One night when I was sitting around listening to music, and "Somewhere Other Than The Night" by Garth Brooks came on, and this entire thing popped into my head. It was only meant to be for fun and a couple of pages long, but it grew and grew.
Desperate times called for desperate measures, and these were definitely desperate times. I laid by his side every night, and yet I missed him. Nessie was almost a year old now, and I couldn't remember the last time my husband touched me. I mean, he still kissed me in the morning, and occasionally snuggled against me at night. But I mean seriously touched me. Before I'd become pregnant, we couldn't keep our hands off each other. Our honeymoon was phenomenal; we barely left our room. We could have stayed in Forks for that. But he took me to Hawaii. Everything he did for me should have been so cliché, but he was so romantic about it that it never seemed that way. I don't think we could have prevented creating Nessie that week if we had actually taken all the precautions in the world.
And now, nothing. Hell, I would have settled for a simple make-out session with him at this point, just to feel his hands on me again, to feel his lips, to know he still desired me. I could count on one hand how many times we'd made love since Nessie was born, and that was just pathetic. And it was driving me fucking insane. Granted, my body wasn't exactly as perfect as it was when he married me, but did that make me less desirable to him? Did I even turn him on anymore? Did he miss making love to me the way I missed making love to him? Well, there was only one way to find out…
So here I was, standing in the bathroom of the master suite of this gorgeous house we bought together, looking at myself in the mirror. I wore the same blue negligee I was wearing the first night I gave myself to him; the first time we freely touch each other, exploring our desire without boundaries. I could hear the light clicking of the keys on his laptop through the bedroom door. Carlisle had now entrusted him with some of the overseas trading accounts, on top of the hotels, which had led to many long nights at the offices, and countless nights of work coming home with him. And so many lonely nights for me. But I was determined to get my husband back, no matter how I had to go about it. I hoped that by wearing this, he would remember how we were, and remember how much he had once wanted and needed me.
With one last deep breath I opened the bathroom door and looked to him, sitting on the bed, typing furiously on the laptop. He didn't even notice I had entered the room.
Strike one for Bella.
I sauntered across the bedroom, crawling seductively across the bed to him, stretching my body alongside his and resting my head on his shoulder. "Hey baby," I whispered, sliding my hand along his arm. "You going to be done soon?"
I stared longingly at his face, which even now seemed far too beautiful to belong to a man, and yet so damn masculine and sexy with his five o'clock shadow. It made me feel so fortunate and privileged to call myself Mrs. Edward Cullen.
"Yeah, I just have to finish this up, honey," He replied, kissing my forehead. But his eyes never left the screen. His fingers never stopped typing. I was beginning to feel very foolish. I was laying here, subtly begging for my husband's attention, and he didn't even notice.
Strike two for Bella.
I pressed my lips against his shoulder over the fabric of his t-shirt, and splayed my hand over his chest. "I got the baby to sleep, and I thought maybe we could try for her brother or sister."
I hitched my leg over his, and pressed my lips to his neck, right in the spot that always drove him crazy. I knew Edward's body from top to bottom, and I knew just how to turn him on.
But he merely tilted his head away from me and kept his eyes on the screen, shaking his head. "I'm sorry, sweetheart, I really have to get this done for the meeting in the morning. Tomorrow, I promise."
Finally he looked at me and kissed me gently, but the tears of rejection were already welling in my eyes. He pulled away and turned back to the laptop.
And there is strike three. I'm out.
I pushed away from him, grabbing my robe from the bedpost and wrapping it around myself. "You know, for someone who claims to want a son so badly, you seem to have forgotten we need to fuck for that to happen," I snapped angrily, pulling the ties of my robe tightly around me, and needing to get away from him before the tears spilled over. "Let me know when you have time for your family so I can be sure make a damn appointment! Maybe your daughter will actually get to see what her father looks like."
Alright, I admit that was a low blow. And I realized that the moment I stormed outside the bedroom door, just as the tears overcame me. But my pride wouldn't allow me to turn around and apologize. And the ache I felt inside was devastating. It was painful having it laid out so clearly in front of me: my husband no longer desired me when I still loved and desired him so much it hurt. I heard Nessie stirring from down the hall, and I knew I had probably woken her up during my angry rant. I looked to see if maybe he would come down to check, but he never showed. Well, he knew I was out here anyway, and was probably far too angry to come out and face me.
I walked into the nursery, and glanced across the room to see Nessie standing up, holding onto the railing, and doing her little "Mommy dance", as I liked to call it. She was such a happy baby, and got really excited whenever Edward or I came into the room. But Edward got a more of a bouncing excitement from her, whereas I got the alternating stomping of the feet on the mattress. Despite how distressed I was a moment ago, I couldn't help but smile at her and walk over, lifting her into my arms. Her father's green eyes sparkled back at me from that perfect little face and I kissed her cheek. "I'm sorry, baby. Mommy didn't mean to wake you."
I carried her over to our rocker and rested back against it with Nessie lying down on her stomach against my chest. Within minutes her eyes were drooping, listening to my heartbeat and I lulled her to sleep, humming softly and stroking her soft locks of bronze hair. You would think I was no more than an incubator for this little girl, since she was a carbon copy of Edward. And when she slept, she looked even more heart wrenchingly like him. I'd spent so many nights, watching her sleep, missing Edward so much. Her little fingers twitched in her sleep like Edward's did, and her lips parted slightly, just like his. But she also had that same angelic and vulnerable look about her, just as Edward did when he slept.
I rested my cheek on top of her head, cradling her against my chest and willing myself to keep it together. The sobs would start, and I would wake my sweet little girl. But within a few more minutes, it seemed like the sun was waking me up by shining in my eyes, and I smelled coffee brewing. My chest felt light. Too light.
My eyes flew open. "Nessie?!" I called out before my eyes registered where I was: in our bed, on my stomach. I looked to the other side of me and Edward's place was empty. An all too familiar sight. I sighed, tossed the blankets aside, and sat up. I spotted my robe hanging back on the bedpost. Had last night actually happened? I looked down to my apparel and sighed again. The blue lingerie. It definitely happened.
I grabbed my robe and threw it around me again, and checked on Nessie, who was missing from her crib. I raced downstairs to the kitchen and found Edward there, fully dressed in his business attire, and Nessie in her high chair with her milk and a bowl of dry Cheerios. A shriek and a "Mama!" from her caught Edward's attention and he turned toward the door to look at me. He gave me a weak smile, and a softly mumbled "Morning", and then turned back to his coffee. Guilt washed over me. I knew that look; I'd really gone overboard last night, and hurt him because he hurt me. The only difference was that I'd done it intentionally.
I walked over beside him, pouring my own coffee. And as soon as the carafe was set down on the counter, I turned toward him. "Edward, I'm sorry about last night. What I said, it was malicious and cruel. And I just want you to know that I really do think you're a wonderful father. And I know you do the best you can by us. I just miss you."
I heard him sigh, and for a moment I thought I had only made him angrier, but when he looked over at me, his eyes showed anything but anger. They seemed to mirror everything I was feeling and I felt my heart break into a million pieces. He took my face in his hands, the gentle way he always did, and he kissed me so softly I could have cried. This was all I wanted. I wanted my husband back, the man I fell in love with. The man who touched me like I was something precious, like I was porcelain that would shatter if he handled me too roughly. And then he spoke, just as softly. "I miss you too, Bella. I know I haven't exactly been very attentive to you, and I leave you home all day with Nessie. I should really try harder. I'm just trying to get everything sorted so I have time for everything. But I don't want you to ever think that my job is more important than you and our daughter. If you gave me the choice right now between losing my job and losing my family, I'd never leave this house again. You know that right?"
I bit my lip to keep it from trembling. The sincerity in his eyes and his voice made me feel even smaller, but at the same time gave me the evidence that I needed that my husband still loved me. He was still my Edward. Once I was sure I could speak without my voice cracking, I nodded. "I know that, Edward. But I would never do that to you. You're still my forever, and I'm not going anywhere." I looked down to my hands, where they held gently to the lapel of his suit jacket, and then leaned my forehead against his chest. "I'm sorry, Edward. I love you."
I felt his arms come around me, and I swore I had never felt better in my life as I did in that moment. The way he held me and kissed the top of my head let me know all was forgiven. "I love you too, Bella. More than anything. I do have to go though. I have an eight o'clock meeting. But I promise I won't be too late tonight."
I lifted my face to look up at him, and then pressed my lips against his. I would make this up to him. I would make things right between us again. He gave me a gentle smile as he pulled away, stopped to give Nessie a kiss and told her to be a good girl, and then walked out the door. Before he was even out of the driveway, I was on the phone. I heard Alice's groggy voice answer, but I wasn't in any mood to be apologetic, I was on a mission. "Alice, get up and get some coffee in you. I am gonna need your help today."
Well if I wasn't the world's most colossal douchebag, I don't know who else would qualify more. My wife had all but thrown herself at me last night, practically begging me to make love to her. And once again, I put my work first. The look on her face when she got up and exploded at me, and stormed out of the room practically in tears, was one that would be imprinted on my memory forever. And the following two hours I spent on the presentation I was working on, I was so distracted by that look, I was surprised I got it done. I swore to her when we got married that I would never do anything to hurt her, and I had just hurt her in the worst way. I wasn't stupid enough to not know what that look meant. She thought I didn't want her anymore, that I didn't desire her anymore. We hadn't made love in a couple of months now, between work and the baby, there was barely any time and energy left for either of us. But last night, we'd had the perfect opportunity, and I'd blown it. For this fucking job I was really starting to despise. It was taking a toll on my family, and that was unforgivable.
But maybe I had needed her to verbally smack me in the face to realize that I really hadn't spent much time with her or our daughter lately. Bella said that she called for "Dada" all day long, but it didn't seem like she correlated the word with my face. She hadn't actually said it in my presence. But "Mama" was always her first word in the morning, and repeated in a squeal as soon as Bella walked in the door.
Alright, I'll admit it, I'm a terrible father and husband. My daughter didn't know me and my wife thought I didn't want her. I wanted to wake her up last night when I carried her into the bedroom after putting Nessie back in her crib, but the tear tracks down her cheeks, and the strained look on her face stopped me. What right did I have to even touch this beautiful goddess when I was the cause of those tears, of that pain on her face? So I let her sleep, and crawled into bed for a restless, fitful sleep.
I got up at the first hint of Nessie stirring, trying not to wake Bella until I absolutely had to leave. I got her into her high chair and gave her his breakfast, with every intention of apologizing to Bella before I left today. I would promise that I would make it up to her, which was again something I had every intention of doing. But as soon as I heard the familiar shriek from our daughter, and I looked over to her, I became the coward again. Nothing I could say or do could ever make up for what I did to her last night. I gave her my best attempt at a smile and a mumbled "Morning" and then turned back to take a sip of my coffee, trying to find the right words to say.
But she took me off guard when she started apologizing first. What the hell did she have to apologize for? She felt bad for the things she said last night, but why? It was the truth. I had ignored her needs. I had not been there for our daughter as I had promised I would. And I felt even worse when I told her that I had to go. I was already probably going to be late if I hit any traffic, but couldn't find it in me to care. Especially with Bella kissing me the way that she did. I could feel how much she needed and missed me. I could get the ass reaming of my life from my father for all I cared, I wasn't staying at work any later than I needed to tonight. I owed that much to my family, to her.
And as luck would have it, I did end up stuck in traffic because some drunken asshole on a motorcycle decided to take a joyride this morning on the wrong side of the highway and collided with two cars. Perfect. My cell vibrated on the passenger seat, and I knew before I even answered it that my father's irritated business voice would be on the other end. I wasn't his son between the hours 8 and 5. I was an employee and I was late. I hurriedly explained the situation, promised that I would be there as soon as I could, and hung up.
Great, just fucking fabulous. Just the topper I needed on an already crappy day. I was not only a shitty husband and father, but also a lousy son and an irresponsible employee.
I finally walked in the office just before nine, already irritable from being in standstill traffic for over an hour and really craving a cigarette, even though I hadn't smoked in years. And then I realized I left my laptop in the car. "Fuck!" I meant to curse in my head, but it came out in a bellowing yell that echoed through my office door and out to my secretary, who peeked her head in cautiously.
"Is everything alright, Mr. Cullen?" she asked warily and walked in with a cup of coffee for me. Jessica really was a sweet girl and she tried so hard, even if she never remembered that I liked my coffee black. But I felt so bad constantly complaining about it that I had stopped reminding her.
I dug my keys out of my pocket and, grabbing the coffee cup, placed them in her hand. "Could you have Mike run down to my car and grab my laptop from the back seat? I have to get ready for this meeting before Carlisle has a coronary," I said hurriedly, taking a sip of my coffee, and keeping my face blank even though it was far too sweet and thick with cream.
"Oh, Mr. Cullen left you a message," she said guiltily, and ran back out to her desk in enough time for me to spit the contents of my mouth into the trash can before she came back in with a slip of paper. "Mr. Harrison is also running late, so the meeting has been postponed until ten. But I can still have Mike run down for you."
I placed my hands over my face and groaned loudly. I had run three red lights, and raced at least 20 mph over the speed limit once I got off the highway to get here, and the meeting wasn't for another hour. And this had escaped my father's mind how? Oh yeah, because he was an insufferable tyrant when it came to his business. Well, dear Mr. Harrison better get an earful too once he finally gets here, since he was the one who arranged this damn meeting in the first place. Wasn't he the one asking for financial backing? I removed my hands from my face to see the almost petrified look on Jessica's face. I had rarely been this flustered and out of control before, and never in front of my employees. "Sorry, Jessica. Yes please. And thank you for the message, I guess that will just give me more time to prepare." I gave her a smile, trying to appear more composed, and it seemed to worked. She giggled softly, and nodded with a soft "yes sir", and quickly skirted out of the office. Oh, my wife would have a fit if she saw that reaction.
I slapped my hand to my forehead. Shit! My wife. I promised her I would be home, and now it looked like I was going to be a little later than I had planned. I stood up and opened my window, dumping the contents of my cup outside, and I heard a loud "What the fuck!" from down below. I looked down to see Mike now drenched in my coffee. Damn it! Was anything going to go right? Luckily, he didn't see me and wasn't quite sure where the source was, so I backed away from the window and walked over to the pot of fresh coffee, pouring myself a cup that I could actually drink, and then sat back down at my desk. I picked up the phone to call home, to explain what was going on to Bella. But she didn't answer. The phone rang four times, and then it went to our voicemail. Maybe she was in the shower? Speaking of showers, Mike walked in at that moment with my laptop, and shrugged at me concerning his appearance. I gave him leave to go home and change. I dialed home again, and still no answer. She never took that long in the shower with Nessie home. I looked at my watch, and it was only 9:15 and I knew from what she said that she didn't go down for a nap until around 10:30. No way could she be in the shower that long. So I dialed her cell. Still no answer. I left her a voicemail, explaining everything, and then hung up the phone, my mind racing as I opened up my laptop.
We seemed okay this morning before I left. She allowed me to hold her. She kissed me for crying out loud. So why wouldn't she answer her phone? A million possibilities raced through my mind, all of them more improbable than the last. But unfortunately, I couldn't worry about that right now. I looked down at my screen to find it still black. I pressed the button to power it up. Nothing. Damn it! I pounded my desk with my fists, and spun my chair angrily toward the wall.
Deep breaths, Cullen. Maybe you just forgot to plug it in last night to charge. That's got to be it. You didn't just lose six hours of sleep on that presentation to have the computer croak on you… I looked down at my watch again… what the hell? Twenty minutes before the meeting?! How long was I daydreaming? Crap. I grabbed the adapter out of my case and plugged the laptop in and Hallelujah! First thing all morning to go right. While it booted up. I set up everything for the meeting with seconds to spare, and jogged down to the conference room, walking in at the same time as dear Mr. Harrison.
Heaven, save me from ever again having to deal with another nimrod like this guy had been. We spent the better part of four hours explaining the specific details of the arrangement, the percentages, and other things. And he just gaped at us like a deer in headlights. What did he think, we just freely handed money away for anyone with a bug up his ass?
I was still grumbling under my breath about the stupid people of the world when I got back to my office, causing Jessica to toss the romance novel she didn't think I knew she was reading when I wasn't around under her desk. She walked with me into my office, listing my messages. My mom called, lovely. Probably to ream me as well for pissing off my dad. I loved my mother, but I knew what it meant when she called me at work. Dad apparently wasn't as frisky when he was angry. Well guess what, Mom, join the club, I will probably never get laid again for as long as I live after this.
There were an endless barrage of business associates, and even more problems with the hotels. Seriously, let them burn to the damn ground. They won't be causing anyone any problems then. Why the hell was I having an angry internal monologue this morning? Ah yes, because I haven't had sex in three months, and pent up frustration gets to a guy after a while. Shit, no wonder Bella was so pissed last night. And she was going to be even angrier tonight. Phone calls and contracts, and more phone calls. Well the sooner I quit standing here steaming over it, the sooner I could get done.
And finally, the one I had almost been dreading the most. Bella called. Oh shit, I was in trouble. If I didn't walk in the door to find divorce papers slammed into my chest, I would be surprised. And if I did, I wouldn't blame her in the least. A woman could only take so much before she got fed up, and it seemed I was really pushing the limits with her now. This was something that needed to be handled now, the rest could wait. I thanked Jessica and she excused herself. I pulled my cell out of my pocket and flipped it open. I had one missed call, and it was from Bella. And I had a voicemail. I braced myself before I dialed up to retrieve it and was surprised to hear a very calm, sweet voice.
"Hey baby, I got your message. I was out with Alice, and I didn't hear my phone. Take your time, and do what you need to do. Give me a call when you're on your way home, and I'll wait up. I love you."
Ok, that was a little less than expected. Who the hell was I kidding, that was a lot less than expected. She was a little too calm and that made me more nervous than if she had been screaming into the phone. Crap crap crap, divorce here I come. I sighed and flipped my phone closed, shoving it back into my pocket. I had to get this damn work done so I could get home.
Damn Murphy's Law. Damn it to fucking hell. If I had to deal with one more bumbling moron on the telephone today, I was going to go insane. And then, of course, the network went down and I couldn't get any emails or faxes for the rest of the afternoon. I couldn't print up the contracts because, that's right, the printers were on the same fucking network. Six o'clock finally rolled around, and I tossed in the towel for the day. I was sick of fucking waiting around, I was in no mood to deal with any more today. I just wanted to go home, kiss my wife, kiss my daughter, hopefully make love to my wife if she didn't pull a Lorena Bobbitt first, and go to sleep. Unless of course she actually planned on Bobbitting me, and then I would have to try to sleep with one eye open.
I stepped outside the building and gave in, bumming a cigarette off an intern, needing something relaxing in my day. But then I looked up as a flash of lightning burst across the horizon. The sky was dark, and not just from the setting sun. Well this was going to make the twenty minute drive home fun. I just prayed I would get home before God decided to play his final cruel joke on me and unleash the downpour that was sure to come.
Edward called me from the car fifteen minutes ago to let me know he was on his way home, and he sounded far from happy. Well hopefully my plans for tonight would lighten his mood. I'd spent the day shopping with Alice, getting everything I needed for tonight. I called his mother to get the recipe for the pizza she made that he loved so much, and I just prayed that I did it justice. Not exactly the most romantic of dinners but I knew he would like it.
Alice and Jasper had Nessie for the night. We had the whole house to ourselves for the first time since she had been born, and I intended to make the most of it. I left the hall light on for him for when he came in, but kept the rest of the house dim. The living room was lit with a fire in the fire place, and two small candles on the table filling the air with a soft vanilla scent. I had showered and lightly sprayed myself with his favorite perfume, and changed into the new white satin and lace negligee I bought today. I remembered how much he loved the white sets Alice had given me at my bridal shower to cover every night of our honeymoon. He said it gave me that pure sweet sensual appeal, and he had never made love to me as passionately as he did on those nights. It still gave me goosebumps and shivers when I thought about it. As I sliced the pizza, I looked out at the sky through the kitchen window. It looked awful out there, and the thunder had been rumbling for nearly an hour now. I really hoped that he would make it home before it hit.
No sooner had I thought this, the sky seemed to unzip and the rain came crashing down on the roof and against the windows. I sighed. This would dampen his mood, no pun intended. I carried the pizza into the living room and set it on the table in between the two glasses, a bottle of champagne chilling in the ice bucket. I didn't care if the two didn't mix. I was in the mood to celebrate tonight. I was going to win back my husband's attention, and we were going to spend the evening together without interruptions. I had even cleared it with Carlisle for him to not have to work tomorrow. He was already feeling a little guilty for apparently yelling at him for being late today, and he was always a marshmallow for me. He seemed to have a particular weakness for the females of the family. We thought Alice was spoiled before Nessie was born, and we were rapidly shown that we had seen nothing beforehand. That child had everything from toys to a horse at her grandparents' house, and savings for a car and a college education. And she was not even one yet. God help us all.
I smiled as I saw the headlights flash through the front window, and then furrowed my brow as I heard the loud clicking of the garage door. Shit, I forgot to tell him about that. Had he not noticed my car was still parked in the driveway instead of in the garage? The door wouldn't open today when I got home, and I had already called to have someone come out and take a look at it tomorrow.
I heard his footsteps coming quickly up the front walk and in the door, stomping his feet on the doormat. I peeked into the hallway to see him tossing his keys on the table and his briefcase on the floor and storm past the living room doorway. He was absolutely drenched and, God, why did he have to look so damn sexy wet? He hadn't noticed me here and immediately stormed up the stairs.
"Just one more fucking thing, just what I needed!" I heard him rant as he moved up the stairs, and I could hear him muttering through the ceiling about stupid people, and nimrods, I'm pretty sure I could make out the term motherfucker, which I knew he had to be really pissed to use in the house, especially since Nessie was born. And something about someone frying their balls on stainless steel in the eighth ring of hell. What?! I stood up, and walked over to the doorway, still listening to him, and had to cover my mouth to restrain my laughter when he grumbled something about being 'Bobbitted' as he walked down the hall into Nessie's dark room and then came out a second later calling for me.
I looked up the stairs and smiled at him. He had changed into a t-shirt and loose night pants, his hair still in sexy disarray from the rain. Damn, he would be lucky if he made it through dinner, my inner vixen chuckled. "Yes, baby?" I said in the softest, sweetest voice as he looked at me when he reached the bottom of the stairs and my smile grew. He went from enraged to enraptured in a split second. I walked over to him slowly, letting his eyes take me in, as he incoherently mumbled our daughter's name. "She's with your sister and Jasper for the evening. And I've turned off all the phones," I said gently as I came up directly in front of him, wrapping my arms around his neck and playing with the end of his damp hair on his neck with my fingertips. "And my husband and I are going to have some dinner, and spend some uninterrupted quality time together."
I heard him groan softly as I pressed my lips softly against his, and I felt it rumble in his chest as he slid his arms around me and held me against him. It almost brought tears to my eyes again to feel him hold me this way, to kiss me back this tenderly. Mr. Cullen the businessman had officially departed, and I held my Edward in my arms. My husband, the love of my life, my best friend. The man I had missed so much and had longed for for so long, and I had difficulty breaking loose from his hold even a little to take his hand and lead him into the living room.
The only similarity I insisted on between this house that we bought together and the house he owned before we got married was the living room. It had to have a fireplace, and be somewhat small and intimate. And this was why. I had set up the living room exactly the way he had in his rushed attempt, with my own little personal touches of the candles and food, to replicate the first time he had made love to me. The night he told me that he loved me for the first time, and I gave myself to him completely. So much had happened between then and now, but I was still just as completely his. And I wanted to rededicate myself to him, in our house, in my way.
Nevertheless, I was still slightly nervous about his reaction to it while I led him toward the doorway. His mood was so unpleasant to begin with tonight, he might not be in the mood for any of this. I would completely forgive him if he wasn't. But as his arms slid around my waist and pulled me back against him, brushing his lips softly on the base of my neck, all of my trepidation disappeared. However when his hold tightened slightly and his arms tensed as his lips pressed into my shoulder, I turned my head to look at him worriedly. His forehead was creased and his eyes were pinched shut. I brought my hand softly up to his cheek, stroking it gently. "Honey, what's wrong?"
"Absolutely nothing, that's the problem," Edward replied in a soft mumble against my skin, confusing me all the more. He looked down to meet my puzzled stare and kissed me gently. "This was the last thing I expected. Or deserved, for that matter."
I turned in his arms, placing both of my hands delicately on either side of his face and pressed my lips against his. I could not suppress my soft moan emanating as he deepened the kiss, parting my lips with his tongue and finally kissing me passionately. I felt as giddy as a schoolgirl, with whole school watching the captain of the baseball team make out with her. Home run! My body screamed, the beautiful ache and want for this man increasing with every second. I could have stayed there all night, kissing those amazing lips, feeling those strong arms around me. But we had all night, and it was going to be perfect. I reluctantly pulled away from him with a smile and reclaimed his hands in mine, palms to palms, lacing our fingers together as I walked backwards and biting my lip innocently as I lead him toward dinner. "Now now, you don't want to spoil your dinner by having dessert first, now do you?" I said in a soft sweet voice, putting on that air of innocence he loved so much as I knelt down on the blanket on the floor and tugging him persuasively down to join me.
The smile that greeted me as he sat down in front of me sent shivers of pleasure down my spine. My god, would his effect on me ever dissipate? I certainly hoped not, although he could at least restrain the full intensity of it until after dinner. Granted it had been a long time since we had been intimate, but just that one smile should not affect me this much. I just wanted to forego dinner and ravage him.
No! I scolded myself harshly in my head. Tonight was not just about sexual gratification, and I wanted to enjoy more than just his body. I rose up slightly to pour the champagne into the glasses, and handed a glass to him and clinked it gently with mine and leaned toward him, just shy of his lips. "Welcome home, baby," I whispered and kissed him gently, and then pulled back to take a sip of the champagne as he did the same with a smile.
Alright, now I was anxious again. The saying "It's never as good as Mom's" is the worst phrase ever to terrorize the world of the housewife. I was fortunate enough to have a husband who seemed to enjoy everything I made for him, and if he didn't he was pretty damn convincing. But at times like this, I didn't want him to act. I wanted to know that I could take care of him, and leaving him wanting and needing for nothing besides me. I placed a piece the pizza on a plate and lay down on my side, propped up on my elbow, as he did the same across from me. I ripped a small piece off and raised it up to his lips, and needing no further encouragement he took it into his mouth, along with my fingertip and dragged his lips over it to remove all traces of the food from my skin. And to drive me absolutely insane, no doubt. The man's lips were heaven, his body was god worthy, his face as perfect as an angel, his…
Stop it, Bella! I had to scold myself again as my mind started to go to places it shouldn't be right at this moment. Mentally listing each perfection of my husband from head to toe was not going to help me at all right now. I wanted this night to be romantic, remember? Focus, Bella. Romance, not porn! The angel on my shoulder ranted. And what the hell is wrong with porn?! Are you blind, and can't see this heavenly creature she's married to?! The devil with the leather and whips on my other shoulder shot back. Shut up, both of you! My mind yelled. Okay, this multiple personality shit had to stop right here and now.
I never thought feeding a man would be so enticing, or arousing, since I couldn't stand eating with my fingers. But somehow, I didn't think about that at all while we ate, no silverware, and his fingers never touching anything but the skin of my hand. And best of all, his eyes never left me. It was the most amazing feeling to have his full and undivided attention again. Once we were done eating, we just sat for a while, holding hands and talking while we drank our champagne.
Suddenly he brought his hand up to my cheek, and brushed it softly with the backs of his fingers. Yes, touch me, Edward. My entire body seemed to scream at that one gentle touch. But there was a look in his eyes that I couldn't understand, and that worried me. "Edward, are you sure there's nothing wrong? You said that this was the last thing you were expecting. What were you expecting?" I asked, genuinely curious, especially when he looked at me and touched me this way. Like he was afraid if he moved too fast, I would disappear.
"Honestly?" Edward replied, a pained smile coming to his lips and I brought my hand up to gently take his against my face and I nodded silently. "I thought when I couldn't get a hold of you this morning that you were out filing for divorce. And that scared the shit out of me."
I held his gaze as I set my glass on the table, and took his and did the same. I laid him down on his back and straddled his waist, folding my fingers with his and pinning his hands on either side of his head. "You listen to me, Edward Cullen, and you listen good. I love you, and I am never, ever leaving you. I am here for the long haul, and that's all there is to it. A few words spoken in anger doesn't change that, baby. For better or worse, remember? I meant every vow I made to you. I am yours," I said firmly yet gently, staring into his eyes and then I pulled one of his hands up to my chest, placing it over my heart. "Until it beats for the last time, it belongs to you."
I have no idea where the dramatics came from, but I meant every word. I loved this man with ever fiber of my being, and I couldn't imagine my world without him. How could he have been so foolish as to think I would want to leave him when the whole reason I got angry last night was because I wanted more of him? I wouldn't care if he lost everything tomorrow, I would still love him just as much. He had given me everything: love, my pride, my self-esteem. And beyond that, he gave me the most beautiful little girl in the world. And I longed to give him the little boy he wanted so desperately.
I brought his hand up to my cheek and kissed his wrist gently, until he slowly pulled me down into a tender but passionate kiss. He sat up to me, wrapping his arms around me and holding me firmly against him. I could feel his cock hardening beneath me and I didn't bother to stifle the groan of excitement it caused me. Score one for Bella! I still turned my husband on, he still wanted me! I pressed myself against his length, having missed this feeling and wanting to feel more, and my heart swelled when I heard his returned groan from deep in his throat. My hands slid down his sides and grabbed the bottom of his shirt. I lifted it over his head and I pushed him gently to lay back on the floor. My god, I could eat a six-course meal off of these pecs and abs. This body was perfect. And this body belonged to me. My own personal playground. I smirked slightly at that thought, but then brought my lips down to softly graze along his chest, as my hips rolled against his ever growing want for me.
He began panting softly, and my god, did I love that sound. I worked my way down his body, enjoying the feel and taste of every inch of his exposed skin. His eyes were closed when I reached his hips, and I gently took hold of his prominent erection through his pants, and rubbed against it ever so gently with my palm. The sounds emerging from him were so erotic, and I could probably orgasm right here and now just hearing them. But this was about pleasing him, not me. I unfastened the button of his night pants, slipping my hand under the fabric and licked my lips as immediately my hand came in contact with his smooth sensitive flesh. I gently released his arousal from the confines of his pants and I wrapped my fingers around him, gripping him gently as I began stroking him, and placing soft gentle kisses on the tip. I heard him moan and whisper my name, and it urged me onward and I took as much of him into my mouth as I could. The sharp hiss as he dragged a breath in through his teeth was promising, and then his hands came to my hair as I began massaging him with my tongue, my mouth worked him into a frenzy. He begged me to stop, only because he was ready to cum already. But I kept going, increasing my efforts and the movement of my tongue, knowing I was prolonging my pleasure later. My hand joined my mouth on his shaft, and within a few pumps of my hand, a strangled groan erupted from Edward as he shot into my mouth and my lips milked him until his cock stopped pulsing against my tongue. I licked him clean and then ran my tongue along my lips as I crawled back up his body.
Well, that may not have been the most romantic of gestures, but sex was not the only thing I missed. I missed pleasing him, the taste of him, the pulsing feel of him in my mouth when I satisfied him. He pulled me up to him, and kissed me urgently, but still not roughly. Oh shit, I could feel myself becoming unraveled, my resolve very quickly dissipating. When he kissed me like this, I lost all sense of everything around me except for him. He wanted me and I could feel that in every movement of his lips. I did not resist when he gently rolled me over, and felt his fingers weave into my hair. Holy fuck, I loved that feeling. It was one of the things he did that made me feel truly desired, like he couldn't get me close enough, as if he wanted to melt right into me.
I felt the same way. My hands splayed against his shoulder blade, pressing him more securely against my body as I ran my foot slowly up the leg that was now between mine. His hand came to my thigh as he moved the magic he was working with his mouth to my neck and applied pressure with his thigh exactly where I was silently begging him to. I could have easily given myself the release I so desperately needed simply my rubbing my folds against the hard muscular skin of his thigh. But it was his touch I craved.
But as he lifted his head to look at me, he seemed to be in no rush to grant me my request. Instead he gently kissed me and then watched his fingertips trace feather lightly across the skin of my neck, my collarbone, the bare skin of my chest. Almost like he was memorizing me all over again. And he was so damn calm, while I was ready to jump out of my skin with need. Well that's what you get for making him cum before you do. That little whore in leather cackled at me. This is what you wanted, remember. Him to touch you and make you feel wanted. Ugh that other antagonistic bitch had a point. I hated her!
So I let him. I allowed him to silently soak me in, even when I could only feel him through the satin of the negligee. When his hand slipped underneath it to my hip, I wanted to cry out from the contact. So close, baby. But he simply squeezed my hip gently and brought his hand slowly back up to my shoulder. He took the thin strap between his thumb and finger, slow and tauntingly moving it aside and brushing soft kisses in its wake. Fuck if he kept this up, I might not need any contact between my legs at all to orgasm. Then he slowly retraced his steps with those marvelous lips of his back across my shoulder and up my neck, along my jaw, down the other side of my neck and repeated the removal of the other strap. I shuddered in pleasure. Oh my god, I was so in love with those lips and everything attached to them.
I whimpered in discontent as I felt the warmth of his body leave mine as he sat up on his knees, but I soon joined him, as he lifted me up to straddle his lap, one arm holding me firmly around my hips, pressing me against his already returning erection, while the other held me around my back pressing my torso against his. He stared up into my eyes, and I swallowed hard. It was incredible how no words needed to be spoken between us right at that moment to convey our love and need for each other. I had never felt anything like that before him, and it was that feeling that convinced me that this was where I belonged, always. He kissed me again, releasing my hips and raising that hand to gently lower the fabric covering my breast, and cupped it gently, running his thumb over my already taut nipple. My head fell back away from his lips as I softly whispered his name, and his warm mouth replaced his thumb, my hips reflexively bucking against his causing a groan from both of us. But he continued his slow sweet torture as he released my other breast and tasted the skin there as well.
I couldn't take any more, I needed contact with him. My hand moved between us and I pushed aside my lace panties, pressing my warm wet folds against his smooth hard length, sliding along him, and I bit my lip to keep from screaming in rapture. He felt so damn good. But he took a shuddering breath, and lowered me back down to the floor, and I cried out again at the loss of contact with him. He lifted the material from my abdomen and kissed along the rim of my underwear, and then hooked his fingers in the sides and slowly pulled them down my legs, tossing them aside. He pushed my thighs apart until they were almost flat on the floor on either side of me, my swollen desire entirely exposed to him and inviting him to touch me. He granted my mental plea and slid one long finger along me, teasing my folds and the bundle of nerves.
"Is this what you want, my love?" Edward's velvet soft voice rang through my ears, but I was so pent up from need of release, I could only nod and whimper. "Or this?" his voice got a little deeper as that finger slid inside of me and his lips took over where his finger had been.
My body arched and my hands shot out to cling to the blanket beneath me. "Ohgodinheavenhavemercy!" I loved his mouth on me. Those marvelous lips massaging and sucking, that tongue dancing over my hypersensitive clit, driving me straight to heaven. But Edward kept me on the edge; never giving me that gentle push that would shove me over. Just kept building me up and building me up, until I couldn't take it anymore. "Damn it Edward! I can't.. I need…"
"Need what, baby?" Edward said in a calm, but lustful voice. "You need to cum?" I bit my lip to the point of bleeding. There were certain things I still to this day didn't feel comfortable saying in front of my husband, and that was one of them. Dirty talk was never the easiest thing in the world for me, and one of the easiest ways to bring about a furious blush. But it also didn't seem overly personal and intimate. "Tell me, Bella."
I brought my hands to his hair, trying to press him against where I really needed him, wanting my release so badly. But somehow he managed to keep the touches so light, and so gentle, his fingers moving so torturously slow inside me as he added another one, it kept me dangling. "Yes, Edward. Please."
"Not until you tell me," he replied just as calmly, causing me to writhe under his touches. Romance was going out the window right now. I wanted him, I needed him, and yes I needed to…
"Cum.. please.. I need… to cum… Edward." And with that breathy plea, his mouth pressed firmly against me, his lips and tongue working their magic on me the way only his could, and his fingers thrust deep inside me. I saw a flash of white light and the thunder muted my scream as my orgasm violently wracked through me, making my body convulse and my hips thrust against his hand and his mouth.
When I finally laid there trembling, trying to catch my breath from the intensity of that moment, I heard him chuckle and I opened my eyes to see him coming up to meet me face to face and kiss me gently. "I think you knocked the power out with that one, baby."
My forehead knitted together as he pressed his lips against mine, but then I looked around to realize that he was right. The hall light was out, the display was gone from the cable box and the soft music from stereo was gone. It was dead silent except for the sound of the rain and the claps of thunder outside, and the crackling of the fire. "Wow, that was one hell of an orgasm," I chuckled still slightly out of breath, but then my smile faded as I looked up into his eyes. All joking aside, the still silence of the room seemed to just bring the romantic atmosphere back, and I just stared at him. Tracing the features of his face with my fingers as the flickering light from the fire danced over his skin. He was beautiful, and he was mine. And now that the lust portion was out of the way, we could get back to the desire and the love.
We seemed to be on the same wavelength when his lips slowly came back to mine. Another one of his tender and sensual kisses that made me weak in the knees, and made me want to spend my entire life doing nothing but kissing him. His hand traveled along the side of my body again, in the same soft touch. His skin was so smooth it was sinful, and felt like silk running over my thigh. "Make love to me, Edward," I whispered in between the soft and gentle brushes of his lips against mine. "I want you so badly."
With one final kiss, he pushed himself up onto his knees, and for a moment I thought he was going to tell me no again. That just might be grounds for divorce, get me all in the moment and then tell me no?! But he never said a word. He simply reached out for my hands, and I hesitantly placed them in his. He stood and pulled me up gently to stand in front of him. I felt his lips brush my forehead, my temples, my eyelids, my cheeks, the tip of my nose and finally my lips again, as he pushed the satiny fabric down my body to pool at my feet. And then took my hands, and placed them at the waistband of his pants and I needed no further instruction. I pushed them over his hips and let them slid down his legs.
Edward kicked them aside, and pulled me closer to him, his kiss growing more passionate and I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, running my fingers through his hair. Showing him with every action how much I loved and missed him, how much I still needed him. He guided us back down to the floor, kneeling and bringing me down to his lap, straddling his legs and as I settled, I felt him slide fluidly inside me. My shoulders curled toward him as my arms wrapped back around him, and I felt tears burning in my eyes. I wasn't sad or hurt, I felt wonderful. I felt complete. Like everything was right in my world again, and not just because I was physically connected to my husband. Nothing had faded, nothing had died. We still fit together like we were made for each other, it was still such an emotional experience to feel him so close. And as I opened my eyes to look into his, there wasn't a doubt in my mind that he was feeling the same way. We didn't move at all, just stayed there gazing at each other with him inside me, our eyes glazed in love and passion. And this was exactly what I wanted. Not just the sex, I wanted him.
As we did start moving though, my head lolled back. His hands guiding my hips slowly along him, feeling him fill me over and over, while his lips moved over my throat softly. I started making soft little grunts, knowing there was no need for us to be quiet, letting him know how good he felt, how good he was making me feel. And it seemed to urge him on, and it made me hotter hearing his sounds of pleasure.
He laid me down on my back, settling between my legs but never leaving my body completely. And as his hips settled back against mine, filling me deeper, I couldn't help but let out a loud moan. God that felt so fucking good. How the hell did I live without this for so long? Without feeling him this close to me? He rested his elbows on either side of me, kissing me gently as he continued to roll his hips against me gently, but thrusting just enough for him to hit that spot inside me that cause me to see stars. He knew how to fulfill and satisfy me completely, and he did every damn time. I smiled, kissing that same spot on his neck that I had last night, but this time, I got exactly the response I wanted. He released a deep guttural groan, and his lips came to mine passionately as he sent me over the edge again. And once I finished with my orgasm, it was now time for his. I moved up to his left ear, and flicked it with my tongue before sucking it gently with my lips and I felt him explode and release inside of me. I chuckled softly. Alice had told me once that he didn't like his left ear touched but didn't know why, and someday I would weird her out with that tidbit. But right now, I heard him muttering something softly about not playing fair, and I smiled as I ran my hands over his back just holding him against me.
We laid there for who knows who long, and I really didn't care. I loved the feel of his body on mine. But eventually he rolled off of me, always afraid that he was too heavy on me but quickly pulled me against his side. I reached up to the table behind our heads and grabbed our glasses and refilled them as he pulled the spare blanket over us and then stared at the fire. "It's just us tonight. No worries."
Edward kissed the top of my head and hugged me gently. We continued to lie there silently, basking in the afterglow, just enjoying the quiet and each other. His voice broke the silence a while later. "So, a brother or sister, huh? Are you ready for that?"
I looked up at him slightly shocked. I thought he hadn't truly heard a single word I said last night, he was so tied up in business and that damn laptop that was so close to becoming a lawn decoration. I didn't like sharing my husband in our bed with anything, unless it was our baby. I guess my silence caught his attention and he looked down at me, kissing me gently.
"I'm always listening, Bella. Even when it doesn't seem like I am. What you say is always important to me."
I stared into his eyes and all the sincerity and love I somehow thought had been lost in him, was beaming down at me as prominent as the day we got married. And I could feel tears of happiness brim my eyes as I reached up and brushed my lips gently against his. Never again would I doubt the love and devotion he felt for me and our family.
And our much anticipated son, Edward Anthony Cullen Jr., was surprisingly born nine months to the day after that wonderful night.