A/N I hope that someone actually reads this stuff and would be honoured if I got a review. English is not my native language althrough I study it now. So please tell me if I do something wrong.

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This chapter has been betad by JoSchmo666. I hope that now everyting is ok, but there have always been problems after I uploaded the chapter. Thank you.

Chapter 1 – Just Wanting to Die

He just wanted to die. He had more than once thought about his death. He thought now, how he could manage it but was afraid, afraid that he would somehow not be able to finish it. He had no reason to live anymore. Everyone had betrayed him and had not helped him. So he thought about who wanted him dead. The first one that came to his mind was of course Voldemort. Sure, he would want to finish what he had started nearly fifteen years ago if he came to him on his free will. Now that he knew where he wanted to go he had to think about how to get there. He was not yet able to apparate so that was not the way, hell he did not even know where Voldemort was. Sure, he could ask the twins but for that he would have to go back to this house and he was sure that this time he would most likely not be able to escape again.

He had been lucky that he had been able to get away this time. Before he could have another go. He was sick again and threw up on the ground of the little forest he had flown in. At the moment he lay on the forest ground hidden by some bushes. He felt that someone was watching the bushes he was lying in but at the moment he did not care. He knew that the person, whoever it was, was not able to hear what he did and could not see him. He also knew that it was one of Dumbledore's cronies, one of his precious order members. When they watched him why had they not come to help him earlier? Oh yes, because Dumbledore needed him submissive. He nearly winced at the tone his voice had, even in his head.

But still there was the question of what to do now.


The young woman leaned heavily over the toilet and tried to get rid of the feeling in her stomach that tried to convince her to throw up again. Suddenly she felt someone rubbing her back soothingly and a small vial was pressed into her hand.

She recognized it at once for what it was and drowned it without hesitation. After only a few moments she felt her stomach settle down and sighed.

"What's wrong?" asked a male voice and she relaxed even more.

"He was treated even worse than the last time and now all he wants is to get away and die."

Although she told him not who she was talking about, he seemed to know immediately what she was talking about and was even more worried.

"Are you okay?"

"I will be but I am afraid that he will do something stupid. I have to get him out of there. He wants away by all means."

"It's okay with me. He can stay here. Give me the co-ordinates and my men will go and get the boy."

"Call your men. I will care for the rest."

"What do you plan to do?"

"I will put spells on them. One so that they know where to go, one so that they will not be noticed or remembered by any means and one so that they will not remember this afterwards, since it does not suit your reputation", she said grinning slightly.

He looked at her and nodded. Then he embraced her and one moment later they were in the great meeting hall. When she had melted into the shadows, he called his men and told them to get the boy. He felt her magic wash over them, they Disapparated only to come back moments later with a trembling boy with them and then Disapparated again. When the man looked at the boy, his breath caught in his throat. He looked more than terrible. He lay there apathetically and moved no muscle.

"I will bring him up to my room", the young woman said. The boy flinched lightly at her voice and tensed a bit. "I need you to help me to get him up." It was rare that she admitted that she actually needed help and so he did not hesitate to give it to her once she did. She was now beside the boy and tried to calm him down since he was by now sobbing like mad. He flinched away when he tried to touch him in order to Apparate them to the room of the woman.

"We want to bring you to my room. I promise that nothing will happen to you that you do not want. He will leave the room as soon as you are in my bed and only I will stay in the room."

Now he let at least her touch him and the man touched her and Apparated them into the room upstairs. The boy appeared on the bed and only now he looked directly at the youth. He gaped.

"Could I have a word with you?" he hissed quietly with narrowed eyes. She was now in her wheelchair and only nodded. They left the room.

"You do know that it will cause more than trouble if someone finds out that he is here, don't you?" he hissed lowly.

"I know," she said, silently not impressed by his anger, "but please don't hurt him Tom, because you would hurt me too with it."

"That is the only reason that until now he is not on the receiving end of my wand," he hissed dangerously. "Did you know?"

Although he did not elaborate the question she knew what he meant.

"Yes. He wanted to come here. He wanted to ask you to kill him."

Now Voldemort was speechless.

"What?" Was the only thing he could come up with after several moments.

"You saw him. I told you. He does not want to live anymore. But before this happened, he had started to mistrust Dumbledore and this will only make the feeling more dominant. So I suggest for you to wait and speak to him, before you put him on the receiving end of your wand and start thinking before you act for heaven's sake."

"I believe you're right, like always", he sighed. "But make sure nobody sees him. I do not trust my followers and don't know how many spies there are in my ranks and who is one."

"Of course. We will be invisible. I will come to you later." And with that she slipped back into the room and left the Dark Lord alone. He shook his head.

"One day you will be the death of me."

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