Taking Risks and Tempting Fate
Disclaimer: I wish I owned them, but I don't. If I did you would be watching this rather than reading it.
Summary: A year ago, Thirteen and Cameron took a chance on each other. With new challenges and secrets, will their relationship grow stronger or will Thirteen's whole world shatter?
A/N: If you haven't read Taking a Chance,you should or else you will have no idea what the hell is going on.
A/N2: Even though this is just under a year after the end of Taking a Chance, the events of season five will be occurring as if they are happening now rather than two months after Wilson's Heart, except for the return of Wilson. And yes, I know that I kind of messed with the timeline quite a bit.
A/N3: If you are looking for the same kind of fluff from Taking a Chance, you may not want to read this because there will be a lot of problems with the "happy" couple and you may not like a lot of it.
Warnings: Drugs, alcohol, dark themes, angst, and language. You were warned.
Chapter One- Lies
Remy is sitting patiently and trying to ignore all the noise around her. She called Allison at 5:00 and told her that a particular case was going to keep her late tonight. That was over two hours ago. As a glass of dark amber liquid slides in front of her, she feels guilty for lying.
The brunette takes this drink slower than most of the previous ones, which she quickly downed. She nods her head in thanks to the bartender before turning around in her seat and surveying the crowd around her, drink in hand. Thankfully, it is still the middle of the week so it isn't too busy.
Hearing the ice clinking loudly and continuously in the glass, Hadley looks down and sees the liquid sloshing quite a bit. Quickly, she turns back to the bar and sets the glass down, glaring viciously at it.
"Shit," Thirteen grumbles under her breath as she clenches her eyes shut. They're getting worse. She notes hatefully before she picks up her drink and promptly finishes it, despite her resolution to slow down for the night. Remy orders another.
The tremors started almost three months ago. At first she thought House was switching her coffee to caffeinated again just to screw with her. She stopped drinking coffee altogether. When they continued she thought that maybe it was the caffeinated soda she was drinking. So, she stopped drinking soda and consuming anything with a lot of sugar in it. Her tremors persisted…and no one else knows.
Staring into the dark abyss of the drink in front of her, Remy finds herself fighting back tears as she thinks about Alexis and Allison. I don't want to turn into my mother. I don't want Alex to hate me and I don't want Ally to resent me. She brushes the traitorous tears from her face before sipping on her rum and coke.
Thinking about her daughter and lover has Hadley wondering about what she is going to do when she leaves the bar. She is aware enough to know that when the alcohol finally catches up with her, in about twenty minutes or so, she is going to be quite drunk. If she goes home, Alex and Allison are going to know full well what she did when she got off of work.
It's moments like these that Thirteen wishes that she had friends. Kutner doesn't really count. Besides, she can't trust him enough to not run to Cameron and tell her that she came over to his apartment, drunk off her ass, so that she could pass out without having to face her girlfriend. Her father would wait until the morning to give her a lecture to match her inevitable hangover…and he'd tell Allison as well.
There is only one real option: the hospital. The first time she slept there was the first time she went out and got really wasted about two months ago. She finds that she is spending more and more nights there. This is the second night in the last five days alone.
With a heavy sigh, Remy settles her tab and grabs her coat. It's still early and, walking out into the cool night air, she closes her eyes and thinks of where else she can go from here. She could tell by the way the bartender was looking at her that he was about to cut her off. Knowing that there is a club not far from where she is, she sets out on foot. Having planned ahead for such an occasion, she left her car in the hospital parking lot. The walk should help sober her up some at least.
Allison is lounging on the couch at the apartment. It is almost 11:30 and her girlfriend still isn't home yet. Stifling a yawn, she searches the television in vain in an attempt to find something worth watching. Heaving a heavy sigh, she glances at the door as if willing the other woman to walk through it. Her plan doesn't work and she resigns herself to the fact that Remy isn't going to be home again tonight.
Pulling out her cell phone, Allison sends out a quick text message to her girlfriend. She shuts off the television, picks herself up and makes her way to their bedroom.
The blonde pulls back the covers on her side of the bed and slides in. After a moment of shifting around, she finally gets comfortable laying on her right side and facing her girlfriend's usual side of the bed. As if of its own volition, her hand reaches out to rest on the other side of the bed.
Cameron lets a tear slide down her cheek. She can feel the other woman pulling away from her and she doesn't seem to be able to do anything about it. Whenever she brings it up, the brunette just smiles and assures her that everything is fine and, for a day or so afterwards, it is…until Remy begins to retreat into herself again.
Even Alex has picked up on her mother's behavior over the past couple of months. Every week Thirteen seems to be around a bit less than the week before. It breaks Allison's heart a little more every time she has to tell the eight year old that her mom will be home late again…if she comes home at all.
Before she got together with Remy, Allison had no problem sleeping alone…even when she was with Robert. Now it is a different story. It's cold without the other woman's body wrapped around her own to keep her warm. She misses the pleasant scent of her girlfriend surrounding her as she would drift off to sleep.
In an attempt to compensate for Thirteen's absence, Cameron pulls the other woman's pillow to her body. She buries her face in the plush fabric and inhales deeply. It isn't the same, but it will have to do. Allison resents that she has started cuddling up to the brunette's pillow almost as much as she does the actual woman.
"I love you Remy," the blonde whispers to the empty side of the bed hoping that, wherever the other woman is, she can feel the sentiment behind the words. A few tears leak out of the corners of her eyes and leave a trail down the side of her face only to be soaked up into the material of the pillow belonging to the very person they are being shed over.
Allison hates that she has gotten used to crying herself to sleep the nights that her girlfriend doesn't come home.
'A few more drinks at the club' ended up being more than just that. Remy managed to hook up with a group of twenty-something college students. She was just drunk and depressed enough to indulge in a bout of recreational drug usage.
It isn't until nearly 2:00am that the brunette stumbles out the front door of the club. She regains her balance by leaning against a lamppost. Taking a few moments to reorient herself, she takes slow breaths in and out, wishing that she got her inhaler out of her Jeep before leaving the hospital grounds.
Beginning her trek back to the hospital, Thirteen uses the sides of buildings as a crutch to keep her upright. The usual twenty minute walk takes almost twice that. Most of that is due to her currently inebriated state, the rest having to do with her having to stop walking occasionally so that she can fight back the sporadic waves of nausea overcoming her.
The brunette finally reaches the parking lot. She leans against the driver's side of her car and digs around in her coat pocket for her keys. Once she finds them she doesn't hesitate to unlock the car and pull out her inhaler. Remy quickly takes a couple of puffs from it before replacing it in the center console. Before closing the door, she grabs out a pack of spearmint gum and crams two pieces in her mouth so that she doesn't smell like a brewery when she walks into the hospital.
Hadley makes sure to come in through a side entrance to avoid being seen by anyone who would recognize her, thankful that Cuddy is long gone by this hour. She steps into the elevator to go up to the locker room on the second floor.
The ding of the elevator seems to echo painfully in her head. Thirteen navigates the darkened halls carefully before entering the locker room. She is self-aware enough to know that her clothes smell like, among other things, smoke and alcohol (from that bitch at the club who spilt her pink, girly cocktail all over her). Her remedy for this situation is to take a quick shower and change her clothes.
Despite being almost completely out of it, she knows that after she showers, she is going to sneak down into the clinic or ER and hook herself up to an IV to avoid a hangover later in the morning. Then, finally, after she does that she plans on passing out in one of the beds meant for the doctor's that work long shifts and sometimes need to crash for an hour or so to be able to function. Those beds may be uncomfortable, but beggars can't be choosers. Or, maybe, she'll just sleep on the couch in the Doctor's Lounge again.
Remy hates that she has gotten used to this routine.
Just under forty-five minutes later, Remy is dragging herself back to the beds upstairs, which are more appealing than ever by now. She knows that she has to deal with the consequences of her actions, so she shouldn't complain about her discomfort.
Collapsing into one of the beds, Remy begins to feel the welcome respite of sleep begin to creep up. Just before she officially drifts off, she feels the vibration in her back pocket signaling a text message.
Thirteen groans and pulls out the cell. She finds that she missed one text from almost four hours ago. Frowning because she hadn't noticed until just now, she opens the message and reads it over. Her eyes scan it a couple of more times before she feels herself tearing up again.
"I love you, Rem. Sleep well. - Ally" It reads simply.
Remy snaps her phone shut and lays back on the mattress. Opening the phone up again, she fires off a text of her own. "I love you too. - 13" With that, she closes her phone and her eyes. Her tears of guilt keep her from falling into a fitful sleep.
Half-way asleep, Thirteen feels a sudden shift in the weight distribution of the bed she is laying on. There is the sensation of someone lightly brushing their fingertips across her cheek. She lazily bats the hand away, her limbs feeling heavy.
There is a light chuckle in response. "Come on Rem. It's time to wake up, Baby," the other person attempts to wake the sleeping woman, amusement in her tone.
Upon hearing the voice, Remy opens her eyes into tiny slits so as not to let in too much light. She allows a small, but genuine, smile to form at the sight of her girlfriend sitting at the end of the bed.
"Morning Sleepyhead," Allison greets the newly awakened woman. "Late night?" She questions, taking in the disoriented appearance of the brunette.
Hadley sits up and looks around in an effort to confirm that she passed out in the hospital again. "Yeah," she replies honestly and with a sheepish expression.
"I brought you some clean clothes. I didn't know if you had any in your locker," Allison states, indicating the neatly folded stack of clothes beside her on the bed.
Struck by the thoughtfulness of the other woman, Thirteen feels remorse over lying to the blonde. "Thank you, Ally," she responds, moving her hand over Cameron's and entwining their fingers together.
"It's no problem," the older woman replies idly as she looks down at their interlaced fingers with a pensive look on her face. She appears to be struggling to say something.
Seeing the torn look on her girlfriend's face, Remy internally panics. On the outside, she merely squeezes Allison's hand gently to get her attention. Once the ER doctor glances up, Thirteen smiles at her reassuringly. "I love you," she states sincerely.
This seems to ease some of the internal struggle the other woman is having. "I love you too," is the earnest reply. Allison's lips quirk up into a vague smile before she stands up, bringing the brunette up with her through their still-joined hands. "Now, you should go change before House gets here," she orders with mock-authority.
"Aren't you forgetting something?" The brunette questions with an arched eyebrow, some semblance of playfulness finally coming out as she attempts to forget about her problems. Allison seems to have that effect on her.
"What's that?" Cameron wonders, genuinely confused.
Thirteen smirks before tugging the other woman back into her for a kiss. As their lips connect, Remy releases the other woman's hand so that she can let her own hands down to rest on Allison's hips. Cameron, in turn, brings her hands up and links them behind the taller woman's neck as she steps closer into the embrace.
The brunette is the first to pull away, if only slightly. "I should go get changed," she states regretfully, not wanting this moment to end, but knowing that it will have to.
"And I should get to the ER," Allison replies in the same tone of voice before leaning in and places a brief peck on the other woman's lips, earning a slight smile from her. Her expression turns solemn once again. "Are you going to be home tonight?" She hesitantly questions.
That is the one thing that could dampen the brunette's mood and her smile falters. "I should be," is the closest thing she can get to a promise at this point. She hopes that today is a good day so that she won't feel the need to go out and get shit-faced again.
Cameron nods and gives her a half-hearted smile. "I'll see you later Thirteen," she states, using the nickname that everyone in the hospital refers to the brunette as and the nickname she only uses at work.
"Okay," Hadley replies, tucking a stray lock of hair behind the other woman's hair before they part ways. She sighs as she watches her lover walk off to the ER. Turning around to head to locker room, she notices a short tremor in her hands. The young doctor clenches her eyes shut and chooses to pretend that it was just a fluke. However, in the back of her mind, she knows that this is going to be a late night again for her.
On her way down to the ER, Cameron's mind flits across the thought that maybe the brunette is cheating on her. She quickly dismisses the thought. They agreed early on to always be honest with one another. If Remy wanted to be with someone else, she would have ended it with her first. Due to her inherent trust in the other woman, she honestly believes that she wouldn't lie to her.
Besides, if the exhausted look on the other woman's face when she woke her up is any indication, Cameron is sure that the brunette spent the night in the hospital working. She works too much. The blonde decides.
Now, whether or not House is to blame for keeping them apart, Allison isn't sure. She does, however, know that the next time Remy has to spend the night in the hospital, she is going to have a long talk with House about keeping her girlfriend there so late…especially since he knows that she has a daughter at home.
So, no one is happy right now. Thirteen is depressed. Cameron is depressed because Thirteen is pulling away from her and Alex, who doesn't know what the hell is going on. A lot can change in a year. At least they're still together, I wonder if it will stay that way for long…
I did warn you that it would be darker than Taking a Chance and it will certainly get worse before it gets better, but it will get there. Eventually.
Also, I've updated my profile and it shows how far I am on the stories I'm working on, including this one. I'll update it often, so keep checking back.
Don't forget to tell me what you think. Even if you absolutely hate it and hate me for writing it, tell me…it's how I know people are reading. Until next time…