There Is a Difference, You Know

By: Alice B. Whitlock

Disclaimer: I do not have any connection to Twilight or own these characters- they belong to Stephenie Meyer.

Summary/ Setting: Alice decides to write in her journal about her relationship with Jasper in the early days of their love.

Jasper and I had been traveling together for about a year before I really approached him in an intimate way. I'd loved him for so long- I did have to wait almost thirty years for him- that it felt like the right thing to do. We'd had brief moments of light intimacy before but they never went any further than kissing. It was 1949 when we were together for the first time and I will never forget it.

We were in a shabby West Virginia motel, right outside of Charleston. We were much closer to a large city than we usually ventured but Jasper had learned to control his thirst better and I needed new clothes.

It was sunny that day and I was bored so I made a spur of the moment decision to approach him. I quickly crossed the room and sat beside him on the bed. I could tell it took all of him not to stand up and move to the chair- being a Southern gentleman at heart, he still didn't feel it was appropriate to sit next to a lady on a bed of all unsuitable places.

"Jazz," I said, taking his hand and kissing a scar on his palm, "I love you." It wasn't the first time I'd said it to him but I could tell it caught him off guard. I didn't know if it was my voice or my emotions that gave me away, but he took me in his arms and kissed me firmly on the lips.

"As I love you, Alice." He continued to kiss me, softer now. "What do you want to ask me?" So it was the emotions that had tipped him off. I felt anxious but full of love towards him.

Instead of responding to his question verbally, I let my body talk for me. I pushed him back on the bed and kissed him more passionately now. It was very clear by his actions that he understood my unspoken question. He didn't seem to mind at first, but then he stopped me.

Had I done something wrong? I'd never done this before- at least, I didn't think I had; I couldn't remember my human life at all. It couldn't really be that difficult, though. Jasper, on the other hand, had done it before. I knew about his past with Maria and I suddenly felt very jealous that someone else had had him once.

Jasper undoubtedly felt my jealousy and the pain of what I thought was his rejection, because he immediately comforted me, "No Alice, it's not what you're thinking. I promise." We knew each other inside and out so I was sure he knew just what I was thinking. "It's not that I don't want to. Really, Alice, I love you and I want to make love to you but…" his statement trailed off.

"But what?" I asked. I could feel tearless sobs coming on.

"But I want to do this right. I want to make love to you not just have sex with you." I was taken aback by his statement."I think we should be married," he said in a very small voice.

"You… you want to marry me?" I was confused. We'd talked about marriage as a general subject before and he seemed totally opposed to it. He said it was a human tradition that didn't apply to our kind.

"Yes," he responded firmly. "I want to marry you, Alice. I've realized just how much you mean to me and how much I really do love you. I've never had feelings for anyone compared to those that I feel for you. You're my entire life and you've brought me so far from the past I thought I could never escape…"

I was shocked at his words. Somehow, I hadn't seen any of this coming. "Oh," was all I could say.

"Alice? Will you marry me?" He'd lowered himself from the bed and onto one knee.

"Oh yes, Jasper! Yes, I'll marry you!" I finally responded once I was able to breathe again. I flung myself at him and wrapped my arms around his neck. "I love you, I love you, I love you so much!" I said.

"And I love you more than anything, darling'," his Southern accent came out more than usual with the last word.

"So… since I'm your fiancée now… can we continue what we were about to do?" I grinned at him.

This time, he threw me down onto the bed and began kissing me. "Anything for the future Mrs. Whitlock," he replied.

Not sure why I decided to use italics for this one... I was going somewhere different with it originally but I like it best this way. Hope that doesn't hit a nerve with anyone... I have more ideas for Alice/Jasper The Early Days to come so let me know what you think about the idea.

BTW, the title refers to the difference between "having sex" and "making love," in case I was too subtile with that.