A/N: Ack, -le gasp- this is my very first D. Gray-man fanfic evah! And it's YULLEN too, which totally rocks!! Wheee~ *A*

I've read about fics wherein either Kanda or Allen were blind, but I've not come across one where they had something as essential for battle as their hands to be destroyed or unusable. Hehe! Especially if it was a swordsman like Kanda! XDD;;

Please read, REVIEW, and Enjoy!!


Handicapped Love


Chapter 1


Rocks exploded in every direction, as dozens of poisonous bullets broke through the coarse stonewall of the barren valley. It was late at night, and the thick forests blocked out the docile silver light from the waning moon.

Kanda ran away from the flying debris, a battalion of akuma right behind him. Things didn't go according to plan, and now, the samurai exorcist was facing a very complicated situation. Destroying those akuma was a pretty easy job for someone like him, but with a Noah involved, it was a different matter. That gray-skinned bastard with the brown hair was once again pestering him, and as Kanda held on to that glowing Innocence fragment he had retrieved only a couple of minutes ago, a series of annoyed profanities streamed in and out of his mind.

Shit, his mind hissed as he came upon a dead end.

The akuma, seeing that he was trapped, stopped firing bullets and began to surround him. They were so many that soon, Kanda was not able to see a piece of the midnight sky. He placed the Innocence securely into his pocket, and raised Mugen towards his enemies. He was determined to fight for the Innocence until he died. And that was not very easy, considering that the lotus had a couple more petals left.

"Come," he growled, his eyes sharp and brave, no hint of fear or intimidation. They were purely of a warrior's eyes.

All the surrounding akuma simultaneously loaded their huge cannons, pointed the nuzzle directly at Kanda's lonesome figure. They covered every blind spot, making it impossible for the exorcist to escape unscathed. However, just as Kanda expected them to start firing, an order rang through the minds of every akuma.

Let me handle this. Leave, the order stated, and the akuma, recognizing the voice of the Noah of Pleasure, immediately retreated.

If Kanda had been perplexed about the akuma's sudden actions, his face did not show it. Instead, his dark eyes stared at the figure that stepped towards him. A presence that was more revolting than the akuma themselves.

"Ah, you don't need to glare at me like that," Tyki mused, a smirk playing on his lips. Such an expression aggravated Kanda further, and certain nerves began to pop out of his forehead. Those bothersome black butterflies were flying around him once again, looking so innocently devious at the same time. "Just give me the Innocence, and we'll be on our way. No harm done," he added, placing an obviously false reassuring smile on his gray face. Those golden irises shrewdly stared at Kanda's pissed face, feeling satisfied at the effect he was inducing.

"Shut up," Kanda snapped, tightening his grip on the handle of Mugen. Without any further hesitation, the dark-haired exorcist lunged towards the smiling Noah, his dark eyes filled with the pure intent of murder. Unlike that beansprout, Kanda didn't give a damn if the Noah were still human. Anyone who sides with the akuma is an enemy. Period.

Raising the sword high up, Kanda jumped and brought the sword down, aiming for the Noah's head, with intentions of splitting his head into half. Unfortunately, Tyki had already anticipated such a straightforward attack and easily dodged, and with one wave of his hand, a horde of aggressive Tease came down upon the dark-haired samurai.

Kanda instinctively jumped away, his attention now caught by the malicious butterflies. "Kaichuu Ichigen!" he announced, releasing the illusion of dozens of mutant creatures that were reasonably called "Hell's insects." However, this momentary diversion was enough for Tyki to travel through the ground and sneak right behind the exorcist.

Kanda, immediately sensing the Noah's presence, automatically twisted his body and swung his sword towards Tyki's direction. But before he could land a hit, his eyes saw the presence of two gloved hands sticking out of his shoulders. Immediately, Kanda froze. What the –

"I warned you," Tyki cooed, and sharply took his hands off Kanda's body. Immediately, Kanda felt a slicing moment of pain that made him gasp, but a second later, he could feel nothing. Both his arms had become completely numb.

Mugen fell from his paralyzed hand, landing on the rocky ground with a loud clang. He stared at his immotile hands with shock and disbelief, desperately trying to make his fingers move. But they wouldn't. No matter how much Kanda willed his hand to even twitch, they wouldn't move.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk," Tyki sighed, playing with the Innocence fragment that he had stolen from Kanda in that brief moment of contact. "You know, I wouldn't have done that to you if you just gave us the Innocence earlier. I hate wasting time, you know? Ah, well. You did get to destroy almost all of the Tease I have, so as a reward, I'll let you live, and keep your own Innocence. However,"

A wicked smile appeared on his gray face as Tyki stared at Kanda's limp arms. "I wonder how you'll be able to use your Innocence without your hands. Too bad you aren't a parasite-type. Without your hands, that sword is useless. That's why for now, I won't be destroying it. Be grateful."

"You bastard!" Kanda hollered, and charged at Tyki, attempting to land a hit at the Noah. But the unbalanced weight of his dead arms threw him off balance, making the kick very clumsy indeed. Tyki just had to take one step in order to dodge it. Damn, Kanda inwardly cursed, his eyes glaring murderously at the smirking Noah.

"It's better to stop now, than to look more of an idiot, Mister Samurai," Tyki mockingly stated. His gloved hands enclosed around the Innocence fragment, and Kanda cursed loudly as he helplessly witnessed the destruction of another Innocence fragment. One of Road's doors appeared behind Tyki, and the Noah adjusted his hat, gave Kanda a mocking bow, and departed from there.

The samurai was left all alone, with both arms paralyzed and useless. An endless stream of swear words came out of his mouth as he kicked Mugen upward and caught it with his chin, making him look like a retard. Dammit, I'll have to depend on Komui to fix this, he thought as he walked back to the village where he found the Innocence. But I'll have to contact Headquarters first.

Kanda grimaced at the thought. He had never dialed a phone using his toes before.


"Can't you give me more details?" Komui complained at the other end of the line.

"For that last time, I told you, I have no idea what happened," Kanda hissed through the speaker, feeling greatly annoyed. "That bastard just pushed his filthy hands through my shoulders, as if I was nothing but damn air, and when he took them out, I felt some sharp pain, and then nothing. I felt nothing, goddamit. My arms suddenly became limp and I dropped Mugen."

"Did he do something like chant a spell or anything? Or did his hands glow?"

"If it did, I would have told you," Kanda snapped. "Now stop being an idiot and figure this one out. With all those akuma out there, I can't remain handicapped for long."

"Stop being impatient, Kanda," Komui replied, sighing. "I'm going to send Allen there to fetch you. You need someone capable of fighting as an escort. Without your arms you can't use Mugen."

"Of all people, why that beansprout?" Kanda growled, shifting the phone awkwardly under his chin. He was calling from the inn's reception desk, and the people who were coming in were giving him strange looks. "Can't it be that annoying redhead or Lenalee? You know how that white-haired retard annoys me."

"Bear with it, then," Komui answered. "He's in Munich right now, which makes him the nearest to you since you're in Dresden. Anyway, you've got no choice. I already told him about it, and he's on his way. He'll meet you in the inn you're staying so no need to try carrying your suitcase around. In the meantime, remove your Exorcist's coat so that akuma wouldn't recognize you. It'll be really dangerous if they attack you before Allen arrives."

"I'm capable of handling those weaklings, Komui. Hands or no hands," Kanda grunted, while Komui sighed. The exorcist could almost imagine the scientist rolling his eyes. "Whatever, Kanda. This is an order. You are not allowed to engage in any fight until Allen arrives. Run, hide, go dress up as a woman, I DON'T CARE. What matters most is your safety."

Kanda muttered another profanity at the speaker and let go of the phone, kicking it back to the reception desk. The clerk, and a couple who was registering gave him odd looks, which he countered with a sharp glare. This is one damn day, Kanda cursed, angrily stomping back to his room. The moment he arrived at his room, he glared at his suitcase. How was he supposed to pack without using his hands? Hissing to himself, Kanda decided that he'd have to do things differently, until Komui can figure out a way to fix his arms. He couldn't possibly be paralyzed for life, right? There's no way those Noah bastards can do such a thing.

Or…could they?

Kanda banished these thoughts to the farthest corners of his mind, and focused on the task before him. Okay, so he could just kick all his clothes into the suitcase, try to organize it a bit, and then kick the suitcase shut. But the problem was his exorcist's coat. How on earth was he going to unbutton it? Didn't that stupid Komui think of that? Growling like a tempered dog, Kanda looked down on the silver buttons and gnashed his teeth. Fine, he sighed in anger. I guess I'll have to do THAT.

Grunting, Kanda lied down on his bed, and bent his body. As he fumed with anger, Kanda opened his mouth…and began biting the buttons off.


Allen thanked the innkeeper who had showed him the way to Kanda's room. Only a few hours ago, Allen had received a phone call from Komui, telling him that Kanda can't use his hands because of the Noah, so he should go and escort him safely back to the Headquarters.

Quite frankly, Allen could not believe this at first. He knew that Kanda could still be injured, but for him to be handicapped? And most of all, with his hands? Impossible. A samurai without his hands was unrecognizable.

As much as Allen couldn't believe it, he followed Komui's orders anyway. Kanda must really be in trouble if he had gone as far as to tell Komui about it. Though both of them weren't in the best terms, Allen still considered the short-tempered exorcist as his friend. As he knocked on the door, Allen hoped that Kanda was not very pissed at that moment.

"Is that you, beansprout?" he heard Kanda's voice from inside. Allen's eye twitched in annoyance.

"It's Allen," he groaned. "Open up, Kanda."

"It's open, you idiot. Come in, and lock the door behind you. I can't do it myself."

Allen frowned in mild irritation as he took hold of the doorknob, which was indeed, unlocked. Well, how was he supposed to know? People usually locked their doors. People with motile hands, that is.

Allen opened the door and found himself staring at the weirdest sight ever: Kanda was lying on top of his bed, his legs raised up in the air and leaning towards Kanda's head, while Kanda's head was bent over his chest, his mouth gnawing on a button on his stomach. All Allen could do was stare and wonder if he had entered the wrong room, or if some clown had kidnapped Kanda and pretended to be him. But that glare on the samurai's eyes was unmistakable.

"Stop staring, you stupid beansprout, and help me undo this damn button!" He snapped, letting go of that weird position and jumping off the bed. He walked towards Allen who couldn't help but notice the damp bite marks on the upper part of his coat, whereas the silver buttons were nowhere to be found. "Go and undo the last three buttons," Kanda brusquely ordered, and Allen would have smartly retorted if it weren't for Kanda's obviously sour mood.

Who wouldn't be pissed by the fact that they can't use their hands at the moment?

"My name is Allen," he muttered as he undid the last buttons and helped Kanda shrug his coat off.

"What happened to you?" he asked, as he folded the coat and tucked it under his arm. Allen noticed how limp Kanda's arms were, and realized that Komui wasn't at all exaggerating when he said that Kanda needed help. Without his hands, Kanda wouldn't be able to used Mugen, which was bad. He'll be an easy target for the akuma.

Where was Mugen by the way? Allen looked around the room, and found the sword leaning against the wall. This puzzled Allen. If Kanda really faced Tyki Mikk, then his Innocence should have been destroyed. How come it was still intact? "Uhm, Kanda…"

"What is it?" Kanda snapped looking very pissed off. Allen sighed. This incident had really spiked up Kanda's temper. Allen didn't know how long his patience and sympathy will last. "Your Innocence," Allen pointed out, as he nodded his head towards Mugen's direction. "Why was it not destroyed? The Noah usually destroys an exorcist's Innocence once he defeats them, right? So why was yours spared?"

A bitter look appeared on Kanda's face, making Allen regret ever asking. "He left it to mock me of course," he hissed, as if that was obvious enough. "I bet that son of a bitch thought that without my hands, Mugen's useless anyway, so why bother destroying it? Bastard…"

The reply made Allen shut up, and he just quietly moved towards Kanda's suitcase, opened it, and sighed as he saw the mess. Of course, Kanda wouldn't be able to pack without his arms. After being able to make it look at least like a bundle of clothes instead of a bunch of rags, Allen turned to Kanda who had retreated to sit down on the bed and glare at the floor.

"Are you hungry? We could eat something before the train arrives."

A heavy silence came down upon them, and a few moments later, Allen saw his mistake.

"Ah," he muttered awkwardly. "Uhm, sorry. I guess you wouldn't be able to eat properly with your..uhm.."

"I'm not hungry," Kanda snapped, hastily standing. "And I don't want to waste time in this city any longer. Let's go to the train station, beansprout."

"It's Allen," the white-haired exorcist whined. Kanda just rolled his eyes, and stormed out of the room, leaving a very perplexed Allen. "He doesn't have to be so much of a jerk," he muttered indignantly. "I'm here to help him. He should be grateful instead." Sighing to his self, Allen took Kanda's suitcase and Mugen -- it was strange for him to just leave his Innocence behind – and followed Kanda out of the room.


The train ride was a silent one, but the vibes of pure aggravation that came from Kanda was unnerving. Allen soon regretted ever taking the same cabin, but he figured that it'd be dangerous if both of them got separated. Kanda was helpless now, though the samurai would not admit it. He was still as cocky and ill tempered as usual.

Kanda was sleeping when they were only two hours away from London, and that was when Allen began hearing growls coming out of Kanda's stomach. An exasperated sigh escaped Allen's mouth. Kanda had been so stubborn about not eating, that even when Allen had offered to mouth-feed him, he firmly declined (well, duh.). Now, Kanda's stomach was emitting sounds that expressed his body's protests against his pride.

Knowing that the other exorcist won't eat while he was conscious, Allen decided to take advantage of Kanda's sleep. Taking a piece of bread from his bag, food he had saved just in case Kanda finally gave in, Allen broke off a piece and carefully pressed it against Kanda's lips.

A second later, Allen felt something hard hit his forehead.

"Ow!" he yelped, moving away from Kanda as he clutched his wounded head. "What the hell was that for?!"

Kanda glared at him, his own forehead a bit red too after he gave Allen a head-butt, but he ignored the pain. A few crumbs were on his lips, and he silently licked them away. He was hungry, but not desperate enough to allow his self to be mouth-fed by someone like Allen. Nu-uh. Kanda would rather die of starvation.

"Your stomach was making goddamn noises," Allen hissed, looking at Kanda indignantly. "You're hungry and you know it. So stop being stubborn and let me feed you."

"Shut the fuck up, beansprout," he coldly replied. "I told you. I'm. Not. Hungry."

Suddenly, Allen lunged at him, and without his hands, Kanda wasn't able to quickly react. Before he could use his legs to maneuver a kick, Allen had already pinned him on the floor, sitting leisurely on his waist.

"No, you shut up, ba-Kanda," Allen retorted, his eyes ablaze. "You are going to eat, whether you like it or not. I don't want Komui scolding me for not taking care of you while you're handicapped." Kanda winced at the word, but Allen paid no attention to him. He was fed up with Kanda's attitude.

Taking the bread once again, Allen broke off a new piece and pressed it against Kanda's lips. Kanda did his best to resist his efforts, and kept his mouth shut. Allen rolled his eyes. "Don't make me do this," he threatened, his eyes murderous.

Kanda raised an eyebrow, more curious than intimidated. "Do wha—"

Allen caught his mouth open and immediately placed the piece of bread inside. He placed a hand over the samurai's mouth, keeping him from spitting the food out. "Chew," he ordered, a victorious smirk on his face. Kanda glared at him, but chose to chew the food instead of choking on it. Besides, he really was hungry. And the sudden presence of food in his mouth made his stomach excited.

"Well, that was easy, wasn't it, Kanda?" Allen mused, still smirking. Kanda swallowed and scowled in reply. Chuckling, Allen tore off another piece of bread, and pressed it into Kanda's mouth. This time, the exorcist didn't resist.

Soon enough, the food was gone, and Kanda was full. The longhaired boy didn't know how hungry he was until he discovered that he had finished seven big loaves of bread all in all, as well as a few sandwiches.

"So, you're done? Or do you still want some more food? We could buy some in the train, I think," Allen stated. "Or, we could wait till we arrive in the Headquarters. It's only an hour and a half away." A teasing grin then appeared on Allen's face. "That is, if your stomach can wait. And here I am, thinking that my appetite was abnormal."

"Shut up and get off me, beansprout," Kanda growled, and it was only then that Allen realized how long he and Kanda had been on the floor in such an awkward position. Blushing slightly, Allen stood up, and helped Kanda off the floor. Both of them avoided each other's gazes.

"I'm not sorry that I sat on you like that Kanda," Allen suddenly said, breaking the silence. "It's your fault for being so stubborn anyway."

Kanda just grunted, and didn't reply, his eyes glaring out the window.

"Well, won't I get a 'thank you' for the effort?"

"Idiot," Kanda retorted. "Why the hell would I thank you for pinning me on the ground? If someone had seen us, they would have thought that you were molesting me or something."

At that statement, Allen turned a bright shade of red, which looked so hilarious that despite Kanda's bad mood, he couldn't help but smirk at his reaction. "Oho," he continued, determined to get back at the other exorcist. "So you were planning to molest me, huh?"

Allen's face became as red as a ripe tomato. "Don't be such as a pervert, ba-Kanda!" Allen shouted, and stormed out of their train cabin, his face completely red. If it had been possible, steam would have streamed out of his ears by now. Kanda's so stupid, Allen mentally hissed, making his way towards the lavatory. I was just helping him, and he twists everything in that stubborn head of his. That pervert.

But then, Allen couldn't help but admit how warm Kanda felt when he was sitting on other's waist. Kanda's muscular abdomen was obvious because of the tight fitting black turtleneck sweater he wore. Allen never noticed it before, probably because his foul manner of speaking always caught Allen's attention first. I'm such an idiot, he thought as he washed his face on the bathroom's sink.

While Allen was in the lavatory, Kanda was in the cabin with his own sentiments to contemplate on.

Truth be told, Kanda was grateful for Allen's help. If it weren't for the other's actions, Kanda would be ultimately clueless on how to survive without his hands. He couldn't carry his sword, his luggage, and he can't even undo the buttons of his coat, or change his clothes. He remembered how idiotic he had looked when he arrived back at the inn with Mugen tucked under his chin.

And that time when Allen effortlessly pinned him on the ground…that was clearly degrading for a warrior like him. He can't blame Allen of course, but Kanda had too much pride to blame it on himself. So he blamed the Noah for it. It was their fault that he had to go through such embarrassment. They should have killed him instead.

A sigh escaped his lips as Kanda closed his eyes and decided to spend the remaining time in dreamland. There he wouldn't have any worries. He wouldn't remember that his arms were now useless, and that years of training were now for naught.


Kanda woke up half an hour later, and found an exorcist coat covering him like a blanket. He stared at it for a moment, and realized that it was not his, seeing that the buttons were still intact. He looked up and found Allen curled up on the opposite seat, sound asleep.

It was ironic for his supposed bodyguard to be asleep on the duty, but Kanda barely noticed. Instead, he found himself drawn to Allen's peaceful face.

The other exorcist looked so pure when he was asleep, his face free from all the agitation and suffering an Exorcist often received. With his eyes closed, lips slight apart, and strands of his silver hair messily covering a part of his face, he looked just like a child. So innocent and naïve. From the stories Kanda had heard from Lenalee, Allen didn't have a happy childhood, thanks to a certain Marian Cross. Was it possible that Allen's childlike features would only fully manifest themselves when the boy was asleep?

Kanda wasn't sure, but what he was sure of, was that he liked Allen's face when he was asleep. No trace of that annoying shrewdness when he played poker, or those mocking smirks. It was just…pure and untainted.

He wanted to brush those silver strands off Allen's face, but knew that he couldn't. Aside from the fact that his hands were immotile, Kanda knew that such actions would result to misunderstandings. He didn't want anyone to think that he fancied Allen. Kanda simply liked the way his face looked like whenever Allen was asleep. Period.


Kanda snapped out of his reverie, and realized that he had been unknowingly staring at Allen all that time. He immediately looked away. "What?" he grunted.

"Are we there yet?" he asked, yawning. Kanda noticed the bags under the boy's eyes and remembered how long he hadn't slept a wink since the beginning of their journey. No wonder he looked tired. "No," Kanda replied, feeling guilty as he stared at the exhaustion that was starting to replace that previous childlike innocence in Allen's face. "Forty-five more minutes," he added. "So go and sleep more. You look like hell, beansprout."

"It's Allen," the other exorcist replied, scowling as he yawned once more. "It's your fault I look like this, Kanda," he accused, sticking out his tongue like a kid. "You're so hard to take care of."

"I didn't tell you to take care of me!" Kanda snapped, annoyed. Allen was way better when he was asleep.

"Whatever," Allen snorted, smirking. He lied down again. "Wake me up when we arrive, okay? Don't even think of leaving me behind. I'm the only one who can carry Mugen and your suitcase, after all."

Kanda rolled his eyes, and nodded. "Fine. Just shut up and sleep already, beansprout."

"It's…Allen…" he mumbled, before closing his eyes and going back to sleep.

Kanda sighed and looked out the window. The sky was dark, and the moon was on its voyage to the peak of the sky. It didn't take a watch to tell that it was near midnight. Feeling no longer sleepy, Kanda's eyes traveled to Allen's sleeping demeanor once again, admiring the other one's face.

Somehow, Kanda felt inwardly remorseful about the fact that he couldn't brush away those stubborn silver locks.


A/N: PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, REVIEW!!!!!!!!! I'm the type who won't be encouraged to write any updates until I receive reviews, so please do review!