Disclaimer: The characters are not mine. Sometimes, I get to put them in comprimising positions. Don't sue me.
Summary: As if this piece of crap actually deserves one sillyfic. The Conclave looks at pictures from last year's X-mas party.
Rating: PG-13 for a leetle bit of lewdness and implied slash
Scene: The Conclave Room in palatial Julian Mansion. There is a meeting going on. Julian is watching everyone, impassively. Cameron is leering at Lily. Daedulus is rubbing his head, checking for peach fuzz. Lily makes little snipping motions at Cameron with her fingernails. Cash is fidgeting.
Julian: Before we conclude this meeting, I have one more item to bring before the council.
(Cash drops forward and starts to bang his head on the table)
Julian: (ignoring the pounding and spatters of blood) As you know, I've been a little late getting back the pictures from the Annual Conclave Christmas Party and Buffet
(Silence reigns except for the resounding smacks)
Julian: (still calm) I think, to build the inner cohesiveness of our Council, we should engage in a bonding activity. Namely, going through these photos.
(the smacks stop, everyone stares at Julian in shock)
Cameron: Last year didn't we (swallows) I don't think we should look at those
Lily: (with a deadly smile) Oh yes. Do let us look at the pictures.
Cash: (rather muzzily through the blood) You just want to see Julian nekkie (grunts as Lily slaps her hand over his mouth)
Julian: (opens the pictures and holds the first one up) Ooo! Ooo! This one's of Cash. (we see Cash, looking abashed in an elf costume)
Cash (yelping): You said you'd burn those!
Cameron: Kinky. Dress —up with the Prince
Cash: (glares at Julian) Get into the spirit you said. Why not make Daedulus do this?!
Julian: Nonsense. You were the only one short enough to wear the costume.
Daedulus: Why didn't you ask me to wear the costume it's because I don't have hair isn't it?!
Julian: No, you're just too tall.
Cash: growls but goes unnoticed.
Daedulus: Oh God! Monstrously tall (looks at the Gangrel)moderately tall, and bald! Oh the humanity!
Cameron: Don't worry Gangrel. You're absolutely precious!
Cash: (flicks him off..)
Cameron: That's not in the holiday spirit.
Julian: (struggling for order) Yes. Yes. Next picture. (he holds up one of Lily and Daedulus kissing under the mistletoe. Daedulus is wearing a toupee) That's better.
Daedulus: Am I really so repulsive
Lily: (gagging) What is that THING on your head!
Daedulus: Ah. My toupee. Yes. I lost it a few months ago (watches as Cash starts to whistle) mysteriously YOU! (He points at Cash.) You killed my toupee
Cash: It was starting to smell
Lily: It was ALIVE!
Daedulus: Well, yes. How else to achieve that silky softness?
(Lily frantically scrubs at her skin)
Julian shuffles through the picture. Cameron stands up to leave quietly. The room goes silent.
Cash: Where are you going?
Cameron: (sneers) I am above this sort of
Lily: (serene except for a slight tic) Sit down.
Cameron: You are in no position
Lily looks pointedly at the axe above the door
Julian: (makes quick note to remove sharp objects from council room) Don't worry, Cameron. You're in this next shot.
Cash (grins): Let's hope THIS one is precious too.
Julian holds up the photo. There is an intake of breath.
Julian: As you can see
Julian: Two of our esteemed Primogens appear to be struggling somehow (he studies it closely)
Deadulus: Wrestling perhaps.
Lily: (maliciously with a smirk) Oh definitely wrasslin'
Cash: (glaring at Cameron) If you had been so damn possessive!
Cameron: (stung) Hey! I take care of what's mine!
Cash: It was never yours!
Cameron: So says you! (they are both leaning towards each other on the table.)
Julian: (in a school teacher voice) Now just WHAT is going on here
Cameron: (sulky) He started it.
Cash: Me! You little (reaches across the table to grab Cameron's collar)
Lily: (enjoying the show) you two just can't keep your hands off each other can you
Cash and Cameron: Shut up!
Daedulus: (shocked) You mean they were I though they were just wrestling Hmm. I can give you two a brew that might help things
Julian: No! No.. brews
Lily: Still remembering last time, dearie?
Julian: The bottle wasn't marked. I thought it was for nausea.
Daedulus: So that's where my impotence potion went!
Cameron: (sneering) Julian? Impotence?
Julian: (evil glare to Lily) A simple misunderstanding
Cash: We know all about misunderstandings, don't we Cameron?
Cameron: It was a calculated affront!
Cash: Hey. I didn't know it was your bean dip.
(the table goes silent)
Lily: (sputtering) Bean dip. You two were "arguing" over bean dip!
Daedulus: How do you explain where Cameron's hands are (winces at a kick from under the table)
Cameron Where do you think Cash HID the bean dip?
Julian: In his PANTS? Cash! That's unsanitary!
Daedulus: That explains the bulge
Cameron: Whoa kitty.
Cash: Don't kitty me!
Lily: (sotto voce) Lover's spat.
Cash and Cameron pause and open their mouths to yell.
Julian: (slamming his hands on the table) ALL of you! Shut up! You're behaving like children. This meeting is over. (grabs offending pictures and leaves room)
Lily: Oh, Jules. Poor baby (evil grin), let me comfort you! (runs out of the room after him)
Daedulus: Is she going to go find the bean dip?
Cash: Gak (image of naked Julian passes through his mind) GAK!
Cameron: Yes, exactly, Daedulus. You should find him some chips to go with it.
Cash: Don't do it Daedulus!
Daedulus: (solemnly) He has his own chips. Or maybe Lily has them by now
Cameron: (bemusedly) You know, I'm rather glad they didn't get to rest of the pictures..
Cash: (nods, violently) If you had just asked me to give it back instead of taking things into your own hands.
Cameron: Wait. Didn't Julian take the pictures with him? We should go get them..
Cash: GAA NO!
Cameron: Do you WANT him and Lily to see
They both perk up as peals of laughter ring from the hall above.
Cash: Too late.
Cameron: (grimly) That's it. Next time he takes candid shots, I'm cutting off his trigger finger.
Cash (stepping up) don't push it Brujah.
Cameron: (conciliatory) Alright. Tell ya' what I'll make up for it. We'll get something to eat, yeah?
Cash: (measuring) Sure. What're we gonna buy?
Cameron: (evilly) Bean dip.
(Yowl, crash, running feet, exeunt omnes)