Disclaimer: I don't have any copyrights or trademarks. This includes GI Joe and any other trademarked things that I mention in this story...besides, there's nothing to take if you sue me.


"So, Heavy Duty, I have a question."

"Shoot, T-Rat."

"If we're such hotshots at fighting terror, why ain't we in Iraq?"

"I don't know," Heavy Duty admitted. "Maybe the US has other people to do that."

"No, remember, we were chosen for our unique qualifications. Ya know, 'unique' as in 'not like anyone else.'" Tunnel Rat raised an eyebrow.

"Well, gee, then why are they wasting us on a war with people who have a mascot?" Heavy Duty asked.

"A mascot?"

"You know, those snakes they put everywhere," Heavy Duty said.

"Oh, those…well, I dunno. Maybe Cobra is a bigger threat," Tunnel Rat said, shrugging.

"No, if they were a threat, we'd have a medic," Heavy Duty said. "And greenshirts. And funding."

"Oh, come on HD! You can't be like that. No one has funding," Tunnel Rat said. "Besides Cobra, that is."

"Isn't it ironic how the terrorists have better funding than we do?" Heavy Duty asked.

"Just a little," Tunnel Rat said. "What's more ironic is the fact that Hi-Tech has all these machines running around that are crazy advanced, and he isn't making a dime off the patents."

"Patents? Patents? That isn't very funny. Remember, we're just comic relief. We can't be serious," Heavy Duty said.

"That bugs me," Tunnel Rat said. "Anyway, back to Cobra…it seems kind of odd that we have such a huge, hi-tech base, and we're off fighting Cobra instead of saving lives in Iraq or Afghanistan."

"That does seem a trifle odd. I mean, we have this huge, high tech base, and only a handful of people live on it. Does that make any sense to you?" Heavy Duty asked.

"It's because we're underfunded," Tunnel Rat said. "There isn't enough money for all those tech people to do computers, or all the engineers to keep up vehicles, or all the greenshirts to be, well, greenshirts. It's just the way of life."

"And so we have a gigantic base with a skeleton crew," Heavy Duty lamented. "It's really quite sad. I didn't join a military who did insane things like this."

"What about the 'Nam?"

"That seemed like a threat at the time," Heavy Duty said.

Tunnel Rat sighed. "It just ain't the way it was in the old days, is it?"

"Not even close. You see, back then, we weren't just comedy characters. We were serious, like everyone else," Heavy Duty said.

"Those days are long gone, HD," Tunnel Rat said.

"I know," Heavy Duty said. "I know."