A/N: A note in the beginning? Oh noes! I'm just being unique today…
I figured I would share my playlist songs, or at least the ones I felt were most inspiring throughout writing this. Music, is after all, the only way I get by sometimes.
Snuff – Slipknot
Iris – Goo Goo Dolls
Breathe No More – Evanescence
Enigma – Trapt
These Walls – Trapt
Leave Out All The Rest – Linkin Park
A Twist In My Story – Secondhand Serenade
Open Up Your Eyes – Daughtry
Anyway, I hope everyone enjoys this last chapter. It has been an amazing story for me to write, and I hope it was to read as well. I am truly happy for all the reviews, the favorites and the alerts – everyone who has been reading, I must thank you all. It was truly unexpected for me to get this much feedback, I'm glad I could make this pairing at least readable.
Chapter Sixteen: Defeating Destiny
Do not breathe. Do not move an inch. Let time freeze us here, let remorse take us back.
Neither of them seemed to be breathing for a long while. The only motion was the slowly seeping crimson that both of them felt as they pressed together, too close, too imperfect this time. This was not her idea of resolve. He, however, expected something similar, with the roles reversed.
It all came back to silence. The air was completely still for once. Not even a mocking breeze dared to intrude. They were back to where they started, back to reading each other's expressions, back to remembering how easy that was for them now. If either of them dared to move, it would break their eyes apart, it would twist fate back into its rightful place and it would forever bar a chain across their worlds. This was death.
The decisive cyan shade of his eyes held a slight shock. Relief, perhaps, overcame him. At the same moment, he was bearing confusion and agony. Indecision had thrust itself into his mind, and it was not the first time since he met her that he was unsure of what was happening. He shouldn't have felt anything but disgust as he stared into her repressed eyes. His emotions were playing across his face too openly, when he should have had no emotion at all. Or perhaps, it was just her ease of reading him that made his unease flare to life.
Instant regret overcame her. It felt as though something had been stolen from her, something that hurt when it shouldn't have fazed her. Composure still meant everything to her – she could not allow herself to break, she never did. This was not fair for their ending. That one lucid reflection stood out in both of their eyes. She wasn't given a conclusion that allowed composure, yet she held still, trying to hold her trembling away from his notice.
How could you hurt me? How could you let it go this far?
How could you leave me with this burden?
Gently her hand retracted, releasing the tense structure they had formed under the crystalline light. That structure could have bound them together for much longer, if she could have held onto composure, and if her shaking wasn't consuming more than just her eyes. All that was left was the misery clenching her soul as the blood began to drip off her fingertips, the moonlight catching hold of each droplet in its bitter haze.
I am sorry.
He fell into her as her hand slowly fell to her side in trembling defeat. She hated feeling so vulnerable and weak, so emotional and confused. She gently put her other arm around his back, holding him in closer to her. The shaking had spread through her whole body now, and she was having a hard time fighting it back any longer. She needed to rest, she needed to let go of all of this and feel something normal for once.
She held onto him as she lowered herself to the ground, resting his head on her lap as they both slumped in a unified silhouette against the pale moonlight. They were an imperfect speckle in the endless world they were claiming time from. His world was meant to be painful and vile. It would always be like that, and at this moment, it was punishing them for ever attempting to bring solidarity to its universe.
Even if he hated her now, even if he didn't want her around because of spite, she felt the need to hold onto him. It might have been a selfish act, because she wasn't ready to let go of him just yet, or perhaps it was because his eyes were holding her there. It felt like he wanted it as well. There was always the possibility that he could recover, that he simply needed time to heal. She doubted that. He knew it wasn't possible, and it never crossed his mind to beg for life.
She still desired for him to live. Never was it meant for one like her, to desire for one like him to live. He should have been dead a long time ago. She should have ended his life before she allowed herself to grow attached to something as wrong as an Espada. Keeping him alive wasn't a possibility even if she had the resources to tend to him. With how easily he fell, with how he slumped into her arms without the strength to pull away… She knew he was too weak to be helped, not by her anyway. She wasn't even sure where his injury was, but the blood seeping cold into the sand beside him made her think the worst of it.
It was all an accident. She was not planning to actually hit him. Not with that strength, not in the place she had. She didn't want him to die, certainly not when she was certain they were both just putting on an act at that point. Did he trust me? Did he believe I was only putting on a show to protect us from our relationship being revealed? He didn't have trust, did he? She hoped he didn't, she hoped he wasn't allowing such a petty fight to go on because he figured she would leave with him again once the others were convinced she had a handle on the situation. But maybe that was it. Maybe it was her in the end, who showed disloyalty. Damn it.
She clenched her hand that wasn't supporting him, the one that still held part of his life source. She was trying to hold out all the emotions that kept building in her the more she lingered on the ideas clouding her mind. Her eyes were still trying to be calm, still staring into his, but she was replaying everything that had happened. Every mistake, every moment of their being together flashed through her mind. She lured him in, she made him turn into something he wasn't meant to be, if only partially, and she made herself grow attached. She made him believe her world was better, she made him believe that he could be with her and let go of the hollow inside him, but that was unnatural. She led him into all of this, lured his soul to the surface on various occasions, then she hurt him. She turned on him and allowed her power to get out of control, and she allowed a mere distraction to force her into making a final blow. Now I will pay for it. Now I get to live eternally with guilt weighing on me, and it's all because of you.
You could never win.
Her heart didn't see this as a victory, it just pained her. Human emotion – why does it exist? He could read the dismay in her eyes as she held him with discontent. He didn't even understand the fully complexity of pain – he didn't know how much she truly lost, that the pain would never full dissolve. Just as temptation never seemed to dissolve, her emotional fall back wouldn't withdraw. It would be bearable eventually. It would always be bearable on the surface. She know how to lose people, she had walked away from so many before.
This was different. Death created a pain different from simply walking away. At least in those situations she could be at ease with what had happened, knowing they were somewhere. This was all a mystery; she had no idea what Death would bring to an Espada. Death made it a true ending, a story she could not simply restart when there was an opportunity. Death left no opportunities; it just left a cold, bleak feeling of emptiness.
Even now, she saw the humanized characteristics in him. He did not struggle or hold bitterness towards her, as she would have expected from any of his blood lusting companions. He was relaxed with the idea of dying. He was content with dying in her arms.
He enjoyed the idea of being so close to her, of feeling comfort in her pained eyes. He didn't care that she was suffering, perhaps that was the darkness lingering inside of him trying to retaliate by proving he still held malevolence. He knew they both deserved punishment for even thinking they could break boundaries that defied both of their laws. She deserved sorrow just as much as he deserved death. All of his kind deserved death in the end, his just came faster.
Perhaps we haven't always been so different…
He had finally gotten to see her potential, whether she had truly wanted to throw all of her strength at him, he had been able to see it before they had no choice but to part. She made him compelled to know more about her, to study her further and understand exactly what separation was between their kinds. She had managed to inflict a deadly wound on him, and keep a straight face. It made her seem bitter, but he could tell it was all an act. Still, you are strong to hold out… the human heart makes you so weak, yet you are hiding evidence of ever having it.
His eyes were growing tired, his breaths growing more drawn out and heavy. His life drained more with every rise of his chest, and her composure slowly fractured in the same instances. She wanted to hold him until the end, unable to break free from his side. A voice caught her attention, however.
"Yoruichi, we should leave before anyone else comes," Soi Fon's voice broke the barrier around her and Ulquiorra. It cracked their world and allowed reality to seep back into her mind. There were others coming, she could feel the spiritual pressure around them. Surely killing someone as strong as the fourth Espada had attracted attention.
"I suppose you're right." She said with a hushed voice that shocked Soi Fon. She felt bad almost for coming and troubling Yoruichi, for getting in her way, for causing this mess.
What is it about him that you find so important, Yoruichi? She glanced down at the Espada without the hatred she had earlier, she decided to give him a second chance in her eyes, to see if maybe there was something in him she had missed. She couldn't find anything to like about him. His pale skin, his cold eyes that were fixated on Yoruichi. Yes… He was watching her with odd interest. Not with intentions of slicing her throat, but with intentions of pure curiosity and contentment. What happened between you two? Why do either of you find interest in the other?
"Kisuke came with me," she began again, taking her eyes off of him and looking down at Yoruichi's shaded figure. She didn't know what was running through her mind, or if she was even thinking logically, but she hoped this was all just a phase. "He's been working on something that allows easier crossing."
His hand fell on Yoruichi's shoulder on cue, and once again, her senses sparked back into place. She had lost all sense of everything. She hadn't heard either of them walk up. She even managed to turn away from Ulquiorra at this point to glance at Kisuke.
"I will explain everything later," he smiled, knowing she was wondering what he had come up with this time. He was insensitive to the moment; his eyes didn't even glance at Ulquiorra, as all he wanted to see was Yoruichi.
"We'll be waiting for you over there," he nodded casually toward the East, "Just don't wait too long, I wouldn't want you getting picked up by anymore Espada." He pressed down slightly on her shoulder to remind her he was there, and then he spun around and walked off. Soi Fon was more hesitant, her eyes lingering on Yoruichi a moment as if trying to decipher everything in the small moment before she knew she had to show respect and walk away.
After they were gone, desolation returned. For a moment she had seen the two people she had run away from by coming here with Ulquiorra. They both still cared for her, they always had. The endless desert around her reminded her of how unnatural it was for her to be here. Still, the endless nature of it made her wonder why life couldn't be just as vast. Couldn't a single soul live on for eternity with the same memories? Death wasn't the absence of a soul, but the absence of a particular life. It marked the end of a time span of memories and personalities that had been built up from the people around someone. It only marks death to those that knew them. She knew he would exist still, but existence for an Espada after death wasn't anything she had knowledge of.
"I have to go now," She explained with guilt lacing her words. He shouldn't have deserved a reason for her departure, but she had to let him know she wasn't doing this because she wanted to, "Others are coming, if you manage to live," she stopped short of finishing that explanation. This was the first time she had spoken to him while they had been lying there together in moments that seemed too short. Even with the lengthy amount of time she had to think, everything contracted and felt cut short now. She wanted to hold him just another moment, breath in his scent for just another piece of air… but she couldn't keep allowing herself to drag out the situation.
This is it. She thought with agony as she slowly began to unravel herself from him.. This is how the story ends. This is where I'm supposed to realize the whole relationship was a mistake. I'm supposed to realize trying to twist destiny was foolish.
However, destiny was changed. I don't hate him. I don't wish for his death. I don't feel pride for defeating him. It's the opposite of all those things. It's the opposite of my true nature to think this way.
She uncurled her fist to lie him gently on the ground, willing herself away from a scene she feared wouldn't leave her so easily. She had to leave while she was feeling some pride in defeating some aspects of destiny. She knew the others were waiting for her, and she knew she had to try to return to her life.
We have changed destiny.
Before standing, she gave him an intentional look of devotion. She didn't want to say anything, she wanted everything to end just as silently as it had begun. However, she wanted to finish her earlier thoughts.
"Don't forget me," she whispered softly, allowing him to feel the warmth of her words as she leaned in close to him before rising. She brushed her hand across him in this motion, as though giving him one more sense of her feel, hoping it would leave a permanent effect. He closed his eyes finally, allowing her to break free without holding back to stare into them any longer.
He was left alone again, but she realized that time of loneliness would hardly hold enough for him to think about anything, let alone long for her. Would that even be something he would do if given the time? Sand whipped around her as the wind began to pick up again, seeming to cloud her departure so it would be more difficult for her to look behind and see him there. The cloudiness would prove to be helpful because she couldn't hold regret if temptation made her turn around, as he would already be lost to the misted sandy horizon.
She turned away from his world finally, refusing to look back at him. Instead she allowed herself to fill with rage as Las Noches appeared on her horizon. I will kill you for this Aizen. If anyone was to blame, it was him. Even if he had nothing to do with it, his spiritual pressure lingered around her the whole time she was here. He had organized the world around her, allowed his men to be used in careless battles – he would pay for ever wanting her to be held there.
She saw Kisuke, but Soi Fon wasn't near him. Before she could even attempt to ask, he smiled deviously at her, opening the gates, "She will be returning to the Soul Society after some business."
This business, she decided to leave as a mystery. It didn't matter to her right now. She walked past Kisuke into the portal that would finally allow some closure. No. It will only allow me to dwell on my misery. I should stay here and fight… but that would be reckless. Someday I will return. Next time, I will be here to kill.
Nothing is ever the same after a tragedy.
She stepped back into her world with little care to the rain that was falling down as a bitter greeting to her. She had betrayed this world, and it was taunting her now, allowing for the chill of a fresh rain to run down her body. It was evening here, but the clouds made it unusually dark. She disregarded Kisuke and the shop that should have been a comforting sight. Instead, she took off running. She took off towards an unsure place, because that was all her life had become. She found more comfort in uncertain situations now. She wanted to make everything merge, to make her life slowly become better rather than trying to pretend nothing had happened.
She found a tree to sit in, high above her colorless world. The rain had washed everything of its normal vibrancy. Its dark clouded pasture in the sky made everything murky, matching her mood well. Now she could allow sorrow, while no one else was looking, or could see through the rain that stained her face just as easily as tears could have. She didn't cry however, but the rain gave an illusion that she was hiding tears. Instead, her mind instantly wandered back to the timeline of everything.
She allowed one leg to dangle over a branch, the other pulled up to her chest as a place for her head to rest. All she could think of was somehow being able to see him again. Is it any use to hope for seeing you again?
All I can hope is for the rain to wash away my memories…
To be continued…
To be continued? =OO OH NOES. Yes, I do have a sequel in store, muahaha. In fact, I even have a small sneak peak at it =O Though, it does kind of give away a lot, but hey..Why not?
Here is a sneak preview at UR's Sequel –
It is strange here. I don't remember anything, only faint delusions. I don't remember a childhood, nor do I remember anything around me… but somehow I am here. Somehow, I am touching foreign planks and staring at new sights. It is certainly a poor area.
His cyan eyes held distance as he tried to remember something, anything even vague to retreat to, but his mind was blank. All he could remember was being there, nothing more. How he got there, where he came from, none of that could be brought back to him. It seemed as though people stared at him as if he was different and did not belong there, it only helped to confirm his idea that he was clearly not from around there. He wore tattered clothes like them, but he seemed to hold more vibrancy and intelligence. He seemed out of place in their poor society, too elegant and retreated to live their lives. It didn't feel right to him either as his lanky shadow contrasted against theirs. There were many children around him, it seemed. The adults looked at him as though he was trouble; the children stared in awe of his awkward appearance. He didn't know his own face; he had no way of seeing his reflection. He felt secluded almost, as people parted for his movements. He almost felt powerful amongst them, as if he was some being they could not handle. Why am I so different? Why was I placed amongst such trash of people that consider themselves any importance?
She wasn't sure where she had come from. She wasn't sure what everything meant to her, or why she was staring at the ceiling wishing she were lost in the white deserts she could have called home once. The off-white room almost reminded her of the sand, and it warped around her in a memory of gain and loss. I killed him. Her body seemed to quiver as a rebound to that thought as she traced her memories back to his blood lacing her fingers. It was not a normal death for her. She had killed in the past and it had not bothered her, but his particular hold on her made this event painful and strenuous. Even if he held the title of her enemy, she had found a way around any hatred, though the effects of entrancing herself in another world were anything but positive. It was impossible to ravel in the idea of getting along with their hollow counterparts, because no matter the ending, it was tragic. No matter how close or humanized they could try to enforce the enemy to become, it couldn't result well. If someone had brought this much pain into her eyes, certainly he had worked some sort of scheme. She rarely felt pain and sorrow, let alone this deep. Damn him.
"Ah, I see you are in thought again, Yoruichi." Kisuke walked in the room, his upbeat voice making her readjust her eyes to see what was truly before her. She didn't look at him, but he smiled when the distance was lost. "You realize I can tell you're still upset." He knew how much she hated feeling weakness as she allowed herself to be consumed in sorrow. She tried to bury it; he noticed that, because anytime she was purposefully around anyone else, she was herself. For him though, he walked in on her down times, he knew what was lying beyond her mask.
"It has only been a couple days," she said faintly, her mind still trying to detach from what had occurred. For the past two days, she had not only realized how much she had actually loved him, but she also realized just how much it pained her to remember her hand causing his death. She was alone in it, no one else had provided to his completed defeat. Although Kisuke and Soi Fon had been supporters in the issue, it was neither of them that made the final attack. Did he seriously believe she should have recovered so soon?
"I realize this," he said, his voice growing softer and losing its cocky edge. "However, I am still concerned as to why it should bother you at all."
"I suppose it might be difficult for some to understand."
And I will have Deceiving Revelations posted by next weekend. Hope you all enjoyed UR, and once again, I cannot thank you all enough for reading it =D