What's your Poison?

Summary:
Harley Quinn is taken to the Arkham Asylum and is surprised to find herself spill out her guts and talking about her life to an intern there, much like she was with her puddin' the first time they met… JokerHarley and a bit of HarleyPoison.

Disclaimer: I don't own Batman, the Joker, Harley Quinn, Poison Ivy, or any DC characters, or the plot, since I am only following the comics, but I am adding some twists to adjust to the movie. However, I do own Lucy Hart, and her story. Also, the whole concept of this story.

A/N: Yeah I know, I'm taking more than I can chew, but this idea has been eating me since it popped into my head. I hardly ever do canon characters with anything, but Harley Quinn is my favourite female character out of anything, and I love her with Joker and Poison Ivy.


Chapter Six: A Deal with the Clowns

Lucy pressed the stop button on her pocket recorder. This had been the 3rd time she was listening Harley's story since the beginning of this week when she had her first session. Dr. Hart found herself more intrigued by the fact that the Joker opened up to the intern all the years ago, and hadn't opened up before. But there was something at the back of her mind that made her skeptical, that maybe what Harley thought she felt from the Clown Prince of Crime was all an act.

Tapping her pen on her desk, she thought hard. In two days time she will be having her next session with Harley, and it seemed like it couldn't come any sooner. But there was one thing she needed to know before she saw Harley on Saturday, which is, is that the true back story of the Joker? She needed to ask someone that knew him more than Harley. That actually didn't walk passed the insane exterior.

Batman. The question was, how was she going to get him?

A scream from a block away caught her attention. She looked out the window but only saw the tall buildings of Gotham. The city was… relatively quiet, but that didn't mean the Great Bat was taking a day off, right?

Slamming her pen onto the desk, she got up and picked up her purse. Opening the bottom drawer of the desk, she spotted a black pistol under a few sheets of scribbled on paper. Picking it up, she made sure they were bullets inside, and then stuffed it at the bottom of her purse.

There's only one way to call for the Batman without Commissioner Gordon's nifty bat-light.

Walking out of her apartment, she locked the door and silently hoped that nothing could go wrong, like actually getting hurt, or having Batman's cabana boy – Robin – come and rescue her.

It was about a 20 minute walk before she got to a street with rows of sketchy alley ways. Just perfect, all she needed was to hire one of these bums to "mug her".

Lucy stopped at one narrow alleyway that was – to her anyway – comfortably secluded from any other bums or thugs that want to join in on…the fun. To her delight, a tall lanky man in dirty clothes was huddled around a burning trashcan. He noticed her too, or rather her very expensive purse.

Saving him the trouble, Lucy walked straight up to him, which caught the man off guard.

"I'll pay you $50 to act like your mugging me," she said, getting straight to business. This caught him off guard even more. His fuzzy eyebrows creased together and he asked very slowly, "Why?"

She dug through her purse, and pulled out two folded twenty dollar bills and a ten. "I need to attract attention to a certain someone," she explained.

"Y'mean," he almost stuttered, "The Bat?"

Lucy nodded, "I need to ask him something, and it's not like I have my own little Bat-light to get his attention."

But the bum shook his head feverishly, "N-no, can't do that, miss. Th-the Bat, he'd kill me!"

Lucy rolled her eyes, "He won't kill you he would probably just injure you really badly."

The bum shook his head more, "Sorry, miss, can't do that." And with that he turned away from her and walked down the street away from her.

"You lookin' for The Bat?" Someone said from behind her.

Lucy turned around, but instead of a pair of eyes, she met a very wide and muscular chest. She tilted her head up and looked up to see a face of a white male with a head shaved down to his scalp.

"I am," she said, narrowing her eyes a bit, a little suspicious. "Why?"

"There's going to be a gang war on 10th and Barondale. No doubt he'll be there. If you're trying to attract attention to yourself in a slum like this, it ain't gonna work."

"And what do you want out of this?"

A grin that Lucy felt very nervous about appeared on his face.

"You work for the Joker?" She hissed as she was brought into a warehouse were a bunch of men wearing clown masks were sitting around playing with their guns. The skinhead just grinned.

He ignored her, "I've recognized you from the papers – you're Harley Quinn's doctor."

"Yes," she said slowly, getting annoyed.

"Well, the boss wants her out," he informed, "I think you could help us."

Her eyes darted around the room, "Your boss?" she asked a little too excitingly. Seeing the Joker would be just as good as seeing Batman. "Is he here?"

He shook his head, "No," was all he said with no explanation. With that, Lucy's shoulders sunk. "We want you to break out Harley."

The doctor straightened up and looked up at the freakishly tall man, "What?" She gapped, arms crossed. She wasn't in the least intimidated by him. He might be a skinhead, but she was a white woman, so Lucy had nothing to worry about him conning her, or about to rape her, or what ever skin heads do to women of colour. And she did have a gun and had a black belt.

Add to the fact that she works with psychotic murderers on a secluded island with an often drawn bridge.

"You realize that I can't do that, I would get fired without a second thought," She finally added, trying to ignore the other "clowns" who were now looking up at her and their fellow henchman.

"And you realize that if you don't do it, you'll be shredded cheese?"

Lucy frowned when she heard the rest chuckle at the large man, "I'm not going to help her break out," she said firmly, and the chuckles stopped.

"The boss won't like that," he lowered his head so he could get a good look at her.

"Why does your boss care so much? I thought she was just a henchwoman to him, that he could just replace her," Lucy asked, now with her hands on her hips.

He just shrugged, "Look, lady, no one knows what the hell is on this guy's mind. All we know's is that he wants her back. Iunno, maybe she has something of his, or somethin', why are you askin' me?"

Lucy put on a thoughtful look as something ran through her head. Maybe she has something of his? Did Lucy judge him wrongly just now, and the Ace of Knaves could actually…feel? There wasn't a real reason why the Joker would want Harley back; after all there are plenty of anarchist girls that are more than willing to submit themselves to the clown. Albeit, Lucy couldn't fathom why, but still there was a surprisingly large amount of barely legal girls that would like to jump his bones.

Is there a slight possibility that this monster has very human emotions?

Shaking her head, she looked back at the skin head and folded her arms over her chest, "I have a proposition."

He nodded his head, signaling he was listening.

"Since she is my patient, and I have grown some-what of an interest in her case, I require more time with her. I'll speed up the process, and have her legally sane by the end of the month," she offered.

It took a moment as the Skinhead and his fellow comrades looked at each other and all nodded, "Alright, sounds good. Nothin' messy."

"Good, but there is also something I want," she began, "since you pretty much ambushed me tonight, I ask that in exchange for not telling the authorities where your summer home is, I would like to talk to the Joker."

He snorted, "You want to talk to the boss? You gotta death wish or something, lady?"

"It's Hart, and I just might have one. So do we have a deal?" She stuck out her hand, feeling confidant.

He looked back at his colleagues once again and then back at her with an extended hand as his enormous hand gripped hers. "Y'know, you are very brave for a little shrink."

"And you're pretty cowardly for being a freakishly large man that follows the orders of a half-your-size clown. And I'm a psychiatrist."

* * *

Lucy surprisingly got home without any problems. She never did get to talk to Batman, but as it turned out, she got something better. A chance to talk to the Joker, and she was determined to leave an impression on him as much as Harley did to him.

The intern walked through the halls of Arkham and took a quick stop at her office as she pulled out a bag of gummy bears for Harley, and a bag of Swedish berries for herself. She remembered how the Harlequin girl said she liked gummy bears, because you could decapitate them, and stick other parts of their bodies together.

Lucy had a bit of a spring in her step. Mostly because she felt like she was actually getting somewhere, especially since she just started. She thought back from last night, and then fished into her pocket that held a little piece of paper with a number on it. The skinhead (who's actual name was Vince) had written down this number, saying to ask for Vinnie when she called. If she called, actually; she gave him her cell number in exchange. After that, she planned on telling Harley this, so she could cooperate, which would make it easier to actually rehabilitate her, if that was even possible.

She found herself in the woman's ward, and stopped at the only room with the plate glass covered and a guard just in front of it.

"Good afternoon, Dr. Hart," the guard said with a nod of his head, which Hart mimicked.

"Nice to see you, Andrew. How is she today?"

He shrugged, "Same as always. Hyperactive, crazy… she developed a biting habit over the week."

"Lovely," Lucy said almost grimly, but then flashed him a smile. "Well, then, I guess I'll see you later."

They bid their goodbyes, and the doctor helped herself inside the room, locking it behind her. She turned around and there she was, a bubbly 30 year old kid bouncing up and down on the mattress of her springy bed.

"Lulu!" The Harlequin squealed the bounced off of her bed in an impressive flip. She took Lucy by surprise as she swung her arms around her rigid body in a bone-crushing hug.

"Air," Lucy wheezed, and was glad when Harley pulled away and smiled sheepishly. Then, the intern dug into her bag and pulled out the bag of gummy bears, and tossed it to her patient.

"Eee!" Harley squealed again, "Thank ya', doctah H!"

Lucy smiled as she watched Harley jump into her chair in front of the desk like last week. The doctor dug through her purse and switched on the pocket recorder, then pulled out the bag of Swedish berries for herself.

Still watching Quinn intently, Lucy sat down and munched on her own snack, playing around in her head how she was going to tell Harley the good news. Then, she figured, why not be blunt about it? After all, Harley was a blunt and bold person.

"Hey, Harl," Lucy said after swallowing the piece in her mouth, "I got some good news."

The former doctor looked up and cocked her head to the side.

"I met with the Joker's henchmen the other day—" She began but was cut off by Harley who pounced onto the table knocking down the chair in the process. "Didja see Mr. Jay?! Hm? How is he? Does he miss me?"

"Calm down, Harley. No, I didn't see him, I just met that guy, Vince," she said carefully.

"Vinnie?" You could hear the disappointment in her voice, "He ain't special. Not like my puddin'."

Lucy gave her a smile, "I know. But he did tell me that – well implied it more likely – that the Joker misses you."

"Rea~lly?" Her eyes lit up like stars.

"Mmhm! So me and Vinnie thought up of a little plan," she started, satisfied with how Harley was intently listening. "I said that I could get you out within a month, without sneaking you out or losing my job. I'll declare you 'sane' to Arkham, and then you're free to walk."

Another high pitched squeal erupted as she jumped on the table and then leapt over to her bed and continued to jump high in the air.

"But," Lucy continued, which instantly killed Harley's buzz. "In order for this to work, I'm going to need your full cooperation. I still want to help you, and I believe within the month, we can help each other out."

With a sigh Harley climbed off the bed walked towards the table, "Alright, anythin' for Mistah J!" She picked up her chair and sat back down. Then tapped her chin with a faded red painted nail thinking, "Now, where did I leave off?"

"His father used to beat him," Lucy reminded her, "you guys were laughing at a memory he was telling you."

"Oh yeah!" She crossed her legs Indian style on the chair, bit off the head of a gummy bear and continued, "That was when I realized, hey, he might be a homicidal mad man, but he is still human, right? I may not look it, but I am pretty bright, ya see, and after that day I realized that Mistah J was just a tortured soul, just tryin' to get a laugh." She shrugged, "that's what people don' get 'bout him."

"Harley, hurting people isn't something to laugh about," Lucy knitted her eyebrows at the idea of sick humor.

"Hey, hey, y'all laugh when someone gets kicked in the nuts, dontcha? It's the same thing! You keep lookin' in the mirror with a frown, that's all ya ever gonna see, get it?"

Lucy wanted to argue, but in her profession she learned not to get into arguments with psychopathic serial killers.


A/N: I have a feeling that I am going to update every week, seeing as I always end up doing it through my spare and finishing it over the weekend. So yeah, if you hadn't guessed, it was in Lucy's POV. Keep in mind that ever 2 or 3 chapters, there will be a chapter in present time. This series, I foresee, will be pretty long, because there are a lot of things I want to cover. Like, we haven't even gotten into the PosionxHarley moments yet!

Remember people, Reviews make me go faster! I love them! More reviews, means better writing and faster chapters.