I walk down my street at night
The city lights are strange and violent
I am comforted by the approaching sounds of trucks and sirens
Even though the world's so bad
These men rush out to help the dying
And though I am no use to them
I do my part by simply smiling
The ghetto boys are catcalling me
As I pull my keys from my pocket
I wonder if this method of courtship
Has ever been effective
Has any girl in history said
Sure, you seem so nice, let's get it on
Still, I always shock them when I answer
Hi my name's Amanda
and I'm not gonna live my life on one side of an ampersand
and even if I went with you I'm not the girl you think I am
and I'm not gonna match you
cause I'll lose my voice completely yeah
I'm just gonna watch you
Cause I'm not the one that's crazy
-Ampersand by Amanda Palmer-
I hate those stupid, 'Above The Influence' commercials, seriously, no teenager out there is going to see those and say, "Hey, good point, let me throw out that bag of weed that I just spent like a hundred bucks on. Thank you commercial people." Seriously…not going to happen.
I flipped through the channels hoping to God something interesting would catch my eye, just more dumb commercial advertising dead animals on a bun.
Yes I just went there…
The house was empty, the only sound was the TV that blared in front of me in the living room. My roommate was in class, I should probably be doing my essay for my Musical Theory class about the origins of Pop music, it is due next Thursday, but I think I'll find something more interesting to do.
Being a Musical Theater Major is harder than it sounds, granted, it's not Medical school, but it's still tough. Physically, it's very demanding.
I dropped the remote and closed my eyes, relaxing into the couch. Just as I was drifting into a peaceful nap, I heard my phone ringing, then felt it vibrating next to me. I reached down, digging for it in an angry way.
"Shouldn't you be in class and not bugging me?"
The person on the other end was breathing heavy. "Lidia, I need your help! I have this massive Psychology paper due this Thursday and I am drawing a massive blank!"
"Psychology? Why the fuck are you taking Psychology? What does that have to do with Creative writing?"
Xandra groaned. "Nothing! I thought it would be fun, so I signed up for it."
"Uh, do you see the error in your ways now or should I rub it in a bit more?"
She took an exasperated breath. "No need to rub it in 'Oh Smart One' I know I'm a dumbass…"
I giggled. "Ok, just making sure."
"Seriously Lidia, please, come to the library, I need your help."
I sighed. "Fine…"
"Help me Obi-won-Conobi you're my only hope."
With that I hung up on her, it's all fun and games until someone pulls out the movie quotes.
I ran a brush through my blonde hair, trying to get some of the curl out of it, unfortunately for that to work it would take an hour and my Chi, neither of which I have at this precise moment. The circles under my blue eyes gave away the fact that I hadn't been sleeping much, but it didn't bother me.
Isn't that what college is about?
It took me less than ten minutes to get to the large library in the middle of the campus, once I was inside I saw Xandra bent over a table in the back corner, her long fingers twirling her red hair like she normally did when stressed. I smiled and made my way to her.
"Have no fear, your Knight in Shinning Armor is here!"
She looked up at me with a small smile. "Hmm, who knew he'd be so pretty?"
I shrugged. "Just lucky I guess."
As soon as I settled in the seat Xandra began drilling me on everything she had to write, trying to figure out exactly how to put it on paper. Nearly two hours went by, we had four pages written out of the 14 pages that had to be turned in.
"Lidia, do you mind going to get this book for me?" She handed me a piece of paper with the name scrawled across it. I stood from the table, let out a small groan, then stalked towards the Psychology section.
"A Natural History of Love by D. Ackerman…" My fingers ran over the books spines, when I finally found the one I was looking for I pulled it from the tight shelf, I nearly dropped the heavy book once it was off the shelf.
As I was righting myself, the heavy book now in hand I noticed one of the other books that had fallen from the shelf. The cover was tan leather, but it didn't look like it would fit in this section, the cover was torn, it must have been very old.
I bent down, picking the book up, I flipped through it, all the pages were covered in script, handwritten script, it wasn't very hard to figure out this was a journal. I read the date on the first page.
"April 8th, 1625…" I didn't get a chance to read the entry, someone's hand landed on my shoulder, I jumped and nearly dropped the two books.
"What's taking you so long?" Xandra asked as she pulled the psychology book from my hand. "I got to finish this paper!" She stalked away in a huff.
I stared after her, reminding myself that it would be wrong to murder my best friend, I would miss her too much…
Besides, its to hard to train a new one, I've invested a lot of time into Xandra. That last thought made me smile and I made my way back to the table.
Four hours later, we finally made it back to the house, her paper finally finished. She fell back onto the couch with a sigh. "Let us get drunk and be merry!" She punched the air with her fist, then let her hand drop as if it took to much energy.
I sighed and walked past her. "I can't I have some reading to do." She raised an eyebrow in my direction, but I ignored her and continued to my room.
I curled up in bed, Nirvana laid her large head on my lap and I scratched behind her ears. I pulled the leather bound Journal from my bag and opened it slowly, as if the owner was going to burst in here and demand it back.
According to the date, this person is long gone…so why do I feel like such an ass for reading it?
The persons name was scrawled in neat letters on the inside of the cover. "Christopher Wentworth, let's find out just who you were…"
"April 8th 1625,
She promised no pain, she said it would be the most amazing feeling, better than anything I'd ever felt. She said the worries of my old life wouldn't worry me anymore, that once she was through my mind would be free of the fear, of the doubt. She made all of these promises, made me think it would be heaven. No, it's no heaven, it's hell, she's stuck me in hell. So much power, but so many limitations, so much death.
I've been in this dark room for hours now, trying to forget what I have done, trying to forgive myself, my first victims body lies on the other side of the room. I hadn't even realized what I had done until her warm body became cold. Emma just laughed at me as I pushed the girls body away from me in disgust, she says that it's something I'll get used to. I don't think I want to get used to it.
They're searching for me, my family has probably got half the town on the search, several times they've knocked on Emma's door asking if she has seen me, she of course, lies, if anyone of them saw me now they'd know. She says they'd burn me alive.
She's been trying to get me to talk to her for hours, but I refuse, she just laughs, tells me I'm just going through denial. I can't seem to get the girls face out of my mind, even now as her body is covered, she is but a mere lump underneath the sheet Emma has draped over her. I took this girls life, not even knowing if she had a family. I didn't even know her name."
I shut the book, trying to wrap my mind around the words I just read, Nirvana looked up at me, I petted her with a shaking hand.
Am I reading the journal of a serial killer?