Centerfold – by Darlin

Disclaimer – As always no recognizable characters are mine in anyway.

A/N – I wrote this several years ago but didn't have an ending for it. Since I'm trying to finish all my stories by 2010 I just read through this, made some corrections and typed up an ending as it came to me. It's just a silly little piece and all the comments about republicans are made tongue in cheek. I hope it works well enough to be enjoyed.


The day was nearly over and important business had to be tended to and so Logan, also known as Wolverine, did what he did every day around the exact same time after dinner. He went to the john with his latest issue of XXX Girlz & More XXX Girlz. Of course he'd tell you he read the articles first. There was the always stimulating editorial for instance.

The current issue's editorial was titled "Why republicans shouldn't be executed on sight" written by a J. J. Jameson. Logan had a sneaky suspicion the author wasn't actually J. Jonah Jameson of the Daily Bugle but some nerd who spent all day in a cubicle at work and the rest of his night hunched over his home computer plotting anarchy. But it was still an intriguing subject with thoroughly researched data. Republican's were, after all, the doom of civilization. Trask was one he was sure of that though he didn't really know the man's political views. You didn't always have to sit down and talk with someone to know they were bona fide crazy. He was positive Graydon Creed had been one too and he didn't need facts to prove that either. And so was Tony Stark, too rich to give a damn for the struggling folks who lived from pay check to pay check as Logan had often had to do in years past.

Surprisingly Logan had discovered Ororo Munroe sometimes voted republican and that had really thrown him. He didn't care what political party a person belonged to for the most part but he never would've figured her for a Republican. She later claimed to be an independent voting for the right man for the job. Not a bad way to view politics he realized but still – voting republican? He'd never be able to understand that. It was loose canons like republicans that started inane policies like registering mutants and super powered folks.

Leafing through his girlie magazine usually gave him a brief respite from all the harsh realities of the world despite the enlightening editorials which, truth be told, he usually skipped. Who didn't enjoy looking at too gorgeous to be real chicks with mammoth sized racks? He ogled with abandon and enjoyed himself after all what normal man didn't? He'd freely admitted it if caught but the chances of being caught with reading material like that weren't very likely. He kept his stash of X-rated magazines in an adamantium lockbox with a keypad and a padlock on it courtesy of Hank who stored his emergency supply of Twinkies in the exact same way. After all it wouldn't be good to let impressionable students in on their vices.

However, today he was beginning to wish he didn't have any vices at all. Admiring page after page of well endowed women he naturally came to the centerfold – the highlight of the magazine and one to be savored not rushed. He wished he hadn't seen it at all and nearly choked on his own spit when he saw it. The woman was gorgeous and her body was perfect but unlike the others he actually knew her. And yet he thought to get up and find Kurt or Peter to confirm it but holding the magazine up on end so he could enjoy the breathtaking sight he was positive sure his eyes weren't playing tricks on him.

"Damn. Storm," he mumbled.

The girl looking out at him with big blue eyes and beautiful long curling white hair, her breast squeezed between her arms which were holding a teddy bear in a futile attempt to hide her most intimate part was Ororo Munroe his friend, teammate and sometimes republican.

He closed the magazine quickly – shook himself, looked around as if he were being watched. It had to be a joke. Some prank Bobby was playing on him. Or maybe something was wrong with his eye sight. Ororo wouldn't – couldn't be in a girlie magazine. The top of his hands itched right where his claws could easily extend. He felt an urge to defend Ororo somehow, to refute what he'd just seen. Some techno nerd must have pasted her head on someone else's body. And what a body!

He looked around the bathroom again feeling stupid but he couldn't help the guilt he suddenly felt. It didn't stop him from thumbing through the magazine again easily finding the centerfold. He caught his breath as he held the magazine upright so the page fell out once again to reveal her full beauty. He groaned. He knew that body. He'd dreamt of that body. He knew she didn't give a damn who saw it and only the Professor and Jean had kept her from walking around the mansion in the buff, something he'd secretly regretted. He knew she was totally uninhibited and proud of her body and he didn't blame her but he knew there was no way in hell Ororo Munroe would pose naked like that. He therefore decided he was going to have the publishers head; the photographer's head and anyone else who might be in the office when he got there and if they were closed he'd raze the place.

His business long since finished he got dressed, took another glance at the woman just to make sure it really was Ororo and not some tampered, airbrushed computer generated thingy did up by a computer nerd, washed his hands and then stomped into his room where he grabbed his wallet and headed out.

As luck would have it he happened to run into Ororo almost literally on the stairs. Catching himself before he rammed into her as she came up he stepped back and took in this woman whom he'd just been salivating over in the john.

"Damn." It was all he could say.

"Bad day?" she queried with some interest.

"You might say that."

"Sorry to hear. Hope it gets better old friend," she said before continuing up the steps.

"Um, 'Ro you . . . er . . . got anything you wanna tell me?" He said, catching her arm as she passed him.

"Me?" she laughed. "Why would I?"

"You look great, like you've been working out – maybe . . . ?"

Ororo looked at Logan who was leaning towards her looking as if he were waiting for her to tell him some vital information.

"Have you been drinking?" she asked when he continued to stare.

"Look, 'Roro it's just . . . you see . . . I saw . . . uh . . ."

His stammering was cut off abruptly as Peter came out into the hallway, paintbrushes and canvas under one arm.

"Ororo, you are late," the giant of a man said.

"Don't blame me little brother Logan nearly knocked me down the stairs."


"An accident, Petey nothin' more." Logan said letting go of Ororo's arm.

"Ah," Peter said, trying not to smile.

The three stared at each other for a few seconds then Ororo started up the stairs again. She looked back at Logan who was, well ogling her.

"I wondered if you would like to try something different, something more daring this time perhaps?" Peter said.

"Another nude do you think?"

"Yes but I think I would like to try you in your element with lightning and wind all around you."

"Hmm. How could you capture that?"

"I have some ideas I'd like to try."

"And the pictures for the magazine? Did they turn out well?"

Peter glanced at Logan before he spoke. "I have the magazine for you to see." He sat down his materials and fished out the same magazine Logan had guiltily devoured.

Logan watched as Peter let the centerfold section fall out. Ororo laughed obviously delighted.

"It is very . . ." Peter shrugged, not able to find the right word.

"Naughty, you could say," Ororo said with a wicked grin. "But it pays well. It's a splendid work of art doubly so because you painted it."

"But still, should anyone . . ." he paused, looked down at Logan who was watching them and quickly stuffed the centerfold back into the magazine then hid it in his art supplies again.

"Already seen it, didn't believe it, now I gotta take an aspirin, I'm done."

"You did not like it, Logan?"

"Huh? You crazy or something, 'Ro? I liked it, more than liked it but so will a coupla other million guys. What were you thinkin' – an' you too, Peter? You know how many fools I'm gonna have to put in there place now? An' what if Creed or some idiot like him sees you in that? I mean what're we gonna do when we're tryin' ta give them a beatin' when they're leering at you an' talkin' about . . . talkin' about things they got no right ta even think about?"

"It might be an easier win don't you think?" Ororo asked. She was biting her lips trying not to laugh but her eyes were bright with mirth.

"Easier win? 'Ro have you lost your mind?"

"I thought you rather enjoyed those women, Logan."

"What women? The women in that rag? You aren't like them!"

"That's utterly absurd, Logan. Those women are daughters, co-workers, granddaughters even. I am no different so why should you complain?"

"I know you, 'Ro that's the difference."

"Because you know me? That I am not some unknown woman you can fantasize about without having to feel guilty and wonder whose daughter they may be?"


"Peter, perhaps we can meet later tonight I think Logan and I need to have a little talk."

"If you wish." Peter headed back to his room chuckling quietly.

"It ain't funny!" Logan shouted after him.

"What is this really about, Logan?" Ororo asked.

"It just ain't right, you naked like that! I mean you're a teacher! This is a school!" He waved his arms around gesturing wildly as if to give evidence to his very valid point.

"A school is it? Yet you keep alcohol regularly on the premises and what about your library?" Ororo said, standing on the landing arms akimbo, her face stern.

"Library? A few books on war and weapons ain't gonna do no harm to kids that are livin' weapons themselves, ""Ro."

"I am referring to the library of smut you have."

"Smut? It ain't smut. They're some good articles in them! Hey, wait a minute! How'd you . . . ?" he faltered, busted. Damn, he thought.

"Did you read the article about me?"

Logan gulped. There was an article too?

"Or were you just gawking at my breast?"

"I was lookin' at the teddy bear. It was . . . er . . . cute," he said and actually blushed though he quickly recovered. "Thought it would make a good present for Jubes."

Ororo laughed. She couldn't help it. The idea of Logan browsing though a girlie magazine so he could find gifts for Jubilee or for anyone for that matter was ridiculous. She had to catch hold of the banister so she wouldn't fall over.

"I . . . well . . ." But there wasn't anything he could say.

"Ah, the joys of Christmas shopping. Brilliant, Logan. I wonder if I would be able to find a present for you in the next issue of Playgirl."

"I wasn't Christmas shopping."

"Oh? Well, my friend they've offered quite a lot of money for me to do another spread – girl on girl they call it. I was wondering if Betsy would like to do it with me, what do you think?"

"What?" Logan staggered back.

"Or Jubilee."

Logan's mouth looked as if it would never shut again. He sat down hard on the steps.

"I was thinking since Raven is so greedy she might like to get in on this too. She could morph into me, we could do a twin spread I think that's quite popular with men like you." She stretched languidly as if they were talking about nothing more than the weather.

With his mouth still wide Logan looked at her long lean body. She was barely dressed and the little halter top and khaki shorts she wore showed off her body beautifully.

"I don't want you to do that," he said.

"Why not?"

"It ain't right, 'Ro."

"Not right for me is that what you mean?"

"Exactly!" He was glad she understood.

"What about those other women?"

"It's a free world."

"But not for me."

"No, it ain't fer you."

She chuckled. "You are a piece of work. You will stop your subscription today, Logan and throw all your magazines out do you understand?"

He got up without a word, went the rest of the way up the steps, passed her and returned to his room mumbling all the while. When he came back she was waiting for him. He had his adamantium box in both arms. It was rather large.

"If I do this you're never posin' fer them again," he told her.

"No, I won't."

Logan glanced at the box then looked at Ororo who looked just as beautiful as her centerfold picture painted or not. He shoved the box at her.

"How'd you know?" he asked.

"Peter discovered your . . . stash." She accepted the box with a smile.

"Kid was snoopin' around in my room?"

"Of course not. Peter was waiting for you but you never showed. He waited a long time and, well it was perfectly natural that he used your restroom."

"He'd have to have a lock," Logan growled.

"Logan, remember who we are talking about, Peter would not be rifling through your belongings as if he were Remy. You left your box open."

As if he'd been smacked in the face he suddenly remembered the only time he'd ever forgotten to lock it. There'd been a false alarm, they'd all ran to the Blackbird ready to save the day when they got word that the Avengers were already on the case. He'd forgotten the box and that he was supposed to meet Peter for a session in the danger room and instead had gone with Kitty to grab a bite to eat in town. When he came back he'd seen everything was in place though he'd noticed Peter's lingering scent and then he'd remembered his safe box which he found open.

Nothing was out of place and he wasn't even sure Peter had seem them. It didn't concern him though. Peter was a grown man who'd seen his share of girlie magazines. He'd locked the box up, found Peter and when nothing was mentioned about the magazines he didn't think twice about it. Now he saw Peter had turned him in and Logan felt just like a school boy who was caught red handed.

"What are you doing?" Ororo asked when Logan held out his hands palms down.

"Well ain't ya gonna smack me on the hand with a ruler or something?"

"That sounds rather barbaric."

"Well, ya caught me fair an' square."

"You're a grown man, Logan old enough to know not to bring magazines like that into a school where innocents might be exposed to them."

"Yeah. When you find some innocents point 'em out ta me."

"All I ask is that you don't do this again. It sets a poor example."

"All this was to get me ta throw out my porn?"

She nodded.

"An' what about you, Ro? You're just as guilty as me."

"All right, we both promise never to pose or buy or keep any such magazines in the school ever again, is that a promise?"


Ororo took his hand and they shook to seal the deal.

"I guess no real harm was done," he said.

"None at all but I think you should know that wasn't the real magazine, Logan. Peter and Kitty fixed it so it looked as if it were."

"What? Kitty saw this?"

"Kitty's a grown woman and she agrees with me that you needed a wake up call."

"You couldn't have just said throw the porn out?"

"It wouldn't have been as much fun."

"Kitty didn't mind you posing for her man naked like tkhat?"

"It's an old picture and I wasn't nude. He improvised . . . um . . . with a little help from Kitty."

"I can't believe you two."

"You've just been schooled, is that what Jubilee would say? But you promised and you're a man of your word."

"Yeah, I promised all right, after you tricked me."


"No, what I am is horny."

She laughed. "You, Logan are incorrigible."

"Can't blame a man fer tryin'."

"You'd need to try harder than that with me."

"Really? Hmm. How 'bout dinner tomorrow?"

"Mmm. That would be nice I think."

"Bring plenty of cash 'cause you owe me an' yer payin'."

"Fair enough. Tomorrow then."

Logan thought it would be better than fair if tomorrow meant he'd have Miss Centerfold, real or not, in his bed. Ororo laughed as if she knew his thoughts. He might try but she wasn't that easy. Still, it might be best if she pretended to let him think he was in control. Tomorrow could be fun.