie trying to hit her, and missing by a mile. Not that she was really making any headway from the beginning."

"It's a Genjutsu that dulls and confuses the opponent's senses. With the senses dulled, it has the added benefit of slowing their reaction time as well. Unless I'm mistaken, she masked casting the Genjutsu by creating those Bunshin."

"Now that was clever."

"It's one of her own design. I helped her some with the mechanics, but it was all her idea." Jiraiya found himself impressed. He was also glad that brat had grown up. Seeing a child of Kushina's acting like a useless fangirl had been very painful to watch.

'So that's what she used on that guy in the forest.' Naruto thought to himself. 'Wish I could actually use Genjutsu. I'd so trade teaching her any jutsu in my arsenal to learn that.'

By the time Sakura decided to end the match, and try to save Ino as much dignity as she had left, Ino was definitely looking the worse for wear. Funny thing, if Ino had been able to accept defeat graciously, she'd have likely come out of the match with what dignity she had left after her beating in tact. Unfortunately, Ino had always considered herself a step above Sakura. Even when she'd told the pinkette that she'd blossom into a beautiful flower, she had done so with the confidence that she'd still be the superior of the two. As such, she just couldn't keep her pride from rearing its head.

"You know, Forehead, it doesn't matter what happens here." Ino called to her rival. "Even if you do beat me, I'm sure Sasuke-kun would much rather have a dainty girl like me, not some butch girl like you." Sakura's eyes narrowed as Ino spoke. Any thoughts of giving Ino a dignified defeat flew from her mind. She wasn't going to beat Ino to prove to Sasuke that she was better, she was going to humble Ino in the worst way possible.

Taking advantage of Ino's dulled senses, Sakura drew, and launched a hail of kunai and shuriken at Ino. As Ino leapt to the side to dodge the straight forward attack, Sakura used the time to quickly make another set of handseals, while whispering.

"Magen • Narakumi no Jutsu!" Standing from where she'd dodged Sakura's attack, Ino smirked at her rival.

"Is that all you got forehead?" What ever else Ino was going to say was broken off, as a fight broke out on the balcony.

"I said I was fine, and didn't need any help!" A voice that she recognized as Sasuke yelled out.

"Calm down kid, she was just trying to help." The strong voice of Jiraiya replied. Ino craned her neck to see what was going on. She wasn't worried about Sakura attacking, because if it involved Sasuke-kun, then she was likely just as interested.

"I said back off!" Sasuke yelled, before a massive fireball came into existence. Seconds later, there was a flash, several thuds, and a massive spray of blood. Mere moments after that, Sasuke's broken body toppled over the railing, and fell to the arena floor with a loud crunch.

Shock over what had just happened filled Ino, causing her to freeze. It faded rapidly in the face of her dying crush. She ran over, and knelt by his side, taking his shuriken riddled arm, and clutching it to her chest.

"Sasuke-kun, no, don't die!" Sasuke struggeled to turn to her his Sharingan blazing, and spinning.

"I-Ino...too late...l-l-love you...av-avenge...avenge-" His arm went slack in hers, and Sasuke was still.

"Sasuke-kun! Sasuke-kun! SASUKE-KUN!" Ino cried out his name, getting progressively louder, shaking the boy who just wouldn't respond. "NOOO!" Ino screamed, before her eyes rolled up and she fainted, foaming at the mouth.

Outside of the Genjutsu, Naruto had a wide grin on his face. "Casting a Genjutsu on an Uchiha fangirl to make her think she's seeing Sasuke get killed." Naruto said, grinning. "Now that's a great prank. That's almost up there with Hinata asking for Neji's help explaining to her father that she was pregnant." A few feet away, said boy again bristled at another time his cousin got one over on him.

"Winner, Sakura Haruno." Hayate announced, and once again the board began to spin.

The next match was Shino Aburame vs. Misumi Tsurugi. Not much was known about the older Genin, except that like his teammate Kabuto, he had failed the exam several times. Unlike his teammate, however, it was due to his losing with a poor showing during the third portion of the exam. Unfortunately for him, there would be no difference between the last seven times, and this one. Another sad fact about the match, was that it would be Misumi's quickest loss yet.

The match of course started with the usual threat dished out by the older, more experienced Genin trying to get into the younger ones' heads.

"Unlike Yoroi, I won't go easy." Misumi boasted. "I don't show mercy, even for little punks like you. I'm going to end this quickly."

"You will do what you must, as will I." Shino intoned with zero emotion.

Misumi started the match by charging Shino, and attempting a back fist. When Shino went to block the attack, he found himself shocked by what happened next. Instead of the opponent's fist colliding with his, the man's arm twisted as if it was completely without bones. All too soon, Shino found himself wrapped in the mans boneless limbs; one of the man's arms wrapped around his neck.

"I have you trapped now." He said. "Give up or I will break your neck, and end your shinobi career." Shino, not being cowed in the least gave him a simple reply.

"Accepting defeat would be illogical."

"If that is your choice." With a wrench of his arm, Misumi snapped Shino's neck...only to gasp when the Aburame heir turned into bugs which began to rapidly drain him of chakra. Before long, Shino was being declared the winner, and Misumi had once again failed the Chuunin Exams.

As Hanako watched the match, her mind was on something completely different than the outcome. She was more focused on the technique that the boy Misumi was using.

"Kakashi-sensei?" When the Jounin turned questioning eyes to her, she continued. "That thing that he did, stretching his body out, that's the same kind of technique that Orochimaru was using against us when we fought in the forest."

Now, as an Elite Jounin, Kakashi wasn't one to just jump to conclusions, but that was not a technique indiginous to Konoha as far as he knew. He would have to bring this to the attention of both his former sensei, Jiraiya, and the Sandaime. Between the three, they would know if this was a Konoha technique, or if Misumi was now a person of interest.

"I'll take care of it, Hanako." Kakashi said. "And good job on recognizing that."

The next match was another between family members, as well as another quick ending one. This one had the benefit of being amusing though. Sabaku no Temari vs. Sabaku no Kankuro had an interesting dynamic, as certain common things from their home life ended up having an effect on the match. Before the match even started, Temari had opened her fan completely, and was prepared to fight. Right from the start, she went with one of her better attacks.

With a massive wave of her fan, Temari called out "Kamaitachi!", and blew Kankurou away into the wall. Hearing the clank of wood when it hit, she narrowed her eyes at the bundle on the floor. Without any hesitation, she ran over, closing her fan as she did, and swung, wacking her brother Kankurou with her fan.

Kankurou, who had had experience dealing with Temari swinging her fan, usually in a fit of rightious feminine rage for something he'd done, fell back on learned habits.

"I give. I give." He said, covering his head. "Stop it, Temari, I'm sorry, just stop hitting me."

With an amused smirk on his face, Hayate announced."Winner Temari."

Kankurou, finally realizing what happened- and where he was- tried to protest, but it was already too late. "Wait, but...aw crud."

"You weakling, I only hit you once." Temari grumbled.

"With a solid iron fan!" Kankurou yelled back. "Besides, it's your fault. Surrendering is a conditioned response when you start swinging that thing back home. What did you expect me to do?" Rolling her eyes, Temari swatted her brother in the head- this time with just her hand thankfully- as they made their way back up to the balcony.

As there were only two combatants left, the board was not needed for Hayate to announce.

"The final match will be between Naruto Namikaze and Kabuto Yakushi."

Brimming with energy, Naruto hopped the railing, causing Tenten to scowl when her snuggly suddenly wasn't there, and she almost stumbled.

"Sorry Tenten-chan." Naruto called up to the pouting girl. Kabuto took his time going down, taking a form of amusement at Naruto's boundless energy and enthusiasm. Had he not been a spy for Orochimaru, he had little doubt that he'd have been just as enthralled as everyone else by the blond's charismatic personality.

Once Kabuto had arrived, he found his opponent grinning widely. "You're awfully excited, Naruto-kun."

"Of course I am." Naruto said. "How can I not be after watching everyone else go? I hope you're ready, Kabuto-san, because I'm not holding back."

"Ready?" Hayate asked, to which Naruto held up his hand.

"Actually, I kinda wanted to apologize for what I said earlier." Naruto said. "I shouldn't have called you a pussy, I just couldn't understand why you'd want to quit when you finally made it this far, and you were in good condition to actually compete."

"That's all right." Kabuto said, smiling. "It was something I needed to hear so I could stop second guessing myself." At that, both ninja dropped into fighting stances.

Kabuto had to fight to keep the look of surprise off his face, when he saw the boy's stance. It wasn't one he was familiar with, and actually didn't match what he'd had in his cards before they were destroyed. Maybe this would be interesting after all. He'd have to make sure he fought long enough to get an idea of the boy's style, since it seemed his information was wrong.

"Hajime!" Hayate said, before hopping away.

Kabuto stared at the narrow eyed smirk on his opponent's face. The narrowed eyes gave credence to the fact that Naruto was being serious, but the smirk was one he was familiar with right before one of Naruto's pranks went off. Feeling a disturbance in the air, Kabuto ducked just as a foot went sailing over his head. He then threw up a block to negate the follow up punch.

'It seems I really underestimated him.' The elder nin thought. 'Either he prepared beforehand, or he can create clones without moving.'

Kabuto, using a sweeping kick, struck the clone in the leg hard enought to dispel it. To his shock, the 'clone' used the momentum of his fall, to kick him from a one handed hand plant. The shot to the jaw made him stumble back, just in time to get a jumping knee from what he had thought was Naruto. Almost as soon as the clone's hit connected, the clone dispelled, obscuring his vision, and giving Naruto an opening.

Naruto darted through the smoke, landing a punch to Kabuto's stomach, following up with a punch to the face that Kabuto was able to block. This was just a set up for the next attack, as it left Kabuto open for the kick to his mid-section. Kabuto flew backwards, but rolled back to his feet as soon as he landed.

After another brief, but intense taijutsu exchange, Kabuto had to admit that the young Namikaze was good- almost Chuunin level- and had he actually been a Genin, the match probably would have been over by now. Stumbling back, the elder Genin gave Naruto a sinister smile.

"It seems I underestimated you, Naruto-san." Kabuto said.

"Don't feel bad, you wouldn't be the first." Naruto teased.

In response to this, Kabuto went on the attack. Deciding to take a page from Hinata's book, Naruto used a Shunshin to escape. As soon as he came out of his retreat, he made a seal, took a deep breath, and blew out a jet of flames. Kabuto dodged, smirking at the young man.

"Impressive strategy." Kabuto teased. "Nice to see that you're not totally dependant on your clones."

"Hey, it worked, didn't it." Naruto shot back, as be made more seals. "And I'm not a one trick pony."

"Let's try this again, shall we." Running through some hand seals, Kabuto's hands suddenly began to glow. Naruto balked.

"Chakra Scapals, are you serious?" Naruto asked in frustration. "That's almost as bad as the Jyuuken."

Creating a bunch of Kage Bunshin, Naruto sent them after his opponent. He watched in frustration as all of his clones were systematically destroyed by the boy's taijutsu and scapels.

"Looks like I'm going to have to go long range." Making a single seal, Naruto thust his hands forward, sending a strong gust of wind at Kabuto.

And so it went, Kabuto trying to attack with his chakra scapels, while Naruto kept him at bay with the Reppushou. Occasionally, Kabuto would get close, but Naruto would dodge away. Realizing that the match would drag on if it kept like this- although in hindsight, Naruto would figure out that such a fight favored him- Naruto decided to end things with a bang...literally. Creating a squad of clones, Naruto charged Kabuto, preparing to take him head on- or so it seemed.

As the blond neared, Kabuto couldn't help wondering what kind of strategy the boy was trying to pull. There were four Naruto's attacking, and one hanging back. Normally, he'd guess that this one was the one that was the real person, but his opponent had proven already that he was willing to lead the charge. Deciding not to take any chances, he waited for his moment, and went to work as soon as they were close enough. A scapel to the heart ended two clones in a poof, and a third fell to a leg strike, going poof when struck. The last he aimed a strike to the left lung, weakening his strike so as not to kill the blond. There would be plenty of time for that later, and with the Hokage present, he didn't want to raise suspicion. To his shock, when he struck the clone, and it went poof, it did not disappear. Kabuto realized that he'd attacked the real Naruto, and that the blond had used a Kawarimi to replace himself with the straggling clone.

While this was a fairly good, and accurate deduction, it wasn't the whole story- as evidenced by the smirk on Naruto's face, as well as the clone.

"Krakka." The clone groaned, grabbing Kabuto's wrist with both hands.

"Krakka?" Kabuto repeated, confusedly. It was then that he saw the blues of Naruto's eyes turn yellow, before they began to glow ominously. Kabuto cursed, before exerting his full strength, and yanking himself free. He was able to jump away just as the clone exploded, but still didn't escape the blast fully, and found himself thrown back first into the wall.

"What!" Sakura balked incredulously. "His clones explode too! Just how much of his arsenal explodes?"

"You probably don't want to know the answer to that question." Haku said, gaining a persistent look from Sakura. "Sakura, Naruto could probably create a fighting style around things that explode."

Sakura paled. Haku was right; she really didn't want to know.

888

In a rundown building near Earth Country, a certain blond haired, new member of Akatsuki felt a jolt go up his spine. For some reason, he felt as if he was missing out on the ultimate apprentice.

888

Eyes glazed, and somewhat drooling, Tenten made a declaration that had several people rolling their eyes. "I think I just found my future husband."

"Oh dear Kami." Haku said, gasping and paling. "I just had a horrible thought."

"What is it?" Jiraiya asked, just knowing that this would be bad.

"Sensei, exploding clones take about the same amount of chakra as a normal Kage Bunshin, right?" Jiraiya nodded. "Well, I was just thinking. Does anyone really know how many Kage Bunshin Naruto is capable of making? We stopped at a thousand, because we ran out of space in the training grounds."

Jiraiya thought back to the month long test to find out how many Kage Bunshin Naruto could make before he was effected by the chakra drain. As Haku said, they'd stopped at an even thousand due to lack of space, and he'd only just started to feel the dip in his reserves. Oh Kami, he was going to have to keep a very close eye on his godson, or Konoha could end up a smoking crater between his tags and clones.

Minato, who'd returned to watch his son's match after making sure that Hinata would be okay, turned horrified eyes to his former teacher. "Jiraiya, you get to explain this to his mother."

888

Kabuto struggled to his feet, wincing at his aggravated ribs. While it wouldn't take any time to heal them if he chose, to do so now would bring attention to his special ability.

"Huh, didn't think you'd still be awake after that." Naruto said.

"You should never think that an attack will finish an opponent, just because it's particularly strong." Kabuto chided teasingly.

"Oh, I know that." Naruto said, reaching into his weapons pouch. "But you were awfully close to that explosion, so I kinda hoped. Still, I've got something special for you that I was planning to save for the finals, but I think you'd appreciate it more."

With a smirk on his face, he pulled out a single kunai. A very special kunai. A kunai that had three prongs. With a evil grin on his face, Naruto threw the kunai, aiming for the space right betweem his opponent's feet. Needless to say, there was bedlam in the audience.

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"Are you kidding me, Naruto knows the Hiraishin?" Kiba- who'd returned from the medical area- yelled.

"When did he figure it out?" Minato asked Jiraiya. "Better yet, how did he figure it out?"

"Your guess is as good as mine." Jiraiya replied stunned.

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On the other side, Orochimaru was staring in shock. To think one so young could have achieved such greatness. Maybe he had marked the wrong boy. No, with the Kyuubi sealed inside, the mark wouldn't have taken. This boy had just become a serious threat, and would have to be eliminated.

The Sand shinobi stared in undisguised horror. The Hokage knowing the technique they were aware of, and had planned for. This boy being able to use it was not in the plans. Baki made a note to himself to send a message to the Kazekage as soon as possible.

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Down in the arena, Kabuto was frozen in shock. How could he have possibly missed such a critical piece of information about the blond while he was info gathering as a spy? In the confusion, Naruto made a single seal, and Shunshined the distance between himself and Kabuto, delivering a solid kick to the older boy's sternum, further aggravating the ribs injured during the clone blast. Naruto followed this up by creating half a dozen Shadow Clones, all of which jumped the silver haired Genin, and held him down.

Kabuto struggled in the grasp of the group of blonds. He had to admit that he was very impressed with the fake out. Having the son of the Yellow Flash using that particular kunai would lead to automatic assumptions, and his little spiel beforehand had really helped to sell the trick. Looks like he was going to have to pay a bit more attention to the young Namikaze for the rest of his spying term. But first things first...finishing this match.

Seeing that his clones had the other boy tightly held, Naruto began channeling chakra to his leg, as he raced towards his foe.

While he was expecting a rather easy to break child's grip- one that he'd have to really sell if he was going to fool several S rank shinobi- he was shocked to find that Naruto's grip was solid, and that he'd actually have to reveal his true strength to break it. Smirking inwardly at how easy the blond was making this deception, Kabuto prepared himself for Naruto's knockout blow. Discreetly sending chakra to his torso and face, Kabuto braced for the kick that Naruto was winding up. While it would still hurt like a bitch, with his special ability, the damage would be dropped to a minimum.

With a cry of "Ninpou: Panto Kikku! (5)", Naruto gave Kabuto a chakra powered kick to the groin. It was in that moment that Kabuto vowed that the next time he fought Naruto, he would kill him. Seconds later, he blacked out from the pain.

"Winner, Naruto." Hayate announced with a cough.

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Twenty minutes later found Naruto, Haku, and Jiraiya headed to the hospital's recovery wing where Hinata had been transported once she'd been no longer in danger.

As soon as they'd gotten dismissed, Naruto began planning for first his opponent in the finals. Remembering the technique that Neji had used on Hinata, Naruto felt a bit of payback was in order. Looking at his sensei, Naruto asked a question that brought Jiraiya up short for a moment.

"Sensei, is it possible to learn the bloodline sealing jutsu in a month?" Jiraiya raised a single brow.

"Knowing you, you probably could if I taught it to you." Jiraiya said, gaining a hopeful look from the blond. "But much as I'm tempted, gaki, knowing what you're liable to do with it, your parents would kill me if I did."

Naruto frowned at that, but didn't deny it. Soon, they found themselves in front of Hinata's door. Jiraiya peeked in to make sure that she was decent and awake, and found she was. As soon as Naruto entered, he asked the question that had been in the back of his mind since her match.

"I know he's your cousin, Hinata, but why didn't you use your chakra scapels?"

"I didn't want to hurt him, nor did I want to antagonize him any further than he believes I have." She said.

"I guess," Naruto agreed with a frown. "But I still say you should have hit him with it at least once. Let him know that you could have hurt him a lot more than you did."

"But that's what you're for, niisan." She teased. "To protect the sweet, innocent princess from the big, bad bully."

"You, innocent?" Haku taunted. "Not likely."

"I am so." Hinata argued back, pouting. Suddenly, an ominous grin adorned her features. "Now what was that about me having tentacles?"

Grinning, Jiraiya explained about Tenten's comments, to the blunette's amusement. Much teasing of Naruto- and his perverted girlfriend- ensued, and the teammates had an enjoyable visit...well with the exception that it was necessary, of course. As he was heading home that evening, Naruto vowed that he would find a way to make Neji regret hurting his best friend/sister.

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1. from Kat Williams' special, It's Pimpin Pimpin, I think

2. Thinking he was a girl, some pervert tried to grope Haku, and Haku reacted viciously.

3. Sougu • Kurotora Kashou- Burning Black Tiger: Similar to the Twin rising dragon, only with a single scroll, and the scroll containing her explosive note wrapped kunai.

4. this is a ninjutsu from movie 3, but since the name fit, and the effect was what I was going for, I used it. Magen: Gokan Sakusou - Five Senses Confusion Disorder

5. punt kick [rugby]

* mostly right from canon

I know some of you may disagree with the way I portrayed the Hinata and Neji fight. The way I see it, is that Neji came into the match with a preconception of what to expect from Hinata. The fact is, she was much better than he was expecting, and it caught him off guard that she could actually keep up with him. No, she couldn't beat him in a straight Jyuuken fight, but she could hold her own for a time. The next thing is, he wasn't expecting her to use anything other than the Jyuuken against him, so when she started using ninjutsu, he was again thrown for a loop. Neji also seems the type to not be able to handle his beliefs being challenged, and reacts badly to that. There's also the fact that with Tsunade in the village, Hinata's mother survived whatever caused her to not be there in canon. Because of this, Hiashi never became the uber cold person he was in the series. Neji sees Hinata having a nice family life, something he feels he's been denied no matter how much his uncles family reaches out to him, and again jealousy makes him act rashly towards Hinata.

For those of you who feel the same about the Naruto/Kabuto fight, remember that Kabuto was throwing the match. Sure, he was pretending to put up a fight, but he wasn't planning on winning. When I said Kabuto would only get close before Naruto dodged, Kabuto was never really trying to hit Naruto. Had he wanted to, he could have but he had a cover to keep. Also, to those that may nitpick that Naruto couldn't create 1000 Kage Bunshin pre timeskip, I'll direct your attention to page 16 of chapter 133 (and aren't all those reactions just comical), as well as the technique on page six of chapter 134. If those are wrong, then the actual page is close to it. The technique is the Uzumaki Naruto Nisen Rendan - Uzumaki Naruto 2,000 Hit Combo, and he used it against Gaara during the invasion. And this after all of the clones he made during his match with Neji, and previously during that fight.

By the way, the next chapter will likely be just a short burst going over the month long wait. Unless people don't mind if I just wait and put it in with the finals.

By the way, these are the match ups, and I have a reason for each.

1. Naruto v Neji

2. Gaara v Temari

3. Hanako v Sakura

4. Shikamaru v Shino

5. Haku v Lee

6. Sasuke v Tetsuya

Questions for you to consider...

* Are the fights believable, or should I have done more/less?

* The part with the three sound ninja in the forest, is that believable?

* Do you think they'd have really known to do that after the fight?

* Should I add the month between onto the finals chapter since not much happens, or should I make it its own? Fair warning, it'll be kind of like the Post Wave chapter. Basically humor and hijinks of Team 11, with some training and other stuff added in.

*Should I stop writing this, and let someone sane adopt it?

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Before we begin the Unrelated Omake, I would like to apologize to you, the readers. I have no excuse for what this last portion of the tale contains, and I can only hope you will forgive me for the insanity you are about to expose yourself to. My muse has agreed pay half the therapy bills for the first ten reviewers, and we can only hope that you have a good therapist. By the way, for those of you who have seen the Southpark movie- which I also do not own any part of- I again apologize for when you get to the *. I just couldn't help myself, it was too crazy an idea to pass up.

Previously on For The Love of Ramen, Akatsuki's leader came up with a plan to get the Kyuubi Jinchuuriki to come to them. The plan, outlaw ramen. The plan worked, but not in any way that the members could have imagined. An apoplectic Naruto stormed their base and the Hidden Rain village, killing several members, before hunting down the ones who managed to escape.

"Hidan is dead too." Tobi answered to the shock of his comrades.

"How the hell did he kill an immortal?" Kisame asked.

"With a peanut, a spatula, and a stick of chapstic." A menacing voice answered. The three turned to find a certain blond with nine tails of the same color waving behind him dangerously, poised to strike at a moments notice. A blue haired woman with an origami flower in her hair stood next to him, wearing a kimono so tight, it was obvious she wasn't wearing anything beneath it. The next word uttered by Tobi was very fitting.

"Mommy."

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And this we find ourselves back at the Akatsuki Rendevous.

"Hmm, now what should I do with you, plantman?" Naruto asked rhetorically. "Wait, I think I have some toothpicks and floss in my pack. That should be fun."

As the screams began, Kisame and Tobi looked on in horror, and struggled even harder against the clones holding them captive. While this was going on, they were also trying to figure out why the clones weren't dispelling when hit or stabbed like they were supposed to- even more frightening was the fact that their pointies ended up bent at the tip. Kisame- feeling that momentarily surviving was worth the chakra drain on his already low reserves- created a water clone, and switched with it. Once free, he made a bee line for Kirigakure, leaving his sword, which was still sitting next to the clone, behind. If he had to choose between execution in Mist for killing the Daimyo, or execution by the blond for outlawing ramen, he'd choose Kiri's barbaric customs any day. The things he did to Zetsu with a couple of toothpicks and a roll of floss just shouldn't be possible.

As Naruto finished with the plantman- after having reduced him to several kilos of pipe, blunt, and bong filling- he turned his venomous gaze on the orange masked man. He'd just grabbed the man by the throat when he was interrupted.

"You know Naruto-sama, you should let Tobi live...or at least have a chance to argue his case." Konan said softly into his ear, before nibbling on the shell. Naruto purred; he really liked when she did that. "He's the one that sent you that note about the ramen." Naruto turned to her, raised an eyebrow, then nodded at the nod of confirmation she gave to him.

"Fine, let's hear your reason for informing me," Tobi sighed in relief. "And it better be good. I have a certain...less than fondness for traitors." Tobi thought about saying something just to placate the uber ninja in front of him, but decided against it.

"Tobi may have been loyal to Akatsuki, but they weren't good boys like Tobi." The man choked out. "Taking away ramen is a crime against humanity, so Tobi had to choose good ramen over bad Leader-sama's inhumane plan." Naruto narrowed his eyes, before releasing his grip, and letting the man fall to the ground.

"Then Tobi is a good boy." Naruto said. Tobi beamed. Having what he'd been saying all along finally confirmed by someone else...well that was just damn swell, wasn't it?

"Uh, Naruto-sama, can Tobi come back to Konoha with you?" The man asked, sheepishly scratching the back of his head in a very familiar manner. "Tobi's home village was destroyed a long time ago, and he doesn't have anywhere else to go."

"Sure, there's a great ramen stand in Konoha too, once we get this law revoked." Snapping a salute, the orange masked man blurted.

"You just leave that to Tobi." He said, as he began swirling out of existence. "The ramen will be back before Naruto-sama returns home."

"Yeah, that guy's not weird at all." Naruto drawled.

"Shall we head home then, Naruto-sama?" Konan asked. "I think it's about time you claimed me properly."

"Not yet, we have to pay a visit to a certain snake." Naruto replied, ending the water clone, and picking up the discarded Sameheda. "And I'm thinking I'd like to go fishing in Water Country."

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Kirigakure two days later...

"To what do we owe the pleasure, Kisame-kun?" Mei Terumii asked. Her seductive voice sending shivers up the man's spine...and not the good kind. No matter how sexy she was, she was scary. She was even more so when she was being sexy, because you didn't know whether she was about to seduce/rape you, kill you in cruel and unusual ways, or if you were truly unlucky, some fucked up combination of both.

Remembering that she rather liked bluntness, Kisame decided to be just that.

"I joined an organization that ran afowl of the wrong person." He said. "I decided it would be better to face execution here than let him catch up to me."

"Oh, and who is so powerful that they would make even you quake?" She asked with mocking interest. After all, a man that powerful would likely make a good husband.

"That would be me." A voice said.

Kisame gave a squeak, and wet his pants, before hiding behind the Mizukage's chair. The Mizukage elect looked at the doorway to her office to find a woman with blue hair, and amused eyes, dressed in a very form fitting kimono (and doubtfully anything underneath it). Next to the, admittedly beautiful, woman stood a man. Not just any man, but the most beautiful man she had ever seen. A man that was currently radiating a power that made her skin tingle; and this on top of the other indecent reactions from her body.

'The hell with this job, I'm getting married, and having his babies.' Mei thought, then grinned. 'That will teach those bastards to put me on a 90 day probation; one that not only restricts my movements, but resulted in me not even getting paid for doing this thankless job. Sure, the standard Jounin stipend is pretty nice, but it doesn't compensate for the stress being a frikkin Kage puts on a girl.'

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"So, will you share, or are we going to have to fight over him?" Mei asked a bit later as they watched Kisame get brutally beaten- and considering that Mei had grown up in Kiri, that was saying something. That the delicious looking young man was somehow making Kisame's wounds heal within seconds of creating them, prolonging the torture...Mei shivered. She'd need a change of underpants before long.

"Considering that he made a Shadow Clone that killed the Akatsuki Leader," Konan said, wincing at a particularly vicious sounding snap. "I doubt handling multiple women will be an issue for him. As a matter of fact, we'll probably need more help."

After several hours, and three changes of underpants for Mei, Naruto finally grew bored of torturing Kisame. Making a single hand seal, Naruto used his special Henge on the man. Noticing he was done, Konan sidled up to him, and draped herself onto his right side.

"Are we heading home now so that you can ruin us?" She asked in a sultry voice. Naruto nodded back towards Mei, and received a minute nod.

"Sorry girls, we've got one more stop to make." Naruto said, earning a pout.

"But Naruto-sama-" Mei said, taking up position on his left side.

"Don't worry, this is the last one." Naruto said. "Then we'll go home, and you won't be able to walk for a week by the time I'm finished, I promise."

Both women shivered in anticipation, though they were now even more annoyed at the wait.

"So where to, Naruto-sama?" Mei asked.

"Oto." Was his simple answer, as he walked away. Staring at his back, Konan just shrugged.

"Well, I've heard there are some seriously horny girls in Oto." She said. "This might be a good chance for us to recruit a willing red shirt."

"Red shirt?" Mei asked.

"You know, the sacrifice for the good of the whole." Konan explained before she started following her master. "The girl we toss at Naruto-sama when he gets horny, and we're in no condition to tackle his tackle."

"You really think we'll need one?" Mei inquired.

"Given what our spies pegged is stamina level was before he got like that," Konan said looking thoughtful. "We'll probably need two or three."

Little did Naruto know, that he'd just activated the Uzumaki Promise Bloodline. When the Uzumaki made sincere promises, they were always kept. One reason for this, was that the fates seemed unable to control this bloodline, and enough small- yet fundamental- changes got made to the world to make the conditions just right for the Uzumaki's promise to come true.

The only thing as powerful as the Uzumaki Promise Bloodline, was the Uchiha Bloodline of Succumbing to Idiocy/Psychosis/Revenge. It was also the only bloodline that could provide a negative enough charge to the positive nature of the Uzumaki Promise Bloodline, that it made it possible for things to get left to chance- hence why Sasuke escaped at the VotE. Fortunately for the sake of this story, with Naruto in uber mode, not even the Uchiha's special bloodline could hope to stand up to the Uzumaki bloodline at the moment.

"First though, we'll have to let the Council know that I'm resigning my post." Mei said. "I'm not worried about our chances of success, but I don't think they'll be too happy about it either."

As the trio left an hour later, Mei didn't know whether to be happy, or disgusted with her former village. She was happy that she was free to leave with Mr. Uber Yummy, but the way they'd discarded her was a downright painful blow to a person's self-worth. Sure they'd made a nice, proper stink about her leaving at first, which did warm her heart a bit, but as soon as Naruto had offered them the Sameheda in exchange, they'd ignored her completely, and decided it was a more than fair trade. Sure it was a rare sword, and a village heirloom, but to say that it was so easily worth more than your future Kage- who just so happened to be the last carrier in the village of two very powerful bloodlines- was just ridiculous. Hell, from some of the looks those old pervs were giving that sword, she suspected the poor blade was going to find itself molested later.

Oh well, at least Choujuurou would miss her. Maybe she could get a new Swordsmen group started in Konoha, and invite him to stay. She'd have to make sure he understood her intentions though. He wouldn't stand a chance against a wrathful Naruto-sama, and she'd feel really guilty if he got himself flayed because he got the wrong idea, and tried something by mistake.

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The next morning, a blue goldfish with sharp teeth could be found swimming around a bowl in a little girl's room.

'I guess this is better than what it could have been.' Kisame thought snacking on the fish flakes being dumped into his bowl. Kisame the fish would spend the rest of his days as a child's pet, but considering the fates of some of his former colleagues, he was content with his punisment.

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*The prisoners were screaming. Orochimaru was scheming. Kabuto was performing sick experiments on people too. Manda was doodling (don't ask). Sasuke was brooding...about killing his big brother; sad, but true. It's super, thanks for asking; would be the answer for asking Oto nin about their day- okay, probably not. You're more likely to get a kunai to the chest as a reply. Moving on.

Karin felt sorry, for poor gentle Juugo. And the sick things Kabuto was doing to him right now. But she wasn't the one laying on the table, so even Juugo's fate couldn't bring her down. Besides, Sasuke-kun had said that she looked cute in her top, her little shorts, her matching boots she got at Merves. No one need hurt her feelings by telling her he'd only said it so she'd go away. Yes, the denizens of Otogakure were having an absolutely super day.

That is, until there was a harsh knock, and an entire section of the secret compound's ceiling ceased to exist. It didn't blow up. It didn't disentegrate. It didn't implode, crumble, or even fall. It just suddenly had a bout of extreme notthereness. Even if it was the second time she'd seen it, Konan was still amazed- and more than just a bit turned on- at the spectacle. As for Mei, a blush was the least embarrassing of her visible reactions.

The ninja of the village assembled with speed that would make the Great Five envious- though if the other villages gave their ninja the option of dying swiftly from invaders, or slowly by experimentation for cowardice, they might have the same rapid response. Sadly, or not, the only thing to be met was a silhouette that would spell their doom. Within moments, all of the defenders contracted a severe case of epidemic level nonliving. Against Naruto alone it was a lesson in eventuality, but with Konan and Mei picking off stragglers, it was like the Alamo...a sad, but really foregone conclusion.

Naruto walked calmly through the halls of Orochimaru's base, dispatching anyone stupid enough to get in his way...and even a rather unfortunate cat whose only crime was hissing at him, and looking a little too much like Tora. As he passed a corridor, Naruto heard the sinister chuckling of a familiar asshole. With barely a blink, a Kage Bunshin was formed, and sent down the hallway. Several minutes later, once it found the traitor it was looking for, the clone exploded, taking Kabuto and Orochimaru's lab with it. The little lab assistant was very lucky that Konan had followed, taken pity on her, and shielded her from the blast. Without another word, the redhead followed the older woman obediently.

Little did Karin know the real reason Konan spared her. For Konan, she knew the instant that she saw the girl, that she'd make a perfect first red shirt. The slim redhead's aura just seemed to scream 'for the right boy, I'll gladly bend over and take it like a champ'.

Inside the throne room, Orochimaru amused himself by watching two Genin fight to the death in the hopes of becoming one of his new Sound Four. Neither would be chosen, of course, but it was entertainment all the same. He'd been informed earlier of his base being attacked, but since he hadn't heard anything since, he'd ignored it. There were only a few people he knew that could penetrate his base far enough to reach him, and they'd have been here long before now. He was suddenly on alert when the doors burst open. Seeing who was in the doorway, however, he relaxed.

"Ah, Naruto-kun, so nice of you to join us." Orochimaru said silkily. "And Mei, I remember when you were just a little thing. Haven't you grown up just beautifully?"

"I don't have the time for any of your semi-perverted overtures." Naruto said coolly. "Where's the bastard?"

"Now, now, Naruto-kun," Orochimaru said, his voice gaining a threatening lilt. "I can't just let you come and take Sasuke-kun away from me. I need his body, and those delicious eyes."

"I don't really care about his eyes." Naruto said. "You can take them out and keep them for all I care. I came for the broody bastard."

"But without his body, his eyes are useless to me." Orochimaru said.

"Look, either you take me to Sasuke, or I'll shove your sword up your ass, and find him myself." The Sannin's snake master drew narrowed eyes before summoning his Kusanagi.

"I tried to be cordial, but it would seem as if you only understand suffering." Orochimaru sneered. "No matter, I've been wanting to pick you apart for a long time."

The fight- if one could really call it that- didn't last very long, and didn't end in the elder nin's favor. I mean really, after what he did to the Akatsuki Leader...with a Shadow Clone...didn't even break a sweat- much to Mei's frustration. When Konan and Karin arrived several minutes after Naruto had left in search of Sasuke, it was to a rather startling sight. Orochimaru was face down on the floor with his ass in the air. The legendary sword of Kusanagi was shoved halfway into the upturned backside of its former owner like the Excalibur of Arthurian legend.

"Mizukage-sama?" Karin said, shocked. Ignoring her fellow redhead, Mei addressed the blue haired kunoichi.

"Naruto-sama went in search of the Uchiha." She said, walking over and wrenching the sword free (no use letting a perfectly good blade go to waste). "The snake wouldn't tell him where he was, so our master made him talk, then did...that."

Karin stared at her former leader, fear and excitement flashing through her. Fear considering that she was an Oto shinobi...although it was odd that the blue haired lady had both protected her from the exploding clone, and had drug her along instead of killing her. The excitement came as a result of someone who was strong enough to kill Orochimaru. She just knew that this Naruto-sama had a huge chakra, and was curious what it might feel like to her bloodline, especially up close. Sure she could search for him now, but it would be so much more worth it to wait until she could actually see him. She was also just a bit worried considering that this unknown man had gone after her Sasuke-kun.

When they got to battle site, however, her tune changed rather quickly. Not only was he so much yummier looking than Sasuke, but he felt so much better too.

"So what's a girl have to do to be consumed by his delicious chakra?" Karin asked the two elder kunoichi as they watched Sasuke get the thrashing he'd had coming for so long. I mean sure, Karin had an omega crush on the Uchiha, but sometimes he could be a hurtful jerk.

"Get naked, and do anything thing he wants." Mei answered. "Maybe bend over, present your lubed and readied fuck holes, and pray to Kami you can still walk straight after he's done probing and injecting them with his cream filling."

"Sacrifice yourself for the good of the family should Naruto-sama become too aroused for us to handle, and none of his other lovers have the will or strength to provide him with relief. You know, spirit is willing, but the body is brittle kind of thing. Your mind will probably end up broken from all the pleasure, but I'd say it's a small price to pay."

"Done." Karin said, shocking the older women. By now, she was panting, and both pairs of her lips were drooling uncontrollably.

Her mother had always told her that when it came to chakras, when you found the one, you gave yourself to it, and did whatever it took to be kept close. She also said that if you find the 'Pure Master Chakra', you should latch onto it anyway you could, and pray that your mind was still intact when the gooey yummy ride was over. Karin knew this was the one, she just hoped she was still coherent, and that there was enough of her mind left to enjoy a second ride later.

Meanwhile...well actually, just a bit before the girls arrived

"Still think you can talk me into returning to Konoha, dobe?" Sasuke taunted.

"No, you lost that chance the last time you tried to kill me." Naruto answered. "Now, I'm going to disable you, and drag your ass back."

"You still don't get it, do you dobe." Sasuke then went on a rather long rant about his superiority, how Naruto was nothing back then, and was an ant compared to him now.

It wasn't until he saw Naruto standing next to him, and felt a fist buried in his gut did he realize that the Naruto he was talking to was just an after-image. And thus the rather one-sided beating began.

Now don't take this the wrong way. Sasuke Uchiha still had every right to be an arrogant prick. Training under Orochimaru had increased his abilities exponentially, and he'd only grown further since they last met. The reason why this meeting of the former teammates was so different than the last, however, was Naruto.

The last time, Naruto had been a shinobi of high Chuunin, maybe low Jounin quality, and hadn't been prepared for just how much Sasuke had grown. This time, Naruto was as close to being a half-demon as you could get without actually being one (i.e. having a demon and human for parents). Not only was Naruto stronger and had more stamina than Sasuke, but unlike last time, his speed surpassed the Uchiha's by a Gamabunta sized margin as well. Last time, Naruto had been willing to try talking sense into his wayward friend. This time, he was fully committed to doing whatever it took to bring Sasuke back, and that included fucking Sasuke's shit all the way up, back down, and up again.

Sasuke, realizing that the possiblity of losing to the Dobe was actually high this time, and unwilling to accept it, decided it was time to end the fight in grand fashion. That pale, creepy bastard wouldn't let him use it last time, but no one was here to stop him from destroying the Dobe. Running through the proper seals, Sasuke shot a massive fireball up into the heavens.

Raising his hand to the sky, Sasuke gave a nice little spiel about how Naruto would finally meet his doom. Aside from the numerous- and overused- injections of dobe, loser, and Uchihas are superior, Naruto had to admit that it was actually a pretty good speech...well, a good speech for Sasuke, anyway. Not wanting to take any chances, as soon as Sasuke brought his arm down, Naruto flared his chakra to very interesting results.

Sasuke was shocked, floored, startled, awed, and about seven other like words at the sheer force of the Dobe's power. Konan began pinching her nipples and rubbing her thighs together, while Mei had a small, yet strangely sturdy climax- unlike Konan who'd been exposed to it when he fought Nagato, Mei hadn't been exposed to what Konan called 'The Tidal Flare'. Both Konan and Mei would need a change of clothes, as they'd soaked themselves.

As for poor Karin...well she climaxed seventeen times simultaneously, and collaped to the ground unconscious. For those wondering why, the answer is quite simple. You see, as soon as the ladies had arrived, Konan used her sensing gift on Naruto. From the moment she'd solidified her place in the stable, she'd been standing there, swaying back and forth- drooling, of course- as she basked in the all consuming chakra of the man she was now convinced would destroy her mind in a delicious fashion. When the flare came, she got a sensory overload of deliciousness that she wasn't prepared to handle, and the results spoke for themselves.

Then there was the lightening bolt that had been summoned from the sky. As the lightening bolt raced towards Naruto, it began panicking. If it hit its current target, well, it wouldn't end well for him. It just wasn't fair, he hadn't volunteered for this. He'd been at home watching old Bleach reruns, when he'd been snatched by the collar, and hurled at the uber brat. Just from the smug look on his face, he knew exactly who had done it. Like seriously, who the hell would be dumb enough to give a demented brat with brother issues any kind of control of lightening. That would be like giving a complete moron with inhuman chakra reserves- and horrible chakra control- actual control over the very thing that a good number of living things cannot live without. One experimental mistake and everybody suffocates. It was with this stream of consciousness- please don't ask how- that the bolt of lightening began searching for a new target.

He first thought that the smug emo would be a good target, but given he was responsible for this, the person that gave him lightening to control in the first place wouldn't allow that to work. There were the girls, but something told him that that plan would result in an even more brutal demise than hitting uber blondie. He wasn't quite sure how, but he was sure the tailed blond could, and would manage it. Just as he was about to face his demise upon the blond, he sensed two new targets. Perfect, he knew that nobody liked those two, and that neither would be missed. Five feet away from the uber blond, the lightening bolt suddenly veered sharply to the left, and struck the two people trying to stay hidden.

The two in question just so happened to be Orochimaru and Kabuto. Yes, even after the monumental devastation they faced at Naruto's hands, they were still alive. How you ask, well let's take a small trip back a few minutes ago, shall we.

Five minutes ago...

Orochimaru climbed out of the abused and mutilated husk that was his body. He knew he shouldn't, but he couldn't help it. Peering at his former body, he gave a sharp shudder. And here he thought Itachi and the Akatsuki leader were scary. Shaking his head of those thoughts, he looked at his body again, and sighed. It was the dilemma of dilemmas. On the one hand, he was angered that they'd had the nerve to filch his sword. On the other hand, he was also thankful they hadn't left it shoved up his ass, and run the risk of someone coming and finding him like that.

"Orochimaru-sama?" A voice said from behind him.

"What is it, Kabuto?" The Snake master asked...after disposing of the signs of his defeat, of course. Tuning, he found that Kabuto looked like he'd been thoroughly thrashed.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, Kabuto." He snapped, even if he did have several bruises that were showing up quite nicely on his pale skin. "You, however, don't look so good."

"I was visited by Naruto-kun." Kabuto said, a smirk on his face. "Apparently, he's undergone a huge upgrade, and if it hadn't been for the Cliche Evil Villian Death Escape no Jutsu that you taught me, I'd be dead. He would make an excellent experiment, don't you think?"

"If we can catch him." Orochimaru muttered. "He's got two S-rank kunoichi with him, one with two formidable bloodlines, and one who controls paper and was taught by my perverted former teammate."

Left unsaid, but acknowledged by both, was the fact that even without the two women, they were unlikely to succeed.

Silently, the two made their way to the place where they could hear the sounds of what they were fairly sure was a one-sided fight. The flare that preceeded their arrival gave both an ominous chill that made them think thoughts they'd never have considered before- thoughts about trying to make nice with their former home. They arrived just in time to see a bolt of lightening- most likely from Sasuke's ultimate jutsu, Kirin- veer sharply away from Naruto, and head towards them.

Now, there was one major drawback about those super death escape jutsu. They used so much chakra, and put such a strain on the body that they could only be used once per arc...unless you're a non-aging geriatric with a bullshit bloodline, and delusions of grandeur that the series creator seems to enjoy giving new power-ups everytime you see him just for shits and giggles. But that's another story all in itself, let us get back to the current one, shall we. As the bolt struck them both, had they been capable of thought, it would have went along the lines of, "Maybe we should have just stayed dead the first time the brat killed us."

His job done, the lightening bolt found himself dropped back onto his couch. Checking his surroundings, he found everything just as he'd left it. Even better, he glanced up at the screen, and saw he was just in time to enjoy the delicious, bouncy goodness that was Rangiku Matsumoto. Now while the author perfers the sexy neko, her petite potential lesbian lover, Halibel, grown up Neliel, Nanao, and Nemu, he does not begrudge Mr. Bolt his fantasies. After all, he could also appreciate the delicious, bouncy goodies attatched to Rangiku and Orihime.

Meanwhile...

"Tch, and to think I was going to give you the chance to kill your brother." Naruto said, glaring; while Sasuke paled. "Oh well, since you want to be a pissy little teme, I've changed my mind."

And so, the violent humbling of Sasuke Uchiha resumed. I won't go into too many details, just know that over the course of the beating, Mei and Konan messed themselves again. It was an experience that Sasuke would never forget...mostly because he wasn't allowed to forget it. Through sheer force of will- or some uber power granted by his power up, whatever floats your boat- Naruto forced Sasuke's Sharingan to stay active throughout the entire beating, and made the Uchiha remember every moment of it.

He also orchestrated such a huge mindfuck on the young Uchiha, that his elder brother would have been envious. After severely, judiciously- and I must admit brutally- incapacitating Sasuke, Naruto pulled a scroll from his pocket, and unsealed its contents.

Onto the ground fell the battered, unconscious form of Itachi Uchiha. Sasuke was forced to watch in horror as his chance for revenge was stolen from him right before his eyes. Ironically enough, Sasuke reacted to that the same way Sakura reacted to Kakashi's Genjutsu during the Bell Test.

Sasuke's final defeat was rather anti-climactic, considering Naruto just sealed his Sharingan away, and applied enough chakra draining seals on the boy, that if he farted, he'd have wasted half his available chakra. He was already unconscious, so that wasn't a needed step. Still, Naruto wacked him in the head with one of his tails just to be on the safe side.

Once everything was all said and done, Naruto calmly walked over, and picked up the unconscious, still slightly spasming Karin bridal style. As he lifted her, a very familiar feminine scent hit his nose, and Naruto sighed. It would seem he'd aqcuired another one.

"I'll carry the nympho, you two can take turns dragging the teme back." The two women frowned, before a rather devious grin lighted upon Konan's face.

Deciding to take their Master/Husband/Baby Daddy/Mmm Yummy's words quite literally, the two women smirked as they took turns dragging the unconscious Uchiha along the road back to Konoha. Things really got bad for the traitor when they reached the thickly forested areas of Fire country, and took to the trees to cut down on time.