Crying For You
Author's Note: Err, well. Since I've been running through my stories recently, I cringed on how I write back then. I'm definitely sorry, but I write like crap. -.- Not that I am offending someone, lol. I really feel truly thankful that my dear readers were able to keep up with me back then. I found a lot of inconsistencies in it. Oh, for whoever's sake, I was a crappy teenage back then, I'm already in college. So, as a post-semester break treat-slash-gift, I dared myself to rewrite the whole story, a chapter at a time.
Pre-Story Note: This is seriously not a sequel from my other crappy story. Please do understand that. Yeah?
Summary: Love can hold them as close as hands clasped together yet unspoken reality prods to tear them apart. But no matter the distance, for fiery-haired violinist Hino Kahoko and cerulean-haired Tsukimori Len, love will still entwine them back together. Or so they think.
Chapter 1 – The Graduation Day
Three years has past, hasn't it? Who would have thought I would be graduating and taking another stride forward?
Happiness, sadness, anxiety, insecurity, not to mention love. Who would have thought that all these emotions could be felt in a whole worth of three years. With everything I have been through these years, I shall not regret anything. Truthfully, it was the best three years of my life. Looking back at it, I was able to meet a handful of people. People I trust. People I love. People I learn to trust. And a certain person. A confident person who I was able to place in tiny yet special part in my heart.
Oh, how much I love him. More than anyone in the world.
"Kaho," He called from behind me. My face considerably burned, comprehending that his mouth were a mere inches from my ear. "May I talk to you? Privately?"
I immediately shot a look at the people around me. Mio and Nao, the two best friends I can ever ask in the world, and Amou-san, with devilish smiles creeping out of their faces, just nodded in amusement and walked away without ever saying anything. Their smiles, however, communicated a thousand words. It's the same smile they have been wearing whenever I am with him. Tsukimori Len.
Len took my hand in his and entwined it. His bullion orbs gleamed in pride and happiness. "Hey," He mouthed, slowly closing in the distance between his and my mouth. "Congratulations, we've finally graduated." A smile crept through my face, and he leaned in, capturing my lips in his. Oh, sweet heaven. He kisses me in sweet, sweet passion and love. I ran my fingers through his soft, cerulean hair. I sensed his smile on my mouth. I have no exact words to express what I really feel. Happiness? Hmm, a little bit shallow. Maybe a tiny bit more.
Though hesitant, he broke away from my lips. His mouth, though only for a moment, were pursed to a grim line. "Happy graduation." He said finally, after a moment. Len spun me gently and wrapped his arms around me. He trailed his nose from my neck, to my cheeks and to my hair and a charming chuckle escaped his lips. "Len, happy graduation, too." I replied amiably. We stand there, uninterrupted and unmoving. For a moment, all I wanted to do is pause this moment. It was just… so right.
He temporarily loosens his arms around me and backed a few inches away. I slowly turned around, but he softly gripped my hand. "Don't turn around, please."
"Ah, sure." I replied. He was painstakingly taking his time, but I hear a box open and close. His arms suddenly appear from around my neck and the light sound of a chain came around my neck. "Kahoko, I'd really hate to bring this up now. Now that you're so, so contented, but—" He said, almost sullen. I touched my neck, and felt the coldness. I felt dumbfounded of whatever he was saying. I opened my mouth to say something, to ask, but nothing came out of it. "My graduation gift." He spun me around now, his hand found my cheek while his other held another necklace.
The necklace was beautiful. It was a silver half-heart pendant with the letter K engraved on it. I once again touched the necklace around my neck and I felt the intricate pattern of the letter L on my own half-hear pendant and beamed. No, more than beamed. I felt the scalding heat of tears on my eyes, I felt too happy. Beyond happy, I don't know. "Len." I said, my voice hoarse from the tears. "I don't know what to say—I'm just beyond happy. I love you so, so much, I find no words to explain and express everything." I smiled another grin weakly and he wrapped me in his arms.
"I love you, too, Kahoko. More than you know." He whispered. His face travelled once again to my ear. "I'm sorry. I'm going away. To Europe. I feel more than guilty for telling you now; I realized I should have told you about this before. But for whoever's sake, I was too damn terrified." My brows furrowed, and my breathing hitched. My tears continued to caress my cheeks, and I know it's not of happiness anymore, but of melancholy.
I knew that something like this would have happened sooner or later. I've expected it. But to be this soon. He tightened his arms around me. "Please talk to me, Kahoko." He said, his own voice hinted despondence. "I can't bear you like this." I bobbed my head as a response, hoping to calm my tears, but I can't. I am just too damn hurt. I cannot take the distance, the separation. I cannot take in the fact that I cannot see him. But whatever it takes, I am in the position to understand him… because I love him so much.
I touched his hair and rested my head on the crook of his neck. I inhaled his scent; he smells of sweet body wash, of mint and Len, the most enthralling scent of all. Tears continued to prickle my face. "I know, Len. I know." I answered, words passing through the lump in my throat. "You don't have to hold back. You shouldn't. Please, don't worry about me. You should know that I will always support you, no matter what you do and whatever decisions you make. Pursue your dreams, Len. Don't block yourself from what makes you happy the most."
"You're the one that makes me happy the most, Kahoko." He answered croakily.
"But you still need to pursue your dreams, Len." I answered as croakily as him. It was a miracle my tears stopped but the lump in my throat signifies there is still a dam of unshed tears in place. "Don't hold back for my sake. I have my own dreams to fulfill, too, and we can do this together."
"When will you be leaving?" I asked.
"Tomorrow morning." Len replied. "I do hope you can send me off."
Shoot, that soon? I snaked out of his arms, and placed his face on my hands. I smiled, not as brightly as before. His mouth was pursed in a very tight line, his eyes never shed a single tear yet it reflected the longing, the melancholy and despondence. His lips were parted with unspoken words. "I'll always love you, Len. Remember that. Always know that I love you so." I slowly leaned in, welcoming his scent and the taste of his lips.
It was the most beautiful expression I have ever seen her made, yet it was the saddest. It took my breath away, I cannot erase it. Her eyes, perceptibly swollen from tears, mirrored melancholy, yet she was smiling. Her hands were trembling; I have no idea if it was because she was cold, or trying to hold back the urge to cry. She never objects to my decision, never raise an argument. Kahoko was just there, standing in front of me, smiling, as if she was not hurt. She has every right to be hurt, to be angry, in view of the fact that she was the last person I told about it and it's happening tomorrow… Damn, I messed up. I am nothing but a cretin. Stupid idiot!
The soft tap on my shoulder snapped me from my silent reverie and I turned my head to the side. My mother was eyeing me levelly. I have no idea when did she arrive and how long she was gazing at me. "Len, are you certain about this?" She asked sullenly. "We can still cancel everything. The flight, your appointments and concerts. Just give me the word." Her hands held the flight ticket in a white envelope and my passport.
I silently nodded, returning my gaze at my empty window. The sun is just setting, the glorious orange tinge vibrantly coloring the afternoon sky. "How about Kahoko-san?" She asked, her voice softer. "Have you already talked to her?"
"Ah, yes." I mumbled. "After graduation."
"What did she say?" My body trembled and froze. I pulled my gaze from the window pane and face my mother. My face felt the sweltering heat of tears and out of nowhere, one slipped from my left eye. She reached for my face, cupping my face with both hands as I guiltily stare at her. "Mom, I feel terrible." I said hoarsely. "I cannot take the fact that Kahoko was standing in front of me, smiling, as if she has already forgiven me, when she has every right to shout at my face, even hate me. She'd said she will do everything to support me and never hold back for her sake."
"Mom, I made her cry and I have no idea what I can do. I cannot give up now, now that she told me, through her tears, that she will support me and pursue our dreams together." I continued, and covered my face with both hands. "I have seen the most beautiful expression she ever made, and I cannot believe that expression was out of grief."
She wrapped her hands around me, as I sob vulnerably. "Kahoko-san is a very gentle and selfless person, isn't she?" Mother consoled. "Fulfill whatever promise you made with her, okay? When you do and return home, no matter the sadness and the distance, she will be the happiest one and be the first to welcome you home."
No, no. I cannot turn back now. Not now. No matter how much I want to, I can't. Kahoko believes in me.
The violin case in my hand, the passport and ticket in the other, I momentarily waited. Waited. Waited.
The concourse participants are already huddled around me, congratulating me, wishing me the best for what is to come. Hmph, I'm slightly impressed that the idiotic soccer player, pianist and one of the greatest rivals I ever faced, Tsuchiura, would be here. His glare was palpable and frigid yet he extended his hand at me, suggesting a handshake which I gladly took. Yunoki-senpai and Hihara-senpai though graduated a year earlier than us, managed to free their schedule and went to bid me farewell. Even the famed, transfer student, Kaji Aoi and my kouhais, Shimizu-kun and Fuyuumi-chan.
It was comical to think that they would be saying their farewells to me because I will be leaving someone so precious. Chances lurking, huh?
But she isn't here. Well, not yet. She promised me she will be here, for me and for her sake, as well. As the clock ticks continually, I felt the pricking disappointment in my gut, several scenarios running through my head and a load of 'what-if' questions. One of the biggest questions posed by my subconscious: "What if she won't come?" Would I just be content on relieving the face with the saddest yet most beautiful expression she left me with yesterday? No, that's not it. I want to see her, still.
"Passengers boarding flight AM-010917, please proceed to Gate D-4."
It's my flight! My legs were instantly glued on the tiled floor. She has not shown up yet. Please, not yet. Let me see her one last time. Tears briefly pooled in my eyes.
"I repeat, passengers boarding flight AM-010917, please proceed to Gate D-4."
No… no. I felt a gut-wrenching blow on me. Kahoko, whom I waited for so, so long, didn't come. Dropping my violin case on the floor, my hand immediately found my eyes, blocking my sight. My mother, who appeared at my side, gave me a reassuring squeeze on my shoulder. She was mumbling words my mind refuses to comprehend, but surely, she was expressing her gratitude on the people around us. Her eyes, though only noticeable slightly, has tears already threatening to run on her cheeks.
"I am so, so sorry!" She bellowed breathlessly. I dropped my hands at my side and scanned the busy crowd in the airport. In a pale blue casual dress and fiery red hair tied in a messy bun, she was running, squeezing through the busy crowd. "I can't believe I overslept in such an important day." Kahoko stopped in front of me, still heaving heavy breaths. I stared at her, awestruck. She was beyond beautiful notwithstanding the dark circles around her swollen eyes. It's as if time and everything around us stopped and it was only us, her and me.
"Len, sorry." She mouthed again and smiled. In the corner of my eye, I gazed at the people around me. Despite the evil and bitter glares they are shooting at us, a hint of relief washed over their faces. Yes, she's mine.
"I thought you wouldn't come." I said gruffly. "You made me extremely worried." And I earned a soft giggle. She was so, so bright. "I wouldn't miss this for the world, you know. I will never forgive myself if I cannot see you off now, without my best wishes." She answered, her voice as hoarse as mine, with her eyes intensely gazing unto mine. Her bullion orbs never looked this beautiful.
"If I ask you to come with me, would you?" I asked, meant to be a joke, but I felt that the way I asked her was serious. "You could live with me in Europe." I smiled at the horror on her face.
"Tsukimori Len!" She squealed and blushed every shade of red possible.
I know it is a bad breach in relationships to publicly display emotions, yet I don't give one damn care about anything anymore. I leaned on her face and took her mouth into mine. I sensed one of her shy smiles forming on her mouth and I felt the fair amount of heat from her cheeks. I broke from her and rested my forehead on hers. "Never forget, Hino Kahoko. You are my love, my music. You are my everything." I whispered, that only the two of us can hear.
"I'll be waiting for you, Len. No matter how long it takes. Forever."
Post-Story Note: This is a seriously better version than the first one. Believe me. If you haven't read the Author's Note and the Pre-Story Note, I am being serious here. Scroll up and read it. I have asked someone to proofread this piece of words, but I am not certain if she really proofread it properly. She tends to be a couch potato at times. Thank you so much for reading. Comments and reviews are still highly appreciated. Constructive criticisms are very much welcome, as well. I do not promise anything about updates, but I am pretty certain that I would replace every chapter with edited and better ones. Please don't complain about how crappy the further chapters are. I'm still editing.