This is about as AU as we can get. I feel I need to explain myself before I get a slew of reviews going "What on earth do you think you're doing!". Here's what I'm doing. This popped into my head and wouldn't go away. It's literally The Bachelor in the Criminal Minds universe. It's the stupidest little idea I have literally ever come up with. It's almost killing me to post it.
I'm literally just playing around with the characters. This is for my own enjoyment and for those of you who like a healthy dose of fluff, your enjoyment too. I don't expect any in depth thoughts or analysis of this thing. It's weird, it's out there, and it's my way of warming up and finding something useless to write. It's going to be my way of unwinding because it really doesn't matter the way this turns out! There's no case, no reason for this other than absolute and utter fluff when I need to have something mindless to write.
NEED TO KNOW TIDBITS
1) Emily works for the State Department with JJ and Pen. Hotch works for the BAU with Dave, Derek and Reid.
2) Hotch and Emily have never met before. None of them have ever met before.
3) The likelihood of this ever happening, and working, are zero. Or most likely zero. That's how out there this idea is.
4) Out of Character-ness is like... implied in the whole thing. There is no way this is going to make sense, but I wanted something to play around with. This was it!
"I'm sorry, what?" Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner repeated for the eight millionth time. He had no idea what was going on. SSA David Rossi stood in front of him, flanked on either side by SSA Derek Morgan and SSA Dr. Spencer Reid, though Aaron admitted the latter seemed intensely nervous.
"We nominated you to be on The Bachelor, Hotch. You know, the television show?" Derek replied, his strong hands landing on his hips.
"No," Aaron admitted, shaking his head. "I don't."
"We're sick of you moping around here, okay? You need to get out there, find a good woman and get your head out of this death and gore," David explained. "It's a good opportunity. A few weeks with a bunch of gorgeous woman and if you find one you fall in love with, then all the better."
"I'm not going to find a woman by being thrown into a television show," Aaron replied with a glare. "You guys are insane."
"Arguably true," Reid agreed.
Derek shot him a glare. "You're not helping."
Reid only shrugged.
"What's it going to hurt?" Dave asked. "We can do with a few Hotch-less weeks."
"You do understand what you're asking, right? Take a few weeks off to go on television to find the woman of my dreams?"
"So you do understand the premise of the show," Derek said triumphantly.
Aaron glared. "You're not helping your cause."
"We've already replied for your leave time," Dave said. "You're cleared to go. Why not, Aaron?"
"We're already short-handed and you want me to take time off to do a TV show? How did you get it approved?"
"I'm David Rossi," Dave replied. "Do you want to know?"
Aaron shook his head. He really didn't want to know. "I'm not getting a choice am I?"
Dave grinned, knowing his long-time friend and when he was about to give in. "Go home and pack your bags. You're going to LA."
"You submitted my name to a television show? Are you two insane?" Emily Prentiss looked at her two best friends in the entire world as if they'd each grown six extra heads.
"Of course not. We're trying to get you laid is what we're trying to do," Penelope Garcia responded promptly. "Since you won't come out with us, we took drastic measures."
"And how did you get the time off?" Emily asked suspiciously. "Pen, what did you do?"
"Nothing we didn't think would benefit you at the end of the day," Jennifer Jareau stepped in for her friend. "We can't get you out, Em. You need a life outside of this place and since you won't try and come for fun with us, we're sending you to LA instead."
"And so what if I had to pull a few technical strings to get it done? Come on Em!" Penelope whined. "You have to!"
Emily glared. "I don't have to do anything. You guys are insane!"
"No, we're concerned," JJ replied. "Look, you're bored here, Em, yet you do so much work. You need to get out, experience the world, see what else there is out there. And the first way you're going to do that is by doing this, if not for yourself, do it for us. The guy looks like a good guy, okay?"
"You're asking me to compete with a handful of other girls for some guy's heart?" Emily asked incredulously.
"Not just any guy," Penelope replied, stepping forward and dropping an FBI personnel file on the brunette's desk. "Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner of the BAU."
Emily's eyebrow went up. "Behavioural Analysis?"
"Which means he's super smart," JJ interjected watching Emily flip open the files. "Right up your alley."
"Intelligence isn't the only thing I look for in a guy," Emily said, rolling her eyes. She came across his picture and stopped. He wasn't smiling – FBI agents weren't allowed to smile for ID and file photos – but she was immediately struck by dark eyes and dark hair.
Penelope smirked at JJ over the brunette's head. "Hot, isn't he?"
"So what?" Emily shot back, trying for unaffected. With her best friends, she doubted she succeeded.
"Go, Em," JJ encouraged. "It's not like we're going to get anything done around here that's going to be any good. Go, enjoy yourself, enjoy LA. Hey, if things go well, from what I've seen from past seasons you're going to enjoy one heck of a handful of beautiful sights. Some of which, I'm sure you've seen, but still!"
"Well, actually, you're not getting a choice," Penelope revealed, pulling Emily to stand. "Come on, we're going back to your condo and we're going to raid your closet so you have appropriate things to wear for this. You're going to be on television for goodness sakes!"
Let the incredulous reviews, flames, and irritated anger begin!